History Main / YouFightLikeACow

** When the ComicBook/NewAvengers went to Japan, {{ComicBook/Luke Cage|HeroForHire}} is thrown over a balcony by ninjas. Being {{Nigh Invulnerab|ility}}le, he not only survives, but he also finds the bright side -- while he was running back up, Spidey "ran out of material."

* In the ''{{Webcomic/Homestuck}}'' fanfic series Fanfic/GoldenAge, Queen Jane has a grand time taunting the highblood captain of the ship she's appeared on. Granted, since he never seems to connect the dots that, as a hologram, she can't exactly be harmed by gunfire, he kind of has it coming.

* In [[FanFic/TheVinylAndOctaviaSeries ''Vinyl and Octavia Have Multiple Dates'']], Octavia ends up getting into a pun battle with Neon Lights. Also includes a ShoutOut to the {{Trope Namer|s}}.
-->'''Neon Lights:''' Yeah well, you� you� You- fight like a cow!\\

* ''Fanfic/TheMountainAndTheWolf'': The Wolf continuously insults all his victims as they fight, but the only one who manages to answer is Euron. Not that it helps him, the Wolf having the advantage of saying things guaranteed to piss off whoever he's fighting (and even the people he's friendly with without meaning to). [[spoiler:The Night King]] also isn't too affected, but just remains silent.

** When Mary Jane temporarily appeared to be dead, Spider-Man beat down a group of small-time criminals without saying a word. The last of them fled in terror, realizing that [[OOCIsSeriousBusiness something was seriously wrong.]] Rule of thumb: if you're fighting Spider-Man, and he's not making jokes, you're about to have a ''very'' bad day. At one point a group of criminals surrendered on the spot when they thought they were up against the Silent Spider, only for it to later turn out that the reason Spider-Man wasn't quipping was because he'd lost his voice temporarily due to laryngitis.

-->'''Sodam Yat:''' I don't trade quips, insults or banter. I'm Corps, not a comedian.

-->'''Miguel:''' You fight like my sister!\\
'''Tulio:''' Ah ha! I've fought your sister! That's a compliment!

* An advantage of its origins in wrestling, since a locked in hold is about as good a time to trash talk your opponent as any. Unless it's some form of choke or smother, the held wrestler can also return insults, especially if they're about to escape. Not a particularly ''smart'' thing to do in a match but it's doable all the same. {{Tag team}} matches allow for banter, since (if no one's cheating) at least two wrestlers will always be free to talk. For the most part, though, wrestlers prefer [[CheapHeat to talk to their audiences]] than to each other during matches. They have promo segments set aside for each other.[[/folder]]

** This is very likely derived from some prestige classes in some third edition settings (like the musketeer class in D20 Past) who gain the ability to automatically confirm critical hits if their player can come up with a witty, relevant and previously unused remark (or a cheap pun, you know whatever) to go with the attack. Like stabbing a vampire and saying "Looks like the ''stakes'' were too high." (We're ignoring the fact that vampires cannot be critically hit.) See the ''Webcomic/TheOrderOfTheStick'' reference below.

* ''TabletopGame/{{Warhammer}}'': The Chaos special character Wulfrik the Wanderer is able to do this in order to challenge enemy champions. His insults are crude and unsubtle (think nine-foot-tall Viking JerkJock metalhead), but thank to Chaos magic they infuriate the target so much they have to fight back (and often fight badly because of it).

** In later games things get more... interesting... In the [[VideoGame/TheCurseOfMonkeyIsland third game]] the fights all take place at sea, so all insults and comebacks ''have to rhyme''. By the [[VideoGame/EscapeFromMonkeyIsland fourth]], [[PlotTumor everything is based around insulting]]: Insult Darts, Insult Mudwrestling, Insult Arm Wrestling, and the BigBad is a CorruptCorporateExecutive who goes around performing hostile property takeovers by challenging everyone into playing insult games with him. Naturally, he wins every time because no-one can make heads or tails of his Australian insult vocabulary. The latter half of the game even centers on finding the Ultimate Insult [[spoiler:and using it to power up a monkey-shaped HumongousMecha]].

