History Quotes / PortingDisaster

Was a fucking load of shit on the on the systems from last generation''

-->-- '''{{LetsPlay/raocow}}''', on the Game Boy Advance port of ''VideoGame/SonicTheHedgehog''

->''Tiertex were infamous for releasing very bad ports of arcade games, and you'll never guess what - ''[[VideoGame/StreetFighterI Street Fighter]]'' was no exception. This is the UsefulNotes/AtariST version of ''Street Fighter''. Notice that the graphics have been redrawn and now look crap. Notice that it now jerks horribly. Notice that when Ryu does a flying kick, he hovers in the air for a fraction of a second for no discernible reason. Notice the horrible splodges that appear when a character is hit. Notice that I've deliberately left the sound off because there are no sound effects, just a really annoying tune playing the whole time. What you can't notice is that all the special moves have been left out; [[TakeOurWordForIt you'll just have to take my word for that]].''

->VideoGame/{{Doom}}'', even in 1996, was still a big get, and was generally thought, due to the [[UsefulNotes/ThreeDOInteractiveMultiplayer 3DO]]'s power and PC-friendly architecture, would be a slam-dunk port. Randy Scott and his fly-by-night company, Art Data Interactive, scored the license to sell the game on the machine, but unfortunately, they [[IncompetenceInc didn't know the first thing about game development]]. They commissioned a single person to port the game and gave them six weeks in which to do so. While it's a miracle they even got it into a playable state, uh... "playable state" is a [[MetaphoricallyTrue subjective term]] here.''

The Game of the Year except for the versions that are total junk\\

But nobody knew about the UsefulNotes/XboxOne and [[UsefulNotes/PlayStation4 PS4]]\\

->''Even though it’s the first official version that we got, ''do not play'' the PS1 port. Load times are bad and the translation is awful, like making Faris a stereotypical “yarr” pirate throughout. This is the same version that’s available for download on PlayStation 3 and PlayStation 4. Avoid it.''
-->-- '''WebVideo/ProJared''' on the PlayStation port of ''VideoGame/FinalFantasyV''.

->''Even though it’s the first official version that we got, ''do not play'' the PS1 port. Load times are bad and the translation is awful, like making Faris a stereotypical “yarr” pirate throughout. This is the same version that’s available for download on PlayStation 3and PlayStation 4. Avoid it.''

->VideoGame/{{Doom}}'', even in 1996, was still a big get, and was generally thought, due to the [[UsefulNotes/ThreeDOInteractiveMultiplayer 3DO]]'s power and PC-friendly architecture, would be a slam-dunk port. Randy Scott and his fly-by-night company, Art Data Interactive, scored the license to sell the game on the machine, but unfortunately, they [[IncompetenceInc didn't know the first thing about game development]]. They commissioned a single person to port the game and gave them six weeks in which to do so. While it's a miracle they even got it into a playable state, uh... "playable state" is a subjective term here.''

->VideoGame/{{Doom}}'', even in 1996, was still a big get, and was generally thought, due to the UsefulNotes/[[ThreeDOInteractiveMultiplayer 3DO]]'s power and PC-friendly architecture, would be a slam-dunk port. Randy Scott and his fly-by-night company, Art Data Interactive, scored the license to sell the game on the machine, but unfortunately, they [[IncompetenceInc didn't know the first thing about game development]]. They commissioned a single person to port the game and gave them six weeks in which to do so. While it's a miracle they even got it into a playable state, uh... "playable state" is a subjective term here.''

-->-- '''[[WebVideo/PlanetDolan Danger Dolan]]''', [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-0yxVucGngo on]] the infamous UsefulNotes/Atari2600 port of ''VideoGame/PacMan''

->''It's kind of like ''VideoGame/PacMan'', only with [[MostAnnoyingSound grating sound effects]], horrible visuals, clunky-arse gameplay, and a smaller map. So basically, it's... not ''Pac-Man''.''

