History Funny / TheDarkKnight

** The badass bank manager goes after the clowns in the lobby with his trusty SawedOffShotgun, killing Chuckles while sending Grumpy and Bozo diving for cover.
--->'''Bank Manager:''' You have any idea of who you're stealing from?! You and your friends are dead!
--->'''Grumpy''': ''[to the Joker]'' He's out (of ammo), right?\\
''[Bozo pauses, then nods assuredly)''\\
''[Grumpy pops his head up, and the banker shoots at him, nicking him in the shoulder, ''then'' runs out of ammo.''\\
'''Grumpy''': ''(muffled)'' What the fuck?!\\
''[Bozo leaps out of hiding as the manager prepares to reload and takes him down with a burst from his machine pistol]''\\
'''Grumpy''': ''(pops up, pissed)'' Where did you learn to count?!
*** As a GeniusBonus, “Bozo” actually got the shotgun’s capacity right. The Bank Manager [[BottomlessMagazines fired one more shot than his shotgun should hold.]]

'''Happy:''' ''[turns around]'' What, no-no-NO- ''[Cuts to Bozo in the lobby with the sound of a gunshot]''

** Grumpy and Bozo are placing the money bags by the door:
-->'''Grumpy''': That's a lot of money. If this Joker guy was so smart, he'd have had us bring a better car.\\
''[He draws his pistol and points it at Bozo]''\\

'''Bozo''': ''[sighs and checks his watch]'' No. No, no, no. [[PreemptiveDeclaration I kill the bus driver.]] ''[edges off to one side]''\\
'''Grumpy''': ''[confused]'' Bus driver? ''[Bozo glares at him]'' [[KilledMidSentence What bus dri]]-''[The back end of a school bus bursts through the doors, and sends a flying piece of furniture on him]''\\

'''Bus Driver:''' What happened to the rest of the guys? ''[Bozo shoots him with his machine pistol without looking back, then wraps up loading the money]''

--> '''The Joker:''' ''(fake laughter done in deadpan voice)'' Ah ha ha ha ha, hahaha, ha, ha, ha, oh, a-hee-hee, ha ha, oh, hee ha, ahaha. ''(returns to normal voice)'' And I thought ''my'' jokes were bad. ''[Meanwhile whilst Joker walks in, another of Gambol's "boys" gives him a double take and raises a hand to gesture at him, looking at a fellow gangster like "Is this a-hole on drugs or something?"]''
--> '''Gambol:''' Give me one reason why I shouldn't have my boy here pull your head off.
--> '''The Joker:''' How 'bout a magic trick? ''[Everyone stares at him. The Joker promptly sticks a HB No. 2 pencil into the table, point first]'' I'm gonna make this pencil ''disappear''.
--> ''[Gambol's crony stands up and walks over to the Joker. In one swift motion the Joker slams the man's head onto the pencil, [[EyeScream forcing the entire pencil through his eye socket]]; the crony's body collapses to the floor, taking the pencil with him]''
--> '''The Joker:''' TA-DA! It's, ah, it's ''gone''. Oh, and by the way, the suit? It wasn't cheap. You oughta know, you bought it!

-->''The PENCIL is gone. MAGIC.''

--> '''Gambol:''' ''[slams fists down on table and stands up]'' ''ENOUGH'' FROM THE CLOWN!
--> '''The Joker:''' Ah-ta-ta-ta! Let's not ''[[IncrediblyLamePun blow]]''... ''(opens his jacket, revealing five grenades, all with pins attached together by purple elastic bands and a string around his thumb)''
--> '''Mobster:''' ''[gasps]'' Holy shit!
--> '''The Joker:''' ...this out of proportion.
--> '''Gambol:''' [[RefugeInAudacity You think you can steal from us and just walk away?!]]
--> '''The Joker:''' ''(Matter-of-factly)'' [[BluntYes Yeah.]]
--> '''Gambol:''' I'm putting the word out: $500 grand for this clown dead, a million alive, so I can teach him some manners first!
--> '''The Joker:''' ''(looks as if he's about to say a comeback to Gambol, then changes his mind)'' So - listen, why don't you all give me a call when you want to start taking things a little - more - ''seriously?'' Here's - my - card.
--> ''(leaves a Joker playing card on the table, and backs out of the room, toying threateningly with the grenade pins)''

--> ...and as for, uh - the ''television's'' so-called "plan"? Batman has no jurisdiction. He'll find him, and make him ''squeal!'' I know the squealers when I see them, and...
--> ''(He points at Lau. Lau covers the camera with his hand to signal his departure.)''

