History Main / RussianHumour

24th Feb '18 2:17:50 PM nombretomado
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** Also a cockerel or rooster, however jokes featuring a cockerel only really work if you know from the start of the joke he's supposed to be a closet homosexual: these jokes made more sense back when the Soviet Union criminalised homosexuality and have been dying out since the 90’s. This comes from ''petukh'' (cockerel) being a [[RussianLanguage Fenya]] term for a passive homosexual. A typical story would be the Wolf, the hare and a cockerel in a holding cell awaiting trial and telling each other what they are in there for: the Wolf will go on a long story about he started a fight and beat someone up, but that they deserved it and he doesn’t deserve to be there, the hare will tell an equally long tale where he will come over as a cocky but cowardly thief, black-marketer or conman but that he doesn’t deserve to be there because he’s not really done anything that wrong, and the cockerel will listen to both of their long and complicated stories and then just say “Me, oh. I’m a political prisoner: I pecked [name of unpopular local bigwig/ “Young pioneer”/ “Soviet new man”] in the Arse.”

to:

** Also a cockerel or rooster, however jokes featuring a cockerel only really work if you know from the start of the joke he's supposed to be a closet homosexual: these jokes made more sense back when the Soviet Union criminalised homosexuality and have been dying out since the 90’s. This comes from ''petukh'' (cockerel) being a [[RussianLanguage [[UsefulNotes/RussianLanguage Fenya]] term for a passive homosexual. A typical story would be the Wolf, the hare and a cockerel in a holding cell awaiting trial and telling each other what they are in there for: the Wolf will go on a long story about he started a fight and beat someone up, but that they deserved it and he doesn’t deserve to be there, the hare will tell an equally long tale where he will come over as a cocky but cowardly thief, black-marketer or conman but that he doesn’t deserve to be there because he’s not really done anything that wrong, and the cockerel will listen to both of their long and complicated stories and then just say “Me, oh. I’m a political prisoner: I pecked [name of unpopular local bigwig/ “Young pioneer”/ “Soviet new man”] in the Arse.”
11th Feb '18 7:46:44 PM nombretomado
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* Vovochka (a diminuitive form of "Vova", itself, in turn, a diminutive form of "Vladimir"). A stereotypical Russian [[OrdinaryHighSchoolStudent school student]] (depending on the story, his age may vary from kindergarten to high school): not too bright, not interested in studying, either, prone to underage drinking, smoking, and swearing. Think [[TheSimpsons Bart Simpson]], only sometimes worse. He's apparently a subversion of young Vladimir Lenin, who was a role model character in many didactic tales for children. His most common counterpart is Marivanna (shortened of "Maria [[{{Patronymic}} Ivanovna]]"), a stereotypical Russian schoolmarm, whose portrayal varies from sympathetic to outright offensive. Ever since UsefulNotes/VladimirPutin got elected President, the joke-tellers went meta and started considering Vovochka anecdotes political jokes.

to:

* Vovochka (a diminuitive form of "Vova", itself, in turn, a diminutive form of "Vladimir"). A stereotypical Russian [[OrdinaryHighSchoolStudent school student]] (depending on the story, his age may vary from kindergarten to high school): not too bright, not interested in studying, either, prone to underage drinking, smoking, and swearing. Think [[TheSimpsons Bart Simpson]], only sometimes worse. He's apparently a subversion of young Vladimir Lenin, who was a role model character in many didactic tales for children. His most common counterpart is Marivanna (shortened of "Maria [[{{Patronymic}} [[{{UsefulNotes/Patronymic}} Ivanovna]]"), a stereotypical Russian schoolmarm, whose portrayal varies from sympathetic to outright offensive. Ever since UsefulNotes/VladimirPutin got elected President, the joke-tellers went meta and started considering Vovochka anecdotes political jokes.
9th Feb '18 11:07:11 PM TheBigBopper
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* "New Russians", the ''[[NouveauRiche nouveau riche]] [[GratuitousFrench a la Russe]]''. The stereotype of arrogant and poorly educated post-Perestroika businessmen and gangsters, who seized enormous wealth in TheNineties and were driving around in Mercedes cars and expensive suits, but have no idea what "style" is, only price. Typical plots involve them interacting among each other, bragging about their ill-gotten wealth, or with normal, poor but well-educated people. Or they are rammed by the ArchEnemy of a Mercedes, an old ugly [[TheAllegedCar Zaporozhets]].

to:

* "New Russians", the ''[[NouveauRiche nouveau riche]] [[GratuitousFrench a la Russe]]''. The stereotype of arrogant and poorly educated post-Perestroika businessmen and gangsters, who seized enormous wealth in TheNineties and were driving around in Mercedes cars and expensive suits, but have no idea what "style" is, only price. Typical plots involve them interacting among with each other, bragging about their ill-gotten wealth, or with normal, poor but well-educated people. Or they are rammed by the ArchEnemy of a Mercedes, an old ugly [[TheAllegedCar Zaporozhets]].



