History Quotes / ShaggyDogStory

-->-- '''Neal''', ''Film/PlanesTrainsAndAutomobiles''

--> -- '''Patrick''' telling the story of ''Literature/TheUglyBarnacle'', ''WesternAnimation/SpongebobSquarepants''

->You know, when you're telling these little stories, here's a good idea: have a point. It makes it makes it so much more interesting for the listener!

->We can't bust heads like we used to, [[CoolAndUnusualPunishment but we have our ways.]] One trick is to tell them stories that don't go anywhere. Like the time I took the ferry to Shelbyville. I needed a new heel for my shoe so I decided to go to Morganville, which is what they called Shelbyville in those days. So I tied an onion to my belt, which was the style at the time. Now to take the ferry cost a nickel, and in those days, nickels had pictures of bumblebees on them. Give me five bees for a quarter you'd say. Now where were we, oh yeah. The important thing was that I had an onion on my belt, [[SoGoodWeMentionedItTwice which was the style at the time]]. They didn't have white onions because of the war. The only thing you could get was those big yellow ones...

-->-- '''Spike''', in the last line of dialogue of [[https://www.fimfiction.net/story/191621/not-the-same "Not The Same"]]

-->-- '''Kvothe''', TheKingkillerChronicles

-->-- '''Spike''', in the last line of dialogue of [[https://www.fimfiction.net/story/191621/not-the-same "Not The Same"]]
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-->--''BurnAfterReading''

->We can't bust heads like we used to, but we have our ways. One trick is to tell them stories that don't go anywhere. Like the time I took the ferry to Shelbyville. I needed a new heel for my shoe so I decided to go to Morganville, which is what they called Shelbyville in those days. So I tied an onion to my belt, which was the style at the time. Now to take the ferry cost a nickel, and in those days, nickels had pictures of bumblebees on them. Give me five bees for a quarter you'd say. Now where were we, oh yeah. The important thing was that I had an onion on my belt, [[SoGoodWeMentionedItTwice which was the style at the time]]. They didn't have white onions because of the war. The only thing you could get was those big yellow ones...

->--''BurnAfterReading''

->'''CIA Superior:''' What did we learn, Palmer?
->'''Palmer:''' I don't know, sir.
->'''CIA Superior:''' I don't fuckin' know either. I guess we learned not to do it again.
->'''Palmer:''' Yes, sir.
->'''CIA Superior:''' I'm fucked if I know what we did.

->''"I paused to take a long drink of water. I could feel my small audience leaning toward me. “Then the high king carefully turned the golden screw. Once: Nothing. Twice: Nothing. Then he turned it the third time, and the boy’s ass fell off.”''
-->-- Kvothe, TheKingkillerChronicles

->''In the annals of stupid, screwed-up, pointless missions that was the stupidest, most pointless of all.''

->''"Nothing keeps a story alive more than an ending no one likes. When a big story ends with a thud, people will always wonder how it could have been done better. What happened with this Clone Saga is a prime example of how not to do a story, or a ''ComicBook/SpiderMan'' story."''
-->--'''Editor/Writer Glenn Greenberg''' on ''ComicBook/TheCloneSaga''

->''"Mary Jane, once to be praised for being long-suffering and basically always putting up with [[SpiderMan her husband]], suddenly seems like she should’ve [[KnowWhenToFoldEm gone out for cigarettes]] and never came back years ago, if this is how their relationship was going to end up."''
-->--'''David Brothers''' on ''ComicBook/OneMoreDay'', [[http://comicsalliance.com/the-worst-comics-of-the-decade-part-2/?trackback=tsmclip "The 15 Worst Comics of the Decade"]]

->''"In the end, the JusticeLeague offers to let Clark join the team and of course, Clark declines, because [[DesignatedHero Clark sucks and never does anything.]] The End."''
-->--'''Chris Sims''' and ''David Uzumeri''' [[http://comicsalliance.com/recap-smallville-episode-6-11-justice/ on]] ''{{Series/Smallville}}'' ("Justice")

->''"The plot is so flimsy it's painful, like a man with no bones in his arms [[ServiceSectorStereotypes trying to serve you coffee]]... the plot is like a recent car accident victim: staggering back and forth with bits of windscreen in its face for a while before finally collapsing and bleeding out into a roadside ditch. "''
-->--'''''WebAnimation/ZeroPunctuation''''' on ''KaneAndLynch2DogDays''

