History SoYouWantTo / WriteAFilmNoir

''"[[GrumpyOldMan Ah these kids and them new-fangled videogames]]," Bob [[GrumpyBear grumbled like a bear woken up three weeks too early.]] "Well if you want videogames, I'd suggest the VideoGame/MaxPayne series. Yeah, I know what made it sell was that BulletTime stuff, but it's seen as the best modern example of noir in the genre. Besides, any story that combines [[Myth/NorseMythology Ragnarok, Valkyries, and other such Norse lore]] with a solid noir pedigree and [[PrivateEyeMonologue metaphors]] that all go down smoother than a 12-year whiskey? Kudos to Remedy for bottling lightning."''

''"Besides the AntiHero and the FemmeFatale," Bob said, "there are plenty of other characters you can add. TheMafia's a nice choice. Sometimes there are two {{Femme Fatale}}s - there's the good one, who often comes around to the AntiHero's side, and TheVamp, who sometimes dies by the AntiHero's hands and sometimes gets away [[KarmaHoudini scott clean]]. You can also add TheIngenue to provide a nice contrast with the FemmeFatale. There's also the ConMan and the CorruptHick - oftentimes [[DirtyCop a sheriff or police chief.]] If you're doing it [[CityOfSpies in a particular setting]], [[UsefulNotes/ColdWar like Germany or Russia]], you can also include ThoseWackyNazis and DirtyCommunists."''

''"Crumpled and on the floor is the way I like it," Bob said. "But if you gotta wear something, go simple. Men wear suits and [[NiceHat fedoras]]. Women...ah, [[RuleOfSexy as long as it looks good]], it's fine with me. You might want to try a [[LittleBlackDress black dress]] with [[StockingFiller stockings]], though. And remember - [[TrenchcoatBrigade everyone wears trenchcoats.]] [[BadassLongcoat Long coats just look cool]]."''

''"Sure," Bob said. "Old noir films [[DoubleStandard tended to be a little bit sexist]], so try changing around some [[GenderAndSexualityTropes gender roles]]. Don't be afraid to make the AntiHero [[FemmeFatale a woman]]. Or even a [[Series/VeronicaMars young girl]]. Hell, you could even make the detective a [[Series/KamenRiderDouble superhero]] if you're into the kids stuff."''

''"Sure," Bob said. "Old noir films [[DoubleStandard tended to be a little bit sexist]], so try changing around some [[GenderAndSexualityTropes gender roles]]. Don't be afraid to make the AntiHero a woman. Or even a [[Series/VeronicaMars young girl]]. Hell, you could even make the detective a [[Series/KamenRiderDouble superhero]] if you're into the kids stuff."''

''"Sure," Bob said. "Old noir films [[DoubleStandard tended to be a little bit sexist]], so try changing around some [[GenderAndSexualityTropes gender roles]]. Don't be afraid to make the AntiHero a woman. Or even a [[Series/VeronicaMars young girl]]."''

''BANG!!!''

''"Amateur"'' He scoffed, holding his own smoking pistol in his hand, he puts it back in his desk drawer.

A good place to start is the Blog/TheUnitedFederationOfCharles and its description of Noir as a genre, covering both the classic Depression-era works as well as Neo-Noir attitudes in fiction. ''[[http://unitedfederationofcharles.blogspot.com/2012/06/what-is-noir.html What Is Noir?]]''

''"I do have to mention, though, that both ''Series/{{Charmed}}'' and ''Series/{{Smallville}}'' did a NoirEpisode. They did TheThemeParkVersion and were generally considered horrible. ''Series/{{Moonlighting}}'''s noir episode, however, is considered especially good, with a cameo by Orson Welles himself."''

