History Quotes / YourVampiresSuck

->''"You listen to me, Twilight -- My god, is that really the name you picked? ''Literature/{{Twilight}}?'' Y'know I lived that idea first, right? (And my vampire was so much better.)"''

-->-- '''Dracula himself''' towards a ''Literature/{{Twilight}}'' stand-in, ''WesternAnimation/HotelTransylvania''

->''"Oh God, I'm [[Literature/{{Twilight}} Pattinson]]!"''

->''"Vampires used to be creatures driven by HATE and HUNGER and the need for '''DOMINANCE!''' But ever since [[Literature/{{Twilight}} Meyer]] took up [=LeScat=]'s ''failed'' legacy, you've all become so ''faggy'' that the mention of a new hair gel makes you squeal ''like a prison bitch in a pass-around!''"''

->''"''Literature/{{Twilight}}'' is that movie where angsty gay vampires do each other's makeup in high school, and instead of sunlight exploding them, it turns their skin into body glitter? I'm not judging you, man; [[SarcasmMode that's a really, really cool thing to enjoy.]]"''
-->-- Creator/{{Seanbaby}}, in response to Carlos Mencia tweeting that he enjoyed the film.

[[AC:Web Video]]
->'''[[Literature/{{Twilight}} Edward]]:''' ''[hears knocking on the door]'' Hold on. ''[goes to the door]'' Who is it?\\

-->-- '''The Nostalgia Critic''' (on the changes to Vampire Lore in ''Literature/{{Twilight}}''), ''WebVideo/TheNostalgiaCritic''

[[AC:Film]]

'''Laurie''': No... I wish! That would be so cool!\

'''Vampliar''': Not everything you see on TV or read in books is true about vampires.\\

'''Vampliar''': No... I wish! That would be so cool!\

-->-- '''Sam''', ''Webcomic/SluggyFreelance''

-->-- ''An Unattractive Vampire'' by [=Jim McDoniel=]

->''"Well, you can still be destroyed, but forget the books and the movies. Garlic? It's worthless. Cross? Pfft... shove it right up their asses. A stake? Only if it catches you in the heart, and then it just paralyzes you. Running water? Ah, that's no problem. I bathe... Occasionally."''
-->-- '''Smiling Jack''', ''VideoGame/VampireTheMasqueradeBloodlines''

->''"You listen to me, Twilight -- My god, is that really the name you picked? '''''Literature/{{Twilight}}?''''' Y'know I lived that idea first, right? (And my vampire was so much better.)"''

->''"Oh God, I'm Pattinson!"''
-->-- '''Dean''', ''Series/{{Supernatural}}'', "Live Free or Twi-Hard"

->'''[[Literature/{{Twilight}} Edward]]:''' ''[hears knocking on the door]'' Hold on. ''[goes to the door]'' Who is it?\\
'''[[Manga/{{Hellsing}} Alucard]]:''' Oh, you know. ''[[[MoreDakka Shoots Edward thirty-seven times through the door]]]'' A ''REAL'' fucking vampire!
-->-- ''WebVideo/HellsingUltimateAbridged'' by Creator/TeamFourStar

-->-- '''Cysero''' (listing down [[http://www.aq.com/gamedesignnotes/blood-ancient-class-1737 vampire weaknesses]]), ''VideoGame/AdventureQuestWorlds''

->''"VAMPIRES DON'T SPARKLE!!!"''
-->-- WebVideo/TheNostalgiaCritic (on the changes to Vampire Lore in ''Literature/{{Twilight}}'')

->"''Literature/{{Twilight}}'' is that movie where angsty gay vampires do each other's makeup in high school, and instead of sunlight exploding them, it turns their skin into body glitter? I'm not judging you, man; [[SarcasmMode that's a really, really cool thing to enjoy.]]"
-->-- Creator/{{Seanbaby}}, in response to Carlos Mencia tweeting that he enjoyed the film.

->"''[[Creator/JossWhedon Whedon]] [[Series/BuffyTheVampireSlayer got it wrong]].''"
-->-- '''Topher''', ''ComicBook/{{Runaways}}''

->'''[[LooksLikeOrlok Yulric Bile]]:''' [''laughing''] So this is what we have become. Millennia of legend and lore, and now we appear to you as [[ImmortalityBeginsAtTwenty mere adolescents]] [[VampiresAreSexGods at the height of beauty and bloom]]. Tell me, are all the stories of my kind thus? Are vampyrs always immortal champions with rosy cheeks and marble physiques?
->'''Amanda:''' Sometimes they're bad.
->'''Yulric Bile:''' [''laughing even harder''] [[SarcasmMode Indeed, sometimes we are bad]]. Seducing mortals for nefarious ends. Immortality. Beauty. Power. All rolled into a [[SoapOpera single drama]]. A pleasant fiction.
->'''Amanda:''' Mostly.
->'''Yulric Bile:''' Mostly? [[CursedWithAwesome Is there a downside to their existence]]? Is the curse of the Phantom [[{{Wangst}} having to choose between locks of gold or tresses of auburn]]?
-->--''An Unattractive Vampire'' by [=Jim McDoniel=]

-> '''Adam''': Wait! Vampires don't sparkle, do they?
-> '''Watch''': No! That would be stupid!
-->-- ''Series/{{Spooksville}}

->''I may mention, in passing, that the deadly pallor attributed to that sort of ''revenant'' is a mere melodramatic fiction.''
-->--'''Laura''', ''Literature/{{Carmilla}}''

->''The Daywalker and all those other fictional bastards are all just shams and garbage. I'm the one and only true ancestor there is in this world. Don't lump me with them. They're just filthy imitations that you bastards dreamed up on your own. Immortals can't die. I can't be killed at night. In other words, this is what it means to excel at survival.''
-->--'''Wilhelm Ehrenburg''', ''VisualNovel/DiesIrae''

--> '''Adam''': Wait! Vampires don't sparkle, do they?
--> '''Watch''': No! That would be stupid!