History UsefulNotes / Abuse

4th Oct '17 6:18:10 AM HasturHasturHastur
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* "My ex fucked me up." If you have been in an abusive relationship and you have been so heavily damaged by the ordeal that you yourself have fallen into toxic or abusive behavior patterns and can't function in a healthy manner within the context of a relationship, then you should be receiving professional help from a good therapist, NOT entering into another relationship and continuing the cycle. Abuse can absolutely destroy your ability to function healthily with partners, but it is no excuse for going on to victimize people yourself.
30th Sep '17 2:54:21 PM HasturHasturHastur
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* "Time heals all wounds." As anyone who has experienced traumatic events can tell you, old wounds do not just politely disappear because you left them sitting untouched, and wounds caused by abuse are no different.




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* DisabilityAsAnExcuseForJerkassery: Mental illness is a very frequent cause of abusive behavior, and while it definitely is an explanation, it is never an excuse. Mental illness does not magically cure the pain and trauma that it causes you to inflict upon others, and it also does not absolve you of responsibility for the pain that you have caused. Furthermore, it is not bigoted or ableist to say that there are certain disorders (namely borderline personality disorder, narcissistic personality disorder, and certain types of bipolar disorder) that should ''absolutely'' bar you from dating unless they are properly managed, which means sticking to all prescribed medications and therapy regimens without deviation. Again (because this cannot be stated enough), if you have a disorder that has an extremely high correlation with being toxic or abusive and you are not taking the proper steps to manage it, ''you have no business being in a relationship''.



Sexual abuse encompasses abusive acts that have a sexual component: rape, various forms of dubiously-consensual sex, forced or coerced sex of any sort, child molestation, forced sex work and sexual harassment. It almost always contains strong elements of emotional abuse as well. In fact, it could be argued that sexual abuse is a combination of physical and emotional abuse, and is often found with both.

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Sexual abuse encompasses abusive acts that have a sexual component: rape, incest, grooming (both child and adult), various forms of dubiously-consensual sex, forced or coerced sex of any sort, child molestation, forced sex work and work, sexual harassment.harassment, and emotional incest. It almost always contains strong elements of emotional abuse as well. In fact, it could be argued that sexual abuse is a combination of physical and emotional abuse, and is often found with both.
both; even emotional incest, which itself doesn't involve a physical component (though it frequently can progress into actual physical incest), is still incredibly damaging to victims.
6th Aug '17 7:11:41 PM rjd1922
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* "Everyone should just forgive and forget." One way abusers dodge responsibility is by ''appearing'' conciliatory. Psychopathic abusers especially are notoriously slick at escaping accountability in any way possible. For "forgive and forget" to even ''be'' a healthy decision, people(not just a targeted person) need to keep responsibility on an abuser without letting him/her off the hook. The abuse has to ''actually be over''. An abuser has to actually be of mind to become a better person. That, however, is unlikely. Abuse can't be just in the calm parts of an ongoing cycle of abuse or continuing covertly with an abuser pretending to have changed. Such often happens after public "amends" have been made. Stopping abuse can't be just lip service. An abuser has to be held responsible for stopping abusive conduct and improving his own behavior. Even if any of this is possible or likely, a victim of abuse can justifiably be uncomfortable around abusers, even former and repentant ones. "Forgive and forget" is a dangerous and harmful platitude. An unlucky party who has experienced abuse has a right to continue his/her life without any obligation to "forgive and forget" and any interference from an abuser.

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* "Everyone should just forgive and forget." One way abusers dodge responsibility is by ''appearing'' conciliatory. Psychopathic abusers especially are notoriously slick at escaping accountability in any way possible. For "forgive and forget" to even ''be'' a healthy decision, people(not people (not just a targeted an abused person) need to keep responsibility on an abuser without letting him/her off the hook. The abuse has to ''actually be over''. An abuser has to actually be of mind to become a better person. That, however, is unlikely. Abuse can't be just in the calm parts of an ongoing cycle of abuse or continuing covertly with an abuser pretending to have changed. Such often happens after public "amends" have been made. Stopping abuse can't be just lip service. An abuser has to be held responsible for stopping abusive conduct and improving his own behavior. Even if any of this is possible or likely, a victim of abuse can justifiably be uncomfortable around abusers, even former and repentant ones. "Forgive and forget" is a dangerous and harmful platitude. An unlucky party who has experienced abuse has a right to continue his/her life without any obligation to "forgive and forget" and any interference from an abuser.
2nd Aug '17 1:57:56 AM ectostar
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* ''Seek medical help.'' This is ''highly'' important especially with prolonged physical abuse or with sexual abuse. Beatings especially can inflict damage even beyond visible damage, e.g. postconcussive syndrome and other traumatic brain injury from repeated blows to the head or face, nerve damage from being hit elsewhere and STDs or internal injury from sexual abuse. Medical professionals, in the US, are also mandated reporters, if you tell them you are being abused or have injuries that suggest abuse. This can be valuable, if you wish to contact the police. Even if you've already escaped your abuser and do not need law enforcement intervention, mentioning what has happened to you in the past is important so you can be properly tested for any conditions from the abuse and they can be treated.