** Shadehawk's favorite weapons are his big mouth, IndyPloy and [[{{BFG}} Silver Arrow]], exactly in that order

* The beginning of the third ''Film/TheLibrarian'' movie, ''Curse of the Judas Chalice,'' has an excellent example of this, with Flynn and the ''villain du jour'' dueling on stairs while critiquing each other's technique.

* In ''Kuffs'' during a standoff with some bad guys:

* In ''The Deluge'' (1974 polish film), Kmita, robber and murderer, kidnapped a noblewoman, with whom he fell in love. He barricaded them in a house and threatened besiegers that he would blow up the house with a barrel of powder. Col. Volodyovski forced him to duel, offering Kmita freedom if he wins. But Kmita quickly realised that he met his match.

* ''Fanfic/TheMountainAndTheWolf'': The Wolf continuously insults all his victims as they fight, but the only one who manages to answer is Euron. Not that it helps him, the Wolf having the advantage of innocuously saying things guaranteed to piss off whoever he's fighting (and even the people he's friendly with).

** This trait greatly amplified in the ''ComicBook/UltimateSpiderMan'' incarnation, likely because he is a teenager, making him more of a wiseass and more terrified. How he is able to talk this much while performing superhuman acrobatics without taking so much as a breath is another mystery, though of course, TalkingIsAFreeAction. WordOfGod has it that he quips so much because he's horribly horribly scared and running off at the mouth keeps him distracted from that. [[DependingOnTheWriter Other writers suggest]] that he does it out of boredom: he perceives everything as moving slower and uses jokes and one-liners to kill time. Either way, it serves the purpose of taunting the enemy so that they target him rather than civilians.

--->'''Knives''': I totally grazed you!\\
'''Ramona''': How appropriate. [[ShoutOut You fight like a cow]].

-->'''[[WesternAnimation/BatmanUnderTheRedHood Nightwing]]''': I'm chatty, it's part of my charm.

-->'''Neon Lights''': Yeah well, you� you� You- fight like a cow!
-->'''Octavia''': How appropriate. You fight like a dairy farmer.

-->'''Wolf Boss''': Is that all you got? 'Cause it feels like I'm fighting a big, old, fluffy cloud!
-->'''Po''': Well this cloud is about to bring the thunder!

* ''Film/RobinHoodMenInTights'', the Creator/MelBrooks parody of Myth/RobinHood stories, featured Cary Elwes in an expy of his above role, complete with similar quipping swordplay. His archenemy the Sheriff of Rottingham attempts this and fails...every time.

--> '''Shepard''': How's the legs? Getting tired?
--> '''Kai Leng''': You're still slow, Shepard!
--> '''Shepard''': I'm only slow 'cause I'm not ''running''! You ran at the Citadel! You ran at Thessia! ''All you can do is run!''
--> '''Kai Leng''': [[LameComeback Sh-shut up!]]

--> '''Cloud''': You're so ugly that even Larisa wouldn't give you a kiss on the cheek!
--> '''Theo''': Your mom is a coward who abandoned her home country to live an easy life in America.
--> '''Cloud''': I... I am hurt.

** "Group Therapy." When black-suited Spidey handily defeats the Six, he doesn't speak, prompting Dr. Octopus to comment that this time the hero is serious about what he's doing. However, [[spoiler:Peter wakes up the next morning with no memory of the fight--the suit had used his body after he fell asleep, thus proving that Spidey really does only shut up when he's unconscious]].

** Venom is ''even worse'' than Spider-Man. The web-slinger himself [[HypocriticalHumor gets sick of it]] and screams at the symbiote/host duo to "just shut up". Venom's response: "That Spidey, he can quip it out, ''but he can't take it!''"

-->'''Seamus''': Och, this is your doin' Willie. I'll turn your groin to pudding!\\
'''Willie''': Och, you speak like a poet, but you punch like one, too!

-->'''Bart''': You throw like my sister, man!
-->'''Lisa''': Yes! You throw like me!