*** A Mercedes stops, and an old Zaporozhets crashes into it. Two goons in suits get out, approach an old man in his old car and ask him: "Hi, now you owe us so-o much... you're going to pay or we'll talk ...differently?" Old dude replies "Ah, I haven't much money with me, perhaps you need to talk with my son." "And who's your son?" "Chief of the poultry farm." "Well, call him." Five minutes later an armored carrier stops nearby and several big, armed troopers jumps out. "Dad, how many times must I tell you? My job's not called ''Chief of the Poultry Farm'', but ''Commander of the Golden Eagle Special Detachment''..."

to:

*** A Mercedes stops, and an old Zaporozhets crashes into it. Two goons in suits get out, approach an old man in his old car and ask him: "Hi, now you owe us so-o much... you're going to pay or we'll talk ...differently?" Old dude replies "Ah, I haven't much money with me, perhaps you need to talk with my son." "And who's your son?" "Chief of the poultry farm." "Well, call him." Five minutes later an armored carrier stops nearby and several big, armed troopers jumps jump out. "Dad, how many times must I tell you? My job's not called ''Chief of the Poultry Farm'', but ''Commander of the Golden Eagle Special Detachment''..."



** A man catches a goldfish and asks it to make him a Hero of Soviet Union. Next moment he finds him with two grenades against five German tanks.

to:

** A man catches a goldfish Golden Fish and asks it to make him a Hero of Soviet Union. Next The next moment he finds him himself with two grenades against five German tanks.



-->'''Drunkard''': A block?! What, you think I've got a [[BiggerIsBetterInBed damn fire hose]] in my pants here?!

to:

-->'''Drunkard''': A block?! What, you think I've got a [[BiggerIsBetterInBed [[GagPenis damn fire hose]] in my pants here?!



** another target is annoying tendencies to leave all the study for several weeks before exams.
--> A student died and went to hell. There the Devil offer him a choice: either he will go to regular hell, or to student version of it. He asks to see both. In regular hell he was told, that it is almost normal life except each day a nail is nailed into one's ass, ouch. In student hell he was told that it is exactly as real student life. Obviously, he chosen student hell and had half a year of normal life. At the end of the semester the Devil comes with a bucket of nails

to:

** another Another target is their annoying tendencies tendency to leave all the study studying for several weeks before exams.
--> A student died dies and went goes to hell. There the Devil offer offers him a choice: either he will go to regular hell, or to student the version of it.for students. He asks to see both. In regular hell he was told, is told that it is almost normal life life, except each that every day a nail is nailed driven into one's ass, ouch. ass. Ouch! In student hell he was he's told that it is exactly as like real student life. Obviously, he chosen chooses student hell and had has half a year of normal life. At the end of the semester the Devil comes with a bucket of nailsnails:



** Third target is the appearance that students are always living beyond poor, in constant need of money, or even starving.

to:

** Third A third target is the appearance stereotype that students are always living beyond poor, in constant need of money, or even starving.



--> '''Chukchee:''' Hey, I was in the city, purchased TV.
--> '''Geologist:''' Dude, you need an outlet to plug TV in!

to:

--> '''Chukchee:''' Hey, I was in the city, city and I purchased a TV.
--> '''Geologist:''' Dude, you need an outlet to plug the TV in!



*** Finns also have a [[MemeticBadass memetic]] ability to withstand cold, however not greater than [[GrimUpNorth Siberians]]:

to:

*** Finns also have a [[MemeticBadass memetic]] ability to withstand cold, however although not greater than quite as well as [[GrimUpNorth Siberians]]:
1st Feb '18 5:09:19 PM nombretomado
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*** Stirlitz heard someone knocking the door. He opened. There was a little dog. "What are you doing here, silly thing?" - he asked kindly. "You fool! I'm from [[MoscowCentre Centre]]." (This dog and Stirlitz's line were in the series. The dog didn't respond though.)

