History FanFic / DarkSecrets

* HowDoIUsedTense: The writer's troubles with the past progressive tense are the source of much [[{{Narm}} unintentional hilarity]] as characters seem to be undertaking physically impossible combinations of tasks.

* NarratingTheObvious: "Are you sure?" He asked, making sure [[HowDoIUsedTense this is what she wanted]].

--> "Are you sure?" He asked, making sure [[DepartmentOfRedundancyDepartment this]] [[HowDoIUsedTense is what she wanted.]]

** The author only occasionally remembers that there's magic in the {{Potterverse}}, having Draco mend Jaiden's injured foot with {{Muggle}} first aid when healing potions were mentioned two chapters ago, Ron attacking her several times without using so much as a single curse, and the central conflict resolved with a KnifeFight.

* SadlyMythtaken: Voldemort invokes the [[UsefulNotes/ClassicalMythology Greek god Hades]] to bring Ron back from the dead, despite the complete non-appearance of gods Greek or otherwise in ''Literature/HarryPotter''.

** And at times, Malfoy is just as possessive as Ron.

Welcome to ''Dark Secrets'' by Jaiden [[AuthorAvatar (ahem)]] Lee Malfoy. The story can be found [[http://hp.adultfanfiction.net/story.php?no=600009171 here]] and a forum thread sporking it [[http://www.whygodwhy.org/new-releases-f1/in-which-draco-rescues-mary-sue-from-ron-the-death-eater-nws-t594.htm here]] (both links {{NSFW}}). The sequel ''Betrayed Revenge'', featuring less {{wangst}} but just as much CanonDefilement and evil!Ron coming back from the dead, is [[http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3244398/1/ here]] and sporked [[http://www.whygodwhy.org/new-releases-f1/betrayed-revenge-aka-dark-secrets-ii-attack-of-the-canon-rape-t703.htm here.]]

“ Slowing down? ” Draco mocked.\\
“ Not on your life, ” Ron growled, lunging again, this time his aim was true, catching him in the side.\\
“ That won’t happen again, ” Draco said, grabbing his side.\\
“ Next time you’ll be dead, ” Ron said, punching him in the nose.\\
“ You son-of-a-bit— ” Draco started. As his nose began to bleed.\\
“ Language Malfoy, ”\\
“ Whatever, ” Draco said, grabbing the hand with the knife in it,\\

--> " Are you sure? " He asked, making sure [[DepartmentOfRedundancyDepartment this]] [[HowDoIUsedTense is what she wanted.]]

* SadlyMythtaken: Voldemort invokes the [[UsefulNotes/ClassicMythology Greek god Hades]] to bring Ron back from the dead, despite the complete non-appearance of gods Greek or otherwise in ''Literature/HarryPotter''.

* TransplantedCharacterFic: The author only occasionally remembers that there's ''magic'' in the {{Potterverse}}, having Draco mend Jaiden's injured foot with {{Muggle}} first aid when healing potions were mentioned two chapters ago, Ron attacking her several times without using so much as a single curse, and the central conflict resolved with a KnifeFight.

* TooDumbToLive: Ron's master plan when his [[RonTheDeathEater dark secret]] is discovered is to... antagonize and alienate the one person who he's relying on not to make that secret public.

* FreudianSlip: The {{bowdlerise}}d version removes the sex scene, replacing it with a summary in which a typo declares Jaiden and Draco to have "a night of ''not'', steamy, intoxicating passion".

* MeaningfulEcho: Ron menaces ([[NightmareRetardant or tries]] [[{{Narm}} to menace]]) Jaiden with the line [[LordOfTheRings "my precious"]]. Draco echoes the line next chapter pre-IKEAErotica, which is presumably supposed to be really sweet, but manages to top the first occurrence for {{Narm}}.

* RavensAndCrows: Ron uses a pet raven to spy on Draco and Jaiden, although where he got it from or how it talks to him (of course) isn't explained by the author.

** After being beaten, Jaiden decides to conceal her injuries with magic rather than telling a professor.

* KnifeFight: Instead of magic, Draco defeats Ron by stabbing him with what appears to be a perfectly mundane pocketknife. Although one reviewer suggested that it was actually the [[LoneWolf Dagger of Vashna]] in disguise.

* SadlyMythtaken: Voldemort invokes the [[GreekMythology Greek god Hades]] to bring Ron back from the dead, despite the complete non-appearance of gods Greek or otherwise in ''Literature/HarryPotter''.

--> " Are you sure? " He asked, making sure [[RedundancyDepartmentOfRedundancy this]] [[HowDoIUsedTense is what she wanted.]]

* DamselInDistress: This is basically Jaiden's only role in the story.

* FauxActionGirl: Jaiden in the sequel is allegedly an Auror. [[DamselScrappy However.]]

* MoodWhiplash: Draco and Jaiden start shagging ''straight after she tries killing herself''. Made even better by FridgeLogic - even if she went across the street, wouldn't she need some kind of medical help more involved than wrapping a [[HitchhikersGuideToTheGalaxy towel]] around her wrist?

* TooDumbToLive: Ron's master plan when his [[RonTheDeathEater dark secret]] is discovered is to... antagonize and alienate the one person who he's relying on not to make that secret public. [[SarcasmMode Good going there]].
** After being beaten, Jaiden decides to conceal her injuries with magic rather than telling a professor. Come to think of it, why doesn't she just tell someone about what Ron is doing? He's not exactly the most powerful wizard ever.

[[MarySue Jaiden Spencer]] has never had it so good. She's the new Head Girl at [[HarryPotter Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry]], she's dating Ron (who we're helpfully informed is very nice) and everything is peachy. Well, apart from Voldemort being on the loose. While sneaking around the Hogwarts grounds at night to spy on Voldemort, who has apparently set up camp right outside the school, she discovers [[RonTheDeathEater an unwelcome secret about her wonderful boyfriend.]] Who immediately [[DeusAngstMachina becomes a whole lot less wonderful.]] But at least she has the Head Boy [[DracoInLeatherPants Draco Malfoy]] to [[HurtComfortFic go running to]] in their oh-so-handy and non-canonical private quarters.

* SadlyMythtaken: Voldemort invokes the [[GreekMythology Greek god Hades]] to bring Ron back from the dead, despite the complete non-appearance of gods Greek or otherwise in ''HarryPotter''.