History Quotes / IncompetenceInc

->''"Yeah, we can't get in to see ''Unplugged''. Why not? Well I asked one of the vice-presidents here -- and obviously I'm not allowed to say what his name is, so I'll just call him '[[BitingTheHandHumor Dirtbag]]' -- I said, 'Hey, Dirtbag, how come we can't get in to see ''Unplugged''?' And he gives me this whole rigmarole about how we can't get a load of tickets for you guys, and we only run the network, and [[IncompetenceInc we probably can't even count that high.]]"''

->Who could have seen this coming? Who could have known that cutting into the muscle and bone of a company and [[TheSocialDarwinist throwing your management team into a steel cage death match]] wouldn't result in a bright new day of soaring profits? Why, just about any of a store's minimum wage workers! If you'd bothered to ask, that is.

-->--"Look At All Those Idiots", ''[[WesternAnimation/TheSimpsons Sing the Blues]]''

''A factory full of '''[[YouFool fools!]]'''

-->--''WebVideo/HonestTrailers'' describing the crew from Film/{{Prometheus}}

->"A lazy captain, who leaves his crew to die. A stoner geologist, with state of the art computer maps, radio communication, mapping balls, and GPS, who ''still'' gets lost. An inconsistent biologist, who is afraid of a 2000 year old dead body, but falls in love with a clearly dangerous alien snake. And an idiot woman who can only run in straight lines."
-->--''WebVideo/HonestTrailer'' describing the crew from Film/{{Prometheus}}

->[[EidosInteractive Eidos]] spent something like four million dollars marketing ''Soul Reaver''. You'd think if it had enough faith in its product to spend $4,000,000 pimping it through magazine ads, television commercials, paid articles, action figures, and a crappy one-shot comic book, they could have redirected some of the cash going to pointless promotional swag nobody cared about and put it toward ''[[ObviousBeta finishing the fucking game]]'' instead. But hell -- maybe I don't understand business.
-->--'''[[http://socksmakepeoplesexy.net/index.php?a=sr Pat R.]]''' on ''VideoGame/LegacyOfKain: Soul Reaver''

->We were working off our trip while also acting in a film we would have no profit from. If we questioned this, we would be told we didn’t have to go and that was that. We did get a free copy of the movie for ourselves, if they remembered to send it to us. If you didn’t get a copy of ''WebVideo/ToBoldlyFlee'', don’t worry, neither did I...They’re getting a lot of bad PR right now, which probably could be fixed if they hadn’t [[DastardlyWhiplash fired their PR person the day after her surgery.]]\\\

->I guess in the end, it all came down to time constraints, as Wrestling/{{WWE}} decided beforehand that if any match was expendable, it was [[SkewedPriorities their World title match]]. Not [[{{Fanservice}} the Divas tag team match]], which could have been moved to the pre-show…\\\
And if WWE really wanted to trim the fat off their supercard, they could have axed the [[GratuitousDiscoSequence Dancing Mamas]] segment with Wrestling/BrodusClay, a sideshow it ''knew'' nobody paid to see because it was never advertised….\\\
…or this dreadful [[Wrestling/SantinoMarella Santino]]-[[Wrestling/MickFoley Foley]] segment that not only wasn’t advertised, but was itself an advertisement [[Series/DeadliestCatch for another TV program!]]\\\
A TV program airing '''on a rival network!'''
-->--'''''{{Website/Wrestlecrap}}''''', [[http://www.wrestlecrap.com/inductions/18-seconds/ "Sheamus Vs. Daniel Bryan - How long should this world title last? LOL, I'll pretend you said 18 seconds"]]

->culture: ''Some bullshit that corporations like to throw around to pretend not to be either evil or incompetent. Either that or they are just blindly copying other corporations lead in {{newspeak}}...This culture Bullshit is brought to you by the same people that decided employees are associates.

->culture: ''Some bullshit that corporations like to throw around to pretend not to be either evil or incompetent. Either that or they are just blindly copying other corporations lead in {{newspeak}}.''\\\
'''Dick:''' The buzz term was diversity but now it's culture. That's culture bob! Make sure to tell prospective associates about the unique culture here a Low Pay Corp. A new culture better than at Working Associates Off the Clock Inc.'s new culture. I don't know what it hell it means but say it repeatedly and waste at least 45 minutes of their time talking about. We got a memo from the dumbass boss telling us to do so.\\\
'''Bob:''' He's running the place into the ground so how can this be wrong? We still pay 7 bucks an hour right?\\\
'''Dick:''' That's the culture here.\\\
''This culture Bullshit is brought to you by the same people that decided employees are associates.

''This culture Bullshit is brought to you by the same people that decided employees are associates. Most people in America that are called associates make well under 10 bucks an hour but some where bullshitters decided to market that they are partners.''

