History Main / RussianHumour

13th Apr '16 4:36:05 PM MAI742
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----> '''A''': You kill a bunch of Armenian coffee beans, then [[WouldBeRudeToSayGenocide lie about it for a hundred years]].

to:

----> '''A''': You kill grind up a bunch of million Armenian coffee beans, then [[WouldBeRudeToSayGenocide lie about it for a hundred years]].century]].
13th Apr '16 4:07:21 PM MAI742
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*** And so many blacks, at that![[note]][[ArtisticLicensePhysics Technically, black is not a colour.]] [[DontExplainTheJoke It is the absence of light, and so by definition it cannot be a colour.]][[/note]]

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*** And so many blacks, at that![[note]][[ArtisticLicensePhysics Technically, black is not a colour.Physicists hate blacks...]] as 'colours'. [[DontExplainTheJoke It Actual black is the absence of light, and so by definition it cannot be a colour.colour. So-called 'black' colours are, therefore, not actually black.]][[/note]]
13th Apr '16 4:04:04 PM MAI742
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*** And so many blacks, at that![[note]][[ArtisticLicensePhysics If you ask a physicist, black is not actually a colour.]] [[DontExplainTheJoke Quite the contrary, while white is all colours mixed, black is all colours missing.]][[/note]]

to:

*** And so many blacks, at that![[note]][[ArtisticLicensePhysics If you ask a physicist, Technically, black is not actually a colour.]] [[DontExplainTheJoke Quite It is the contrary, while white is all colours mixed, black is all colours missing.absence of light, and so by definition it cannot be a colour.]][[/note]]
13th Apr '16 3:57:30 PM MAI742
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** Stirlitz had a thought. He liked it, so he had another one.

to:

** Stirlitz had a thought. He liked it, so he had another one.another.



** Stirlitz, walking down the corridor, subtly pushed the door of Bormann's office. The door didn't move. Stirlitz stopped, looked around and pushed harder. No effect. "Hmm... It must be closed", Stirlitz deducted.

to:

** Stirlitz, walking down the corridor, subtly pushed the door of Bormann's office. office as he passed it. The door didn't move.budge. Stirlitz stopped, looked around and pushed harder. No effect. "Hmm... It it must be closed", Stirlitz deducted.deduced.



---> Stirlitz, walking down the corridor, subtly pushed the door of Bormann's office. The door didn't move. Stirlitz stopped, looked around and pushed harder. No effect.
---> '''Narrator's voiceover:''' [[DoorDumb Pull, you idiot!]]

to:

---> Stirlitz, walking down the corridor, subtly pushed the door of Bormann's office. The door didn't move. Stirlitz stopped, looked around and pushed harder. No To no effect.
---> '''Narrator's voiceover:''' [[DoorDumb Pull, ''Pull'', you idiot!]]



*** And so many blacks, at that![[note]][[ArtisticLicensePhysics If you ask a physicist, black is no colour.]] [[DontExplainTheJoke Quite the contrary, while white is all colours mixed, black is all colours missing.]][[/note]]

to:

*** And so many blacks, at that![[note]][[ArtisticLicensePhysics If you ask a physicist, black is no not actually a colour.]] [[DontExplainTheJoke Quite the contrary, while white is all colours mixed, black is all colours missing.]][[/note]]
8th Mar '16 7:50:39 AM aurora-australis
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*** And so many blacks, at that![[note]][[ArtisticLicensePhysics If you ask a physicist, black is no colour.]][[Don'tExplainTheJoke Quite the contrary, while white is all colours mixed, black is all colours missing.]][[/note]]

to:

*** And so many blacks, at that![[note]][[ArtisticLicensePhysics If you ask a physicist, black is no colour.]][[Don'tExplainTheJoke ]] [[DontExplainTheJoke Quite the contrary, while white is all colours mixed, black is all colours missing.]][[/note]]
8th Mar '16 7:49:43 AM aurora-australis
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*** And so many blacks, at that![[note]][[ArtisticLicensePhysics If you ask a physicist, black is no colour.]] [[Don'tExplainTheJoke Quite the contrary, while white is all colours mixed, black is all colours missing.]][[/note]]

to:

*** And so many blacks, at that![[note]][[ArtisticLicensePhysics If you ask a physicist, black is no colour.]] [[Don'tExplainTheJoke ]][[Don'tExplainTheJoke Quite the contrary, while white is all colours mixed, black is all colours missing.]][[/note]]
8th Mar '16 7:48:24 AM aurora-australis
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*** And so many blacks, at that!

to:

*** And so many blacks, at that!that![[note]][[ArtisticLicensePhysics If you ask a physicist, black is no colour.]] [[Don'tExplainTheJoke Quite the contrary, while white is all colours mixed, black is all colours missing.]][[/note]]
26th Feb '16 6:41:20 PM MAI742
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**** And so many blacks, at that!



