While I was counting seconds, you were counting friends.
Tropes that apply to me (or can be forced to apply to me with the right stretching of definitions):
Angrish: Infamous for this at work. My speech when I'm extremely angry is an incoherent, profanity-laden word salad.
Apologizes a Lot: "Shit, sorry, man" is probably uttered about every seventh or eighth sentence.
Big Eater: I have the metabolism of a goddamn hummingbird.
Blind Without 'Em: Take my glasses away and everything looks like an indistinct blur.
Booze-Based Buff: I become a much faster and more accurate typer after I've had a few, though the latter one goes away after a few more. This actually led to my writing an entire paper while drunk once; the professor was equal parts impressed that I was able to clearly express the underlying legal principles (it was a law class paper) with the bulk of a bottle of cheap Canadian whiskey in me and irritated at having to figure out just what the fuck I was saying half the time.
Broken Bird: They are sadly my type. The more damaged and emotionally unavailable or internally conflicted she is, the harder I'll probably fall for her. I legit question whether I CAN feel any substantial attraction to emotionally healthy women at this point.
Dark and Troubled Past: Let's just say that my life hasn't been the greatest. Some of it was my own fault, a lot of it was the fault of others, some of it was a mix, and it's all been a shitshow.
Drives Like Crazy: Sometimes. Get me in a bad enough mood and it's going to be one hell of a wild ride with me behind the wheel.
'50s Hair: A slicked-back undercut, as is the wont of basically every twentysomething white male in the 2010s.
Hollywood New England: I live in the backwoods of NH. There's nothing around here aside from Cape Cod blueblood transplants, white trash, and heroin, though I am within relatively reasonable ("within an hour and twenty" being reasonable for New England) driving distance of Boston, Worcester, Manchester, and Lowell. I don't have the accent, but I feel like I'm pretty good at embodying most of the stereotypes in other ways.
Huge Guy, Tiny Girl: Whenever I'm around a good friend of mine (I'm on the high end of 6'0" and 180lbs, she's on the low end of 5'1" and like sixty or seventy pounds lighter than me).
The Quiet One: I'm friendly enough, but I will never say the first word.