History Funny / TheHeroesOfOlympus

** Her sister Euryale wears a name badge that says "Hello! My name is [-DIE, DEMIGOD SCUM!-]"

** At Camp Jupiter:

* Percy's [[LessEmbarrassingTerm masculine accessory bag]].

* Finding out that Amazon.com is run by ''actual'' Amazons.

-->'''Frank:''' What are you going to do? Cancel free shipping?

** When Frank asks Percy if Arion is "tame".

'''Hazel:''' You speak horse?!\\
'''Frank:''' "Baby man"?

'''Percy:''' Laistry-I can't even say that. What would you call them in English?\\
'''Annabeth:''' Canadians.\\

'''Percy:''' Canadians.\\
'''Frank (a Chinese Canadian):''' ''Excuse'' me?

** When Frank asks Percy if Arion is "tame".\\
--->'''Percy:''' I don't think so. He just said "I will trample you to death, silly Chinese Canadian baby man".\\

[[folder: The Mark of Athena]]

[[folder: The House of Hades]]

--> '''Nico''': Masts ''are'' from trees.\\
'''Leo''': Not the point!

--> '''Nico''': I- I had the weirdest nightmare about popcorn. (''looks at Frank'') Why are you ''taller''?

--> '''Jason''': Atlantis?
--> '''Percy''': That's a myth.
--> '''Jason''': Uh...don't we deal in myths?
--> '''Percy''': No, I mean it's a MADE-UP myth. Not like, an actual true myth.
--> '''Jason''': So this is why Annabeth is the brains of the operation, huh?
--> '''Percy''': Shut up, Grace.

-->THE DOCTOR IS: IN DA HOUSE
-->NOW SERVING: ALL DA LADIES LUV LEO!

--> '''Aphrodite''': Don't you think we are all asking ourselves that, honey?

-->'''Jason''': The winds. Father, can't you unleash the winds to send our ship back?
-->'''Zeus''': [glowering] I could slap you back to Long Island.
-->'''Jason''': Um, was that a joke, or a threat, or--
-->'''Zeus''': No, I mean it quite literally.

--> '''Piper:''' (stifling a laugh) My god, Leo. How did you do that?\\
'''Leo:''' [[{{BadassBoast}} I'm a special boy.]]

-->'''Leo:''' His name is ''Boreas''? What is he, the God of Boring? [[labelnote:Actually]] the God of Winter and the North Wind [[/labelnote]]

--->'''Zethes:''' I am Zethes, [[DistinctionWithoutADifference which is short for Zethes.]]

-->'''Coach Hedge:''' Come on, Valdez! Pick up the pace! Let's chant. ''I've got a girl in Kalamazoo -''\\

--> Jason imagined trying to get food at a restaurant. ''I'll have a cheeseburger and - Ahhh! My friend's on fire! Get me a bucket!''

--> '''Thalia:''' How do you feel?\\

* Mellie (a wind spirit) describing her new job:
--> '''Mellie:''' I love this job. It's - um - a breeze.

--> '''Chiron:''' Lou Ellen, please give Miranda her nose back. Travis, if you'd kindly extinguish the flaming ping-pong ball and, Butch, I think twenty pencils is really too much for any human nostril. Thank you.

--> When Frank asked Hazel how her beef was feeling today, and she replied that his shoe was green, they decided to give up.

* A conversation between June (Juno in her hippie-lady form) and Percy:

-->'''Hazel:''' "No one dies. Well, not usually. And if they do—"\\
'''Frank:''' ''(imitating Vitellius)'' "They're wimps! Back in my day, we died all the time, and we liked it!"

** He then ''pulls out a grenade!'' [[OhCrap Panic ensues]], but then Mars turns the grenade into…a pen.
** This one gets funnier in hindsight when you find out later that Percy's sword, Riptide, actually can do pen form (when the cap is placed on the opposite end) in ''House of Hades''.

--> '''Octavian:''' This says "Go to Alaska. Find Thanatos and free him. Come back by sundown on June twenty-fourth or die."\\

'''Mars (casually pulling out a second grenade):''' Yes?\\

-->'''Grain spirit:''' Wheat! I'll give you wheat!
-->Arion stomped him into a pile of breakfast cereal.

--> '''Polybotes:''' I am Polybotes! Kneel before me so I may destroy you quickly.
--> Apparently, no one in the store was impressed. A [chocolate muffin] came sailing out of the window and landed at the giant's feet.