:::[[{{DontExplainTheJoke}} Yes, only the]] [[UsefulNotes/RussiansWithRifles the Royal Army]] had lords or generals in the civil war. Reds, Greens, and Blacks had]] [[InsistentTerminology commanders, not officers]].)

to:

:::[[{{DontExplainTheJoke}} Yes, only the]] [[UsefulNotes/RussiansWithRifles the Royal Army]] had lords or generals in the civil war. Reds, Greens, and Blacks had]] had [[InsistentTerminology commanders, not officers]].)
26th Feb '16 6:39:38 PM MAI742
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** Stirlitz wakes up to find out he has been arrested. "Who got me? Which name should I use?" - he wonders. - "Let's see. If they wear black uniforms, I'll say I'm Standartenführer Stirlitz. If they wear green uniforms, I'm Colonel Isayev". The door opens and a policeman in a blue uniform comes in saying: "You really should ease up on the vodka, Comrade Tikhonov!"
*** Creator/VyacheslavTikhonov is the name of the actor who played Stirlitz. The uniform colours correspond to SS, Soviet military, and Soviet police.

to:

** Stirlitz (played by Creator/VyacheslavTikhonov in the TV series) wakes up to find out in a cell with no recollection of how he has been arrested.got there. "Who got me? Which name should I use?" - he wonders. - "Let's see. If they wear black (SS) uniforms, I'll say I'm Standartenführer Stirlitz. If they wear green (Red Army) uniforms, I'm Colonel Isayev". The door opens and a blue-uniformed NKVD policeman in a blue uniform comes in saying: "You really should ease up on the vodka, Comrade Tikhonov!"
*** Creator/VyacheslavTikhonov is the name of the actor who played Stirlitz. The uniform colours correspond to SS, Soviet military, and Soviet police.
Tikhonov!"



** While Muller was driving at 120 km/h, Stirlitz was running nearby, pretending he is not in hurry.

to:

** While Muller was driving at 120 km/h, km/h. Stirlitz was running nearby, pretending he is not in hurry.alongside him, trying to look unhurried.



---> -Of course. Well, kids, I fought in the civil war. It was a fine morning in September, I remember it as if it were only yesterday... our platoon had had a long march and we were resting on the banks of a river. So I'm sitting there, eating an apple, my machine-gun in my lap. Then suddenly, I see movement - there's some guy swimming across the river. His Excellency, next to me, jumps up and shouts "''It's Chapayev!'' Shoot, Ivan, Shoot!"
:::(For those who didn't get it from the punchline...[[{{CaptainObvious}} 'Your Excellency' was a form of address for generals in]] [[UsefulNotes/RussiansWithRifles the Royal Army]], [[{{DontExplainTheJoke}} and the only generals in the civil war were with the Whites. Reds, Greens, and Blacks had]] [[InsistentTerminology commanders, not officers]].)

to:

---> -Of course. Well, kids, I fought in the civil war. It was a fine morning in September, I remember it as if it were only yesterday... our platoon had had a long march and we were resting on the banks of a river. So I'm sitting there, eating an apple, my machine-gun in my lap. Then suddenly, I see movement - there's some guy swimming across the river. His Excellency, Lordship the General, next to me, jumps up and shouts "''It's Chapayev!'' Shoot, Ivan, Shoot!"
:::(For those who didn't get it from the punchline...[[{{CaptainObvious}} 'Your Excellency' was a form of address for generals in]] :::[[{{DontExplainTheJoke}} Yes, only the]] [[UsefulNotes/RussiansWithRifles the Royal Army]], [[{{DontExplainTheJoke}} and the only Army]] had lords or generals in the civil war were with the Whites. war. Reds, Greens, and Blacks had]] [[InsistentTerminology commanders, not officers]].)
26th Feb '16 6:32:54 PM MAI742
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Russian humor is extremely pervasive. Almost every print publication will have at least a few jokes in it, up to and including the TV guide. They say that while in most countries, TheInternetIsForPorn, in Russia, The Internet Is for Jokes.

to:

Russian humor is extremely pervasive.Like the British, Russians pride themselves on possessing a well-developed and all-encompassing sense of humour. Almost every print publication will have at least a few jokes in it, up to and including the TV guide. They say that while in most countries, TheInternetIsForPorn, in Russia, The Internet Is for Jokes.
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http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/article_history.php?article=Main.RussianHumour