History Series / OneThousandWaysToDie

* IAteWhat:
** The couple who ate live snails and ended up dying from parasites that fed off their brain matter ([[HaveIMentionedIAmGay with the man telling the woman that he was gay just before they both died]], to which she replied she hated him), the scam artist male nurse who ingested denture whitening tablets (which he mistook for breath mints after kissing an old lady with bad breath), and the nervous executive who ate dirt and died from E. coli since the dirt had her hippie neighbor's excrement in it (yes, the woman [[{{Pun}} ate shit and died.]])
** An idiot gets the bright idea to try and survive in the woods after watching a wilderness survival program on TV. [[KnowYourVines He tries to eat a mixed salad of wild vegetation he found in the woods]], containing a deadly trio of oleander (which played havoc on his heart), foxglove (which made him retch violently), and hemlock (which scrambles your brain).
** A rich couple end up dying from some spoiled food. They should've known better than to hire TyphoidMary as their chef.
** In a case of "I Drank What?", a Depression-era couple from West Virginia tries to get in on the liquor business (as Prohibition made bootlegging booze a booming business) by making their own to sell to city folk. While sampling the "foreshot" (the toxic-byproduct-heavy initial runoff), they ingest methanol, which causes them to go blind, then shuts down their organs.
** Another one from the "I Drank What?" file: A guy and his girlfriend who steal luggage from airport terminals find a bottle of what he thinks is expensive rum. It turns out to be liquid cocaine (a concentrated mixture of cocaine and kerosene) that a drug smuggler was sneaking into the country. He drank a massive overdose of the drug and died.
** Also from the "I Drank What?" file: A Ukrainian immigrant and his cohorts drink vodka to celebrate his initiation into the Russian mob. Only, it's not vodka they're drinking---it's the sulfuric acid he used to erase his fingerprints, courtesy of the senile bartender who got the two clear liquids confused. (To be fair, the two bottles looked exactly the same.)
** ''Another'' from the "I Drank What?" file: The trenchcoat-clad flasher who downed breast milk that had peanut protein in it. It seems harmless until you realize that the flasher is so allergic to peanuts that ingesting anything with a trace of peanuts in it can kill him.
** The taxidermist who ate squirrel meal -- from a squirrel that was infected with rabies.
** The marijuana farmer who ate a grasshopper -- and died from an allergic reaction to the insect's exoskeleton.
** Subverted in the story of the LadyDrunk who went to her recovering alcoholic husband's sobriety party and made an ass of herself. While foraging for edible mushrooms is a culinary version of RussianRoulette if you don't know what you're doing, inkcap mushrooms are actually harmless -- ''unless'' you wash them down with alcohol (which she did when she spiked the fruit punch with vodka and drank the whole thing after stuffing her face with inkcap mushroom pizza, much to the horror and disgust of everyone at the party).

* EarlyInstallmentWeirdness: The two pilot episodes had a much different presentation, and the narrator was series creator Thom Beers rather than Ron Perlman.

** "Suck-Her Punched" is another triumphant example, with the one who doesn't die being the main focus of the story. A boxer dresses like a woman after a rigorous workout to cool down, and walks to the alley at the back. A rapist spots the boxer, and you'd think he'd kill him after [[UnsettlingGenderReveal finding out he's not a woman]]. NOPE! After [[BerserkButton being called a lady]], the boxer kills the rapist with one punch to the temple. KO! This also turned out to be quite the [[invoked]]FunnyAneurysmMoment.

** "Orspasm": A woman suffers from persistent genital arousal disorder (a condition that's basically TheImmodestOrgasm on a frequent basis and not as fun or {{fanservice}}y). You would expect the constant orgasms to wreak havoc on her body or be the catalyst in an accidental suicide, but no. Instead, her boyfriend (who takes sick pleasure in [[KickTheDog making her come by tickling her and using vibration]]) bites it when he pokes her in the back with a muscle massager. The woman goes into one of her orgasm spells and knocks the guy down the stairs, and he dies of head trauma and a broken neck.

** "Penis De Milo": A sculptor obsessed with art crafts a woman's body out of marble, calling it real, and not caring about his wife leaving him due to neglect. He then has sex with it and wakes up minutes later to find that his RagingStiffie is stuck in the statue. Normally, in a case like this, the man would waste away days later from dehydration and starvation. That's not what happens; what happens is the man frees himself from being [[{{Pun}} stuck in his work]] and falls to the floor in the process-- only to have his work topple off the table, crush him, break his ribs, and suffocate him.