* ''ComicBook/WonderWoman1942'': In her final match of the kanga-joust part of the [[ComicBook/WonderWomanNumberOne champion tournament]] Diana and her opponent exchange some quips, with her opponent comparing her to a tulip since she's so much smaller.

* ''Literature/SienkiewiczTrilogy'': In ''The Deluge'', during Wołodyjowski's duel with Kmicic, [[MasterSwordsman the former]] calls out the latter on all of his shabby fencing techniques. A less trashy example than usual, but there are a few comments along the lines of: "Alright, that one? Good for chasing off stray dogs."

* ''ComicBook/SonicTheHedgehog'': While he doesn't do it a lot in the games, Sonic, being the resident MotorMouth, does this quite a bit in the comics. 90% of the time it's as simple as an incredibly lame {{pun}} derived from his opponent's name. He does it often enough that in issue 48, it was explicitly noted by the narration that he wasn't running off at the mouth during a fight.

** When Mary Jane temporarily appeared to be dead, Spider-Man beat down a group of small-time criminals without saying a word. The last of them fled in terror, realizing that [[OOCIsSeriousBusiness something was seriously wrong.]] Rule of thumb: if you're fighting Spider-Man, and he's not making jokes, you're about to have a ''very'' bad day.

'''Slade:''' Impressive. Unless, of course, you were aiming for me.

* The Duels in ''Anime/RevolutionaryGirlUtena'' often contain some form of this; Utena's part, though, can be either participatory or merely reactionary, depending on how invested she is at the moment... or how confused. (Utena, not the audience.) Theatrically, in a series where the difference between reality and reality-as-a-stage has blurred, the duels were depicted as cathartic. This is especially blatant in the final Nanami duel, as [[spoiler: both participants know Nanami hasn't a shot in hell of winning from the start and just needs to HIT someone]].
** In the Utena LiveActionRolePlay ''Still Places'', the winner of a duel is partially determined by whose banter was more psychologically damaging to the opponent.
* Also, the Duels in ''Anime/YuGiOh'' are frequently peppered with insults when the characters don't ContemplateOurNavels.
** [[WebVideo/YuGiOhTheAbridgedSeries The Abridged Series]] references the Monkey Island insult during Joey vs. Kaiba. One of Kaiba's put-downs goes on for nearly a ''minute''.

* Franchise/SpiderMan may not use a sword, but nevertheless, he's the master of the fighting quip. This is greatly amplified in the ''ComicBook/UltimateSpiderMan'' incarnation, likely because he is a teenager, making him more of a wiseass and more terrified. How he is able to talk this much while performing superhuman acrobatics without taking so much as a breath is another mystery, though of course, TalkingIsAFreeAction.
** WordOfGod has it that he quips so much because he's horribly horribly scared and running off at the mouth keeps him distracted from that. [[DependingOnTheWriter Other writers suggest]] that he does it out of boredom: he perceives everything as moving slower and uses jokes and one-liners to kill time. Either way, it serves the purpose of taunting the enemy so that they target him rather than civilians.

** The main universe Spider-Man occasionally comments on this too. In the eighties, he suddenly realized that as the villains were killing people, he was wisecracking.

** When Mary Jane temporarily appeared to be dead a few years ago, Spider-Man beat down a group of small-time criminals without saying a word. The last of them fled in terror, realizing that [[OOCIsSeriousBusiness something was seriously wrong.]] Rule of thumb: if you're fighting Spider-Man, and he's not making jokes, you're about to have a ''very'' bad day.