* The Joker pushes the killed truck driver out of the driver's seat. "Harvey, Harvey, Harvey Dent! Oh, excuse me! I want to drive!"

-->'''The Joker''': ''(Annoyed groan)'' Could you please just give me a ''minute?!''
-->''*Gordon yanks him away*''

* During The Joker's interrogation:
-->'''Gordon:''' Harvey Dent never made it home.
-->'''The Joker:''' Of course not.
-->'''Gordon:''' What have you done with him?
-->'''The Joker:''' Me? I was right here. ''[holds up his arms in handcuffs]'' Who did you leave him with? Your people? Assuming, of course, they are still ''your'' people, and not Maroni's. Does it depress you, commissioner? To know just how alone you really are? Does it make you feel responsible for Harvey Dent's current predicament?
-->'''Gordon:''' Where is he?
-->'''The Joker:''' What's the time?
-->'''Gordon:''' What difference does that make?
-->'''The Joker:''' Well, depending on the time, he may be in ''one'' spot...or ''several''.

'''Joker:''' ''(pained sound)'' Never start with the head! The victim gets all...fuzzy. He can't feel the next--\\
''[Batman smashes the Joker's hand; Joker pauses for effect]''\\

** Watch the Joker's face right before Batman slams his head. As soon as the lights turn on, he has an expression that says "...he's behind me, isn't he" followed ''immediately'' by another expression that says "yeah, here comes the pain" before his face meets the table.

-->'''Joker''': I want...my phone call, I want it. I ''want'' it. ''I want my phone call.''

--> '''Joker''': When you and...uh... R--
--> '''Two-Face''': '''''RACHEL!!!'''''
--> '''Joker''': ''(jumps in his seat)'' ''Rachel'' were being abducted...I was sitting in Gordon's cage.

-->'''Joker:''' Do I really look like a guy with a plan? You know what I am? I'm a dog chasing cars. '''''I wouldn't know what to do with one if I caught it!''''' You know, I just, [[DeadlyEuphemism do things.]]

--> '''Joker:''' ''(Upon being told that no, this guy isn't really Batman)''' "No? [=NooOooO=]? ''Then why do ya dress UP like him?'''

* Right after Harvey comes out of court. She's positively gleeful that someone is attempting to kill Harvey:
--> '''Rachel:''' We won't be able to link the gun to Maroni, but the fact they're trying to kill you means we're getting to them.
--> '''Harvey:''' I'm glad you're so pleased Rachel. I'm fine, by the way.
--> '''Rachel:''' Come on, Harvey. You're Gotham's DA. You're not getting ''shot at'', you're not doing your job right.

--> '''Bruce:''' More copycats last night, Alfred, with guns.
--> '''Alfred:''' Why don't you hire them, take the weekend off?
--> '''Bruce:''' That wasn't exactly what I had in mind when I said I wanted to inspire people.

--> '''Bruce''': We both know how much you love to say "I told you so".
--> '''Alfred''': On that day, Master Wayne, even I won't want to...''probably''. ''(smiles)''

--> '''Bruce:''' Well, Alfred... Now's your chance to say 'I told you so.'\\

-->'''Alfred Pennyworth:''' I believe this is your plane, sir!
-->'''Bruce Wayne:''' You look tired, Alfred. Will you be all right without me? ''[Alfred turns, noticing a ballerina gesturing to him with her sunscreen bottle]''
-->'''Alfred Pennyworth:''' [[NotDistractedByTheSexy If you can tell me the Russian for "Apply your own bloody suntan lotion."]]

