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* "[[EnforcedPlug If your drill says 'Binford']]...GET OUT OF THE HOUSE, TOOLS AREN'T SUPPOSED TO TALK TO YOU!"

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* "[[EnforcedPlug If your drill says 'Binford']]...GET OUT OF THE HOUSE, TOOLS AREN'T SUPPOSED TO TALK TO YOU!"TALK!"

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* In "Taking Jill for Granite," Tim hires "a granite guy" named Ian for a kitchen remodel, but the guy turns out to be someone who asked Jill out on a date and who she had a dream about a few episodes ago. When Ian misinterprets a signal and kisses her, she has to fire him. Tim is upset that she fired "the granite guy" and is even more when he finds out about the kiss.
-->'''Tim:''' He kissed you? Well, what did you do?\\
'''Jill:''' I pushed him away!\\
'''Tim:''' Well, you should've fired him!\\
'''Jill:''' I did fire him!\\
'''Tim:''' ''(beat)'' [[SkewedPriorities Aw, you fired the granite guy?!]]
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* The Man's Kitchen. Everything is in excess to absurd degrees. The "macrowave", the butcher in the freezer, and the beverage lineup: Beer, root beer, and Pepto Bismol.
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* A bit of CringeComedy in one segment: Tim and Al's very first, very awkward, ''[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rgFS1WcxBJ4 Tool Time.'']]
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* The episode "My Son the Driver", where Tim had Al Unser as his guest...or rather, as his guests, since there are three generations of Al Unsers. Hilarityensues...

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* The episode "My Son the Driver", where Tim had Al Unser as his guest...or rather, as his guests, since there are three generations of Al Unsers. Hilarityensues...
Hilarity ensues...
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* The episode "My Son the Driver", where Tim had Al Unser as his guest...or rather, as his guests, since there are three generations of Al Unsers. [[Hilarityensues.]]

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* The episode "My Son the Driver", where Tim had Al Unser as his guest...or rather, as his guests, since there are three generations of Al Unsers. [[Hilarityensues.]]
Hilarityensues...
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* The episode "My Son the Driver", where Tim had Al Unser as his guest...or rather, as his guests, since there are three generations of Al Unsers. [[Hilarity ensues.]]

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* The episode "My Son the Driver", where Tim had Al Unser as his guest...or rather, as his guests, since there are three generations of Al Unsers. [[Hilarity ensues.[[Hilarityensues.]]
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* The episode "My Son the Driver", where Tim had Al Unser as his guest...or rather, as his guests, since there are three generations of Al Unsers. [[Hilarity ensues.]]

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* You forgot the pizza and Marty.

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* You forgot the pizza and AND Marty.




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*Antonio the waiter.
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-->Tim: Yippee-yai-o-kye-ay, Marty! Yeah! And wait a minute. We'll sell lemonade in the driveway and put cards in our spokes that go like this. With big lollipops. And then we'll have a puppet show for all the rest of the kids in the neighborhood. What the hell's the matter with you?

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-->Tim: Yippee-yai-o-kye-ay, Marty! Yeah! And wait a minute. We'll sell lemonade in the driveway and put cards in our spokes that go like this. With big lollipops. And then we'll have a puppet show for all the rest of the kids in the neighborhood. What ''What the hell's the matter with you?you?!''
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-->Tim: ''Live'' Chicken?! Brad who the hell do you hang out with?

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-->Tim: ''Live'' Chicken?! Brad Brad, who the hell do you hang out with?
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-->Tim: Live Chicken, Brad who the hell do you hang out with?

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-->Tim: Live Chicken, ''Live'' Chicken?! Brad who the hell do you hang out with?
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* The K&B Boys have come to Tool Time to share some tips for cooking on the job. One of them makes a kabob using a dipstick. The only cleaning done to the dipstick is one sweep of a rag. This makes Al suffer a minor HeroicBSOD as he contemplates what the dipstick has added to the kabob.

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*You forgot the pizza and Marty.
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** Tim's FacePalm at the end really sells it.
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* This troper loves the "Tool Time" segements before the credits, 'cause that's where some of the really funny stuff is. For example, Tim creating a "special Al blend" of paint that ''literally paints a picture of Al''. And that time they launched a grill into orbit...

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*"Bye-Bye Birdie": 3:57 here http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DU6h0n-Hnc4 (Cheesemilk); also around 6:15 (23...24)
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-->'''Tim:''' Makes sense. Couldn't get him on the pot now we're trying to get him off the pot.

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-->'''Tim:''' Makes sense. Couldn't get him on the pot pot; now we're trying to get him off ''off'' the pot.
pot.