->''"...it was the ''[Franchise/SilentHill] HD Collection'' that truly cemented my belief that {{Creator/Konami}} was completely and utterly beyond human reason. I mean, it had one job: Re-release ''VideoGame/SilentHill2'' -- one of the greatest games ever made -- in HD, along with the almost-as-brilliant ''VideoGame/SilentHill3''. That's it. ''[[PunctuatedForEmphasis One. Fuckin'. Job.]]'' But if any company can [[EpicFail screw up the easiest job in the world spectacularly]], it's Ko-fuckin'-nami. The ''HD Collection'' was a total disaster. Audio bugs littered the experience. Fog effects were removed to [[ObviousBeta expose unfinished environments]]. And they were working off unfinished code. Because Konami had fucking'' '''lost''' ''most of the original! They had to issue a Day 1 patch for a game that was ''a fuckin' decade'' old! A patch that barely fixed the thing. And it still only patched on ONE console. ''Silent Hill''[='s=] art director Masahiro Ito embarrassingly [[CreatorBacklash expressed his shock]] that Konami released the fucking thing. Bloody shameful."''
-->--'''Jim Sterling''' again, [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ynl4sIFazmM#t=256 "Konami is Konami"]]

->'''''2) Thou shalt make sure your game actually works.'''''\\
\\
''We're ashamed to even have to include this. This is like having to ask UsefulNotes/McDonalds to [[CaptainObvious cook the burger before they serve it to you]], or having to remind your dentist not to videotape himself slapping you in the face with his penis while you're under. It's the sort of thing you'd feel ridiculous saying.\\
\\
Yet, [[WhoWouldBeStupidEnough here we are]], telling the game industry to please only sell us games'' that function.
-->-- '''Website/{{Cracked}}''', ''[[http://www.cracked.com/article_16196_the-7-commandments-all-video-games-should-obey.html The 7 Commandments All Video Games Should Obey]]''

->''Tiertex were infamous for releasing very bad ports of arcade games, and you'll never guess what - ''[[VideoGame/StreetFighterI Street Fighter]]'' was no exception. This is the UsefulNotes/AtariST version of ''Street Fighter''. Notice that the graphics have been redrawn and now look crap. Notice that it now jerks horribly. Notice that when Ryu does a flying kick, he hovers in the air for a fraction of a second for no discernible reason. Notice the horrible splodges that appear when a character is hit. Notice that I've deliberately left the sound off because there are no sound effects, just a really annoying tune playing the whole time. What you can't notice is that all the special moves have been left out; [[TakeOurWordForIt you'll just have to take my word for that]].''
-->--'''WebVideo/StuartAshen''', [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5zUkK14bHDk review]] of ''VideoGame/HumanKillingMachine''

->''It's kind of like ''VideoGame/PacMan'', only with [[MostAnnoyingSound grating sound effects]], horrible visuals, clunky-arse gameplay, and a smaller map. So basically, it's... not ''Pac-Man''.''
-->-- '''[[WebVideo/PlanetDolan Danger Dolan]]''', [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-0yxVucGngo on]] the infamous UsefulNotes/Atari2600 port of ''VideoGame/PacMan''

->''The SNES version of'' [[VideoGame/UltimaVII Ultima: The Black Gate]] ''is legendary among fans of [=RPGs=], SNES games and Ultima players all for being un-playably awful by anybody's standard, and attention given to the game in recent years is exclusively of the mocking sort.\\
\\
If ''[[VideoGame/UltimaVI The False Prophet]]'' was pushing the capabilities of the Super Nintendo's antiquated processor and 128kb of memory, ''The Black Gate'' shoved them off a cliff. The graphics are chunky, poorly-colored and lower-resolution versions of the DOS VGA original, most of the sound effects that give the game such an atmospheric charm are gone and the musical pieces have been reduced to only a tiny few. There is no customization of the player character, and the Avatar travels alone for the whole game, as Iolo, Shamino and the rest have no option to join you. The world has been shrunken, with far fewer buildings and people, and the [=NPCs=] remaining have no schedules and less dialogue. The interactivity of the world that makes messing around in ''Ultima VII'' so enjoyably time-consuming is gone, and very few world objects can be messed with now. Limitations of the hardware forced the game to become much more linear with event flags, and many items are inexplicably moved to the dungeons.\\
\\
Most damningly, though, is the severe damage that Nintendo's censorship policies resulted in for the game's story and play. Monsters, for some unexplained reason, explode in a ball of fire rather than leaving bodies behind; presumably suicide-bombers are somehow more family friendly. Rather than ritual murders, you investigate [[NeverSayDie kidnappings]]. Various words including most notably the word "kill" are gone from the dialogue, as well as nearly everything that could be construed as an adult situation, resulting in a horribly [[{{Bowdlerise}} bowdlerized]] game which demands no thought or moral choice and becomes just another consequence-free, mindless hack-and-slasher of the sort that Richard Garriott has been specifically trying to move away from since ''[[VideoGame/UltimaIV Quest of the Avatar]]''. There's really no reason to play this game at all. Please don't. [[ArsonMurderAndJaywalking It doesn't even have SNES mouse support]].''
-->--'''Robert Kosarko''' [[http://hg101.kontek.net/ultima/ultima8.htm on]] the UsefulNotes/SuperNintendoEntertainmentSystem port of ''Ultima VII''

