History Main / RussianHumour

21st May '17 11:10:46 AM nombretomado
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** Another prominent theme is making fun of VictorianBritain stereotypes, especially porridge, which is believed to be the primary food of a QuintessentialBritishGentleman.

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** Another prominent theme is making fun of VictorianBritain UsefulNotes/VictorianBritain stereotypes, especially porridge, which is believed to be the primary food of a QuintessentialBritishGentleman.
26th Apr '17 10:27:49 AM Darth_Biomech
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\n** Third target is the appearance that students are always living beyond poor, in constant need of money, or even starving.
--> A student walks down the hall and sees other student kick a bun along the wall.
-->'''Student:''' OH MY GOD, are you insane? That's a perfectly edible BUN!
-->'''Second student:''' Shhh! When I kick it out over the corner, we'll share it, ok?


24th Apr '17 5:36:15 PM ArcanisX
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--> The Japanese (who in late-Soviet era stereotyped as bleeding edge high-tech, legit for the times) are visiting Soviet Union in a friendly "exchange of expertise". They visit cities, plants, RnD centers... And eventually the program is concluded, Japanese delegation is about to board the plane home. "So, what do you think? How do you like USSR?" - Russians ask. "We cannot help but comment your children. Beautiful, smart, enegretic!" - Japanese reply. "Thank you! And what else?" - "Your children are just brilliant, really." But Russians insist: "Yes, but what you think of our technology? Manufacturing? RnD?" - "Yes, Russian children are very, very good. And what you do using your hands is quite bad."
10th Apr '17 8:20:22 PM Mf9769
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**In heaven, God has decided that only the people with the worst death stories may enter. So the first guy shows up and god asks him what his story is. The man says "I came home from a business tripe to finding my wife naked in our bed, with our balcony door open. I knew she was cheating so I ran outside and saw a guy hanging on the balcony. So I took my hammer and hit his fingers until he fell. But he landed in some garbage and survived. So I took our wardrobe and hurled it off the balcony to finish him off. But it was too heavy, and I had a heart attack, so here I am." God thinks and lets him in. The next man comes up and God asks him what his story is. He says "I was working out on my balcony when I slipped and fell off. But I got lucky: I grabbed on to my downstairs neighbors balcony. But suddenly, this asshole comes out and starts hammering at my fingers until I fell off again. But I got lucky again: I fell on some soft garbage and survived. But this asshole then runs out onto his balcony and throws a damn wardrobe at me, so here I am." God thinks and lets him in. The next man comes up. God says "So, what's your story?" "Well," says the man, "imagine this: I'm hiding in a wardrobe..."




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**As said before, Jewish humor and political humor often goes hand in hand in Russia. A notable example is this:
--->Brezhnev flies into Odessa (one of the most Jewish cities in the former USSR) and is walking around. He notices that no one is there to greet him. He stops a cop and, complaining about no one noticing him, takes the man's gun and shoots it into the air. Still nothing happens, and no one comes out. So Brezhnev fires again. This time, a window above him opens, and a Jew leans out. He yells across the street "MONYA! What's going on?" Monya, across the street, opens his window and yells back "IZYA! Didn't you hear? Brezhnev came to visit!" Izya: "I heard that. Did the first bullet miss?"
25th Mar '17 5:46:29 AM Morgenthaler
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* Lieutenant Rzhevsky, a Hussar from the popular movie ''Film/HussarBallad''. He is renowned for being a womanizer, telling lewd jokes and dropping {{Cluster F Bomb}}s in a SophisticatedAsHell manner. By some weird reason (maybe for sheer contrast), these jokes usually depict him interacting with characters from WarAndPeace such as Natasha Rostove or Pierre Bezukhov. The humor in these jokes comes from the futile attempts of this trash-talking, tit-grabbing BoisterousBruiser to pass as an OfficerAndAGentleman and fit into the polite, sophisticated noble society.

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* Lieutenant Rzhevsky, a Hussar from the popular movie ''Film/HussarBallad''. He is renowned for being a womanizer, telling lewd jokes and dropping {{Cluster F Bomb}}s in a SophisticatedAsHell manner. By some weird reason (maybe for sheer contrast), these jokes usually depict him interacting with characters from WarAndPeace Literature/WarAndPeace such as Natasha Rostove or Pierre Bezukhov. The humor in these jokes comes from the futile attempts of this trash-talking, tit-grabbing BoisterousBruiser to pass as an OfficerAndAGentleman and fit into the polite, sophisticated noble society.
21st Feb '17 9:46:29 AM aurora369
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-->A guard is standing at a checkpoint at the exit of a military base. He sees a warrant officer rolling a handcart through the checkpoint. "It's a warrant officer" - thinks the guard. - "He must be stealing something".
-->'''Guard''': What's in the handcart?
-->'''Warrant Officer''': Just pig dung.
--> The guard rolls up his sleeves and rummages through dung with his hands, finding nothing. He lets the warrant officer go. The situation repeats one more time, two more times, three more times. Finally, the guard asks directly:
--> '''Guard''': Comrade praporschik, what in the world are you stealing?
--> '''Warrant Officer''': Hand carts, you know.
13th Jan '17 7:02:00 AM DeepRed
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--> '''Announcer in the Estonian subway:''' Theee neeeext staaation iiis... Heeere it iiis...

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--> ---> '''Announcer in the Estonian subway:''' Theee neeeext staaation iiis... Heeere it iiis...iiis...



--> At -10 degrees Celsius, heating is switched on in British homes, while Finns change into a long-sleeved shirt. At -20, Austrians fly to Málaga, while Finns celebrate midsummer. At -200, hell freezes over and Finland wins the Eurovision Song Contest. At -273 absolute zero temperature is reached, all atom movement ceases. The Finns shrug and say: "Perkele, a bit chilly today, isn't it?". [[UpToEleven The Siberians start to wear bath robes when smoking on the balcony]].

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--> ---> At -10 degrees Celsius, heating is switched on in British homes, while Finns change into a long-sleeved shirt. At -20, Austrians fly to Málaga, while Finns celebrate midsummer. At -200, hell freezes over and Finland wins the Eurovision Song Contest. At -273 absolute zero temperature is reached, all atom movement ceases. The Finns shrug and say: "Perkele, a bit chilly today, isn't it?". [[UpToEleven The Siberians start to wear bath robes when smoking on the balcony]].
20th Nov '16 5:04:45 AM Morgenthaler
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** A man catches a goldfish and asks it to make him a [[BadAss Hero of Soviet Union]]. Next moment he finds him with two grenades against five German tanks.

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** A man catches a goldfish and asks it to make him a [[BadAss Hero of Soviet Union]].Union. Next moment he finds him with two grenades against five German tanks.
4th Nov '16 1:32:55 AM MAI742
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*** Russian men - "God''damnit'' woman! While you're screwing around here, the queue for fish is ''two blocks long!''"

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*** Russian men - "God''damnit'' woman! While "What the ''fuck'' do you think you're screwing around here, doing? We still don't have any fish, and the queue for fish is ''two blocks long!''"
4th Nov '16 1:31:15 AM MAI742
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*** Russian men - "You slut! While you're screwing around here, they're selling fish on the corner market!"

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*** Russian men - "You slut! "God''damnit'' woman! While you're screwing around here, they're selling the queue for fish on the corner market!"
is ''two blocks long!''"
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