History Funny / Mercenaries

* The mission to recover a deadly, amazing weapons system for the UP mercenaries known as "The Devastator." You drive to the location, and there's this big, scary tank there... that isn't the objective. [[spoiler: It's actually a little pink moped with a flower basket and silver skulls on the front, which is ''behind'' the tank. You then have to drive it through a crowded city, and the UP mercenaries will make fun of you when you get it to them]].

* [[PressXToNotDie Mattias can hijack tanks and vehicles quickly and with little fuss.]] ''[[GenreSavvy He knows this]].''

* The mission to recover a deadly, amazing weapons system for the UP mercenaries known as "The Devastator." [[spoiler: It's actually a little pink moped with a flower basket and silver skulls on the front.]]

* The cutscene with all three mercs together is pretty funny as well: it's funny enough when Chris (or Mattias if Chris is selected) exclaims the selected merc can't sit down because they got ShotInTheAss. But select Jennifer, and she basically mutters [[AllMenArePerverts how it just figures]] [[MaleGaze he was staring at HER ass.]]

-->I've been shot! I'm dying! Not...bleeding, though...[[BreakingTheFourthWall stupid T rating....]]

-->'''Mattias'''[[hottip:*:(in much the same tone of voice a small boy would talk about a particularly exciting Christmas present)]]: They sent me a ''tank?!''
-->'''Mattias'''[[hottip:*:(when driving a flaming vehicle that [[EveryCarIsAPinto is about to blow up from under him)]]: Time to bail out, and steal another one.

-->'''Misha''': Was not my fault. Was lieutenant. Gives me wrong coordinates. I drop bomb in right place, but is ''wrong'' place. He tries to blame me. [[DeskJockey Guys with big hats]] come. But I show them, show them wrong coordinates. Big hats get mad at lieutenant, he gets mad at ''me.''

* Mattias on childcare:
--> '''Mattias''': What the ''hell'' is babysitting?

* The cutscene with all three mercs together is pretty funny as well: it's funny enough when Chris (or Mattias if Chris is selected) exclaims the selected merc can't sit down because they got {{ShotInTheAss}}. But select Jennifer, and she basically mutters [[AllMenArePerverts how it just figures]] [[MaleGaze he was staring at HER ass.]]

-->'''Mattias'''[[hottip:*:(when driving a flaming vehicle that [[EveryCarIsAPinto is about to blow up from under him]])]]: Time to bail out, and steal another one.

* Stealing Fiona's car [[{{Understatement}} irritates her.]]

-->'''Misha''': Do you have MOAB yet? Misha love to drop near [[AcceptableTargets ex-wife's house]]. When explode, looks like a nuke went off and [[MassOhCrap scary the hell out of everyone within 1,000 kilometers.]] Use, if [[AxCrazy you have much hate inside.]]

->'''Mattias'''[[hottip:*:(in much the same tone of voice a small boy would talk about a particularly exciting Christmas present)]]: They sent me a ''tank?!''
->'''Mattias'''[[hottip:*:(when driving a flaming vehicle that [[EveryCarIsAPinto is about to blow up from under him]])]]: Time to bail out, and steal another one.

->'''Fiona''': That's ''mine'', not yours! Remember the difference!

->'''Mattias:''' This is an emergency! A ''Viking'' emergency!

->'''Misha''': Was not my fault. Was lieutenant. Gives me wrong coordinates. I drop bomb in right place, but is ''wrong'' place. He tries to blame me. [[DeskJockey Guys with big hats]] come. But I show them, show them wrong coordinates. Big hats get mad at lieutenant, he gets mad at ''me.''

->'''Misha''': Was not my fault. Was lieutenant. Gives me wrong coordinates. I drop bomb in right place, but is ''wrong'' place. He tries to blame me. [[DeskJockey Guys with big hats]] come. But I show them, show them wrong coordinates. Big hats get mad at lieutenant, he gets mad at ''me.''

->'''Mattias'''[[hottip:*:(in much the same tone of voice a small boy would talk about a particularly exciting Christmas present)]]: ''They sent me a ''tank?!''
->'''Mattias'''[[hottip:*:(when driving a flaming vehicle that [[EveryCarIsAPinto is about to blow up from under him]])]]: ''Time to bail out, and steal another one.''

->'''Fiona'': That's ''mine'', not yours! Remember the difference!

->'''Mattias:''' This is an emergency! A '''Viking''' emergency!

->'''Misha''': Was not my fault. Was lieutenant. Gives me wrong coordinates. I drop bomb in right place, but is ''wrong'' place. He tries to blame me. [[DeskJockey Guys with big hats]] come. But I show them, show them wrong coordinates. Big hats get mad at lieutenant, he gets mad at ''me.''

->'''Misha''': Was not my fault. Was lieutenant. Gives me wrong coordinates. I drop bomb in right place, but is ''wrong'' place. He tries to blame me. [[DeskJockey Guys with big hats]] come. But I show them, show them wrong coordinates. Big hats get mad at lieutenant, [[OhCrap he gets mad at ''me.'']]

* [[QuickTimeEvent Mattias can hijack tanks and vehicles quickly and with little fuss.]] ''[[GenreSavvy He knows this]].''
->'''Mattias'''[[hottip:*:(in much the same tone of voice a small boy would talk about a particularly exciting Christmas present)]]: ''"They sent me a ''tank!?''
->'''Mattias'''[[hottip:*:(when driving a flaming vehicle that [[EveryCarIsAPinto is about to blow up from under him]])]]: ''"Time to bail out, and steal another one."''
* Stealing Fiona's car irritates her
-->"'''''Mine'''. Not '''yours'''. Learn the difference!''"
* You get this gem in Mercenaries 2 when you hijack a friendly or civilian car as Mattias:
-->"'''Mattias:''' This is an emergency! A '''viking''' emergency!"

[[QuickTimeEvent Mattias can hijack tanks and vehicles quickly and with little fuss.]] ''[[GenreSavvy He knows this]].'' \\
->'''Mattias[[hottip:*:(in much the same tone of voice a small boy would talk about a particularly exciting Christmas present)]]:''' "They sent me a ''tank!?'' \\
->'''Mattias[[hottip:*:(when driving a flaming vehicle that [[EveryCarIsAPinto is about to blow up from under him]])]]:''' "Time to bail out, and steal another one."

-->"'''''Mine'''. Not '''yours'''. Learn the difference!''"

->'''Mattias[[hottip:*:(when driving a flaming vehicle that [[EveryCarIsAPinto is about to blow up from under him]])]]:''' "Time to bail out, and steal another one."