-->'''Frank:''' I've got ... um ... amazing powers - and stuff.
-->The basilisks circled him, taking their time. Maybe they were hesitating because of the spear. Maybe they just couldn't believe how stupid Frank was.
-->Frank let the spear tip drop (...) When he lifted it out, the tip was gone - broken off in the dirt. [[SarcasmMode Wonderful.]] Now he had a golden stick.

** Percy asks a whale to carry them to Alaska. The whale asks if they're seals, and Percy replies, 'No, but I've got a man satchel full of macrobiotic beef jerky.'
--->'''Whale:''' ''[shudders at the sight of the jerky]'' [[TakeThat Promise not to feed me this, and I will take you north.]]

** Hazel sees some of the Amazons reading tablets which [[FishOutOfTemporalWater she guesses are some sort of laptops - secret advanced Amazon technology]]. Doubly funny if you happen to be reading the book on a Kindle.
** The Amazons coming to the aid of Camp Jupiter on battle forklifts

-->'''Kinzie''': The mortals don't realize they are funding the Amazon kingdom. Soon, we'll be richer than any mortal nation. Then - when the weak mortals depend on us for everything - the revolution will begin!
-->'''Frank''': What are you going to do? Cancel free shipping?

** When Frank asks Percy if Arion is "tame".
--->'''Percy''': I don't think so. He just said "I will trample you to death, silly Chinese Canadian baby man".
--->'''Hazel''': You speak horse?!
--->'''Frank''': "Baby man"?

--> '''Ella''': Tree. Tree. Tree.

--> '''Percy''': Seriously? To Grandmother's house we go?

-->''At the beginning of "The Sea of Monsters"''
-->'''Percy:''' Laistry-I can't even say that. What would you call them in English?
-->'''Annabeth:''' Canadians.
-->''Five books later...''
-->'''Frank:''' What are these guys?
-->'''Percy:''' Canadians.
-->'''Frank (a Chinese Canadian):''' ''Excuse'' me?

-->'''Ella''': Spears are good for subtraction.

-->'''Frank:''' Weapons. Right. I've ''never'' handled weapons before.
-->'''Grandmother:''' Was that sarcasm, Fai Zhang?
-->'''Frank:''' Yes, Grandmother.
-->'''Grandmother:''' Good. There may be hope for you yet.\\
...
-->'''Grandmother:''' They want to cook you and eat you, which is ridiculous. You'd taste terrible.

-->'''Hazel''': So the prophecy ''was'' incomplete! It probably said something like: ''The son of Neptune will drown a whole bunch of ghosts''.

--> His joints were so stiff he could barely walk. If he went into battle like this, the enemy would call him Old Man Jackson.

---> '''Percy:''' Okay, fair. But next time I say you're totally ''beast...''

---> '''Tyson:''' Bad pony-men! BOO!
---> '''Tyson:''' General Tyson says [[SuddenlyShouting GO AWAY]]!

---> '''Ella:''' The groin. The Earthborn's groin is sensitive.
---> '''SMASH!'''
---> '''Ella:''' Good. Yes. [[GroinAttack Tyson found its groin]].

-->'I'm fine!' Percy yelled as he ran by, followed by a giant screaming bloody murder.

--> '''Leo:''' What's my title? Am I like admiral, or captain, or -
--> '''Piper:''' Repair boy.
--> '''Leo:''' Very funny, Piper. So yeah, I'm ... ah .. supreme commander of the ''Argo II''.

** Pretty much anything Terminus says. He's ''very'' sensitive about his lack of arms, as well as being SuperOCD.

--> '''Annabeth''': (glaring at Chiron) Okay, thank you, Captain Sunshine.

* The fact that the name Leo gives the Automaton dragon he uses for the whole series is ''Festus'' (which means Happy):
-->'''Jason''': "You want us to ride off to save the world on ''Happy'' the Dragon?"

--> '''Leo:''' His name is ''Boreas''? What is he, the God of Boring? [[labelnote:Actually]] the God of Winter and the North Wind [[/labelnote]]

--> '''Cal:''' Pizza! Hockey! Destroy!

--> '''Zethes:''' I am Zethes, [[DistinctionWithoutADifference which is short for Zethes.]]

--> '''Leo:''' Holy Mother!\\

--> '''Coach Hedge:''' (nodding in approval) Staplers - excellent source of iron.

--> '''Coach Hedge:''' Come on, Valdez! Pick up the pace! Let's chant. ''I've got a girl in Kalamazoo -''
--> '''Thalia:''' Let's not.

--> '''Aphrodite:''' That painter [[Creator/SandroBotticelli Botticelli]] had quite an imagination. I ''never'' stood on a seashell, thank you very much.

