History Funny / Peanuts

* Linus's aggravation with Lydia grows when she starts calling herself a different name every day.
-->'''Lydia:''' Today my name is Jezebel.\\

[[AC:1988]]

-->'''Lydia:''' Today my name is Polly.\\
'''Linus:''' I don't care if your name is "Louis the Fourteenth."\\
'''Lydia:''' Names are interesting. Shakespeare said...\\
'''Linus:''' I ''know'' what Shakespeare said.\\
'''Lydia:''' [[SarcasmBlind Why would I call myself "Louis the Fourteenth"?]]\\
'''Linus:''' Why does it take so long for the bell to ring?

* Sally brings a "Praying Doll" to class for Show and Tell, and uses it as a weapon to slug a kid who pushes her out of the way. This gets her sent to the principal's office.

-->'''Charlie Brown:''' The next issue has really got me worried.

* [[https://image.ibb.co/nAJ8ow/linus_lucy_car.gif While playing outside]], Linus and Lucy hear a car door open, and thinking their Dad is going to the store, begin to demand he buy them all sorts of things, with Linus getting increasingly loud and demanding (asking for a ''boat!''), until it's revealed that their Dad was just pulling the car into the driveway to wash it.

* [[https://image.ibb.co/nAJ8ow/linus_lucy_car.gif While playing outside]], Linus and Lucy hear a car door open, and thinking their Dad is going to the store, begin to demand he buy them all sorts of things, with Linus getting increasingly loud and demanding, until it's revealed that their Dad was just pulling the car into the driveway to wash it.

-->'''Lucy:''' A new baby brother?!! But I just got rid of the old one!!!

-->'''Peppermint Patty:''' That stupid Chuck! He can't even own a good watchdog!
-->'''Snoopy:''' There's our excuse... We'll blame everything on the round-headed kid!

--->'''Woodstock:''' [[AC:IIIII IIIIII III?]]\\

-->'''Marcie:''' If I had tried to stop you, Sir, you would have hit me.
-->'''Patty:''' You could have ducked.

* Charlie Brown throws a pitch at a baseball game. It's obviously hit and sent out into right field, where Lucy is. However, as she calls for the ball, Linus, Snoopy, Violet, Pigpen and 5 all rush out into the field and call for it too. The ball proceeds to bounce off of ''ALL SIX'' of their heads one after the other.

-->'''Sally:''' "Wish her a 'Merry Smudgmas' for me, too!".

-->'''Snoopy (to Charlie, also in Football gear):''' "How do you 'un-five'?".

-->'''Peppermint Patty:''' "WOW! I think the teacher is trying to tell me something, Marcie."
-->'''Marcie:''' "What grade did you get, sir?"
-->'''Peppermint Patty:''' "An ''Extra-Strength'' D-Minus!"

-->'''Peppermint Patty:''' "That was a hard test. How'd you ''ever'' get an 'A'?"
-->'''Marcie:''' "I pass tests the Old Fashioned Way....''I STUDY!!''"
-->'''Peppermint Patty:''' "You're weird, Marcie."

* [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ef9KvEus6zM#t=9s Snoopy does battle with a lawn chair.]] The lawn chair wins... kinda.
* In the special ''WesternAnimation/ItsTheEasterBeagleCharlieBrown'', Marcie's {{epic fail}}ures on making Easter eggs. First she fries them, then she tries to put them in the waffle iron, the toaster, and oven, then finally, Peppermint Patty tells her to ''boil'' the eggs. And Marcie messes this up too, since she ''cracks the eggs open'' and pours them into the boiling water, culminating with Peppermint Patty finding out and roaring "Marcie, you made egg soup! '''AAUGH!!!'''"

** And in the next strip Sally rants to Charlie Brown that Picasso wouldn't have been able to draw a cow leg in first grade and neither would have Rod McKuen!
-->'''Charlie Brown:''' Rod McKuen?

* After playing a record of "May Wore Her Red Dress", Lucy has this to say about Mary.