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* One Christmas episode had Tim and Al stuck on a plane that couldn't land due to thick fog. Tim bemoans the fact that he'll miss his boys lighting up the house for Christmas. Meanwhile, on the ground, the boys ''do'' light up the house - [[AbsurdlyBrightLight which nearly blinds Tim as he looks out the window]] - and the pilot suddenly has a guiding light for a safe landing.
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*"Hardware Habit to Break" It's the way Tim says it.
-->Marty: Then we can get on our bikes and we can plaster them all over the neighborhood.
-->Tim: Yippee-yai-o-kye-ay, Marty! Yeah! And wait a minute. We'll sell lemonade in the driveway and put cards in our spokes that go like this. With big lollipops. And then we'll have a puppet show for all the rest of the kids in the neighborhood. What the hell's the matter with you?
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'''Tim''': ''(raises [[FascinatingEyebrow an eyebrow[]])''\\

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'''Tim''': ''(raises [[FascinatingEyebrow an eyebrow[]])''\\eyebrow]])''\\
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''{{Beat}}''\\

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''{{Beat}}''\\''({{Beat}})''\\

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* "[[HilarityEnsues What Al doesn't know is that this really isn't a soundproof booth]]."
-->'''Al''': ''(seeing Tim pantomiming to him, pretending he can't hear him)'' Huh. [[ActuallyPrettyFunny This is actually very good]]. In that case, I should be the host of this show!\\
'''Tim''': ... ''(turns to the camera)''\\
'''Al''': And another thing--that's a stupid haircut you have!\\
'''Tim''': ''(raises [[FascinatingEyebrow an eyebrow[]])''\\
'''Al''': And one more thing-- I am the very model of a modern Major-General, I've information vegetable, animal, and mineral, I know the kings of England, and I quote the fights historical~~ From Marathon to Waterloo, in order categorical!\\
'''Tim''': Al!\\
'''Al''': Yeah, Tim?\\
'''Tim''': Can you hear me?\\
''{{Beat}}''\\
'''Al''': ...''I'' can hear ''you''!\\
'''Tim''': Think about that, Al...\\
''(Al gawks as it [[LateToThePunchline slowly dawns on him]])''\\
'''Tim''': Major-general Borland! ''(salutes)''\\
''(Al pulls down the shade on the window of the not-soundproof booth)''
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*"[[EnforcedPlug If your drill says 'Binford']]...GET OUT OF THE HOUSE, TOOLS AREN'T SUPPOSED TO TALK TO YOU!"
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** At the doctor's office when Tim realizes he will need a "local" shot prior to the surgery.
-->'''Tim''': Local, like here in Detroit?
-->'''Doctor''': No, like 'local' here in your scrotum.

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-->'''Tim:''' Makes sense. Couldn't get him on the pot now we're trying to get him off the pot.

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-->'''Tim:''' Makes sense. Couldn't get him on the pot now we're trying to get him off the pot. pot.

*Any time Tim mangles one of Wilson's sayings.
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* The episode "What a Drag" has a lot of great funny moments despite being a VerySpecialEpisode:
-->'''Al:''' What's this? Looks like oregano. Does Jill keep it out here so it stays fresh?
-->'''Tim:''' That's not oregano.
-->'''Al:''' Tarragon?
-->'''Tim:''' This is marijuana.
-->'''Al:''' Jill cooks with marijuana?
-->'''Tim:''' No you idiot, somebody's hiding this out here.
-->'''Al:''' Oh I can't believe I touched this bag! Now my prints are all over it!
-->'''Tim:''' Hey hey, calm down.
-->'''Al:''' You know this makes me an accessory. I could be charged with possession of illicit drugs!
-->'''Tim:''' Al, think for a minute. You found marijuana on my property. What does that tell you?
-->'''Al:''' I can no longer run for political office!
** Later:
-->'''Jill:''' Do you remember when the worst problem we had with Brad was toilet training?
-->'''Tim:''' Makes sense. Couldn't get him on the pot now we're trying to get him off the pot.
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-->'''Tim:''' "How am I supposed to talk to woman about what's going on in man land"

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-->'''Tim:''' "How am I supposed to talk to woman about what's going on in man land"land?"

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* Regarding Heid

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* Regarding Heid Heidi:


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* From "The Vasectomy One":
-->'''Jill:''' "Honey, it is much safer for a man to get a vasectomy than it is for a woman to have a tubal ligation"
-->'''Tim:''' "Says who, the wives with knives club?"
**Later:
-->'''Tim:''' "How am I supposed to talk to woman about what's going on in man land"
-->'''Jill:''' "Man land? Now you got a theme park between your legs?"
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*Regarding Heid
-->'''Tim:''' "Jill look at her chest"
-->'''Jill:''' "You ''just'' noticed?"
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* A woman complaining about Binford's pollution during an episode of ''Tool Time.''
-->'''Woman:''' "How come every time I drive by the factory there's all this smoke coming out of the stacks?"
-->{{Beat}}
-->'''Tim and Al (simultaneously):''' [[CaptainObvious "THEY'RE SMOKESTACKS!!!!!"]]
-->'''Tim:''' "What do you want coming out of 'em? Hai Karate? Some kinda whipped cream? What!?"

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