History WebVideo / CinematicExcrement

** Wire Jump of Doom ^TM

* WhatDoYouMeanItsForKids: His thoughts on ''Film/TheCatInTheHat''. He even made an "Inappropriate Joke" counter to keep track of how "adult" the writing was.

** Also, in ''Conan the Destroyer'' (Ep. 26), when saying about ''Blazing Saddles'', he says about the overuse of n***** (which is censored), to which he even recites the Seven Words You Can't Say On Television, uncensored.

* DudeNotFunny: His reaction to Danny Devito's character talking about accidentally crushing a cat with a fridge. He felt the joke was disturbing and out of place in a family comedy.

** Also, in ''Conan the Destroyer'' (Ep. 26), when saying about ''Blazing Saddles'', he says about the overuse of n***** (which is censored), to which he even recites the Seven Words You Can't Say On Television, uncensored.
* {{Squick}}: If a moment is disturbing or gross enough, he will voice his disgust about it.
** For both parts of ''Literature/{{Twilight}}'': ''Breaking Dawn'', he was not fond of Meyer making Jacob and Renesmee a couple. Not just because of the large age difference, but because the idea that Jacob said that he would be anything for Renesmee, including a brother.

** Also, in ''Conan the Destroyer'' (Ep. 26), when saying about ''Blazing Saddles'', he says about the overuse of n***** (which is censored), to which he even recites the Seven Words You Can't Say On Television, uncensored.

* OneOfUs: He calls himself the [[Series/RedDwarf Smeghead]]. 'Nuff said. He's also an avid ''Harry Potter'' and ''Lord of the Rings'' fan and isn't a ''Simpsons'' neophyte either -- in ''Eragon'' (Ep. 18), he describes Brom's motto, "Better ask forgiveness than permission", as Comic Book Guy would: "[[WorstWhateverEver Worst philosophy ever]]".
** He also frequently makes ''MontyPython'' references, particularly resorting to the "Get on with it!" scene from ''MontyPythonAndTheHolyGrail'' as a RunningGag whenever a movie suffers from too much {{Padding}}.
** Also, his YouTube profile picture features Gir (in his dog form) from ''InvaderZim''.

* OneOfUs: He calls himself the [[Series/RedDwarf Smeghead]]. 'Nuff said. He's also an avid ''Harry Potter'' fan and isn't a ''Simpsons'' neophyte either -- in ''Eragon'' (Ep. 18), he describes Brom's motto, "Better ask forgiveness than permission", as Comic Book Guy would: "[[WorstWhateverEver Worst philosophy ever]]".

--> Oh...oh, you glittery ''douche nozzle!!!'' 'The physical pain you'll put ''Bella'' through?' ''Fuck Bella!'' What about ''Charlie?'' what about the pain you're gonna put ''him'' through? The pain he's already ''been'' through? Did you ever think of ''that'', you diseased heap of rat rectum??? This man has loved and cared for his daughter ever since she arrived in Forks; sure, he's not a ''perfect'' father - I don't think there ''is'' such a thing - but given the circumstances, [[GoodParents I'd say he's done a damn good job]]. Not ''once'' have I doubted that he truly loves Bella and would do ''anything'' for her. And in exchange for his love, [[UngratefulBastard Bella has done nothing but treat him like absolute]] [[UngratefulBastard ''shit'']]. Remember the time she up and left him with little warning in the first movie? Or the time she up and left him with ''no'' warning in the second? And ''now'', after the last few weeks of putting the poor bastard through ''hell'', while he worried about his daughter's health and well being: 'Sorry Charlie, your daughter has died at the ripe old age of eighteen and you will never see her again.' Imagine what that's going to do to the poor man?!?! And not just him; what about Bella's mother? And her stepfather? And her friends? You think they may just be a ''bit'' broken up by her passing?

--> But no. They're apparently not the ones we should be concerned with. We should only be concerned with ''Bella.'' We should care about ''Bella's'' pain. Because that's pretty much been the theme for this entire ''saga'', hasn't it? It's all about what ''Bella'' wants, it's all about what ''Bella'' thinks, Bella Bella Bella ''Bella can kiss my hairy white ass!!!'' After ''four'' movies unchange of this [[ItsAllAboutMe self-absorbed]] twat-waffle, ''constantly'' looking out for herself and ''screw'' anyone else, ''whining'' and ''bitching'' and ''moaning'' until she gets her way - and she ''always'' gets her way, because oh, ''god forbid'' the heroine should get exactly what she wants without consequence, no, can't have that - after ''all'' of this, you, sir, have the ''balls'', the ''BALLS'', to suggest we should consider ''Bella's pain?''