->''"There's no final boss, no climatic showdown or escape sequence, or melodramatic twists. The game just ends right when they run out of ideas...And you know what? This is a problem that ''{{VideoGame/Doom}}'' avoided simply by having no story at all. BRILLIANT! Y'know, maybe this should be, like, a rule or something: [[CaptainObvious Don't make a story driven game if your story isn't very good.]] ''Rage'' doesn't just end when those credits roll; it dies."''
-->--'''George Weidman''' [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CMdJhP9UWcE on]] ''VideoGame/{{Rage}}''

->'''Proteus:''' I kinda thought it would all come together in some sort of sappy Jesus-loving ending, but it turns out it just didn't come together at all.
-->-- '''WebVideo/{{Retsupurae}}''' on ''[[TheTrappedTrilogy Escape]]''

->''"Nothing keeps a story alive more than an ending no one likes. When a big story ends with a thud, people will always wonder how it could have been done better. What happened with this Clone Saga is a prime example of how not to do a story, or a ''ComicBook/SpiderMan'' story."''
-->--'''Editor/Writer Glenn Greenberg''' on ''ComicBook/TheCloneSaga''

->''"Mary Jane, once to be praised for being long-suffering and basically always putting up with [[SpiderMan her husband]], suddenly seems like she should’ve [[KnowWhenToFoldEm gone out for cigarettes]] and never came back years ago, if this is how their relationship was going to end up."''
-->--'''David Brothers''' on ''ComicBook/OneMoreDay'', [[http://comicsalliance.com/the-worst-comics-of-the-decade-part-2/?trackback=tsmclip "The 15 Worst Comics of the Decade"]]

->''"In the end, the JusticeLeague offers to let Clark join the team and of course, Clark declines, because [[DesignatedHero Clark sucks and never does anything.]] The End."''
-->--'''Chris Sims''' and ''David Uzumeri''' [[http://comicsalliance.com/recap-smallville-episode-6-11-justice/ on]] ''{{Series/Smallville}}'' ("Justice")

->''"The final scene is so utterly horrifying and upsetting that it overshadows everything else in the story. What’s puzzling about this, as has been pointed out by many a commenter, is that [[CloneDegeneration the melting down]] of Amy’s Ganger is a terribly unsatisfying resolution for a story that’s spent the bulk of two episodes stressing how Gangers are people too and how decommissioning them is awful. Yes, there’s an explanation to be had about how Amy [[HandWave wasn’t a proper Ganger]] or whatever, but it’s still a jarring transition. But that’s ultimately overlooked, because the entire story is just there to lead to a shocking twist in the epilogue.\\\
It’s not that the twist doesn’t work in its own right - I’m quite partial to [[{{Recap/DoctorWhoS32E7AGoodManGoestoWar}} A Good Man Goes to War]], in fact. But there’s something immensely frustrating and a bit cynical about doing a two-part story that ultimately just leads up to a barely related cliffhanger."''
-->--'''Phil Sandifer''' [[http://www.philipsandifer.com/ on]] ''Series/DoctorWho'' ([[{{Recap/DoctorWhoS32E6TheAlmostPeople}} "The Almost People")]]

->''"[[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pale_Blue_Dot Look again at that dot]]. That's here. That's home. That's us. On it everyone you love, everyone you know, everyone you ever heard of, every human being who ever was, lived out their lives. The aggregate of our joy and suffering, thousands of confident religions, ideologies, and economic doctrines, every hunter and forager, every hero and coward, every creator and destroyer of civilization, every king and peasant, every young couple in love, every mother and father, hopeful child, inventor and explorer, every teacher of morals, every corrupt politician, every "superstar," every "supreme leader," every saint and sinner in the history of our species lived there, on a mote of dust suspended in a sunbeam."''
-->-- '''Carl Sagan'''

->-- Kvothe, TheKingkillerChronicles

-->--'''''Zero Punctuation''''' on ''KaneAndLynch2DogDays''

-> [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pale_Blue_Dot Look again at that dot]]. That's here. That's home. That's us. On it everyone you love, everyone you know, everyone you ever heard of, every human being who ever was, lived out their lives. The aggregate of our joy and suffering, thousands of confident religions, ideologies, and economic doctrines, every hunter and forager, every hero and coward, every creator and destroyer of civilization, every king and peasant, every young couple in love, every mother and father, hopeful child, inventor and explorer, every teacher of morals, every corrupt politician, every "superstar," every "supreme leader," every saint and sinner in the history of our species lived there, on a mote of dust suspended in a sunbeam.

