Line #48 Quotes/YourVampiresSuck


1	[[AC:Comic Books]]
2	->''"You listen to me, Twilight -- My god, is that really the name you picked? ''[[Literature/TheTwilightSaga Twilight]]?'' Y'know I lived that idea first, right? (And my vampire was so much better.)"''
3	-->-- '''Buffy''', ''ComicBook/BuffyTheVampireSlayer: Season 8'' #33
4
5	->''"[[Creator/JossWhedon Whedon]] [[Series/BuffyTheVampireSlayer got it wrong]]."''
6	-->-- '''Topher''', ''ComicBook/{{Runaways}}''
7
8	[[AC:Film - Animated]]
9	->''"This is how we're represented. Unbelievable."''
10	-->-- '''Dracula himself''' towards a ''Literature/TheTwilightSaga'' stand-in, ''WesternAnimation/HotelTransylvania''
11
12	[[AC:Film - Live-Action]]
13	->''"Just because something stopped Creator/BelaLugosi doesn't mean it can stop these things."''
14	-->--'''Beau Brower''', ''Film/ThirtyDaysOfNight''
15
16	[[AC:Literature]]
17	->'''[[LooksLikeOrlok Yulric Bile]]:''' ''[laughing]'' So this is what we have become. Millennia of legend and lore, and now we appear to you as [[ImmortalityBeginsAtTwenty mere adolescents]] [[VampiresAreSexGods at the height of beauty and bloom]]. Tell me, are all the stories of my kind thus? Are vampyrs always immortal champions with rosy cheeks and marble physiques?\
18	'''Amanda:''' Sometimes they're bad.\
19	'''Yulric Bile:''' ''[laughing even harder]'' [[SarcasmMode Indeed, sometimes we are bad]]. Seducing mortals for nefarious ends. Immortality. Beauty. Power. All rolled into a [[SoapOpera single drama]]. A pleasant fiction.\
20	'''Amanda:''' Mostly.\
21	'''Yulric Bile:''' Mostly? [[CursedWithAwesome Is there a downside to their existence]]? Is the curse of the Phantom [[{{Wangst}} having to choose between locks of gold or tresses of auburn]]?
22	-->-- ''Literature/AnUnattractiveVampire'' by [=Jim McDoniel=]
23
24	->''"I may mention, in passing, that the deadly pallor attributed to that sort of ''revenant'' is a mere melodramatic fiction."''
25	-->-- '''Laura''', ''Literature/{{Carmilla}}''
26
27	[[AC:Live-Action TV]]
28	->''"Oh God, I'm [[Literature/TheTwilightSaga Pattinson]]!"''
29	-->-- '''Dean''', ''Series/{{Supernatural}}'', "[[Recap/SupernaturalS06E05LiveFreeOrTwiHard Live Free or Twi-Hard]]"
30
31	->'''Adam''': Wait! Vampires don't sparkle, do they?\
32	'''Watch''': No! That would be stupid!
33	-->-- ''Series/{{Spooksville}}''
34
35	[[AC:Tabletop Games]]
36	->''"Bela Lugosi's dead, and so am I. But what's left of Bela is rotting in a pine coffin somewhere, while I have the opportunity to sit here on the balcony, enjoy my drink, and look at you. Correct me if I am presumptuous, but I suspect I have the better end of the deal."''
37	-->-- Opening to ''TabletopGame/VampireTheMasquerade'' sourcebook
38
39	[[AC:Video Games]]
40	->''"Well, you can still be destroyed, but forget the books and the movies. Garlic? It's worthless. Cross? Pfft... shove it right up their asses. A stake? Only if it catches you in the heart, and then it just paralyzes you. Running water? Ah, that's no problem. I bathe... Occasionally."''
41	-->-- '''Smiling Jack''', ''VideoGame/VampireTheMasqueradeBloodlines''
42
43	->''"And let's face it, Vampires are pretty weak. They can be hurt or killed by [[WeakenedByTheLight sunlight]], [[HolyBurnsEvil crosses]], [[WoodenStake wood]], [[SilverHasMysticPowers silver]], [[KillItWithFire fire]], [[TakesOneToKillOne magic]], [[OffWithHisHead beheading]], [[KillItWithWater holy water]], [[ArsonMurderAndJaywalking and]] [[WeaksauceWeakness garlic]]... they [[CannotCrossRunningWater can't cross running water]], [[GlamourFailure can't fix their hair in a mirror]], [[MustBeInvited can't even enter a house without being invited]]. My 2 year old son can walk into someone's house without being invited (and often does). Frankly, it's amazing that this Darwinian failure of a race has made it this far."''