--->'''Percy''': Before you slash me to bits, who's this patron you mentioned?\\
'''Euryale''': The goddess Gaea, of course! The one who brought us back from oblivion! You won't live long enough to meet her, but your friends below will soon face her wrath. Even now, her armies are marching south. At the Feast of Fortune, she'll awaken, and the demigods will be cut down like—like—\\
'''Stheno''': Like our low prices at Bargain Mart!

--> '''June''': All roads lead there, child. You should know that.\\
'''[[BookDumb Percy]]''': Detention?

-->'''Frank''':'' Can your sword do grenade form?''\\
'''Percy''':'' No. Shut up.''

-->'''Senator 1:''' He's still a probie!
-->'''Senator 2:''' Impossible!
-->'''Senator 3:''' [[ArsonMurderAndJaywalking Water cannon up my nose!]]

-->'''Terminus:''' You seem to be clean. Do you have anything to declare?
-->'''Percy:''' Yes. I declare this is stupid.

---> '''Terminus:''' Ha ha! You see that? I am strangling you with my mighty arms!
---> ''*Polybotes looks at him like he's crazy, and then proceeds to smash the bust Terminus is inhabiting.*''
---> '''Terminus' head:''' OH YOU DID NOT! I AM VERY ANGRY NOW!

--> '''Aphrodite:''' That painter Botticelli had quite an imagination. I ''never'' stood on a seashell, thank you very much.

* Percy saya that "Phlegethon" sounds like a marathon for hawking spitballs.

* [[ItMakesSenseInContext "Oh, no. I am turning into a crazy dolphin]]." Said in a complete monotone.

-->'''Percy:''' I ''said'', '''Frank is turning into a crazy dolphin!'''

-->'''Grandmother:''' Good. There may be hope for you yet.

* Percy is mad because Poseidon gave the Zhangs the power to change shape while he can't, rendering Frank nearly speechless given the ''terrifyingly awesome'' powers Percy has revealed: giant fists of Tiber water, exploding water cannon, mini-hurricanes...
---> '''Percy:''' Okay, fair. But next time I say you're totally beast...

* The ''entire'' franchise in a nutshell:

* Leo wanting to paint WASSUP? and a smiley face on the bottom of the ''Argo II'' hull, and Annabeth vetoing the idea because she wasn't sure if the Romans have a sense of humour
* The insulting nicknames for Hera/Juno continue in this book, the latest being Annabeth's "Her Most Annoying Majesty, Queen of Olympus".

** The Romans are naturally alarmed at having an outsider judo-flip their praetor. Jason has to introduce her as not a person who normally judo-flips people, and Reyna asks if Annabeth is, in fact, a Roman or Amazon.

* Leo being horrified that Ella is comparing his ''Argo II'' to the ''Titanic''

** Doubly hilarious and awesome/sad after realizing two things. 1: The bickering gives us insight into what is going on between Zeus and Poseidon according to Chiron ("You were always Mom Rhea's favourite!" "Celestial miracles are way cooler than maritime ones!"). 2: Despite the bickering, Percy and Jason get along. Makes you wonder what Zeus and Poseidon could achieve if they would just work together...

* When Nico finally comes to after being freed from the bronze jar, he starts groaning and crawling away. [[NoSympathy Percy considers throwing Wonder bread at him to make him shut up and crawl faster]].

* Percy thinking that "Phlegethon" sounds like a marathon for hawking spitballs
* Leo wakes up from a dream hugging the statue of Nike, Jason asks what he was doing and Leo mutters that they were cuddling.

* Leo thinking that Frank turned into a silverback gorilla to commune with the monkey dwarfs

* The reason why Nico knew about the ''katobleps''? It was a rare card in his Mythomagic deck. Frank is quiet for a moment before confessing that he likes Mythomagic. Their conversation is ended by Triptolemus asking if they are done ''geeking out''.

* If to fulfil the prophecy, Leo offers to set Coach Hedge on fire. Piper imagines the satyr attacking Gaea screaming, "Die, scumbag!" and almost laughs. Almost.

* Cal and Zethes finding [[BrickJoke Hera's "D-list goddess" insult from ''The Lost Hero'']] ActuallyPrettyFunny.

* Annabeth writing her own obituary:

* Percy wanting to leave Tartarus as soon as possible before their disguise wears off and because "He didn’t want to spend the rest of his life looking like an extra from The Walking Dead.”