-> The Earth is a very small stage in a vast cosmic arena. Think of the rivers of blood spilled by all those generals and emperors so that, in glory and triumph, they could become the momentary masters of a fraction of a dot. Think of the endless cruelties visited by the inhabitants of one corner of this pixel on the scarcely distinguishable inhabitants of some other corner, how frequent their misunderstandings, how eager they are to kill one another, how fervent their hatreds.

-> Our posturings, our imagined self-importance, the delusion that we have some privileged position in the Universe, are challenged by this point of pale light. [[InsignificantLittleBluePlanet Our planet is a lonely speck in the great enveloping cosmic dark]]. In our obscurity, in all this vastness, there is no hint that help will come from elsewhere to save us from ourselves.
-->-- '''Carl Sagan'''

-> “Once upon a time,” I began. “There was a little boy born in a little town. He was perfect, or so his mother thought. But one thing was different about him. He had a gold screw in his belly button. Just the head of it peeping out.
-> “Now his mother was simply glad he had all his fingers and toes to count with. But as the boy grew up he realized not everyone had screws in their belly buttons, let alone gold ones. He asked his mother what it was for, but she didn’t know. Next he asked his father, but his father didn’t know. He asked his grandparents, but they didn’t know either.
-> “That settled it for a while, but it kept nagging him. Finally, when he was old enough, he packed a bag and set out, hoping he could find someone who knew the truth of it.
-> “He went from place to place, asking everyone who claimed to know something about anything. He asked midwives and physickers, but they couldn’t make heads or tails of it. The boy asked arcanists, tinkers, and old hermits living in the woods, but no one had ever seen anything like it.
-> “He went to ask the Cealdim merchants, thinking if anyone would know about gold, it would be them. But the Cealdim merchants didn’t know. He went to the arcanists at the University, thinking if anyone would know about screws and their workings, they would. But the arcanists didn’t know. The boy followed the road over the Stormwal to ask the witch women of the Tahl, but none of them could give him an answer.
-> “Eventually he went to the King of Vint, the richest king in the world. But the king didn’t know. He went to the Emperor of Atur, but even with all his power, the emperor didn’t know. He went to each of the small kingdoms, one by one, but no one could tell him anything.
-> “Finally the boy went to the High King of Modeg, the wisest of all the kings in the world. The high king looked closely at the head of the golden screw peeping from the boy’s belly button. Then the high king made a gesture, and his seneschal brought out a pillow of golden silk. On that pillow was a golden box. The high king took a golden key from around his neck, opened the box, and inside was a golden screwdriver.
-> “The high king took the screwdriver and motioned the boy to come closer. Trembling with excitement, the boy did. Then the high king took the golden screwdriver and put it in the boy’s belly button.”
-> I paused to take a long drink of water. I could feel my small audience leaning toward me. “Then the high king carefully turned the golden screw. Once: Nothing. Twice: Nothing. Then he turned it the third time, and the boy’s ass fell off.”
-> - Kvothe, TheKingkillerChronicles

-> Look again at that [[http://veimages.gsfc.nasa.gov/601/PIA00452_md.jpg dot]]. That's here. That's home. That's us. On it everyone you love, everyone you know, everyone you ever heard of, every human being who ever was, lived out their lives. The aggregate of our joy and suffering, thousands of confident religions, ideologies, and economic doctrines, every hunter and forager, every hero and coward, every creator and destroyer of civilization, every king and peasant, every young couple in love, every mother and father, hopeful child, inventor and explorer, every teacher of morals, every corrupt politician, every "superstar," every "supreme leader," every saint and sinner in the history of our species lived there, on a mote of dust suspended in a sunbeam.

-> Look again at that [[http://veimages.gsfc.nasa.gov/601/PIA00452_md.jpg dot]]. That's here. That's home. That's us. On it everyone you love, everyone you know, everyone you ever heard of, every human being who ever was, lived out their lives. The aggregate of our joy and suffering, thousands of confident religions, ideologies, and economic doctrines, every hunter and forager, every hero and coward, every creator and destroyer of civilization, every king and peasant, every young couple in love, every mother and father, hopeful child, inventor and explorer, every teacher of morals, every corrupt politician, every "superstar," every "supreme leader," every saint and sinner in the history of our species lived there—on a mote of dust suspended in a sunbeam.

-> Our posturings, our imagined self-importance, the delusion that we have some privileged position in the Universe, are challenged by this point of pale light. Our planet is a lonely speck in the great enveloping cosmic dark. In our obscurity, in all this vastness, there is no hint that help will come from elsewhere to save us from ourselves.