History Quotes / KungFuJesus

--> '''Crow T. Robot''' ''Series/MysteryScienceTheater3000'' "Santa Claus"

-->--'''''{{Website/Cracked}}''''' on ''Film/TheMatrix''

->''"Kung-Fu Action Jesus! He's fighting the bad guys and making them pay, with Magic Kung Fu, he'll save the day! It's Kung Fu Action Jesus!"
--> ''WebVideo/AvatarTheAbridgedSeries''

-->--'''John, 16:33 (NIV)'''

-->Jesus, in the episode ''Red Sleigh Down,'' WesternAnimation/SouthPark

-> "This summer, let he who is without sin...''kick the first ass''."
-->--WesternAnimation/FamilyGuy

-> SUPER JESUS: Where is your Satan now!?"

-> "Jesus Christ... Superstar... [[BadassBiker burning 'round the corner on a Yamaha]]"

-> You can't do what Jesus can do (Jesus shits all over you)\\

He's a zombie wizard, who also knows kung fu
-->-- '''[[Music/TheAxisOfAwesome The Axis Of Awesome]]''', ''What Would Jesus Do''

-->-- Bill Robinson, Stephen King's ''Maximum Overdrive''

-> [Fred Dryer] was TV's Hunter?! That's like finding out Jesus knew karate! Imagine that, Stan, karate Jesus!

-> [[ThisLoserIsYou You can't do what Jesus can do (Jesus shits all over you)]]\\
There are three of him, and there's only one of you (and Jesus can [[{{Flight}} fly]])\\

He's a [[NinjaPirateZombieRobot zombie wizard, who also knows kung fu]]

-->-- Parody of ''JesusChristSuperstar''

-->-- '''[[CloudCuckooLander Xander Crews]]''', ''FriskyDingo''

-->--taken from a GaiaOnline roleplay post

----

->''"I have conquered the world."''
-->--'''John, 16:33'''

->[Being held up by two Iraqi soldiers]
->"''My children, you should know something.''
->'''''...I'm packing.'''''"

-> [[ThisLoserIsYou You can't do what Jesus can do (Jesus shits all over you)]]
-> There are three of him, and there's only one of you (and Jesus can [[{{Flight}} fly]])
-> He can cure a blind man, you can't cure the flu
-> He's a [[NinjaPirateZombieRobot zombie wizard, who also knows kung fu]]

-->"''Imagine if Jesus knew kung-fu; that's what everybody is dealing with.''"

->--taken from a GaiaOnline roleplay post

--> Crow T. Robot {{MST3K}} "Santa Claus"

-->--FamilyGuy

<<|QuotesWiki|>>

->''"Alright, motherfuckers. In times like this, religion is often forgotten, so I'm gonna remind you of how awesome Jesus is. First off, his [[PowerLevel power level]] is fucking 9,001. THAT IS [[MemeticMutation OVER 9 THOUSAND]]! Show some respect for that. He'd kick all your asses. Second, he dares to have a Mexican name despite the fact that he is not Mexican. Only the greats do that. Third, he could conjure water and self-rez when his [[PartyWipe group wiped]] for the fifth fucking time that night so no one had to run back. That's a fucking time-saver right there! And finally, he is a great supporter of cannibalism. So much so that he actually ENCOURAGES people to eat his flesh and drink his blood. Any questions?"''
->--taken from a GaiaOnline roleplay post

-> "Action Jesus! Manger sold separately."

->''"Super Mecha Death Christ 2000 B.C. 4.0 Beta, [[ThisISASentenceBitch bitch!]]"''

--> [Fred Dryer] was TV's Hunter?! That's like finding out Jesus knew karate! Imagine that, Stan, karate Jesus!

-->Jesus, in the episode ''Red Sleigh Down,'' SouthPark

--> ''FanFic/AvatarTheAbridgedSeries''

-> [[YouSuck You can't do what Jesus can do (Jesus shits all over you)]]

-->--'''WebOriginal/TheAngryVideoGameNerd'''

-->--'''TheAngryVideoGameNerd'''

-> [[YouSuck You can't do what Jesus can do]]
-> There are three of him, and there's only one of you

-->-- '''The Axis of Awesome''', ''What Would Jesus Do''

->''"My children, you should know something."''
->''"'''...I'm packing.'''"''

->''My children, I think you should know something... I'm packing.''
-->--SouthPark