History Quotes / Metaphorgotten

->''”War is just like chess. You make your move, then wait politely for the enemy to make his. Then war support dries up at home and all your freaking pawns dodge the draft!''

->''Sometimes, [[YouCantMakeAnOmelette to make an Omelet, you're going to have to break a few eggs]]. Lots of eggs, in fact. Because Communism is the Mother of All Omelets. It's the People's Omelet. And to make such an Omelet, you're going to have to use blood in place of Butter. Lots of blood. Rivers upon rivers of blood. Blood and skulls. Just endless death, really.''
-->--'''[=DeepBlueNemo=]''', ''[[https://www.reddit.com/r/TNOmod/comments/suffsc/roasting_every_presidents_supporters/ Roasting Every President's Supporters]]'' in [[VideoGame/TheNewOrderLastDaysOfEurope /r/tnomod]] on Website/{{Reddit}}

[[folder:Web Video]]
-> I need to talk to you about these snail trails. They're random, right? But are they? ''[[FreudWasRight Are]]'' they? I mean, look at it! This isn't like where you type the word "monkey" a million times and then it's...uh...You take a typewriter, and you put a monkey on it-in it... No, there's a lot of typewriters, alright? And there's a lot of monkeys...And they're all drawing d[BLEEP]cks in the sand.
-->-- ''WebVideo/TrueFacts'', "Killer Surfing Snails"

->'''Stu:''' Here's my latest sample; like to show you how to use it\\
First, you pull the curtain while I spread some here\\
This stuff'll get the stain out if you use it loosely wadded\\
This here'll take the pain out and won't mess your hair\\
'''Todd:''' I think this was supposed to be an innuendo, and then he just forgot what he was doing.
-->-- ''WebVideo/ToddInTheShadows'' on "Door to Door" by Music/CreedenceClearwaterRevival

->maybe in a sense, the Caramella Girls are the modern incarnation of Caramell. they've just been [[TheseusShipParadox Ship-of-Theseused]] into [[RevolvingDoorBand a lineup that no longer has any of their original members]]. except it's not really like the Ship of Theseus. it's more like if you were to disassemble a ship one piece at a time, but instead of replacing those parts as you take them out, the ship is just left without those parts, and eventually, the ship is completely gone. but then a few years later, [[JustForFun/CaramelldansenVid a song]] created by the Ship of Theseus [[GermansLoveDavidHasselhoff becomes a big meme in Japan]], and in response, the guy who owns the rights to the Ship of Theseus, who is not Theseus, decides to make a new ship, the Thesea Girls, in order to appeal to this demographic that enjoys works made by this old ship that no longer exists.
-->-- '''WebVideo/JanMisali''', [[https://youtu.be/rI3yD3WAcz4 "who wrote Caramelldansen?"]]
[[/folder]]

->Maybe in a sense, the Caramella Girls are the modern incarnation of Caramell. They've just been [[ShipOfTheseus Ship-of-Theseused]] into [[RevolvingDoorBand a lineup that no longer has any of their original members]]. Except it's not really like the Ship of Theseus. It's more like if you were to disassemble a ship one piece at a time, but instead of replacing those parts as you take them out, the ship is just left without those parts, and eventually, the ship is completely gone. But then a few years later, [[JustForFun/CaramelldansenVid a song]] created by the Ship of Theseus [[GermansLoveDavidHasselhoff becomes a big meme in Japan]], and in response, the guy who owns the rights to the Ship of Theseus, who is not Theseus, decides to make a new ship, the "Thesea Girls", in order to appeal to this demographic that enjoys works made by this old ship that no longer exists.

-->-- '''Ethan''', ''Webcomic/CtrlAltDel'', [[http://www.cad-comic.com/cad/20031222 "Spilled"]]

->The real saying is "If the wind blows, the bucket maker has good sales." Which means that sneezing is proof of you being cursed by someone. In order to get rid of that curse, you need to obtain a straw doll. Additionally, you need long nails, which in turn leads to a lot of business for nail makers, causing a supply shortage. As a result, construction of houses becomes almost impossible, and everybody has to live in pit-like dwellings. That in turn leads to less wood being used, and less forests being cut down. Because the forests are being protected, the [=CO2=] levels are reduced, and everybody is happy because of an environmentally responsible lifestyle.

->I always thought swimming was [[JustLikeMakingLove kinda like doing somebody.]] You dive in, flop around a bit, and you either get booed or somebody gives you a medal. And then I found out swimming isn't like that at all. You can't [[CargoShip have sex with]] [[NoodleIncident your neighbor's above-ground backyard pool]]... What was I talking about?