--> You know what? Let me show you something. Take a look at this. (Shows empty hands.)... What you see, right here, in my hands, is '''all the fucks I give about 'Bella's pain'!''' After everything she's done in this series, maybe that bitch could ''use'' a hot branding iron down the throat; I'll shove it down there myself if you let me! [[ClusterFBomb ''Fuck'']] [[ClusterFBomb Bella,]] [[ClusterFBomb ''fuck'']] [[ClusterFBomb her self-serving attitude, fuck]] [[ClusterFBomb ''everything'']] [[ClusterFBomb she stands for]], Team Mustache Dad for ''LIFE.''...I think I almost burst a blood vessel.

--> Oh...oh, you glittery ''douche nozzle!!!'' 'The physical pain you'll put ''Bella'' through?' ''Fuck Bella!'' What about ''Charlie?'' what about the pain you're gonna put ''him'' through? The pain he's already ''been'' through? Did you ever think of ''that'', you diseased heap of rat rectum??? This man has loved and cared for his daughter ever since she arrived in Forks; sure, he's not a ''perfect'' father - I don't think there ''is'' such a thing - but given the circumstances, I'd say he's done a damn good job. Not ''once'' have I doubted that he truly loves Bella and would do ''anything'' for her. And in exchange for his love, Bella has done nothing but treat him like absolute ''shit''. Remember the time she up and left him with little warning in the first movie? Or the time she up and left him with ''no'' warning in the second? And ''now'', after the last few weeks of putting the poor bastard through ''hell'', while he worried about his daughter's health and well being: 'Sorry Charlie, your daughter has died at the ripe old age of eighteen and you will never see her again.' Imagine what that's going to do to the poor man?!?! And not just him; what about Bella's mother? And her stepfather? And her friends? You think they may just be a ''bit'' broken up by her passing?

--> But no. They're apparently not the ones we should be concerned with. We should only be concerned with ''Bella.'' We should care about ''Bella's'' pain. Because that's pretty much been the theme for this entire ''saga'', hasn't it? It's all about what ''Bella'' wants, it's all about what ''Bella'' thinks, Bella Bella Bella ''Bella can kiss my hairy white ass!!!'' After ''four'' movies unchange of this self-absorbed twat-waffle, ''constantly'' looking out for herself and ''screw'' anyone else, ''whining'' and ''bitching'' and ''moaning'' until she gets her way - and she ''always'' gets her way, because oh, ''god forbid'' the heroine should get exactly what she wants without consequence, no, can't have that - after ''all'' of this, you, sir, have the ''balls'', the ''BALLS'', to suggest we should consider ''Bella's pain?''

--> You know what? Let me show you something. Take a look at this. (Shows empty hands.)... What you see, right here, in my hands, is '''all the fucks I give about 'Bella's pain'!''' After everything she's done in this series, maybe that bitch could ''use'' a hot branding iron down the throat; I'll shove it down there myself if you let me! ''Fuck'' Bella, ''fuck'' her self-serving attitude, fuck ''everything'' she stands for, Team Mustache Dad for ''LIFE.''...I think I almost burst a blood vessel.

* CatchPhrase: "Continuity: it's not a polite suggestion" whenever there is a continuity goof and "I'm the Smeghead and Hollywood can suck it".

** Also, his YouTube profile picture features Gir (in his dog form) from ''Invader Zim''.

* CatchPhrase: "Continuity: It's not a polite suggestion" whenever there is a continuity goof and "I'm the smeghead and Hollywood can suck it".

** And for his review of ''Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever'', he replaces his usual sign-off with "I need a shot of whatever [[Creator/AntonioBanderas Banderas]] was drinking on set".
* OneOfUs: He calls himself the [[Series/RedDwarf Smeghead]]. 'Nuff said. He's also an avid ''Harry Potter'' fan.