--> '''Harvey''': Any psychotic ex-boyfriends I should be aware of?
--> '''Alfred''': Oh, you have ''no'' idea.
--> ''(Dent's face afterwards has [[OhCrap to be seen.]])''

-->'''Gordon:''' (''shrugging'') [[LampshadeHanging He does that]].

* The scene during the board meeting:
-->'''Lucius Fox''' (to Lau): I speak for the rest of the board...And Mr. Wayne, expressing our own excitement.
-->''(camera pans to a sleeping and snoring Bruce on his chair.)''

* In the beginning courtroom scene:
-->'''Harvey:''' Permission to treat the witness as hostile?
-->'''Judge:''' Granted.
-->'''Witness:''' Hostile? [[IWillShowYouX I'll show you hostile]]! ''(pulls out gun, which fails to fire)''
--> ''(scuffle ensues, ending with Harvey disarming and punching the man in the face.)''
-->'''Harvey:''' Carbon fiber, .28 caliber. ''Made in China.'' [[DoWrongRight If you wanna kill a public servant, Mr. Maroni, I recommend you buy American]].
--> '''Judge:''' ''(as the bailiffs take the would-be assassin into custody)'' Get him out of here.
-->'''Harvey:''' But, Your Honor, I’m not done!

-->'''Standing man:''' ''(glances up and sees the bat-signal)'' No thanks, man. I don't like it tonight. ''(walks away)''\\

-->'''Joker's henchman''': [[TemptingFate He missed!]]\\

-->'''Man''': What's going on out there?! Wayne?!
-->''[Bruce wordlessly moves to the wall and opens a secret entrance]''
-->'''Woman''': Oh thank God, you have a panic room--
-->''[door shuts]''
-->'''Woman''': YouHaveGotToBeKiddingMe!

-->'''Two-Face''': ''(flips his coin for Maroni)'' You're a lucky man. ''(flips the coin ''again'')'' But he's not.
-->'''Sal Maroni:''' Who?
-->'''Two-Face:''' ''[buckles his seatbelt]'' Your driver. ''(shoots the driver in the back of the head, sending the car flying off the road into the Amtrak yard)''

* Dent has almost the entire mob rounded up and:
-->'''Judge Surrilo''': ...712 counts of extortion, 849 counts racketeering, 246 counts of fraud, 87 counts conspiracy of murder, ''[flips over a Joker playing card in the paperwork, which would be "one count of foreshadowing"]'', 527 counts of obstruction of justice... ''[looks up at a courtroom full of giant mob of indictees]'' ...how do the defendants plead?\\

'''Judge Surrilo''': ''[bangs her gavel]'' Order in the court!

-->'''Mayor Anthony Garcia:''' 549 criminals at once. How did you convince Surillo to hear this farce?
-->'''Harvey Dent:''' She shares my enthusiasm for justice. After all, she is a ''judge''.
-->'''Mayor Anthony Garcia:''' Well even if you're able to blow enough smoke to get convictions out of Surillo, you're going to set a new record at appeals for "quickest kick in the ass"!
-->'''Harvey Dent:''' It won't matter. The head guys make bail, sure... but the mid-level guys, they can't, and they can't afford to be off the streets long enough for trial and appeal. They'll cut deals that include ''some'' jail time. Think of all you could do with 18 months of clean streets. ''[awkward silence]''
-->'''Commissioner Gillian Loeb:''' Mr. Mayor, you can't-
-->'''Mayor Anthony Garcia:''' Get out. Both of you. ''[Gordon and Loeb depart]'' Sit down.
-->''[Dent sits down]''
-->'''Mayor Anthony Garcia:''' The public likes you. That's the ''only'' reason this might fly. But that means it's on you. They're all coming after you now. Not just the mob: politicians. Journalists. Cops. Anyone whose wallet's about to get lighter. Are you up to it?
-->''[Dent nods]''
-->'''Mayor Anthony Garcia:''' You better be. They get anything back on you, those criminals will be back on the streets... ''[he walks over to the window and looks out on the Chicago River]'' ...followed swiftly by you and me.\\