44	-->-- '''Cysero''' [[http://www.aq.com/gamedesignnotes/blood-ancient-class-1737 listing]] vampire weaknesses, ''VideoGame/AdventureQuestWorlds''
45
46	->''"The Daywalker and all those other fictional bastards are all just shams and garbage. I'm the one and only true ancestor there is in this world. Don't lump me with them. They're just filthy imitations that you bastards dreamed up on your own. Immortals can't die. I can't be killed at night. In other words, this is what it means to excel at survival."''
47	-->-- '''Wilhelm Ehrenburg''', ''VisualNovel/DiesIrae''
48
49	->'''Tristan''': And what kind of vampire wears crosses? Isn't that like one of their weaknesses?\
50	'''Vampliar/Laurie''': Not everything you see on TV or read in books is true about vampires.\
51	'''Tristen''': So you don't sparkle in the sunlight then?\
52	'''Laurie''': No... I wish! That would be so cool!\
53	'''Tristen''': Lame...
54	-->--''VisualNovel/{{Vampliar}}''
55
56	[[AC:Webcomics]]
57	->''"Vampires used to be creatures driven by HATE and HUNGER and the need for '''DOMINANCE!''' But ever since [[Creator/StephenieMeyer Meyer]] took up [[Literature/TheVampireChronicles LeScat]]'s ''failed'' legacy, you've all become so ''faggy'' that the mention of a new hair gel makes you squeal ''like a prison bitch in a pass-around!''"''
58	-->-- '''[[{{Dracula}} Vlad the Impaler]]''', ''Webcomic/FafnirTheDragon – Bloodsuckers Are Not Sexy''
59
60	->''"Imagine, getting taken out by a fancy onion."''
61	-->-- '''[[FriendlyNeighborhoodVampire Simon]]''', ''Webcomic/LiesWithin'', p.[[https://www.lieswithincomic.com/comic/page-169 169]]
62
63	->''"It turns out the local vamps are major wimps. They look ugly, they don't fly, and they turn to dust if you just poke 'em with a pencil."''
64	-->-- '''Sam''', ''Webcomic/SluggyFreelance'', on the vampires in the "[[Series/BuffyTheVampireSlayer Muffin the Vampire Baker]]" storyarc.
65
66	[[AC:Web Original]]
67	->''"''[[Literature/TheTwilightSaga Twilight]]'' is that movie where angsty gay vampires do each other's makeup in high school, and instead of sunlight exploding them, it turns their skin into body glitter? I'm not judging you, man; [[SarcasmMode that's a really, really cool thing to enjoy]]."''
68	-->-- '''Creator/{{Seanbaby}}''', in response to Carlos Mencia tweeting that he enjoyed the film
69
70	[[AC:Web Videos]]
71	->'''[[Literature/TheTwilightSaga Edward]]:''' ''[hears knocking on the door]'' Hold on. ''[goes to the door]'' Who is it?\
72	'''[[Manga/{{Hellsing}} Alucard]]:''' Oh, you know. ''[=[=][[MoreDakka Shoots Edward thirty-seven times through the door]]]'' A ''REAL'' fucking vampire!
73	-->-- ''WebVideo/HellsingUltimateAbridged'' by Creator/TeamFourStar
74
75	->I’ve got nothing in common
76	->With the vampires of today
77	->They gaze at girls,
78	->And pout and brood,
79	->And then just run away.
80	->This ''Twilight'' hack thinks she can come along
81	->And change the vampire rules?
82	->I guess sleeping in coffins and wearing capes
83	->Suddenly “isn’t cool”.
84	-->-- ''WebVideo/TheKeyOfAwesome'', “Emo Vampire”
85
86	->''"VAMPIRES DON'T SPARKLE!!!"''
87	-->-- '''The Nostalgia Critic''' (on the changes to Vampire Lore in ''Literature/TheTwilightSaga''), ''WebVideo/TheNostalgiaCritic''
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Context Quotes / YourVampiresSuck