Er, I have a confession to make. I actually started watching episode 10 before episode 9 completely by accident, and only realized it about a quarter of the way through. So the beginning of the next review will be kind of awkward, but that's the joy of liveblogging! I guess I didn't avoid the Beach Episode after all, so let's dig in to Kämpfer - episode 9! For real this time!
The Cold Opening is standard, but there's a pretty funny line - "Six! I said six, as in the number! Not SEX, you perv!"
The episode begins proper with Akane sitting and reading a magazine in her adorably-decorated room. Love your style, Akane! Anyhoo, she begins to Squee over her upcoming date with Natsuru, which leads Seppuku Black Bunny to wonder if she's finally lost it. The answer: No, that happened a long time ago. This is confirmed when Akane says - no, I'm not kidding - 'My brother once told me to believe in the me that believes in myself!' Repeat after me: WIN! As if the scene couldn't get any nerdier, we see the magazine from over S.B. Bunny's shoulder and it appears to have a model sheet for Male!Natsuru on it. As in, the kind of model sheet the animators of the show must use. I lol'd. Of course, S.B. Bunny's snarking leads to mascot abuse.
We cut to an amusement park, which apparently contains a pool or water park within it. Looks like a pretty sweet place to hang out, actually. Then Akane and Natsuru meet up in front of...a church? No, wait, that's just the amusement park gate. Akane says that they will be staying at a hotel near the theme park for the night (it confused me why they were all at a hotel at the beginning of episode 10 when I watched that by accident - D'oh!), where there will probably be much opportunity for sexful antics. Everything is looking great for Akane. Could this be, at long last, the episode where it's just her and Nats?
...of course not, because Mikoto and Not-Sakaki show up for no good reason. Not even they can explain why they're there. Akane is rightfully pissed off, and so is Natsuru — but fear not, because the other girls have brought Sakura-san along for the ride! Whoopee...
They decide to go to the pool first, where the gang is all decked out in swimsuits. Of course, they're all bikinis as well. Mikoto's got a lime green one, Akane has a pink one, Not-Sakaki/Shizuku has a black one that reveals too much, and Kaede has a dark pink one with a matching sarong. Natsuru wants to swim with Kaede, but she can't swim. Bummer. Thankfully, he ends up with Akane instead. I think, out of all the couples in the show, I ship Akanex Natsuru the most. Aaaaaanyway, the gang goes swimming and sliding off waterslides, Mikoto is so hyper that there's a caption screen warning us to "ignore the crazy lady". Twice. After she pushes Akane off the diving board, she discusses the likelihood of each of the girls to have a "nip slip" - aka, have their nipples accidentally become uncovered by their bathing suits. I would have just groaned at this scene if it didn't remind me endlessly of an episode of Seinfeld, which made it effing hilarious. After some more boob-related tomfoolery, we see a menacing shot of Kaede with three other 'mystery girls' behind her. I was spoiled for this, so I know that they're the White Kämpfer in their 'civilian' forms.
Today's Eyecatch features one of these 'mystery girls'. Who just happens to look almost exactly like Rin Kagamine from Vocaloid, except with green hair. I think it's the bow.
Back to our show! We cut back to — wait, Female!Natsuru!? I guess the transformation happened during the eyecatch. Anyway, Female!Natsuru is a sight for sore eyes from Kaede's perspective, especially since someone (probably Not-Sakaki) forced the poor soul into a really skimpy bikini. Kaede wants Female!Natsuru to give her swimming lessons, so Female!Natsuru tries to convince her that she should ask Male!Natsuru instead. Are you getting this down? Then, Kaede acts like a bitch and proceeds to talk about how much she hates the male Natsuru (who, of course, is right in front of her in female form) causing Nats to break down and almost cry. Loooove stinks, yeah yeah...
When they get in the water, Sakura uses the opportunity to grope Natsuru by pretending she's going to drown. Akane gets jealous and glomps him, etc. until all of the girls are on him again. Oh, and Mikoto sticks her tongue out and makes a little noise. WHICH SHOULDN'T HAVE BEEN AS FUNNY AS IT WAS. Seriously, I had to pause the video to laugh.
We cut to The World's Most Sinister Corridor To A Changeroom (tm), where Natsuru is looking for the...uh, changeroom. He bumps into the green-haired 'mystery girl', who then flaunts her bracelet and starts to attack with energy blasts. The other two White Kämpfers quickly start attacking as well. Finally, some action! I almost forgot this show had some of that! Oddly enough, the pink-haired one from before hasn't shown up. They all introduce themselves, but I'm not gonna bother with their names because there are only two episodes left. Heh. Apparently, the Moderators set up this meeting for some reason. Before they can explain why (sigh...) Akane shows up and starts shooting all over the place. The subbers created a Crowning Moment Of Awesome here by making Natsuru's response "Enough asshattery!". HELL YEAH.
Then Not-Sakaki shows up, we set up for an epic battle, but of course we don't get one because that would actually be cool. Instead we cut to the hotel, where Natsuru has become Male!Natsuru again. You know what would make this scene better? MASCOTS, HELL YEAH! They literally appear out of nowhere, but that's fine with me. They were apparently taking a bath, and are talking about how the bath was good for their guts. Natsuru is pissed off that they came along so I threw a brick at him, but they won't budge - it's just not in their character! As punishment for...bathing (?)...Natsuru decides to wring them out over the bathtub and then hang them to dry upside down. "I'm damaged goods now!", one of them yells.
Anyhoo, after Natsuru leaves Akane in the bedroom by herself, the gang all decide to wait for the fireworks to start (Akane joins them, even after Nats was a total dick to her). He gets his comuppance, though, when Not-Sakaki begins advancing on him all too quickly, including giving him another drooly kiss. Sakura throughly supports Not-Sakaki being Natsuru's girlfriend, just to make things harder.
After some more bickering among the girls, Kaede flashes her evil eyes and gets up, telling Natsuru to come with her. As soon as they hold hands, Natsuru gets Mind-Control Eyes; they walk down the hall together as the show fades out. She's a maneater...
Overall, this episode had so much more potential, especially in the meeting with the White Kämpfers. Of course, the episode also could have been much worse, so I'm thankful that most of the fanservice was of the non-lesbian variety.
This is Pirka saying that she finally understands why episode 10 starts at a hotel.
