History Quotes / EpicFail

->The Sequels are what you get if you ask [[Literature/{{Discworld}} Bloody Stupid Johnson]] to write a Franchise/StarWars Sequel Trilogy. Everything you could have wanted from them; Luke Skywalker as a fully developed mentor, a deep and thoughtful protagonist arc, a New Jedi Order and Republic, imposing villains, new planets and fresh takes on old ones, the old gang united for one last ride...all of them are destroyed in the most offensive and disrespectful ways imaginable. In doing so, they have created a Trilogy that throws into sharp relief just how bad storytelling can get...it's like a story about an aircraft crash where everything that possible could go wrong does go wrong. The driver wasn't qualified, the computers were on the fritz, the weight it was carrying was too heavy, the landing gear wouldn't extend properly due to a bird being caught in them at the last moment. It's a disaster, but it's one that's almost fascinating to watch as a cautionary tale of what to avoid, what not to do.
-->--'''[[https://www.reddit.com/r/saltierthancrait/comments/11jicex/why_the_sequel_trilogy_is_almost_beautiful_feat/ This post]]''' on [[Website/{{Reddit}} r/saltierthancrait]]

'''Crow T. Robot:''' [[Theater/{{Hamlet}} Good night, sweet Hubble. May a flight of angels sing thee to thy rest]]...\\

'''All:''' GAH!

->''"BZZZT! Wrong answer! [[IsThatWhatTheyreCallingItNow That's what the kids call 'Epic Fail'.]]"''

-->-- ''Machinima/RedVsBlue''

-->-- '''WebVideo/ToddInTheShadows''', ''Trainwreckords'', "[[Music/KatyPerry Witness]]"

-> "[upon seeing the [[OvershadowedByControversy infamous]] genital fondling scene from ''Film/ShowDogs''] ...[[FlatWhat Are you]] ''[[FlatWhat kidding]]'' [[FlatWhat me.]] I need to find a new word other than "inept," because the sheer bumbling incompetence is so authentic in its out-and-out idiocy, that I'm find it difficult to even put into words how insulting and inappropriate this is. Not one, not even a ''single one'' of the nitwits who wrote the script, directed the sequences, checked over the dailies of Will Arnett grabbing the dog's puppy-makers, or even anyone who had a passing knowledge of these scenes, thought it was a bad idea to cut it out of the movie."

->''"Music/{{INXS}}. [[Music/{{Train}} You]] were trying to sound like INXS. You were trying to emulate one of the sexiest bands of all time, and instead, you wrote "Hey, Soul Sister". You were trying to sound like this... (plays clip from "New Sensation") and instead, you sound like this. (plays clip from "Hey, Soul Sister") My god! That's like if you tried to make scrambled eggs and instead you caught syphilis! How does that level of failure even exist!?"''

-->-- [[Creator/AchievementHunter "Rage Quit"]], VideoGame/SurgeonSimulator2013''

-->-- '''Luke [=McKinney=]''', "The Creator/DonaldTrump [[http://lukemckinney.net/2014/02/13/the-trump-endurance-experiment/ Endurance Experiment]]" (And now Donald Trump '''''is''' the president''...)

-> "[upon seeing the [[OvershadowedByControversy infamous]] genital fondling scene from ''Film/ShowDogs'']] ...[[FlatWhat Are you]] ''[[FlatWhat kidding]]'' [[FlatWhat me.]] I need to find a new word other than "inept," because the sheer bumbling incompetence is so authentic in its out-and-out idiocy, that I'm find it difficult to even put into words how insulting and inappropriate this is. Not one, not even a ''single one'' of the nitwits who wrote the script, directed the sequences, checked over the dailies of Will Arnett grabbing the dog's puppy-makers, or even anyone who had a passing knowledge of these scenes, thought it was a bad idea to cut it out of the movie."

-->-- ''Series/WonderShowzen, [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=67YfJyc_rew "WinoBot"]]

->'''Police Captain:''' You rebuilt the wino?!

'''Doctor:''' Feast your eyes!\\
(It's revealed that they made [[{{Understatement}} a small mistake]] and rebuilt the wino instead)\\
'''Police Captain:''' You rebuilt the wino?!\\
'''Doctor:''' Most advanced wino ever made!\\
'''Police Captain:''' What about Detective Crunk?!
'''Doctor:''' Oh, you wanted us to rebuild the ''cop''.\\
'''Police Captain:''' Damn it!

'''Doctor:''' Feast your eyes!
(It's revealed that they made [[{{Understatement}} a small mistake]] and rebuilt the wino instead)
'''Police Captain:''' You rebuilt the wino?!
'''Doctor:''' Most advanced wino ever made!

'''Doctor:''' Oh, you wanted us to rebuild the ''cop''.

-> ''[[[{{Beat}} beat]]]''

-->--'''''VideoGame/{{Minecraft}}'' Snapshot 19w38b'''

-> '''Captain Bones''': Why do you insist on fabricating these fibs? There is not an inch of land within our vicinity!

-> '''Captain Bones''': [looks through telescope] ...That is a cardboard box. You are an absolute dipstick in every sense of the word, and I cannot fathom how you would make a mistake like this.
-> '''Crewmate''': [[InsaneTrollLogic ...I was looking through the wrong end of the telescope.]]

-> '''Captain Bones''': [[DestinationDefenestration [hurls the crewmate into the sun]]]