History Quotes / YourVampiresSuck

->"''Literature/{{Twilight}}'' is that movie where angsty guy vampires do each other's makeup in high school, and instead of sunlight exploding them, it turns their skin into body glitter? I'm not judging you, man; [[SarcasmMode that's a really, really cool thing to enjoy.]]"

-->-- Creator/{{Seanbaby}}, in response to Creator/CarlosMencia tweeting that he enjoyed the film.

-->--'''Cysero''' (listing down [[http://www.aq.com/gamedesignnotes/blood-ancient-class-1737 vampire weaknesses]]), ''VideoGame/AdventureQuestWorlds''

-->--'''[[{{Dracula}} Vlad the Impaler]]''', ''Webcomic/FafnirTheDragon – Bloodsuckers Are Not Sexy''

-->-- '''Smiling Jack''', ''VampireTheMasqueradeBloodlines''

->''Oh God, I'm Pattinson!''

'''[[Manga/{{Hellsing}} Alu]][[{{Alucard}} card]]:''' Oh, you know. ''[[[MoreDakka Shoots Edward thirty-seven times through the door]]]'' A ''REAL'' fucking vampire!
-->--''WebVideo/HellsingUltimateAbridged'', by TeamFourStar

->''And let's face it, Vampires are pretty weak. They can be hurt or killed by [[WeakenedByTheLight sunlight]], [[HolyBurnsEvil crosses]], [[WoodenStake wood]], [[SilverHasMysticPowers silver]], [[KillItWithFire fire]], [[TakesOneToKillOne magic]], [[OffWithHisHead beheading]], [[KillItWithWater holy water]], [[ArsonMurderAndJaywalking and]] [[WeaksauceWeakness garlic]]... they [[CannotCrossRunningWater can't cross running water]], [[GlamourFailure can't fix their hair in a mirror]], [[MustBeInvited can't even enter a house without being invited]]. My 2 year old son can walk into someone's house without being invited (and often does). Frankly, it's amazing that this Darwinian failure of a race has made it this far.''
-->--'''[[VideoGame/AdventureQuestWorlds Cysero]],''' ''listing down a faction of [[http://www.aq.com/gamedesignnotes/blood-ancient-class-1737 vampire weaknesses]].''

->''VAMPIRES DON'T SPARKLE!!!''
-->-- WebVideo/TheNostalgiaCritic comment on the changes to Vampire Lore in ''{{Twilight}}''.

->"Vampires used to be creatures driven by HATE and HUNGER and the need for '''DOMINANCE!''' But ever since [[Literature/{{Twilight}} Meyer]] took up [=LeScat=]'s ''failed'' legacy, you've all become so ''faggy'' that the mention of a new hair gel makes you squeal ''like a prison bitch in a pass-around!''"
-->--'''[[Main/{{Dracula}} Vlad the Impaler]]''', ''WebComic/FafnirTheDragon - Bloodsuckers Are Not Sexy''

->''And let's face it, Vampires are pretty weak. They can be hurt or killed by [[WeakenedByTheLight sunlight]], [[HolyBurnsEvil crosses]], [[WoodenStake wood]], [[SilverHasMysticPowers silver]], [[KillItWithFire fire]], [[TakesOneToKillOne magic]], [[OffWithHisHead beheading]], [[KillItWithWater holy water]], [[ArsonMurderAndJaywalking and]] [[WeaksauceWeakness garlic]]... they [[CannotCrossRunningWater can't cross running water]], [[GlamourFailure can't fix their hair in a mirror]], [[VampireInvitation can't even enter a house without being invited]]. My 2 year old son can walk into someone's house without being invited (and often does). Frankly, it's amazing that this Darwinian failure of a race has made it this far.''

-->''VAMPIRES DON'T SPARKLE!!!''

-->"Vampires used to be creatures driven by HATE and HUNGER and the need for '''DOMINANCE!''' But ever since [[Literature/{{Twilight}} Meyer]] took up [=LeScat=]'s ''failed'' legacy, you've all become so ''faggy'' that the mention of a new hair gel makes you squeal ''like a prison bitch in a pass-around!''"

->''"Well, you can still be destroyed, but forget the books and the movies. Garlic? It's worthless. Cross? Pfft... shove it right up their asses. A stake? Only if it catches you in the heart, and then it just paralyzes you. Running water? Ah, that's no problem. I bathe... O-occasionally."''

->'''[[Literature/{{Twilight}} Edward]]:''' (There's a knock at the door) Hold on. (goes to the door) Who is it?\\
'''[[Manga/{{Hellsing}} Alu]][[{{Alucard}} card]]:''' Oh, you know. ([[MoreDakka Shoots Edward thirty-seven times through the door]]) A ''REAL'' fucking vampire!

