Quotes: Incompetence, Inc.

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    fiction 
(Look at those idiots!)
Look at all those boobs!
(An office full of morons!)
A factory full of fools!
—"Look At All Those Idiots", The Simpsons Sing the Blues

Pointy-Haired Boss: All of the conference rooms are booked.
Dilbert: Okay, then I guess we should compare the importance of your meeting versus mine.
Pointy-Haired Boss: That's not how it works. Conference rooms go to the highest-ranking manager.
Dilbert: IT TOOK ME MONTHS TO SCHEDULE THIS MEETING!
Pointy-Haired Boss: Scram.
(cut to meeting of Pointy-Haired Bosses)
Pointy-Haired Boss: The goal of this meeting is to figure out why nothing ever gets done around here.

Kramer: Grinders, sanders, wet stones. They are the ones who botched the Statue of Liberty job.
Jerry: Right, they couldn't get the green stuff off.
George: It is a horrible company. There's no management whatsoever. I could go hog wild in there!
Seinfeld, "The Slicer"

"A lazy captain, who leaves his crew to die. A stoner geologist, with state of the art computer maps, radio communication, mapping balls, and GPS, who still gets lost. An inconsistent biologist, who is afraid of a 2000 year old dead body, but falls in love with a clearly dangerous alien snake. And an idiot woman who can only run in straight lines."
Honest Trailers describing the crew from Prometheus

Freeman: (reading off a company sign) "Work harder, not smarter." Yeah, that's us all right. We stay the course with stupid.

    real life 
Constantly Having Every Vehicle Recalled Over Lousy Engineering Techniques

culture: Some bullshit that corporations like to throw around to pretend not to be either evil or incompetent. Either that or they are just blindly copying other corporations lead in newspeak...This culture Bullshit is brought to you by the same people that decided employees are associates.
—Also Urban Dictionary

"Yeah, we can't get in to see Unplugged. Why not? Well I asked one of the vice-presidents here — and obviously I'm not allowed to say what his name is, so I'll just call him 'Dirtbag' — I said, 'Hey, Dirtbag, how come we can't get in to see Unplugged''?' And he gives me this whole rigmarole about how we can't get a load of tickets for you guys, and we only run the network, and we probably can't even count that high.
Michael Ian Black, The State, complaining about MTV not allowing him and the other ten cast members to be in the MTV Unplugged studio audience

Who could have seen this coming? Who could have known that cutting into the muscle and bone of a company and throwing your management team into a steel cage death match wouldn't result in a bright new day of soaring profits? Why, just about any of a store's minimum wage workers! If you'd bothered to ask, that is.

You must remember one thing about Hollywood. Even if Ishtar is a big bomb, Warren, Dustin, Elaine, and I will all work again … only next time at a higher fee!
Paul Williams, composer for Ishtar

Can you believe they spent nearly 90 million dollars (adjusted for marketing) for this piece of sh*t. The original Mask was only made for 18 million! Yeah, that was 10 years ago so there is some inflation, but not 70 million worth of inflation! I have long ago come to grips that nothing is sacrilege in Hollywood and any crackpot idea is a go... But this makes me appreciate Roger Corman so much more. Because he made crap but at least he was a shrewd businessman. He really didn’t care what piece of sh*t you made as long as you came in on/under budget and the movie at least paid for itself on sales.

Are the Kents alive? What's his relationship with all of these characters? Who exists? And DC couldn't give me answers. I said, Oh, my gosh. You're deciding all these things and you mean even you don't know what's going on in your own books?
George Perez

We were working off our trip while also acting in a film we would have no profit from. If we questioned this, we would be told we didn’t have to go and that was that. We did get a free copy of the movie for ourselves, if they remembered to send it to us. If you didn’t get a copy of To Boldly Flee, don’t worry, neither did I...They’re getting a lot of bad PR right now, which probably could be fixed if they hadn’t fired their PR person the day after her surgery.

The site has had many, MANY behind the scenes issues, and ANYONE who has said anything has been labeled a troublemaker. Also, anyone who has said anything is gone now. It is a site fueled by yes men and denial, and many broken promises. They’ve referred to the other producers as “children” on more than one occasion, which is as patronizing as it sounds. The site has ALWAYS been about Doug, and they don’t care about anyone else there.

Vince Russo is a deer caught in the headlines as long as there's a wrestling match going. As long as he can make it a phony B-movie script, or an outhouse in the ring, or woman having miscarriages...so get the wrestling matches outta there, 'cause nobody wants to see that shit anyway. That's been proven over at WCW, where they don't even have wrestling matches anymore— I watched Thunder the other night, because I happened to be stuck in a hotel room, and I saw Lance Storm stumbling around like a drunk man. When you make that guy uncoordinated, you can do it to anybody.

Before I even asked for my release, I said, 'I would like to know who's in charge. Could you draw out a chain of command for me?' And these people could not do it. They had no clue. And I said 'This what I'm talking about. You can't even draw a chain of command for me, and it's a simple thing. It should kind of be in your bylaws.
Awesome Kong on leaving TNA

That’s really TNA in a nutshell: so much crap going on that you need like six brains to try to handle it all. Or maybe no brains, as here’s a little known TNA fun fact for you: there have been very few people in this company that had the ability to move ratings at all. Believe it or not, for a period of time, an appearance by Daffney of all people did move the needle and get more viewers to tune in (or “pop a rating” as the kids used to say back in the ’90s). Those in charge of TNA knew this, and thus decided to stop booking her on television.

Are you talented, but also in possession of the kind of deficient personality that renders those talents irrelevant? DAN SNYDER HAS A PRIVATE JET RIDE WAITING FOR YOU... Can you name any other franchise in any sport that requires its own propaganda arm? The Redskins are a mad king who has locked himself inside a castle turret. It wouldn't shock me if everyone at Redskin Park turned out to be syphilitic.

The entire organization preaches this 'No excuses' mantra before immediately making a bunch of excuses for why they lost yet another 'classic trap game'.

The fans are as delusional, racist (Peyton Hillis could fumble 3 times in 4 possessions & fans & beat writers will still masturbate to how hard he plays) & moronic as any in the league but pride themselves on not being as bad as Jets fans...

Attending a live Giants home game still requires taking a trip to fucking New Jersey even though the team's owners could buy 2 stadiums in whatever borough of NYC they desired & still have plenty to support their daughters' acting careers.