->We are the Dark Knights for justice. Because as children we were nursed on the milk of justice, and as we grew up we acquired a taste for justice. Now as we get older we once again desire the taste of justice... but we cannot find the milk! So we go to Starbucks! And we get a coffee! But it's not the same thing! IT SUCKS! WHY DID I ORDER THIS!? IT'S TERRIBLE! And now you all understand what our mission is. And what. We. Must. Do.

->I WOULD LIKE TO REMARK ON A HUMAN EXPRESSION, "{{WHEN LIFE GIVES YOU LEMONS}}, MAKE LEMONADE." FUCK LEMONS. I WILL THROW THE OFFENDING CITRUS BACK AND HOPE IT STINGS INFURIATINGLY IN LIFE'S GROTESQUE GLANCE NUGGETS. HOWEVER, I AM UP TO MY NOOK IN LEMONS AND I HAVE SO MANY LEMONS I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH THEM. I KNOW WHAT'S IN LEMONADE ASIDE FROM FRUIT, IT CONTAINS WATER AND SUGAR. LIFE DIDN'T GIVE ME ANY WATER AND CERTAINLY NO SUGAR. MY LEMONADE IS GOING TO FUCKING SUCK.

->From the ashes sprouted a powerful friendship, and in time, Kirito found that he could [[DamnedByFaintPraise almost tolerate]] [[RagTagBunchOfMisfits them]], much like how a fat man tolerates the tapeworms in his intestines. And like those tapeworms, that guild burrowed deep into his innards, and gorged themselves on his leftovers, until they began causing abdominal pain and diarrhea. I realize the metaphor's breaking down a bit here, but Granny Dapper didn't raise no quitters!

->Playing card games is {{just like making love}}. You usually do it on a table, and you always feel deep shame when it's finished. Also, the older you get, the less fun it is. So remember, always wear a condom when playing card games.

->As Mr. Sloan always says, there is no "I" in team, but there is an "I" in pie. In... there's an "I" in meat pie. So - The anagram of meat is team... I don't know what he's talking about.

->That's right, folks. This election has no room for margin of error or correct use of metaphors. It's banana-up-for-grabs!

->You see, Clara, they're stored in the paintings in the Undergallery. Like Cup-A-Soups! Except you add time, if you can picture that. Nobody can picture that. Forget I said Cup-A-Soups.

->But remember, it's always the darkest before the undead feast upon your flesh.

->The Irish fear nothing and no one\\

I just felt like it had to be said!

->Someday I'll meet someone\\

The love in our heart

->It usually comes to you in the night. Like a lover, or a burglar. You either get it, or it steals all your jewelry and you have to run it down and stab it in the heart. And... that metaphor got away from me, didn't it?

->Once upon a time there was [[TheFarmerAndTheViper a scorpion and a frog]]. The scorpion tells the frog "When I say 'jump' I don’t want to hear 'how high?' That means you're not jumping!" Then the frog says "It's my nature!" Well, be that as it may, we have a lot of tests to do and you are taking a long time on these catwalks and, yes, I broke out of the parable somewhere back there. But the point stands that you need to put some muscle back into your hustle, son.

->Well... good! Good! Finally! A nemesis worthy of my ''[[FeigningIntelligence vast]]'' intellect! [[Literature/SherlockHolmes Holmes vs. Moriarty!]] ...Creator/{{Aristotle}} vs. ''[[BuffySpeak MASHY SPIKE-PLATE!]]''

->The puppet master! You're a puppet in a play, and I hold all the strings! And cards, still. Cards in one hand, strings in the other. And I'm making you dance like a puppet. Playing cards.

->I'm not like some video game that you can just play with. You can't button mash and fiddle with my analog and not expect to get a reaction. A Special Move type of reaction, baby. A console is worthless without games to play on it. That's how I feel about us. I'm a game system and you're my ''Franchise/{{Halo}}''. And... my feelings for you are like... a memory card... And I no longer have any clue whatsoever what I'm talking about.

->Man, I'd like to take her out to dinner. And by take her out to dinner ''I mean dunk the donut''. And by dunk the donut ''I mean have sex with her''. And by have sex with her ''I mean use my penis on her''. And by penis ''I mean staple remover''. And by staple ''I mean virginity''.

->You seem bent on spending your last moments in this world with your thumbs jammed into the thumbscrews of guilt, and turning them as hard as you can... which is impossible, I realize... but that analogy had a lot more promise when I started this sentence, and it seemed likely to end with a witty bon mot about [[ScrewYourself screwing yourself]]. That didn't work out, did it? Nothing has, today.

->”War is just like chess. You make your move, then wait politely for the enemy to make his. Then war support dries up at home and all your freaking pawns dodge the draft!

->It's curtains for you, Doctor Horrible. Lacy, gently wafting curtains.