** "The Depart-dead": teenage {{southies}} playing Edward Fortyhands (a drinking game in which two forty-ounce bottles of malt liquor are taped to your hands and the only way out is to drink them both). You would expect them to die from alcohol poisoning or rupturing their bladders from all that drinking (going to the bathroom in this kind of drinking game is against the rules), right? Wrong! They died from suffocating from hydrogen cyanide caused by a cigar setting fire to their couch (which had a lot of synthetic material as stuffing. It was one of those couches that would be right at home in a 1960s/1970s-style basement rumpus room).

** "Splat-formed": The cocaine dealer-cum-addict from the 1970s. Given that he snorted a lot of coke and was dancing really fast at a disco, you'd expect him to just simply drop dead from heart failure, right? Wrong! This jive-time turkey tripped on his own platform shoes and got stabbed in the throat with the sharp end of his male symbol necklace.

** In "Pulled Pork," a crooked farmer is extracting semen from a pig, but the pig's squeals wake up his neighbor. As the neighbor comes in, the guy tries to run, but he trips over the bucket and hits his head on a metal pole. Surprisingly, the impact of the fall didn't kill him. What did kill him was the pig eating the man's intestines as payback for getting jacked off.
** In "Heim-Licked," an aggro weight-loss boot camp manager meets his new overweight student. Not legally allowed to kick her out (as she could very easily sue him for discrimination), he decides to humiliate her instead. When she quits the course out of frustration, her secret stash of snack cakes falls out and the boot camp manager humiliates her even further by taking one of her snack cakes and eating it while mocking her with his mouth full. Not surprisingly, he chokes on the snack cake. However, he dies when he attempts to perform the Heimlich maneuver on himself using a yoga ball, bounces off it, and lands mouth first on a sprinkler, breaking his C2 and C3 vertebrae.

* LampshadeHanging: [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k8wWT6YlAfU "WHOSE IDEA WAS IT TO PUT A SPIKE ON THIS BELL?!"]] A host for a female wrestling match asks after a woman slips and gets impaled.

** "Premature Endings," at the other end of the list (#1000), also qualifies. After walking through an emergency room full of people who have suffered bizarre (and presumably fatal) injuries due to their own stupidity, a woman goes to her elderly father's hospital room to visit him one last time before he dies peacefully of natural causes. The narrator comments that the show is like an instruction manual: you can do something dumb and end up as one of its stories, or you can live a sensible life and just watch it. One can argue that this one goes all the way to EarnYourHappyEnding: all humans eventually ''die'', but the man who died in this one had lived a decent life, was loved by his family and friends, and avoided [[AlcoholInducedIdiocy drunken stupidity]], [[AssholeVictim the business end of]] [[KarmicDeath karma's sword]], and [[TooDumbToLive all the]] [[WhatAnIdiot other pitfalls]] [[HoistByHisOwnPetard common to]] [[EpicFail this show's]] [[UndignifiedDeath cases]]. For that, he got to die a peaceful death with his beloved daughter at his side instead of being, say, [[StuffBlowingUp caught in an explosion]] or [[GaiasVengeance mauled by wild animals]] or [[AssShove torn a new asshole]]. And for a mortal race, can there be a happier ending than a natural death surrounded by loved ones?

** Absinthe isn't actually any worse than other types of alcohol. It was banned during the temperance movement because of false scares, propaganda, and misinformation spread about it which was finally made known in the 2000s.

* BuryYourGays: "Lesbosuction", "Lesboned", "Deadliest Munch" and "Die-Brator" all feature lesbians getting killed in various fashions.

** The hitman in "Kill Bill & Billie". Although we're not made privy as to whether he got paid up-front or only after the job was done, so he may have possibly screwed himself out of payment at the very least.

* LoanShark: A pair attempt to extract $10,000 from a worker in "Odds Are You're Dead." The worker is on a hydraulic lift, so one shark cuts the hydraulic line. The scissor lift collapses onto him, decapitating him.