* TheReasonYouSuckSpeech: Delivers a particularly blistering rant towards two certain characters in Breaking Dawn. For context: Jacob has invited Charlie to come see his daughter, Bella, who has recently been turned into a vampire. Edward is, of course, outraged, and starts laying into Jacob, asking him if he even considered the physical pain being in Charlie's presence will put Bella through, since since being in a human's presence will only increase her vampiric thirst - like having 'a red hot poker shoved down her throat', in Edward's words. In any other setting with any other characters, we might just be on Bella and Edward's side. Here?
Oh...oh, you glittery douche nozzle!!! 'The physical pain you'll put Bella through?' Fuck Bella! What about Charlie? what about the pain you're gonna put him through? The pain he's already been through? Did you ever think of that, you diseased heap of rat rectum??? This man has loved and cared for his daughter ever since she arrived in Forks; sure, he's not a perfect father - I don't think there is such a thing - but given the circumstances, I'd say he's done a damn good job. Not once have I doubted that he truly loves Bella and would do anything for her. And in exchange for his love, Bella has done nothing but treat him like absolute shit. Remember the time she up and left him with little warning in the first movie? Or the time she up and left him with no warning in the second? And now, after the last few weeks of putting the poor bastard through hell, while he worried about his daughter's health and well being: 'Sorry Charlie, your daughter has died at the ripe old age of eighteen and you will never see her again.' Imagine what that's going to do to the poor man?!?! And not just him; what about Bella's mother? And her stepfather? And her friends? You think they may just be a bit broken up by her passing?
But no. They're apparently not the ones we should be concerned with. We should only be concerned with Bella. We should care about Bella's pain. Because that's pretty much been the theme for this entire saga, hasn't it? It's all about what Bella wants, it's all about what Bella thinks, Bella Bella Bella Bella can kiss my hairy white ass!!! After four movies unchange of this self-absorbed twat-waffle, constantly looking out for herself and screw anyone else, whining and bitching and moaning until she gets her way - and she always gets her way, because oh, god forbid the heroine should get exactly what she wants without consequence, no, can't have that - after all of this, you, sir, have the balls, the BALLS, to suggest we should consider Bella's pain?
You know what? Let me show you something. Take a look at this. (Shows empty hands.)... What you see, right here, in my hands, is all the fucks I give about 'Bella's pain'! After everything she's done in this series, maybe that bitch could use a hot branding iron down the throat; I'll shove it down there myself if you let me! Fuck Bella, fuck her self-serving attitude, fuck everything she stands for, Team Mustache Dad for LIFE....I think I almost burst a blood vessel.

A movie review series on Blip starring the self-titled [[RedDwarf Smeghead]] in which he rips apart the worst cinema has to offer, whether it be DTV, mockbuster, or blockbuster. His schedule is generally one review a month, with each video generally being 20-30 minutes in length.

* ActuallyPrettyFunny: He'll concede when a joke is good such as the fact that Diedrich Bader's character in ''Meet The Spartans'' is a clever play on obvious traitors in movies. Not that it will do the rest of the movie any good.
* BerserkButton: Edward only showing concern for Bella's feelings when they learn about Jacob telling Charlie about Bella needing to 'change' to live from Breaking Dawn Part 2.
** Also from Breaking Dawn Part 2, the reveal of [[spoiler:the major battle being a dream sequence]].

* CensorBox: Pretty much every scene in Bucky Larson

* DeadpanSnarker: Almost on par with [[TheCinemaSnob Brad Jones]] or [[TheSpoonyExperiment Spoony]].

* OneOfUs: His name is the [[RedDwarf smeghead]]. 'Nuff said. He's also an avid ''Harry Potter'' fan.
* SoundEffectBleep: In Never Back Down 2 (Ep. 40), he calls the racist Southern police officer Officer Cletus, instead of Officer H*****y, to which he says he needs to fix it.
** Also, in Conan The Destroyer (Ep. 26), when saying about Blazing Saddles, he says about the overuse of n***** (which is censored), to which he even recites the Seven Words You Can't Say On Television, uncensored.

* OneOfUs: His name is the [[RedDwarf smeghead]]. 'Nuff said.

* DeadpanSnarker

* SoundEffectBleep: In Never Back Down 2 (Ep. 40), he calls the racist Southern police officer Officer Cletus, instead of Officer unknown word, to which he says he needs to fix it. It is implied to be honkey.
** Also, in Conan The Destroyer (Ep. 26), when saying about Blazing Saddles, he says about the overuse of the n-word (which is censored), to which he even recites the Seven Words You Can't Say On Television, uncensored.

* SoundEffectBleep: In Never Back Down 2 (Ep. 40), he calls the racist Southern police officer Officer Cletus, instead of Officer *******, to which he says he needs to fix it.
** Also, in Conan The Destroyer (Ep. 26), when saying about Blazing Saddles, he says about the overuse of ******, to which he even recites the Seven Words You Can't Say On Television, uncensored.

* INeedAFreakingDrink: Pulls out a flask when things get to be too much for him.

* CatchPhrase: "Continuity: It's not a polite suggestion" whenever there is a continuity goof.

* INeedAFreakinDrink: Pulls out a flask when things get to be too much for him.