(Caboose throws a spike grenade at the wall they are using for cover)
Washington: That was the worst throw. Ever. Of all time.
Caboose: Not my fault. Someone put a wall in my way.
"“I would rather fail spectacularly than succeed minimally."
— That great American, Lex Luthor
...your job is to conceal something that genuinely doesn't exist, and you discover a way to fail at it.
I can't get over that; how do you hit a mountain [in a submarine]?
—Adrian Monk, Mr. Monk Is Underwater
Not that I'm complaining about it, but... HOW DO YOU MISS A VOLCANO?!
—Thief, Eight Bit Theater
"Wow, Fighter. You don't half-ass screwing up, do ya?"
—Black Mage, Eight Bit Theater
Why can't my successes ever be as spectacular as my failures?
My god! That's like if you tried to make scrambled eggs and instead you caught syphilis!
There are speedruns [of this game] on Youtube in under a minute. YOU CALL THAT GOOD PROGRAMMING?!
"You missed! With a cannon!"
How do you get a note from the teacher on the last day of school?
Mrs. Summers, Least I Could Do
It is pretty impressive that you managed to combine so many ingredients and it came out tasting like nothing.
"He burnt my fries!"
"He burnt my krabby patty!"
"He burnt my shake!"
—Various extras, SpongeBob SquarePants
"I didn't know you could burn juice."
—Rarity, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
"Let me ask you something: How'd you get killed by a motherfucking paralyzed Tailow? It's paralyzed and it's a fucking sparrow!"
—Jon, Game Grumps
"Jumping. In a car. Killed me. No, it's, I don't really, THAT'S THE WAY WE WASH OUR HANDS! FA LA LA LA LA, LA LA LA LA!""
"Somehow you've died during the introduction training exercise. Feel free to try again but this doesnt (sic) bode well for your mission."
One fathomnote down, and one foot more, in sunken wrecks are found
The bones of brave and fearless men the Eerie canal has drowned.
—Al Duvall, One Fathom Down
[T]hat’s what I call a Poverty Pie. It consists of the cheapest graham cracker crust you can find covered in a smattering of the cheapest whipped cream you can buy. As a side note, you never want to have someone slam one of those in your face; the aluminum foil that makes up the ‘pan’ is so thin that it bends into what amounts to a dagger. If you don’t think I know what I am talking about, just look and my chin sometime; there’s a small scar to prove my point. Yes, I was actually injured in a PIE MATCH.
Gavin: Oh, where did [the heart] go? Where did it go?
Michael: You just threw it against the wall like a wet paper towel!