* Annabeth, Piper, and Jason are infiltrating a meeting of giants and Gaia-raised ghosts. Things go great, until Jason gets impaled. In a panic, Piper and Annabeth hurriedly discuss how to signal Leo for help without getting blown up, and Morse code is suggested, with Annabeth deciding:

* Coach Hedge calling the House of the Faun the "House of the ''Satyr''" since he was on guard duty

* Buford with a holograph of Coach Hedge as the crew's adult chaperone
* Percy drowning his blue pancakes with syrup and Annabeth chides him for it. He claims that if he's the son of Poseidon and he can't drown, then neither can his pancakes. And then discovering he likes the taste of maple syrup in orange juice.

* Leo calling Frank, Hazel, Percy and himself "the ultimate non-competitive dream team" and Annabeth and Frank exchanging "war-godly looks" right after.
** Percy being the worst runner of the bunch when Nike's underlings chase them, and nearly collapsing afterwards with almost no breath in his lungs. Think back to ''Lightning Thief'' where ''trees'' (tree nymphs to be more precise) outran Percy.

* Coach Hedge's megaphone is [[BrickJoke still malfunctioning]].

* Among the many, many qualifications Asclepius has, one of them is just [[DemographicallyInappropriteHumour BAMF]].

-->'''Leo:''' [booming over the Argo II's PA system] SURRENDER! YOU ARE SURROUNDED BY ONE SPANKING HOT WAR MACHINE!

-->'''Leo:''' WHAT’S UP, ENCHILADAS?! NICE DAGGER IN YOUR FOREHEAD!

* Will Solace was a very secondary character until the last part of the book and, as a son of Apollo, was assumed to have the usual talents. When he gets a little more limelight and joins the action, it turns out his single "musical talent" is ''ultrasonic whistling''. Which he ''weaponizes''.

* The Seven are in Athens while Gaea is rising on Long Island, and trying to get a ''very'' annoyed Zeus to help them find a way back to help.

* Leo finding the eternal Gaea eternally annoying
* Lou Ellen turning some of the Romans into piglets to keep as pets
* There is honestly something humorous how Octavian met his demise; he tried to attack the Greeks, but it just sent him flying overhead screaming while no one is paying attention to him. Also, the revived Leo has no idea about the missile screaming like a little girl.

--> '''Zethes:''' I am Zethes, [[DistinctionWithout-ADifference which is short for Zethes.]]

* The gorgon Beano—well, actually, it's Steano—chasing Percy for days while carrying a platter filled with free samples of Crispy Cheese 'n' Wieners.

--> '''Piper:''' (stifling a laugh) My god, Leo. How did you do that?
--> '''Leo:''' [[{{BadassBoast}} I'm a special boy.]]
* Piper is annoyed at the girls on the bus talking down to her. Leo says that if they knew that she was the daughter of a famous actor, they'd be grovelling at her feet yelling, "We are not worthy!"
* One of the Hephaestus cabin members tried to create a mosquito killing centaur robot, but it goes haywire because of the curse, shooting arrows everywhere whilst screaming, "Die, mosquito! Die, mosquito!" Apparently, this has happened before, because everybody hits the floor except Leo and it keeps shooting until somebody smashes it with a hammer.

** When she wakes up the next morning she looks for a mirror and is annoyed that she was still beautiful.
** Leo even lampshades during his POV chapter that it was a miracle that Piper was wearing makeup.
* The fact that the name Leo gives the Automaton dragon he uses for the whole series is ''Festus'' (which means Happy)

--> '''Zethes:''' I am Zethes, which is short for Zethes.
* Zethes referring to Piper, Jason and Leo as "faulty dragon people" because of Piper's cover story of needing to make an emergency landing due to Festus malfunctioning

** When they leave the palace, Leo is grumpy that his friends took away his prom date.
* Jason calling the ice statue collection at Boreas' palace "subzero hero collection"
* Leo calling ambrosia "Rambo food"

--> '''Leo:''' Holy Mother!
--> '''Hephaestus:''' Holy ''father'', boy. I should think you'd know the difference.

* How does Piper know her friends are under a spell? They were interested in shopping.
* Leo works on the locks to Coach Hedge's cage and Jason decides to sit far away in case the satyr rewoke and went into Goat ninja mode.

--> Jason imagined trying to get food at a restaurant. ''I'll have a cheeseburger and - Ahhh! My friend's on fire! Get me a bucket!"

* One of the Olympian Weather Channel employees being called Nuggets.

* Coach Hedge and Mellie flirting with each other, especially when the group is falling from the sky to their doom. Piper lampshades this.

--> '''Thalia:''' How do you feel?
--> '''Jason:''' Hot. Mouth is dry. And I saw something ... really terrible.
--> '''Thalia:''' That was Hera. Her Majesty, the Loose Cannon.
--> '''Hera:''' That's it, Thalia Grace. I will turn you into an aardvark, so help me -
--> '''Piper:''' Stop it, you two.