** The pompous, bigoted, abusive movie star named [[Creator/MelGibson Max]], who dies when his jacuzzi sucks out his guts through his anus. This is actually based on the death of [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Death_of_Abigail_Taylor Abigail Taylor]], but since the actual victim was a six-year-old girl (and not many people would be cool with that), they redid the story so it happens to a JerkAss Creator/MelGibson {{Expy}} (the narrator even says that the victim of the story wasn't a bastard of a Hollywood actor, but he was made the victim because, in the beginning, the narrator states that there are people out there who deserve to be punished by karma but haven't been).

** One episode featured a clear expy of Phil Spector, complete with gun, reputation for ripping off all the musicians who worked with him in the 1950s and 1960s, and wild, curly afro.

** In "Tenta-killed" there's a traditionalist Korean father who chokes to death in a live octopus while "testing" his daughter's Korean-American boyfriend's "worth".

* PsychopathicManchild: Benny, the victim from "Die-drant", is an immature asshole who likes pulling (often lethal) pranks on people for his sick amusement.

** A couple of the stories were also disproved by ''Series/MythBusters'' (like peeing on a electrical fence will kill you) and ''Website/{{Snopes}}'' (the explosive breast implants).

** The show frequently takes stock slapstick jokes like falling down a manhole or running into a wall painted like a tunnel and shows that the injuries would realistically kill someone.

** To someone unfamiliar with UsefulNotes/{{BDSM}}, the woman in "Chucked Up" might have just been incredibly unlucky; however, [[https://www.thestranger.com/slog/2018/06/08/27150745/is-it-ever-safe-to-leave-a-tied-up-person-alone experienced practitioners]] stress that leaving someone BoundAndGagged alone is ''very'' dangerous, as they are completely helpless to any emergency that may arise, whether it be a fire, circulation problem, or in this case a burglary.

** To someone unfamiliar with UsefulNotes/{{BDSM}}, the woman in "Chucked Up" might have just been incredibly unlucky; however, [[https://www.thestranger.com/slog/2018/06/08/27150745/is-it-ever-safe-to-leave-a-tied-up-person-alone experienced practitioners]] stress that leaving someone BoundAndGagged alone is ''very'' dangerous, as they are completely helpless if an emergency were to arise, whether it be a fire, circulation problem, or in this case a burglary.

** "Gasketballed" tells the story of two teens who decide it's a good idea to play in a giant helium-filled basketball. At first, they have fun listening to their voices become high-pitched and squeaky... but then they start suffocating due to the lack of oxygen.

** "Straight to [=DVDead=]" has an egocentric amateur actor with previous criminal records who plotted to ''actually'' kill the guy playing the protagonist in a low-budget movie so he can get the role instead. To this effect, he put a real bullet ball in his prop gun as both were playing a duel scene at the moment. However, when he pulled the trigger at the scene's climax, he got his hand blown up and got a large shard of gun shrapnel lodged in his thigh, cutting the femoral artery and killing him in seconds, all because he put too much gunpowder in the gun.

** There is TheMark of a FourOneNineScam who tracks the ConMan down and inflicts a lethal EyeScream on him.

* ActOfTrueLove: "Ichiboned" has themes of this; a newlywed Japanese couple are deeply in love and want to "connsumate" their relationship, but both of them are so repressed that they almost never have the chance. When they finally go for it, they end up [[DeathBySex going out together in simultaneous orgasms/heart attacks]] due to both of them having undiagnosed heart conditions. It says at lot that, in a show based around making fun of people who [[TooDumbToLive die in stupid ways]], the narrator has nothing but respect for the couple and doesn't mock them at all, to the point of declaring their deaths to be the #1 ("''[[BilingualBonus Ichiban]]''") on the ''1000 Ways to Die'' list.

* ActOfTrueLove: "Ichiboned" is framed as this; a newlywed Japanese couple are deeply in love and want to "connsumate" their relationship, but both of them suffer from a heart condition that makes even ''lightly'' strenuous exercises deadly to them. Despite this, they go for it anyways and end up [[DeathBySex going out together in simultaneous orgasms/heart attacks]]. It says at lot that, in a show based around making fun of people who [[TooDumbToLive die in stupid ways]], the narrator has nothing but respect for the couple and doesn't mock them at all, to the point of declaring their deaths as one of the best ways to die.