->Heroin isn't dangerous because you might get an infection. Heroin is dangerous because at best you're not just at Death's door - you're in Death's living room having a ''VideoGame/MarioKart'' tournament at 2 a.m. and hoping he doesn't wake up, but you're not paying very close attention to the volume, because you're ''high on heroin.''
-->-- ''[[Website/{{Cracked}} Cracked.com]]'', [[http://www.cracked.com/article_21017_5-unexpected-things-i-learned-from-being-heroin-addict.html "5 Unexpected Things I Learned from Being a Heroin Addict"]]

->You know, people say you should just play the hand you've been dealt in life. You know what? [[ScrewDestiny Fuck that.]] I say that if you get a dealt a bad hand, you [[RageQuit throw out your cards]], [[FlippingTheTable flip the table]], pull a gun on the dealer and start shooting... life, I guess.

->[[Anime/CowboyBebop Spike]], for his part, just says a bunch of really callous and hurtful stuff as if he's not just trying to burn his bridges, but also sow the river with salt so that no bridge will ever grow there again, and I think that I lost track of this metaphor somewhere along the way, but you get the picture.

->Confidence comes from experience, you can't just be confident with things that you've never done before, I don't feel confident when I call phone numbers that I've never called before because I don't know who's gonna pick up the phone. You know imagine this, where I just go pick up the phone I'm calling somebody I need to inquire about some form of insurance and I pick up the phone and I say "Hello, who is this? I don't know who I'm calling" and they respond (''in a deep and scratchy voice'') "Hello, I am just a lonely farmer." I don't know what just happened I am really uncomfortable with this situation because I have never heard anybody introduce themselves like that, EVER. I don't know what to do, and that's the same thing with demo-knighting or whatever; if you're not familiar with your demo-knight situations you aren't going to be confident about them 'cause I know for sure if somebody answered the phone like that I would... I'd probably hang up. I would be very scared after that. I would feel bad about hanging up, but I would do it just because of how uncomfortable or unprepared for the situation I was and you know hanging up probably was a bad idea because he is a lonely farmer and he just wanted someone to talk with and he has a little bit of a voice problem - so not the nicest thing for me to do there, but I wasn't ready. I wasn't ready - can't blame me, I wasn't ready. But, the very next time I answered a phone and somebody responded in that sort of fashion I would be ready because I would have had thought about that introduction from that one person a million times over where if it happened again I would have a speech prepared for that man. Everything would go smoothly and that experience would allow me to make a new friend. A very weird one that I might not wanna keep around for that long, but this has been going on way too long. This example died two minutes ago. We're moving on.
-->-- '''[[WebVideo/{{STAR}} STAR_]]''', [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mYOGTfinWvM "Confidence: TF2 [Commentary] Demoknighting Lakeside"]]

->I didn't want to but I figured it was worth giving the game a go, even if I will hate it. I mean, Pope Urban probably thought he was very clever in condemning Galileo, but who got the last laugh there? ...Well he did, when Galileo died in poverty and disgrace, but what I'm saying is that [[AnswersToTheNameOfGod I'm basically the Pope.]]

->A good story is like a good bowel movement: it's only really satisfying once it's ended. Because if you just keep going, then eventually your body runs out of shit and moves on to pushing all of your internal organs out of your sphincter, until only a foul-smelling shell remains, and anyone who wants to get in on your incredibly long poo gets turned off, because they need to have gone through all of the poo up to that point to have the necessary context and this is where the analogy is breaking down somewhat.

->What do you take me for, some kind of clown? Some kind of Booboo the Fool that ain't done this rodeo before? I don't really know where this metaphor is going, but I do know where ''we're'' going, buddy; you're going ''HOME!'' You think you can just come in here, give me thousands of dollars and just drive me around like this in the roundabout with nary a parking lot in sight?! ...Boy, I do like my metaphors today, but ''that's not the point!''

-->-- '''WebVideo/TrueFacts''', ''Killer Surfing Snails''

->Ninjas do wrong to each other sometimes, and in that way, the force of the earth comes around the moon, and at that presence, the dirt, it overshadows the grass, so you like "I can't cut this grass; there's no sun coming through." So in order to enable each other, the two fruits have to look each other in the eye, understand we can only be ripe as the ripe is wrong. You know what I mean?

->An elephant never forgets, but I forget what the elephant remembered.

->Sure, I can help you, but we might have to metaphorically make a {{deal with the devil}}. And by "devil," I mean "[[SpaceX Robot Devil]]." And by "metaphorically," I mean [[UsefulNotes/NewJersey "get your coat."]]

->If we can hit the bulls-eye, the rest of the dominoes will fall like a house of cards. ''Checkmate.''

