History Main / RussianHumour

21st Feb '17 9:46:29 AM aurora369
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-->A guard is standing at a checkpoint at the exit of a military base. He sees a warrant officer rolling a handcart through the checkpoint. "It's a warrant officer" - thinks the guard. - "He must be stealing something".
-->'''Guard''': What's in the handcart?
-->'''Warrant Officer''': Just pig dung.
--> The guard rolls up his sleeves and rummages through dung with his hands, finding nothing. He lets the warrant officer go. The situation repeats one more time, two more times, three more times. Finally, the guard asks directly:
--> '''Guard''': Comrade praporschik, what in the world are you stealing?
--> '''Warrant Officer''': Hand carts, you know.
13th Jan '17 7:02:00 AM DeepRed
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--> '''Announcer in the Estonian subway:''' Theee neeeext staaation iiis... Heeere it iiis...

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--> ---> '''Announcer in the Estonian subway:''' Theee neeeext staaation iiis... Heeere it iiis...iiis...



--> At -10 degrees Celsius, heating is switched on in British homes, while Finns change into a long-sleeved shirt. At -20, Austrians fly to Málaga, while Finns celebrate midsummer. At -200, hell freezes over and Finland wins the Eurovision Song Contest. At -273 absolute zero temperature is reached, all atom movement ceases. The Finns shrug and say: "Perkele, a bit chilly today, isn't it?". [[UpToEleven The Siberians start to wear bath robes when smoking on the balcony]].

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--> ---> At -10 degrees Celsius, heating is switched on in British homes, while Finns change into a long-sleeved shirt. At -20, Austrians fly to Málaga, while Finns celebrate midsummer. At -200, hell freezes over and Finland wins the Eurovision Song Contest. At -273 absolute zero temperature is reached, all atom movement ceases. The Finns shrug and say: "Perkele, a bit chilly today, isn't it?". [[UpToEleven The Siberians start to wear bath robes when smoking on the balcony]].
20th Nov '16 5:04:45 AM Morgenthaler
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** A man catches a goldfish and asks it to make him a [[BadAss Hero of Soviet Union]]. Next moment he finds him with two grenades against five German tanks.

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** A man catches a goldfish and asks it to make him a [[BadAss Hero of Soviet Union]].Union. Next moment he finds him with two grenades against five German tanks.
4th Nov '16 1:32:55 AM MAI742
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*** Russian men - "God''damnit'' woman! While you're screwing around here, the queue for fish is ''two blocks long!''"

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*** Russian men - "God''damnit'' woman! While "What the ''fuck'' do you think you're screwing around here, doing? We still don't have any fish, and the queue for fish is ''two blocks long!''"
4th Nov '16 1:31:15 AM MAI742
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*** Russian men - "You slut! While you're screwing around here, they're selling fish on the corner market!"

to:

*** Russian men - "You slut! "God''damnit'' woman! While you're screwing around here, they're selling the queue for fish on the corner market!"
is ''two blocks long!''"
28th Oct '16 2:17:50 PM NotThisThing
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* Stirlitz. This is a character from the highly popular Soviet TV series ''Series/SeventeenMomentsOfSpring''. The series is about a Soviet spy, Maxim Isayev, who infiltrates Nazi Germany under the guise of [[ColonelBadass Standartenführer]] (see UsefulNotes/CommonRanks) Otto von Stirlitz and foils its plans to enter into separate peace treaty with the Western Allies. Stirlitz interacts with Nazi officials Walther Schellenberg, Ernst Kaltenbrunner, Martin Bormann, Heinrich Müller. In the jokes he interacts with them as well as with fictional female radio operator Kat, pastor Schlagg, professor Pleischner and other characters in the series.
::Most Stirlitz jokes are based on puns and wordgames. The series itself is dark and moody, similar to American FilmNoir, and has a solemn {{narrator}}'s voice that narrates the inner dialogue of the characters. In the jokes, however, the stern voice tells hilarious puns instead of superlogical trains of thought. Here is a typical example:

to:

* Stirlitz. This is a character from the highly popular Soviet TV series ''Series/SeventeenMomentsOfSpring''. The series is about a Soviet spy, Maxim Isayev, who infiltrates Nazi Germany under the guise of [[ColonelBadass Standartenführer]] (see UsefulNotes/CommonRanks) Otto von Stirlitz and foils its plans to enter into separate peace treaty with the Western Allies. Stirlitz interacts with Nazi officials Walther Schellenberg, Ernst Kaltenbrunner, Martin Bormann, Heinrich Müller. In the jokes he interacts with them as well as with fictional female radio operator Kat, pastor Schlagg, professor Pleischner and other characters in the series.
::Most
series. Most Stirlitz jokes are based on puns and wordgames. The series itself is dark and moody, similar to American FilmNoir, and has a solemn {{narrator}}'s voice that narrates the inner dialogue of the characters. In the jokes, however, the stern voice tells hilarious puns instead of superlogical trains of thought. Here is a typical example:
19th Oct '16 12:22:21 PM RuskieRampage
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** Vovochka sees his parents having sex "and these people won't let me pick my nose"
19th Oct '16 10:11:42 AM Pseudoname
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-->A MI6 agent, a CIA agent, and a KGB agent are in the woods and told to find a bear. They go off and search for a while, after which the MI6 agent and the CIA agent return emptyhanded. "After searching the woods," the MI6 agent says, "I have been unable to find a bear." "After searching the woods," the CIA agent says, "I have determined that bears do not exist." At that point their attention is drawn by a sound in the woods. Upon investigating, they find the KGB agent beating a rabbit. "We already have confessions from your friends and family!" he yells, "Admit that you're a bear!"
6th Oct '16 11:35:50 AM NotThisThing
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-->----

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-->----


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6th Oct '16 11:30:55 AM NotThisThing
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-->'''Drunkard''': A block?! What, you think I've got a [[BiggusDickus damn fire hose]] in my pants here?!

to:

-->'''Drunkard''': A block?! What, you think I've got a [[BiggusDickus [[BiggerIsBetterInBed damn fire hose]] in my pants here?!
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http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/article_history.php?article=Main.RussianHumour