History Quotes / Jerkass

->''"[[WhatTheHellHero OH MY GOD! YOU LEFT A SEARCH FOR A LOST CHILD TO]] '''[[YourCheatingHeart FUCK THE MAIL-LADY]]?!''' First the sandwiches, then the [[EvilLaugh evil laughter]], now abandoning a child to get laid! Dude, you're not gonna find the kid in her vagina! [...] I can't take this guy, I really can't. He isn't just an asshole, he's like, a compilation of assholes to make the world's biggest asshole! The [[Series/TheSixMillionDollarMan Six-Million Dollar Asshole]]!"''

-->-- '''Sergeant Calhoun''', (describing Turbo), ''Disney/WreckItRalph''

-->--''Sam Krieg''', ''VideoGame/TheSecretWorld''

-> '''Angel Dust''': Just don't get your taco in a twist, baby.\\
'''Vaggie''': Was that you trying to be sexist or racist?\\
'''Angel Dust''': Whatever pisses you off more.
-->--''WebAnimation/HazbinHotel''

-->--'''Sergeant Calhoun''', (describing Turbo), ''Disney/WreckItRalph''

-->--'''Black Hat Guy''', ''Webcomic/{{xkcd}}''

->'''Dorothy''': So, Mike, you hungry?\\
'''Mike''' : No, I am sustained by the sadness of others.
-->--''WebComic/DumbingOfAge''

-->--'''WesternAnimation/DaffyDuck''', ''Rabbit Seasoning''

-->--'''Rich Burlew''' describing [[BigBad Xykon]], ''Webcomic/TheOrderOfTheStick''

-->--'''Skylar Grey''' on the Music/{{Eminem}} song "Asshole"

->'''Gao''': Nobu isn't very happy with you.\\
'''Fisk''': That man is never happy with anyone.\\
'''Gao''': True.
-->--''Series/Daredevil2015''

-->--''Film/GuardiansOfTheGalaxyVol2''

-->--''Sam Krieg,''' ''VideoGame/TheSecretWorld''

->''"Oh you call that love? Trying to push yourself on me with that stupid haircut and that tacky suit? No you're an asshole! [[IHaveYouNowMyPretty Not to mention a creep]], you don't know a damn thing on how to treat women. You're self-human scum. Burn in Hell!"''

-->-- '''Ange''' replying to '''Embryo''', ''Anime/CrossAnge''

->''"Even if I had helped [[{{Starscream}} him]] seize this ship, he would probably just [[ChronicBackstabbingDisorder fire me out of the first airlock...]] Oh, and he's rude.

'''Carl:''' Either bring me back me missing cogs, or [[SuddenlyShouting F*** OFF!]]\\

'''Conker:''' You don't have to shout!\\

-->-- '''Bellatrix Lestrange''' (to [[spoiler:Molly Weasley]]), ''Literature/HarryPotterAndTheDeathlyHallows'', in what proves to be her [[MamaBear final mistake]].

->'''Gao''': Nobu isn't very happy with you.
->'''Fisk''': That man is never happy with anyone.
->'''Gao''': True.

->'''Yondu:''' You like a professional asshole, or what?
->'''Rocket Raccoon:''' Pretty much a pro.

-->--''Film/GuardiansOfTheGalaxyVol2''

-->--''Series/Daredevil2015''

->''"[[WhatTheHellHero OH MY GOD! YOU LEFT A SEARCH FOR A LOST CHILD TO]] '''[[YourCheatingHeart FUCK THE MAIL-LADY]]?!''' First the sandwiches, then the [[EvilLaugh evil laughter]], now abandoning a child to get laid! Dude, you're not going to find the kid in her vagina! [...] I can't take this guy, I really can't. He isn't just an asshole, he's like, a compilation of assholes to make the world's biggest asshole! The [[Series/TheSixMillionDollarMan Six-Million Dollar Asshole]]!"''

-->--'''Skylar Grey''' on the Music/{{Eminem}} song "Asshole"

->''"This is still more evidence for my theory that the greatest single influence on modern American culture has been Don Rickles."''
-->--'''Creator/RogerEbert''' on ''Film/BabyGeniuses''

->''I was sitting in a local Starbucks, silently kicking ass with a book, and a man came in asking for a double diet frapacheeny decaf ventie some shit. The guy behind the counter said, "Ooooh... we're out of that."''\\
'''Man:''' "Oh. Well then I'll have..."\\
'''Starbucks''': "Ha ha ha, I was being SARCASTIC. We have [whatever]."\\
''After the man left, the people who worked there wiped their sense off on their aprons and called the guy an idiot. An idiot for believing what the coffee kid told him. If believing things that clerks say makes a person an idiot, then that makes every person on the planet an idiot, including me, and that's'' medically impossible. ''I was a little confused at the time, but I didn't ask the brilliant kid wiping the counter to explain it to me. On the ride home I realized it was funny because he said he didn't have the thing, but he really did have the thing. All that man had to do to know it was a joke was sneak in the back to check the shop's inventory, make sure all their machines were working, and get back out as silent as the night. That coffee-ordering man really was an idiot. It proves the theory that the only true geniuses we have left are the people doing inventory at Starbucks.''
-->--'''{{Creator/Seanbaby}}''', "Why We're Sarcastic"

-->--'''Rich Burlew''' describing [[BigBad Xykon]], ''Webcomic/TheOrderOfTheStick''