* ComicBook/SheHulk, a fellow LighterAndSofter (of sorts) superheroine is also a frequent quipper. When Spidey appeared early on in her revived title, with her serving as his lawyer in a suit against J. Jonah Jameson, he even mentions that they enjoy quipping together. (This is also the source of the panel where Spidey claims [[Funny/SpiderMan JJJ hates him because "he's black"]].)
* SelfDemonstrating/{{Deadpool}}, being a lunatic who [[NoFourthWall knows he's in a comic book]], has some truly... interesting... battle banter which often derails into stream-of-consciousness rambling about something completely unrelated (even as he handily beats the stuffing out of his opponent.) In fact, it's speculated by some characters that he does this on purpose to distract his opponents. Several characters, at least, have had lines like, "What are you talking about?" cut off by a blow to the face from Deadpool.
** Given that Spider-Man and Deadpool are the masters of this trope within the Franchise/MarvelUniverse, it should come as no surprise that they utilize this to the fullest when they meet up in Amazing Spider-Man #611, which writer Joe Kelly describes as "a fight that very quickly degenerates into a [[YourMom 'your mother is' joke contest]]."
** Deadpool has at least one voice in his head that he converses with; often he has two or more. As a result, he is one of the only comic book characters who can give "fight like a cow" insults ''to himself''.

** Superman-Prime himself ''tries'' to do this... but he's not good at it.
* ''Comicbook/ScottPilgrim vs. The World''

-->'''Knives''': I totally grazed you!\\

-->'''Scott:''' Shut up, you... guy!\\

* Part of ComicBook/{{Nightwing}}'s stock in trade.
-->'''Nightwing''': [[WesternAnimation/BatmanUnderTheRedHood I'm chatty, it's part of my charm.]]
** Even when Dick was ComicBook/{{Robin}}, he was an expert in strings of witty quips. Even the other Robins seem to have picked this up.
*** It seems to be a habit of the Robins. Tim Drake ([[ComicBook/RobinSeries Robin III]]/ComicBook/RedRobin) was always less prone to quips unless fighting alongside friends to begin with and preferred a more understated shade of sarcasm but has toned back even that. Stephanie Brown (Spoiler/Robin IV/[[ComicBook/Batgirl2009 Batgirl III]]) is snappy like Dick but with a tendency towards [[{{Metaphorgotten}} forgetting where she is going with a phrase]]. Damian Wayne (5th or [[ComicBook/RobinSonOfBatman 4th Robin]], depending on the continuity), throws insults in a SophisticatedAsHell sort of way. Jason Todd (Robin II/Red Hood) seems to give Dick a good run for his money. He throws a lot of smack talk at his opponents (like Nightwing) as a way to get them emotional or distract them. The real difference is that Nightwing does it in a lighter and more playful manner. Jason's witty quips are darker and more sadistic.
* Defied in an issue of ComicBook/GenerationX, where X-Cutioner explicitly tells Skin that he is "not interested in engaging [him] in a witty repartee."
* While he doesn't do it a lot in the games, [[ComicBook/SonictheHedgehog Sonic]], being the resident MotorMouth, does this quite a bit in the comics. 90% of the time it's as simple as an incredibly lame {{pun}} derived from his opponent's name.
** He does it often enough that in issue 48, it was explicitly noted by the narration that he wasn't running off at the mouth during a fight.
** By extension, [[EvilCounterpart Scourge]] also does it quite a bit as well.
** Tails also shows signs of picking up this habit from time to time.

* In ''ComicBook/DeCapeEtDeCrocs'', such sword-fighting banter is usually done in ''Alexandrines''.

[[folder:Fanfiction]]

** And {{lampshade|Hanging}}d in the first Season 3 episode that showed the rest of the crew trying to get on with the slayage without her. Willow, after a ''really'' bad one:

* ''Disney/TheHunchbackOfNotreDame'' played it straight in the fight between Esmeralda and Pheobus, which was rich with CasualDangerDialog.

* One of the nastiest monsters in ''VideoGame/BeyondZork'' is the Insulting Puppet, whose quips are so lethal they cause physical damage. In this case, though, responding in turn is [[FeedItWithFire the worst thing you can do]].

** Also, in season 5, during the fight with Olaf the troll. Anya, being the reason he ''is'' a troll, has a lot to say about him - though she runs out of snark once she gets past, "You're a troll!";

* ''Film/RobinHoodMenInTights'', the Creator/MelBrooks parody of Myth/RobinHood stories, featured Cary Elwes reprising his role as Westley... complete with similar quipping swordplay. His archenemy the Sheriff of Rottingham attempts this and fails...every time.