* AndThereWasMuchRejoicing: Averted most of the time, as people are usually shocked to see someone die in front of them, even if they were rather unpleasent.

* AngryChef: "Chef Boy-R-Dead" features a bad-tempered, demanding head chef whose sous chef plans to plagiarize his recipes. He's not the one who ends up dead (just to be clear), it's the sous chef.

** In "Heim-Licked," an aggro weight-loss boot camp manager meets his new overweight student. Not legally allowed to kick her out (as she'll sue him for sexual discrimination), he decides to humiliate her instead. When she quits the course out of frustration, her secret stash of snack cakes falls out and the boot camp manager humiliates her even further by taking one of her snack cakes and eating it while mocking her with his mouth full. Not surprisingly, he chokes on the snack cake. However, he dies when he attempts to perform the Heimlich maneuver on himself using a yoga ball, bounces off it, and lands mouth first on a sprinkler, breaking his C2 and C3 vertebrae.

** "Any Given Gunday": It seems like the athlete will mistakenly shoot the {{groupie}} thinking she's a home invader. She does get shot, but not by him; she turned on his oven not knowing he had a gun inside, causing the gun to go off.

** "Rocky Roadkill": It seems like the drug dealer who sells out of an [[BadHumorTruck ice cream truck]] will get shot by the methhead holding him at gunpoint, but he successfully drives off. However, during his escape, he accidentally ruptures the freezer's refrigerant tank, causing the poorly-ventilated van to fill with Freon. He passes out, causing his truck to crash into a tree at 50 mph.

* DepravedBisexual: The boss in #118, "Blown-Job", who gives a promotion to a man over his female secretary whom he regularly sexually harasses on the grounds that the man was more willing to give him oral sex.

* MamaBear: A stoner runs afoul of a [[BearsAreBadNews literal]] one in "Em-Bear-Assed".

** In "Suck Her Punched", a rapist attacks a male boxer, mistaking him for a lady due to the boxer wearing women's clothes to calm down after a workout, thinking "she" would be an easy mark. However, the moment the rapist calls the boxer a "lady", the boxer snaps letting the rapist know that he's no lady and gives the rapist a right cross in the temple so strong that it causes the rapist's dim brain to compress inside the skull and bleed out.
** In "Wrin-Killed", a purse snatcher gets his windpipe crushed when he targets a sweet little old lady who has thirty years' experience in Tae Kwon Do.

* MushroomSamba: Distorted senses lead to distorted judgment, such as diving into an empty pool, joining a furry orgy, running into cacti, running into a big-screen TV, sticking your head out of a sunroof just as a bird swoops down and lands in your mouth, setting your friend (or yourself) on fire, staying in an overheated hot tub, mainlining glowstick fluid at a rave, microwaving a lava lamp, shocking yourself with a defibrillator, or going berserk in a grocery store and getting crushed by beer kegs.

* NeverMessWithGranny: A purse-snatcher in one story found this out [[CurbStompBattle the hard way]] after trying to jack the purse of an old lady who happened to be a 30 year Tae Kwon Do practitioner.

** Then there's "Harley" in "Apocalypse Harley," an obvious Creator/CharlieSheen expy (so obvious that it gets a little painful). The "Hollywood Hitman" in the same segment also counts, as he looks like Marlon Brando's Colonel Kurtz.

** Musket Mary, the Tea Party spokeswoman in "Tea Bagged", is clearly based on Sarah Palin. There's even a scene where she's shown to have crib notes written on her hand, which the real Sarah Palin was caught doing years prior.

** The gunstore incident (in which a petty thug accidentally sticks up a gun shop instead of a jewelry store and gets shot by the customers and clerks, who were all legally armed and acting in self-defense) takes place in 2001, yet there was a sign showing a Blu-ray logo, which would require the story to be set in mid-2006 at the earliest.

** The lifeguard in "Muffed Dive" comments "I can't wait for the next Olympics...London, 2012, I'm so there!" True when the episode first aired, in 2011...but this segment takes place in 2003, two years before London was even awarded the 2012 Olympics in the first place!

* StockScream: The Wilhelm scream is heard when the victim of "Red, White & Blew" is shown dying from a firework backfiring in his face.

* StockingMask: Deconstructed in "Greased is the Word". The victim wore one of this when trying to rob a jewelry, but it blocks his vision and ended up in the gun shop.