->Like they say in Brooklyn: early to bed, early to catch the worm. [[MemeticMutation Or... is it the bagel?]]

->It appears that the glove...is on the other shoe.

->Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that, who cares? He's a mile away and you've got his shoes.

->[Airships] put me in mind of a man who invents a floor that is perfectly smooth, beautifully patterned, never requires cleaning, and never wears out. Unfortunately, the floor cannot be walked upon with nailed shoes or have anything dropped on it, because it's made of high explosive.

->Whatever it is [that makes Communists such killjoys], it makes for the kind of person who, when he was a kid, [[TeachersPet used to do next Tuesday's work on last Friday night]], if you know what I mean. Lots of times he used to be a minister's son, which isn't a Communist, exactly, but usually was a Presbyterian, which is not ''as'' bad, but still stinks. Well, what you did to the minister's kid was [[BlackComedyRape tie him to a fence post with his pants off and dip his pecker in fresh cream]] and [[BestialityIsDepraved turn a half-weaned calf loose on him]]. Which is exactly what we ought to do to [[DirtyCommunists all the Communists in the world]], [[NuclearOption except with atom bombs]].

->To me, the difference between Godhead and the Church is the difference between Elvis and Colonel Parker... although that conjures images of God dying on the toilet, which is not what I meant at all.

->He's [[ARiddleWrappedInAMysteryInsideAnEnigma an enigma wrapped in riddle wrapped a conundrum]] ... [[http://youtu.be/5EStqYWsH6A?t=36s inside a cockroach]].

->Well... good! Good! Finally! A nemesis worthy of my ''[[FeigningIntelligence vast]]'' intellect! [[SherlockHolmes Holmes vs. Moriarty!]] ...Creator/{{Aristotle}} vs. ''[[BuffySpeak MASHY SPIKE-PLATE!]]''

-->-- ''WebVideo/ToddInTheShadows'' on \"Door to Door\" by Music/CreedenceClearwaterRevival

[[folder: Web Animation]]

->The pen is mightier than the sword, yet it is more permanent than a pencil.
-->-- '''[[Webcomic/{{Sonichu}} Christian Weston Chandler]]'''

-> I need to talk to you about these snail trails. They're random, right? But are they? ''[[FreudianWasRight Are]]'' they? I mean, look at it! This isn't like where you type the word "monkey" a million times and then it's...uh...You take a typewriter, and you put a monkey on it-in it... No, there's a lot of typewriters, alright? And there's a lot of monkeys...And they're all drawing d[BLEEP]cks in the sand.

-> I need to talk to you about these snail trails. They're random, right? But are they? ''[[FreudianSlip Are]]'' they? I mean, look at it! This isn't like where you type the word "monkey" a million times and then it's...uh...You take a typewriter, and you put a monkey on it-in it... No, there's a lot of typewriters, alright? And there's a lot of monkeys...And they're all drawing d[BLEEP]cks in the sand.

-->-- ''Literature/NightWatchDiscworld''

->'''Inej''': No matter the height of the mountain, the climbing is the same.
->'''Nina''': That's not technically true. You need ropes, picks...
-->--''[[Literature/SixOfCrows Crooked Kingdom]]''

->'''Amanda Waller''': I am Amanda Waller, and you can think of me as your fairy godmother from Hell. Only, I won't be grant any wishes no [[Disney/{{Cinderella}} bibidi bobidi boo]] or any of that shbang. But rather makes each and everyone of you ''my bitch!''\\

-> I need to talk to you about these snail trails. They're random, right? But are they? ''[[FreudianSlip Are]]'' they? I mean, look at it! This isn't like where you type the word "monkey" a million times and then it's...uh...You take a typewriter, and you put a monkey on it-in it... No, there's a lot of typewriters, alright? And there's a lot of monkeys...And they're all drawing d[BLEEP]cks in the sand.
-->-- '''WebOriginal/TrueFacts''', ''Killer Surfing Snails''

->'''Chowder''': I'm...going to bed now,

-->-- '''Boone''', ''WesternAnimation/PennZeroPartTimeHero''

-->-- '''"Mama" Luigi''', ''WesternAnimation/SuperMarioWorld''

-->-- ''WesternAnimation/{{Chowder}}'', ''The Thrice Cream Man''

-->-- ''WesternAnimation/Chowder'', ''The Thrice Cream Man''

—->—-
->General,
->WebAnimation/TerribleWritingAdvice, “Military Science Fiction”

—->—-General,
->WebAnimation/TerribleWritingAdvice ->“Military Science Fiction”

—->—- General, ->WebAnimation/TerribleWritingAdvice “Military Science Fiction”

—->—- General, WebAnimation/TerribleWritingAdvice “Military Science Fiction”