-->'''Lucy:''' '''He ''exploded!''' ''

-->'''Charlie Brown:''' Is your hate mail causing you to lose sleep?\\

'''Patty:''' May all your [[{{Malaproper}} hemidemisemiquavers]] be flat!!![[note]]The correct term is "semiquaver"[[/note]]

* The return of Crybaby Boobie.

* Sally decides she wants to stay in her beanbag all summer and asks if there is a "beanbag camp". Turns out there really is a beanbag camp, and Sally spends the next two weeks there lying in her beanbag, watching TV and eating junk food. To Charlie Brown's horror, she returns home obese.

[232]]

[[AC:1992]]

'''Sally:''' That's the dumbest thing I've ever seen!

* Charlie Brown and Shermy undertake a construction project for Patty and Violet, who boss them around mercilessly, until the structure is completed, and the boys see the signs that the girls have put on it: "Girls' Club. No Boys allowed"

* The debut of Eudora, who's such a {{Cloudcuckoolander}} she makes even Sally and Peppermint Patty seem like a genius. She shows up at school on Saturdays, tries to write book reports on ''TV Guide'', and eats "chocolate sandwiches" (chocolate bars between two slices of rye bread; she even contemplates trying it with ''gravy'', which grosses Sally out visibly).

* Peppermint Patty ends up playing a sheep in the Christmas play. When it's time for her to go on stage...

'''Sally:''' The past has always fascinated people. I must admit, however, that I don't know much about it. I wasn't here when it happened.

* From 30 August 1956, Linus watches a leaf as it slowly floats down from a tree... and lands with a "KLUNK!"

* The arc where Peppermint Patty hires Snoopy to be her watchdog. She wakes up to find out that her house is being robbed, but Snoopy can't help her because he's stuck [[WackyWaterbed bouncing on a waterbed]].

* The [[https://www.gocomics.com/peanuts/1985/12/03 arc about]] Sally [[https://www.gocomics.com/peanuts/1985/12/09 obsessing]] over [[https://www.gocomics.com/peanuts/1985/12/10 Santa Claus' weight]] (and eventually [[https://www.gocomics.com/peanuts/1985/12/11 heart condition]]) is [[https://www.gocomics.com/peanuts/1985/12/12 darkly funny]] [[https://www.gocomics.com/peanuts/1985/12/13 in some way]] (since Santa's roundness is integral to his mythos). It ends on a somewhat dark note when the Dept. Store Santa is rushed to the [[https://www.gocomics.com/peanuts/1985/12/14 ER for a Triple-Bypass]] (after Sally makes a scene over Santa's health) but the implication (as shared by a pair of commenters on [=GoComics=] is darkly humorous)[[note]]"Sally killed Santa?", "Yes. Me: 'NOOOOOOOOOOO!'"[[/note]].

-->'''Lucy:''' It's your own fault! You're just too wishy-washy! People who talk too much deserve to be insulted! They deserve to have other people walk away from them! Talking too much is an unforgiveable social sin! Absolutely unforgiveable! The only way to deal with people who talk too much is to let them know how boring they really are. ''[Meanwhile, it begins to snow.]'' You can't waste your time with them... no, sir! Why should you sit and waste your valuable time while some bore talks on and on about nothing! [[HypocriticalHumor Life is too short to waste it listening to some person who doesn't know when to shut up! Time is too valuable! Time is...]] ''[By this time, the snow has completely covered Lucy, Charlie Brown, and the psychiatric booth from head to toe. Charlie Brown sighs.]]''

---> '''Charlie Brown:''' ''[in pitch blackness]'' I think we'd better stick to day games.

* Marcie proofreading Peppermint Patty's essay and telling her it's perfect - Patty misspelled ''every word''.
* While playing Foreign Legion, Snoopy, Woodstock and his bird pals march through all the sand traps on a golf course, pretending they're marching through the Sahara, and Charlie Brown is forced to rake the sand traps - all ''eighty'' of them. Just as an exhausted Charlie Brown finishes, Snoopy and his "troops" come marching across the sand traps ''again'', undoing all of Charlie Brown's hard work.