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*** Stirlitz heard someone knocking the door. He opened. There was a little dog. "What are you doing here, silly thing?" - he asked kindly. "You fool! I'm from [[MoscowCentre [[UsefulNotes/MoscowCentre Centre]]." (This dog and Stirlitz's line were in the series. The dog didn't respond though.)
14th Jan '18 10:41:45 PM Omeganian
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->'A girl in the field had once found a razor\\

to:

->'A --->'A girl in the field had once found a razor\\
14th Jan '18 10:40:41 PM Omeganian
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Added DiffLines:

*** Here is an example of a less mild one:
->'A girl in the field had once found a razor\\
"What is this, daddy?" she asked in amazement.\\
"It is a harmonica." daddy then says\\
...And wider and wider [[GlasgowGrin the grin]] on her face.
27th Dec '17 8:30:20 AM lakingsif
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Like the British, Russians pride themselves on possessing a well-developed and all-encompassing sense of humour. Almost every print publication will have at least a few jokes in it, up to and including the TV guide. They say that while in most countries, TheInternetIsForPorn, in Russia, The Internet Is for Jokes.

to:

Like the British, {{British|Humour}}, Russians pride themselves on possessing a well-developed and all-encompassing sense of humour. Almost every print publication will have at least a few jokes in it, up to and including the TV guide. They say that while in most countries, TheInternetIsForPorn, in Russia, The Internet Is for Jokes.
24th Nov '17 2:25:35 AM mindbound
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--> '''Translation''': My darling never kisses me, he's always saying "later, later". Once I came, and he's on an over, rehearsing with a cat.

to:

--> '''Translation''': My darling never kisses me, he's always saying "later, later". Once I came, and he's on an over, oven, rehearsing with a cat.
8th Nov '17 11:47:03 AM TheWildWestPyro
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** The late Russian author Vasily Aksyonov told a story about a Soviet army officer he encountered in the late 1960's, at a time when tensions between the Soviet Union and China were at an all-time high, to the level of [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sino-Soviet_border_conflict open battles on their mutual border]]. Anyway, the officer was crying his eyes out, and Aksyonov asked why. The other man sobbed, "If the Chinese invade us, they'll confiscate my new motorcycle!" Replied Aksyonov, "Aren't you worried that, if we go to war with the United States, the Americans would confiscate your motorcycle?" The officer looked at Aksyonov as though the latter were an idiot and replied scornfully, "Don't be stupid, comrade. The Americans respect private property."

to:

** The late Russian author Vasily Aksyonov told a story about a Soviet army officer he encountered in the late 1960's, at a time when tensions between the Soviet Union and China were at an all-time high, to the level of [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sino-Soviet_border_conflict open battles on their mutual border]]. Anyway, the officer was crying his eyes out, and Aksyonov asked why. The other man sobbed, "If the Chinese invade us, they'll confiscate my new motorcycle!" Replied Aksyonov, "Aren't you worried that, if we go to war with the United States, the Americans would confiscate your motorcycle?" The officer stopped crying, looked at Aksyonov as though the latter were an idiot and replied scornfully, "Don't be stupid, comrade. The Americans respect private property."
12th Oct '17 10:59:10 PM Alceister
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--> The Japanese (who in late-Soviet era stereotyped as bleeding edge high-tech, legit for the times) are visiting Soviet Union in a friendly "exchange of expertise". They visit cities, plants, RnD centers... And eventually the program is concluded, Japanese delegation is about to board the plane home. "So, what do you think? How do you like USSR?" - Russians ask. "We cannot help but comment your children. Beautiful, smart, enegretic!" - Japanese reply. "Thank you! And what else?" - "Your children are just brilliant, really." But Russians insist: "Yes, but what you think of our technology? Manufacturing? RnD?" - "Yes, Russian children are very, very good. And what you do using your hands is quite bad."

to:

--> The Japanese (who in late-Soviet era stereotyped as bleeding edge high-tech, legit for the times) are visiting Soviet Union in a friendly "exchange of expertise". They visit cities, plants, RnD R & D centers... And eventually the program is concluded, Japanese delegation is about to board the plane home. "So, what do you think? How do you like USSR?" - Russians ask. "We cannot help but comment your children. Beautiful, smart, enegretic!" - Japanese reply. "Thank you! And what else?" - "Your children are just brilliant, really." But Russians insist: "Yes, but what you think of our technology? Manufacturing? RnD?" R & D?" - "Yes, Russian children are very, very good. And what you do using your hands is quite bad."
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