->'''''2) Thou shalt make sure your game actually works.'''\\

We're ashamed to even have to include this. This is like having to ask UsefulNotes/McDonalds to [[CaptainObvious cook the burger before they serve it to you]], or having to remind your dentist not to videotape himself slapping you in the face with his penis while you're under. It's the sort of thing you'd feel ridiculous saying.\\

-->--'''Creator/JimSterling''' again, [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ynl4sIFazmM#t=256 "Konami is Konami"]]

->VideoGame/UltimaVII: The Black Gate ''was the last game in the series to receive a console port in English-speaking territories and with the SNES version of ''Runes of Virtue II'', released the same month, the last console Ultima in North America. (Japan received a Super Famicom port of ''[[VideoGame/WorldsOfUltimaTheSavageEmpire The Savage Empire]]'' in 1995 and a PSX ''VideoGame/UltimaUnderworld: The Stygian Abyss'' in 1997, both published by Electronic Arts Victor). The SNES version of ''Ultima: The Black Gate'' is legendary among fans of [=RPGs=], SNES games and Ultima players all for being un-playably awful by anybody's standard, and attention given to the game in recent years is exclusively of the mocking sort.\\

->VideoGame/UltimaVII: The Black Gate ''was the last game in the series to receive a console port in English-speaking territories and with the SNES version of ''Runes of Virtue II'', released the same month, the last console Ultima in North America. (Japan received a Super Famicom port of ''[[VideoGame/WorldsOfUltimaTheSavageEmpire The Savage Empire]]'' in 1995 and a PSX ''ideoGame/UltimaUnderworld: The Stygian Abyss'' in 1997, both published by Electronic Arts Victor). The SNES version of ''Ultima: The Black Gate'' is legendary among fans of [=RPGs=], SNES games and Ultima players all for being un-playably awful by anybody's standard, and attention given to the game in recent years is exclusively of the mocking sort.\\

->''If ''[[VideoGame/UltimaVI The False Prophet]]'' was pushing the capabilities of the Super Nintendo's antiquated processor and 128kb of memory, ''The Black Gate'' shoved them off a cliff. The graphics are chunky, poorly-colored and lower-resolution versions of the DOS VGA original, most of the sound effects that give the game such an atmospheric charm are gone and the musical pieces have been reduced to only a tiny few. There is no customization of the player character, and the Avatar travels alone for the whole game, as Iolo, Shamino and the rest have no option to join you. The world has been shrunken, with far fewer buildings and people, and the [=NPCs=] remaining have no schedules and less dialogue. The interactivity of the world that makes messing around in ''Ultima VII'' so enjoyably time-consuming is gone, and very few world objects can be messed with now. Limitations of the hardware forced the game to become much more linear with event flags, and many items are inexplicably moved to the dungeons.\\

-->--'''Robert Kosarko''' [[http://hg101.kontek.net/ultima/ultima8.htm on]] ''VideoGame/UltimaVII''

-->--'''WebVideo/StuartAshen''', [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5zUkK14bHDk review of ''VideoGame/HumanKillingMachine''

-->--'''WebVideo/StuartAshen''', review of ''[[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5zUkK14bHDk Human Killing Machine]]''

-->-- '''[[WebVideo/{{Jimquisition}} Jim Sterling]]''', again, ''[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8nd6I9W_z6Y Top Ten Shittiest Games of 2015]]''