* This exchange:
-->'''Maroni''': From one professional to another: if you're going to scare somebody, pick a better spot; from this height, the fall wouldn't kill me.\\
'''Batman''': I'm counting on it. ''(drops him)''

-->'''Rachel''': Harvey's taking me next week.
-->'''Bruce''': Oh. (to Harvey) So, you like ballet?
** Later, Bruce and Alfred are going over plans for Bruce's trip to Hong Kong to capture Lau. Bruce asks if Alfred has an alibi in mind, and Alfred says, "Oh yes." [[GilliganCut The scene cuts]] [[BrickJoke to Harvey and Rachel showing up at the opera house]], only to find the box office shuttered. Taped in the ticket window is a newspaper article with a picture of Bruce, headlined "'''Love Boat''': Billionaire Absconds With ''Entire'' Russian Ballet."

* "Do you really think an ordinary citizen would attempt to kill this man?" ''(cue crowd of people gunning for Reese)''

-->'''Scarecrow''': That's not him.
-->''(The real Batman show up in his tumbler)''
-->'''Scarecrow''': ''That's'' more like it.

-->'''Chechen:''' Look what your drugs did to him! ''(Gestures to a victim of the Scarecrow, who is on the ground gibbering in fright)''
-->'''Scarecrow:''' [[DeadpanSnarker Buyer beware.]] I told you my compound would take you places. [[ExactWords I never said that they'd be places that]] ''[[ExactWords you wanted to go.]]''
-->'''Chechen:''' My business is ''repeat'' customers!
-->'''Scarecrow:''' Look, if you don't like what I'm offering you can always buy from someone else. [[DeadpanSnarker Assuming, of course, that the Batman left anyone else to buy from.]]

--> '''Shotgun SWAT''': (''Seeing what the Joker pulling out'') [[OhCrap What is that, a bazooka?!]]

-->'''Joker:''' Do I look like a guy with a plan?

---> '''Crane''': (''Deadpan'') Not ''my'' diagnosis.

---> '''Crane''': (''[[CasualDangerDialog Deadpan]]'') [[CaptainObvious That's not him]].
---> ''The Batmobile crashes through the wall''
---> '''Crane''': That's more like it.

-->'''Bruce''': Today you get to say, "I told you so."\\
'''Alfred''': Today, I...I don't want to. ''({{beat}})'' But I did bloody tell you. I suppose they're going to lock ''me'' up as well, as your accomplice.\\
'''Bruce''': Accomplice? I'm going to tell them the whole thing was ''your'' idea.

--> '''Joker's lackey''' (to Bruce): Hands up, pretty boy!\\

-->'''Bruce Wayne''': Don't you think I should go to the hospital?[[note]]Context: The Joker has threatened to blow up a random hospital if Coleman Reese isn't killed within an hour.[[/note]]
-->'''Gordon''': You don't watch a whole lot of news, do you, Mr. Wayne?

--> '''The Joker:''' ''(fake laughter done in deadpan voice)'' Ah ha ha ha ha, hahaha, ha, ha, ha, oh, a-hee-hee, ha ha, oh, hee ha, ahaha. ''(returns to normal voice)'' And I thought ''my'' jokes were bad. ''[Meanwhile whilst Joker walks in, another of Gambol's "boys" gives him a double take and raises a hand to gesture at him, looking at a fellow gangster like "Is this motherfucka fruity loops or something?"]''

* The Joker gets rid of Gambol. He tells Gambol's cronies, "So, which of you ''fine'' gentlemen would like to join our team? Oh. There's only one spot open right now, so we're gonna have... ''[breaks the pool cue in half]'' ...tryouts."

[[quoteright:350:https://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/the_dark_knight_funny.png]]
[[caption-width-right:350: ''"Hi..."'']]