[[caption-width-right:350:[-Pop quiz -- This dame has just entered your office, and wants to give you a job. The first thing you do is:\\

[[caption-width-right:350:[-Pop quiz -- This dame has just entered your office. The first thing you do is:\\

''Bob let out a ring of smoke. "And then there's the plot," he said. "You can have your basic murder mystery, but you can also have a [[TheCaper heist]] or [[TheCon con]] of some sort. Then there's the McGuffin - it can practically be anything. In ''Casablanca'' it was the letters of transit, in ''The Maltese Falcon'' it was...well you can guess that. It was even [[LampshadeHanging lampshaded]] in ''Kiss Me Deadly'', where the MacGuffin was a mysterious box of glowing material. One character called it 'The Great Whatsit.'" He took another puff of his cigarette. "That's a great film, by the way, but we'll get to that later."''

C) Describe her in a voiceover monologe, using at least three cynically gruff idioms.-]]]

''"Ah, now here's where we get interesting," Bob took out a packet of cigarettes. "The film noir is essentially a modern genre, but you can make one in almost any time period. Most have been set in the Classic Period of Film Noir, the [[WorldWarII 1940s]] and [[TheFifties '50s]], so [[FollowTheLeader many modern noirs try to ape those times]] and be DeliberatelyMonochrome where EverybodySmokes because SmokingIsCool" He searched himself for some matches, but was interrupted by Alice, who lit his cigarette with a chrome lighter. "Thanks. But you can take your AntiHero and plunk him down TwentyMinutesIntoTheFuture and it can [[CyberPunk still be noir]]."''

''"You know," Bob said, "I'd love to see a CosmicHorrorStory FilmNoir. I really think those two genres could hit it off. I'd like to see some SteamPunk noir, too, and I'll be damned if there's enough UrbanFantasy noir out there."''

''"Well, damn," he said, pulling out his own pistol and pointing it at her. "[[GenreSavvy I figured that was comin']]."''

''"Amateur," Bob scoffs.''

''"{{Chase Scene}}s are nice and simple," Bob said. "There was even a HallOfMirrors scene in ''The Lady from Shanghai'' which was great. Fight scenes, however, tend to be like [[HobbesWasRight Hobbes']] philosophy of human nature: nasty, short, and brutal. Like [[HumphreyBogart Bogart]] said, they'll beat your teeth in and then [[KickThemWhileTheyAreDown kick you in the stomach for mumbling.]]"''

-->''"But down these mean streets a man must go who is not himself mean, who is neither tarnished nor afraid. The detective in this kind of story must be such a man. He is the hero, he is everything. He must be a complete man and a common man and yet an unusual man. He must be, to use a rather weathered phrase, a man of honor, by instinct, by inevitability, without thought of it, and certainly without saying it. He must be [[OnlySaneMan the best man in his world]] and a good enough man for any world. I do not care much about his private life; he is [[AManIsNotAVirgin neither a eunuch]] [[ChasteHero nor a satyr]]; I think he might seduce a duchess and I am quite sure he would not spoil a virgin; if he is a man of honor in one thing, he is that in all things. He is a relatively poor man, or he would not be a detective at all. He is a common man or he could not go among common people. He has a sense of character, or he would not know his job. He will take no man's money dishonestly and no man's insolence without a due and dispassionate revenge. [[IWorkAlone He is a lonely man]] and his pride is that you will treat him as a proud man or be very sorry you ever saw him. He talks as the man of his age talks, that is, with rude wit, a lively sense of the grotesque, a disgust for sham, and a contempt for pettiness. The story is his adventure in search of a hidden truth, and it would be no adventure if it did not happen to a man fit for adventure. He has a range of awareness that startles you, but it belongs to him by right, because it belongs to the world he lives in.''\\

''"Glad you asked," Bob said. "There's a tendency to go overboard with the AntiHero - you know, make him so {{badass}} that he scares criminals into talking and all that. The AntiHero should be a man - just a man, like Chandler said - not a MarySue with [[{{Wangst}} the angst]] piled on."''

''BOOM!!!''

''"I do have to mention, though, that both ''Series/{{Charmed}}'' and ''{{Smallville}}'' did a NoirEpisode. They did TheThemeParkVersion and were generally considered horrible. ''{{Moonlighting}}'''s noir episode, however, is considered especially good, with a cameo by Orson Welles himself."''