->culture: ''Some bullshit that corporations like to throw around to pretend not to be either evil or incompetent. Either that or they are just blindly copying other corporations lead in newspeak.''\\\

-->--Also ''''Urban Dictionary'''''

->'''Pointy-Haired Boss:''' All of the conference rooms are booked.
->'''Dilbert:''' Okay, then I guess we should compare the importance of your meeting versus mine.
->'''Pointy-Haired Boss:''' That's not how it works. Conference rooms go to the highest-ranking manager.
->'''Dilbert:''' '''''IT TOOK ME MONTHS TO SCHEDULE THIS MEETING!'''''
->'''Pointy-Haired Boss:''' Scram.
->''(cut to [[NotSoOmniscientCouncilOfBickering meeting of Pointy-Haired Bosses]])''
->'''Pointy-Haired Boss:''' The goal of this meeting is to figure out why nothing ever gets done around here.
-->--'''''{{ComicStrip/Dilbert}}'''''

->'''Kramer''': Kruger? That's not Kruger Industrial Smoothing, is it?
->'''George''': Yeah.
->'''Kramer''': Grinders, sanders, wet stones. They are the ones who botched the Statue of Liberty job.
->'''Jerry''': Right, they couldn't get the green stuff off.
->'''George''': It is a horrible company. There's no management whatsoever. [[ArsonMurderAndAdmiration I could go hog wild in there!]]
-->--'''''{{Series/Seinfeld}}''''', "The Slicer"

->''"[[AC:C]]onstantly [[AC:H]]aving [[AC:E]]very [[AC:V]]ehicle [[AC:R]]ecalled [[AC:O]]ver [[AC:L]]ousy [[AC:E]]ngineering [[AC:T]]echniques"''

->''“You must remember one thing about Hollywood. Even if ''Ishtar'' is a big bomb, Warren, Dustin, Elaine, and I will all work again … only next time [[KarmaHoudini at a higher fee!]]”''

->''"[[ContinuitySnarl Are the Kents alive? What's his relationship with all of these characters? Who exists?]] And [[DCComics DC]] couldn't give me answers. I said, Oh, my gosh. You're deciding all these things and you mean even you don't know what's going on in your own books?"''

->''"Vince Russo is a deer caught in the headlines as long as there's a wrestling match going. As long as he can make it [[SerialNumbersFiledOff a phony B-movie script]], or [[GimmickMatches an outhouse in the ring]], or [[WorkedShoot woman having miscarriages]]...so get the ''wrestling matches'' outta there, 'cause nobody wants to see that shit anyway. That's been proven over at Wrestling/{{WCW}}, where they don't even have wrestling matches anymore-- I watched ''Thunder'' the other night, because I happened to be stuck in a hotel room, and I saw Wrestling/LanceStorm stumbling around like a drunk man. When you make ''that'' guy uncoordinated, [[CharacterDerailment you can do it to anybody.]]"''

->''"Before I even asked for my release, I said, 'I would like to know who's in charge. Could you draw out a chain of command for me?' And these people [[EpicFail could not do it]]. They had no clue. And I said 'This what I'm talking about. You can't even draw a chain of command for me, and it's a simple thing. It should kind of be '''in your bylaws'''.'"''

->''"I guess in the end, it all came down to time constraints, as Wrestling/{{WWE}} decided beforehand that if any match was expendable, it was [[SkewedPriorities their World title match]]. Not [[{{Fanservice}} the Divas tag team match]], which could have been moved to the pre-show…\\\

A TV program airing '''on a rival network!'''"''

->''"Are you talented, but also in possession of the kind of [[BunnyEarsLawyer deficient personality]] that renders those talents irrelevant? DAN SNYDER HAS A PRIVATE JET RIDE WAITING FOR YOU... Can you name any other franchise in any sport that requires its own [[PropagandaMachine propaganda arm?]] The Redskins are a mad king who has locked himself inside a castle turret. It wouldn't shock me if everyone at Redskin Park turned out to be syphilitic."''

->''"The entire organization preaches this 'No excuses' mantra before immediately [[HypocriticalHumor making a bunch of excuses]] for why they lost yet another '[[NeverMyFault classic trap game']].\\\

Attending a live Giants home game still requires taking a trip to fucking New Jersey even though the team's owners could buy 2 stadiums in whatever borough of NYC they desired & still have plenty to [[ScrewTheRulesIHaveConnections support their daughters' acting careers.]]"''
-->--'''[[http://deadspin.com/why-your-team-sucks-2014-new-york-giants-1630014411 "Why Your Team Sucks 2014: New York Giants"]]'''