--> '''Bruce''': I need a new suit.
--> '''Fox''': Three buttons is a little Nineties, Mr. Wayne.
--> '''Bruce''': I'm not talking fashion so much as function. *hands over diagrams for new suit*
--> '''Fox''': You want to be able to turn your head?
--> '''Bruce''': Sure would make backing out of the driveway a lot easier.

** It's made even better by [[ThrowItIn Ledger's in character reaction to the hospital explosion sequence]]. He hadn't been informed of the delay, during which Ledger was supposed to board the bus before the scene finished up with the rest of the explosions going off. And in doing so, the Joker managed to prove his own point about plans and chaos by complete accident!

'''Maroni:''' I don't know where he is, he found us.\\

'''Maroni:''' ''Friends?'' Have you ''met'' this guy?

-->'''Bank Manager:''' You have any idea of who you're stealing from?! You and your friends are dead!
-->'''Grumpy''': ''[to the Joker]'' He's out (of ammo), right?\\

-->'''Happy:''' They wired this [vault door] thing up, with like, 5,000 volts. What kind of bank does that?
-->'''Grumpy:''' A mob bank. I guess the Joker's as crazy as they say. Where's the alarm guy?
-->'''Happy:''' Boss told me when the guy was done, I should take him out. ''[spins the rotating handle]'' One less share, right? ''[The vault opens]''
-->'''Grumpy:''' ''[draws a pistol]'' Funny. He told me something similar!
-->'''Happy:''' ''[turns around]'' What, no-no-NO- ''[Cuts to Bozo in the lobby with the sound of a gunshot]''

--> '''Joker:''' ''(Upon being told that no, this guy isn't really Batman)''' "No? NooOooO? ''Then why do ya dress UP like him?'''

* The truck's motto: '''S'''LAUGHTER IS THE BEST MEDICINE

-->'''Witness:''' Hostile? [[IWillShowYouX I'll show you hostile]]! ''(pulls out gun)''
--> ''(scuffle ensues)''
-->'''Harvey:''' Carbon fiber, 28 caliber. ''Made in China.'' [[DoWrongRight If you wanna kill a public defender, Mr. Marroni, buy American]].

-->'''Bruce''': Oh. (to Harvey) So, you like ballet.

-->'''Lucius Fox:''' [[LetMeGetThisStraight Let me get this straight]]: You think that your client, [[FictionFiveHundred one of the wealthiest, most powerful men in the world,]] [[RichIdiotWithNoDayJob is secretly a vigilante who spends his nights]] [[BadassNormal beating criminals to a pulp with his bare hands.]] [[TooDumbToLive And your plan is to blackmail this person?]] Good luck.
** What makes it even better is the "OhCrap, he's right" look that appears on Reese's face while Fox is talking. By blackmailing Batman, he makes himself a target for the most dangerous threat to Gotham's criminals. That's enough to get him to give up on his harebrained scheme.

** There is some {{hilarious HilariousInHindsight}} {{foreshadowing}} in here since, in essence (albeit circuitously), [[spoiler:''Film/TheDarkKnightRises'' ends exactly with this: Bruce 'hiring' someone to replace him as Batman]].

---> '''The Batmobile crashes through the wall''':

** And then Harvey says it was the Joker's men and his plan, his response is hilarious

** It's made even better by the fact that [[ThrowItIn the explosive actually did fail to go off]], and Heath Ledger stayed in character. And in doing so, the Joker managed to prove his own point about plans and chaos by complete accident!

-->'''Alfred Pennyworth:''' [[NotDistractedByTheSexy If you can tell me the Russian for "Apply you own bloody suntan lotion."]]

---> '''Crane''': (''Deadpan'') Not my diagnosis.

* GordOn and some officers burst into Loeb's office when they believe the Joker will try to kill him. Loeb calmly says that he's found the solution to such panics a long time ago - and pulls out a bottle of whiskey and a glass.

* batman running away from a crime scene.

''[Batman smashes the Joker's hand; Joker pauses for effect, who punches a hand?]''\\