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* ''Seek medical help.'' This is ''highly'' important especially with prolonged physical abuse or with sexual abuse. Beatings especially can inflict damage even beyond visible damage, e.g. postconcussive syndrome and other traumatic brain injury from repeated blows to the head or face, nerve damage from being hit elsewhere and STDs [=STDs=] or internal injury from sexual abuse. Medical professionals, in the US, are also mandated reporters, if you tell them you are being abused or have injuries that suggest abuse. This can be valuable, if you wish to contact the police. Even if you've already escaped your abuser and do not need law enforcement intervention, mentioning what has happened to you in the past is important so you can be properly tested for any conditions from the abuse and they can be treated.
14th Mar '17 12:31:44 PM MegaJ
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* * In the UK there's [[http://www.mankind.org.uk/ The Mankind Initiative]] specifically for male victims: 01823 334244




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* [[http://www.oneinthree.com.au/servicesandresources/ The One in Three Campaign]]: Australian resource for male victims
27th Jun '16 9:47:35 PM MerryMikael
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* [[http://bullyonline.org/workbully/amibeing.htm Bullyonline; What is bullying?]]

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* [[http://bullyonline.org/workbully/amibeing.htm Bullyonline; What is bullying?]]What]] [[http://bullyonline.org/index.php/bullying/19-what-is-workplace-bullying is]] [[http://bullyonline.org/index.php/bullying/2-types-of-bullying bullying?]]
** [[http://bullyonline.org/index.php/bullying/4-why-me Possible reasons why it happens]]
9th Jun '16 4:14:12 PM Jeduthun
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Added DiffLines:

** ElderAbuse (senior citizens' decreasing ability to take care of themselves makes them vulnerable to abuse of every kind, whether from neglectful families, abusive or negligent caregivers, or exploitive scam artists)
20th Apr '16 7:39:26 PM karstovich2
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* In the United States: the National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1800799SAFE (18007997233), also available at [[http://www.ndvh.org]]
** List of child abuse reporting hotlines by state: [[https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/reslist/rl_dsp.cfm?rs_id=5&rate_chno=W-00082]]
* Safe Horizon: 1-800-621-HOPE (1-800-621-4673), also available at [[http://www.safehorizon.org]]

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* In the United States: the States:
** The
National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1800799SAFE (18007997233), also available at [[http://www.ndvh.org]]
** List of child abuse reporting hotlines by state: [[https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/reslist/rl_dsp.cfm?rs_id=5&rate_chno=W-00082]]
*
gov/organizations/?CWIGFunctionsaction=rols:main.dspROL&rolType=Custom&RS_ID=5]]
**
Safe Horizon: 1-800-621-HOPE (1-800-621-4673), also available at [[http://www.safehorizon.org]]
20th Apr '16 7:26:03 PM karstovich2
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* If you are concerned about abuse or neglect of a child, ''do'' call your local child welfare agency. It is not true that SocialServicesDoNotExist--although it is definitely true that some welfare agencies are capable of royal screwups, most of those screwups happen because nobody even brought the problem to their attention, or if the problem was brought to the agency's attention, it was not made clear that it was a child welfare issue. Calling the child welfare agency when you have serious concerns about a child being abused or neglected is usually a good choice.

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* If you are concerned about abuse or neglect of a child, ''do'' call your local child welfare agency. It is not ''not'' true that SocialServicesDoNotExist--although SocialServicesDoesNotExist--although it is definitely true that some welfare agencies are capable of [[DepartmentOfChildDisservices royal screwups, screwups]], most of those screwups happen because nobody even brought the problem to their attention, or if the problem was brought to the agency's attention, it was not made clear that it was a child welfare issue. Calling the child welfare agency when you have serious concerns about a child being abused or neglected is usually a good choice.
20th Apr '16 7:22:36 PM karstovich2
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* Contact your local police station (if you are in a Westernized country); they have lists of local groups and organisations, who will give you assistance and support. The police will also help you decide if you should pursue a restraining order against the abuser; in appropriate cases such orders are actually quite effective at deterring abusers from following you, and make it much easier to stop and punish abusers when they do try to resume the abuse.

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* Contact your local police station (if you are in a Westernized country); they have lists of local groups and organisations, who will give you assistance and support. The police will also help you decide if you should pursue a restraining order against the abuser; in appropriate cases such orders are actually quite effective at deterring abusers from following you, and make it much easier to stop and punish abusers when they do try to resume the abuse.abuse, as it is usually much easier to prove violation of the terms of a restraining order than it is to pursue criminal charges against an abuser.



* The National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1800799SAFE (18007997233), also available at [[http://www.ndvh.org]]

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* The If you are concerned about abuse or neglect of a child, ''do'' call your local child welfare agency. It is not true that SocialServicesDoNotExist--although it is definitely true that some welfare agencies are capable of royal screwups, most of those screwups happen because nobody even brought the problem to their attention, or if the problem was brought to the agency's attention, it was not made clear that it was a child welfare issue. Calling the child welfare agency when you have serious concerns about a child being abused or neglected is usually a good choice.
* In the United States: the
National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1800799SAFE (18007997233), also available at [[http://www.ndvh.org]]
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