* Frank and Hazel both know French and try to talk to each other in that language. They unfortunately find out that a) neither of them was too good in school, apparently, and [[SeparatedByACommonLanguage b) Canadian French and Hazel's New Orleans French have two entirely different meanings]].

* The gorgons chasing Percy for days while carrying a platter filled with free samples of Crispy Cheese 'n' Wieners.

* A conversation between Juno in her hippie-lady form and Percy:
--> '''Juno''': All roads lead there, child. You should know that.
--> '''Percy''': Detention?
* Percy thinking that the Feast of Fortuna is related to tuna. [[BrickJoke Chapter LI starts with "The Feast of Fortuna had nothing to do with tuna, which was fine with Percy."]]
* Vitellius being called Vitellius the Ridiculous by the other cohorts

-->'''Hazel:''' "No one dies. Well, not usually. And if they do—"
-->'''Frank:''' ''(imitating Vitellius)'' "They're wimps! Back in my day, we died all the time, and we liked it!"

* Mars asking the Roman legionnaires for a pen. Nobody has one.

** This one gets funnier in hindsight when you find out that Percy's sword, Riptide, actually can do pen form (when the cap is placed on the opposite end) in ''House of Hades''.

--> '''Octavian:''' This says "Go to Alaska. Find Thanatos and free him. Come back by sundown on June twenty-fourth or die."
--> '''Mars:''' Yes. Is that not clear?
--> '''Octavian:''' Well, my lord... usually prophecies are ''unclear''. They're wrapped in riddles. They rhyme, and...
--> '''Mars (casually pulling out a grenade):''' Yes?
--> '''Octavian:''' [[OhCrap The prophecy is clear! A quest!]]
--> '''Mars:''' Good answer.
* And this one, between Frank and Percy:
-->'''Frank''':'' Can your sword do grenade form?''
-->'''Percy''':'' No. Shut up.''

--> '''Octavian:''' The prophecy is clear! A quest!

** The setup for the punchline needs to be appreciated. First, the store is identified as "Rainbow Organic Foods & Lifestyles". Inside, there's store merchandise with the abbreviation "R.O.F.L.". Finally, Iris offers Frank a job at her store, saying "Become a ROFLcopter."

* A conversation between June and Percy:
--> '''June''': All roads lead there, child. You should know that.

-->'''Hazel:''' "No one dies. Well, not usually And if they do-"

* Percy trying to recall why he and Annabeth had destroyed a spa:

* In ''Titan's Curse'', Percy & Co. track down Nereus, the old man of the sea, so they can shake him up for some answers. When they pass by him in ''Son of Neptune'', Nereus points one bony finger at Percy and mouths, "Don't even think about it."

** For further points Reyna got the message [[InterruptedBath while taking a bath]].

--->'''Whale:''' [[TakeThat Promise not to feed me this, and I will take you north.]]

* The Olympian Weather Channel lobby having banners reading "OW!"
* One of the Olympian Weather Channel employees being called Nuggets
* Aeolus believing that any book with the word "air" or "wind" in the title is about him

-->'''Jason''': ''I hate Wonder bread.''
* Bacchus showing up and criticising Otis and Ephialetes' props, special effects and style like he is a judge on a reality show

* Leo rigging the ''Argo II'' to fire weapons by sampling an album

** Later, Leo's T-shirt gets damaged and the TEAM LEO on his chest becomes [[AccidentallyAccurate AM LEO]].

* Among the many, many qualifications Asclepius has, one of them is just [[GettingCrapPastTheRadar BAMF]].

* Among the many, many titles Asclepius has, one of them is just [[GettingCrapPastTheRadar BAMF]].

* Percy drowning his blue pancakes with syrup and Annabeth chides him for it. He claims that if he's the son of Poseidon and he can't drown, then neither can his pancakes.
* Leo telling Hazel that Fonzies have so many preservatives, they will make him live forever
* Leo asking if Nike/Victoria was going to stir up a conflict between the two camps by starting a flame war on Twitter

* Leo joking that ''Pelopiion'', a [[SarcasmMode fascinating]] pile of stones, is a sacred spot for ''plopping''

--->Leo smiled nervously. Maybe he and Percy did share something else-a stupid sense of humor. "Yeah, I bet that would totally be against her sponsorship deal. [[SuddenlyShouting '''THOSE ARE NOT THE OFFICIAL SHOES OF THE OLYMPICS! YOU WILL DIE NOW!"''']]

-->"Piper, that was without a doubt the ''dumbest'' thing I've seen anyone do, ''and I'' '''date''' ''a dumb risk-taker!''"