->''"Can you believe [[BoxOfficeBomb they spent nearly 90 million dollars]] (adjusted for marketing) for this piece of sh*t. The original ''[[Film/TheMask Mask]]'' was only made for 18 million! Yeah, that was 10 years ago so there is some inflation, but not 70 million worth of inflation! I have long ago come to grips that nothing is sacrilege in Hollywood and any crackpot idea is a go... But this makes me appreciate Creator/RogerCorman so much more. Because he made crap but at least he was a shrewd businessman. He really didn’t care what piece of sh*t you made as long as you came in on/under budget and the movie at least paid for itself on sales."''
-->--'''[[WebVideo/TheSpoonyExperiment Miles Antwiler]]''' [[http://moviemoses.wordpress.com/2010/01/27/son-of-the-mask-2005-lawrence-guterman/ on]] ''Film/SonOfTheMask''

->''"[[EidosInteractive Eidos]] spent something like four million dollars marketing ''Soul Reaver''. You'd think if it had enough faith in its product to spend $4,000,000 pimping it through magazine ads, television commercials, paid articles, action figures, and a crappy one-shot comic book, they could have redirected some of the cash going to pointless promotional swag nobody cared about and put it toward ''[[ObviousBeta finishing the fucking game]]'' instead. But hell -- maybe I don't understand business."''

->''“You must remember one thing about Hollywood. Even if 'Ishtar'' is a big bomb, Warren, Dustin, Elaine, and I will all work again … only next time [[KarmaHoudini at a higher fee!]]”''

->''"The entire organization preaches this 'No excuses' mantra before immediately [[HypocriticalHumor making a bunch of excuses]] for why they lost yet another 'classic trap game'.\\\

->''"Are you talented, but also in possession of the kind of deficient personality that renders those talents irrelevant? DAN SNYDER HAS A PRIVATE JET RIDE WAITING FOR YOU... Can you name any other franchise in any sport that requires its own [[PropagandaMachine propaganda arm?]] The Redskins are a mad king who has locked himself inside a castle turret. It wouldn't shock me if everyone at Redskin Park turned out to be syphilitic."''

-->--'''Drew Magary''', [[http://deadspin.com/why-your-team-sucks-2014-washington-redskins-1629678313 "Why Your Team Sucks 2014: Washington Redskins"]]

-->--[[http://deadspin.com/why-your-team-sucks-2014-new-york-giants-1630014411 "Why Your Team Sucks 2014: New York Giants"]]

->''"There are two essential rules to management. One, the customer is always right; and two, they must be ''punished for their arrogance!''"''
-->-- '''Dogbert''', ''ComicStrip/{{Dilbert}}''

->''"Are you talented, but also in possession of the kind of deficient personality that renders those talents irrelevant? DAN SNYDER HAS A PRIVATE JET RIDE WAITING FOR YOU... This is the worst organization in professional sports. It's not even close. The owner is a disgusting, repulsive man. His underlings are worse. The local media are [[YesMan bought and paid subservient bootlickers]]. And the fans—humorless golfbots that they are—fall in line like fucking sheep, every single year. Can you name any other franchise in any sport that requires its own [[PropagandaMachine propaganda arm?]] The Redskins are a mad king who has locked himself inside a castle turret. It wouldn't shock me if everyone at Redskin Park turned out to be syphilitic."''

->''"Did I mention the owner? Because holy shit, even Castro isn't harder to kill. This is all very sad now. The Cowboys aren't even [[BunnyEarsLawyer interestingly, flamboyantly ridiculous anymore]]. They don't have the energy to be bugfuck insane. They are a broken down amusement park with only three rides left open. The owner is an alcoholic who uses the team strictly for cocktail party chatter. The coach is a ginger meat puppet. The QB is running out of vertebrae. And the defense is historically atrocious.\\\
At this point, explaining why the Cowboys suck is like explaining why [[ShapedLikeItself the sky is dark at night]]. Their suckiness is its own immutable law. The most notable thing about them over the past few years is that they have a big TV. If you're fan of any other team, the Cowboys exist so that, no matter what else happens with your team, you can say 'At least we aren't the Cowboys.' You can just assume whatever move the Cowboys make is bad and driven solely by Jerry Jones' [[AttentionWhore toddler-like lust for attention]]. I bet if Jerry Jones ever found himself alone in a room for more than five minutes, he would have a nervous breakdown. Name any other franchise that could have as many titles as the Cowboys and still fashion themselves into their league's [[BrokenPedestal longest running joke]]. It shouldn't be possible. "''
-->--'''[[http://deadspin.com/why-your-team-sucks-2014-dallas-cowboys-1630689925 Drew McGary]]'''

-->--'''[[http://deadspin.com/why-your-team-sucks-2014-dallas-cowboys-1630689925 Drew McGary]]''', "Why Your Team Sucks 2014: Dallas Cowboys"

->''"Did I mention the owner? Because holy shit, even Castro isn't harder to kill. This is all very sad now. The Cowboys aren't even [[BunnyEarsLawyer interestingly, flamboyantly ridiculous anymore]]. They don't have the energy to be bugfuck insane. They are a broken down amusement park with only three rides left open. The owner is an alcoholic who uses the team strictly for cocktail party chatter. The coach is a ginger meat puppet. The QB is running out of vertebrae."''