-->--''WebVideo/HellsingAbridged'', by TeamFourStar

-->"Vampires used to be creatures driven by HATE and HUNGER and the need for '''DOMINANCE!''' But ever since [[{{Creator/StephanieMeyer}} Meyer]] took up LeScat's ''failed'' legacy, you've all become so ''faggy'' that the mention of a new hair gel makes you squeal ''like a prison bitch in a pass-around!''"

'''[[Manga/{{Hellsing}} Alu]][[SdrawkcabName card]]:''' Oh, you know. ([[MoreDakka Shoots Edward thirty-seven times through the door]]) A ''REAL'' fucking vampire!

-->''"Well, you can still be destroyed, but forget the books and the movies. Garlic? It's worthless. Cross? Pfft... shove it right up their asses. A stake? Only if it catches you in the heart, and then it just paralyzes you. Running water? Ah, that's no problem. I bathe... O-occasionally."''
--->-- '''Smiling Jack''', ''VampireTheMasqueradeBloodlines''

-->''"You listen to me, Twilight -- My god, is that really the name you picked? '''''Literature/{{Twilight}}?''''' Y'know I lived that idea first, right? (And my vampire was so much better.)"''
--->-- '''Buffy''', ''ComicBook/BuffyTheVampireSlayer: Season 8'' #33

-->''"Bela Lugosi's dead, and so am I. But what's left of Bela is rotting in a pine coffin somewhere, while I have the opportunity to sit here on the balcony, enjoy my drink, and look at you. Correct me if I am presumptuous, but I suspect I have the better end of the deal."''
--->-- Opening to ''TabletopGame/VampireTheMasquerade'' sourcebook

-->''Oh God, I'm Pattinson!''
--->-- '''Dean''', ''Series/{{Supernatural}}'', "Live Free or Twi-Hard"

-->'''[[Literature/{{Twilight}} Edward]]:''' (There's a knock at the door) Hold on. (goes to the door) Who is it?\\

--->--''WebVideo/HellsingAbridged'', by TeamFourStar

-->''And let's face it, Vampires are pretty weak. They can be hurt or killed by [[WeakenedByTheLight sunlight]], [[HolyBurnsEvil crosses]], [[WoodenStake wood]], [[SilverHasMysticPowers silver]], [[KillItWithFire fire]], [[TakesOneToKillOne magic]], [[OffWithHisHead beheading]], [[KillItWithWater holy water]], [[ArsonMurderAndJaywalking and]] [[WeaksauceWeakness garlic]]... they [[CannotCrossRunningWater can't cross running water]], [[GlamourFailure can't fix their hair in a mirror]], [[VampireInvitation can't even enter a house without being invited]]. My 2 year old son can walk into someone's house without being invited (and often does). Frankly, it's amazing that this Darwinian failure of a race has made it this far.''
--->--'''[[VideoGame/AdventureQuestWorlds Cysero]],''' ''listing down a faction of [[http://www.aq.com/gamedesignnotes/blood-ancient-class-1737 vampire weaknesses]].''

--->-- '''Buffy''', ''BuffyTheVampireSlayer: Season 8'' #33

-->--''WebVideo/HellsingAbridged'', by TeamFourStar

-->--'''[[VideoGame/AdventureQuestWorlds Cysero]],''' ''listing down a faction of [[http://www.aq.com/gamedesignnotes/blood-ancient-class-1737 vampire weaknesses]].''

'''[[Manga/{{Hellsing}} Alu]][[SdrawkcabName card]]:''' Oh, you know. ([[MoreDakka Shoots Edward about a hundred times through the door]]) A ''REAL'' fucking vampire!

--->-- '''Dean''', ''{{Series/Supernatural}}'', "Live Free or Twi-Hard"

-->--''WebOriginal/{{Hellsing Abridged}}'', by TeamFourStar

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-->'''Edward:''' (There's a knock at the door) Hold on. (goes to the door) Who is it?\\

--->-- '''Dean''', ''Series/Supernatural'', "Live Free or Twi-Hard"

--->-- Opening to ''VampireTheMasquerade'' sourcebook

-->''"Well, you can still be destroyed, but forget the books and the movies. Garlic? It's worthless. Cross? Pfft... shove it right up their ass. A stake? Only if it catches you in the heart, and then it just paralyzes you. Running water? Ah, that's no problem. I bathe... O-occasionally."''

-->''"You listen to me, Twilight -- My god, is that really the name you picked? '''''{{Twilight}}?''''' Y'know I lived that idea first, right? (And my vampire was so much better.)"''