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* TheAbridgedHistory: some of his works, notably the book [[Literature/DaveBarrySleptHere]] and his "Year in Review" series, employ this trope.
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In addition to his writing career, between 1992 and 2012 Barry performed in a band, The Rock Bottom Remainders, with Al Kooper, Creator/StephenKing, Amy Tan, Ridley Pearson, and Mitch Albom.
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In addition to his writing career, between 1992 and 2012 Barry performed in a band, The Rock Bottom Remainders, with Al Kooper, Creator/StephenKing, Amy Tan, Creator/AmyTan, Ridley Pearson, and Mitch Albom.
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-->'''Bertha:''' Emma? I’m calling to tell you I seen your boy Norbert shootin’ his musket at our goat again, and if you don’t–
-->'''Clem:''' This ain’t Emma. this is Clem Johnson, and I got to reach Doc Henderson, because my wife Nell is all rigid and foaming at the mouth, and if she don’t snap out of it soon the roast is going to burn.
-->'''Emma:''' Norbert don’t even own a musket. All he got is a bow and arrow, and he couldn’t hit a steam locomotive from six feet, what with his bad hand, which he got when your boy Percy bit it, and which is festerin’ pretty bad.
-->'''Doc Henderson:''' You better let me take a look at it.
-->'''Bertha:''' The goat? Oh, he ain’t hurt that bad, doc. He’s mostly just skittery on account of the musket fire.
-->'''Clem:''' Now she’s startin’ to roll her eyes around. Looks like two hard-boiled eggs.
-->'''Emma:''' What kind of roast is it?
-->'''Doc Henderson:''' If it’s just skittery, you should stroke it a bit and keep it in a dark place.
-->'''Emma:''' Well, I ain’t no doctor, but I ain’t never heard of stroking a roast.
-->'''Clem:''' Only dark place we got is the barn, and i’d be afraid to put Nell in there on account of she’d scare the chickens.
-->'''Bertha:''' Chickens ain’t a roast, Clem; chickens is poultry. Take ‘em out of the oven when you can wiggle the drumstick.
-->'''Emma:''' I told you already, Norbert don’t even own a musket.
-->'''Clem:''' This ain’t Emma. this is Clem Johnson, and I got to reach Doc Henderson, because my wife Nell is all rigid and foaming at the mouth, and if she don’t snap out of it soon the roast is going to burn.
-->'''Emma:''' Norbert don’t even own a musket. All he got is a bow and arrow, and he couldn’t hit a steam locomotive from six feet, what with his bad hand, which he got when your boy Percy bit it, and which is festerin’ pretty bad.
-->'''Doc Henderson:''' You better let me take a look at it.
-->'''Bertha:''' The goat? Oh, he ain’t hurt that bad, doc. He’s mostly just skittery on account of the musket fire.
-->'''Clem:''' Now she’s startin’ to roll her eyes around. Looks like two hard-boiled eggs.
-->'''Emma:''' What kind of roast is it?
-->'''Doc Henderson:''' If it’s just skittery, you should stroke it a bit and keep it in a dark place.
-->'''Emma:''' Well, I ain’t no doctor, but I ain’t never heard of stroking a roast.
-->'''Clem:''' Only dark place we got is the barn, and i’d be afraid to put Nell in there on account of she’d scare the chickens.
-->'''Bertha:''' Chickens ain’t a roast, Clem; chickens is poultry. Take ‘em out of the oven when you can wiggle the drumstick.
-->'''Emma:''' I told you already, Norbert don’t even own a musket.
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* LandlineEavesdropping: One column had this situation, though it was less eavesdropping as it was everybody on the party line talking at the same time and responding to conversations not meant for them.
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** In ''Dave Barry Slept Here''; Every event of note of United States history taking place on October 8th[[note]]though this is a cute tribute to his son; It's his birthday[[/note]] as well as The Hawley-Smoot Tarriff.
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--> '''Woman''': "Wow! that is a very large virtual penis!"
--> '''Man''': "Yes, it can be any length I want! Fifty feet for example!"
--> '''Man''': "Yes, it can be any length I want! Fifty feet for example!"
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* AdjacentToThisCompleteBreakfast: TropeNamer.
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* AdjacentToThisCompleteBreakfast: TropeNamer. In the 1985 column, [[https://www.miamiherald.com/living/liv-columns-blogs/dave-barry/article1936919.html "Tips for Writers"]]:
-->I am curious about the expression, "Part of this complete breakfast." The way it comes up is, my 5-year-old will be watching TV cartoon shows in the morning, and they'll show a commercial for a children's compressed breakfast compound such as "Froot Loops" or "Lucky Charms", and they always show it sitting on a table next to a some actual food such as eggs, and the announcer always says: "Part of this complete breakfast." Don't they really mean, "Adjacent to this complete breakfast", or "On the same table as this complete breakfast"? And couldn't they make essentially the same claim if, instead of Froot Loops, they put a can of shaving cream there, or a dead bat?
-->I am curious about the expression, "Part of this complete breakfast." The way it comes up is, my 5-year-old will be watching TV cartoon shows in the morning, and they'll show a commercial for a children's compressed breakfast compound such as "Froot Loops" or "Lucky Charms", and they always show it sitting on a table next to a some actual food such as eggs, and the announcer always says: "Part of this complete breakfast." Don't they really mean, "Adjacent to this complete breakfast", or "On the same table as this complete breakfast"? And couldn't they make essentially the same claim if, instead of Froot Loops, they put a can of shaving cream there, or a dead bat?
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* ChariotPulledByCats: In ''Year in Review'' (2000), there is a joke about the president driving a chariot pulled by lions.
-->[...] there is tension at the Democratic convention in Los Angeles, where the Gore camp suspects that Bill Clinton is trying to hog the limelight. A Clinton staffer denies this, claiming that "security considerations" led to the decision to have the president enter the convention hall riding a chariot drawn by lions.
-->[...] there is tension at the Democratic convention in Los Angeles, where the Gore camp suspects that Bill Clinton is trying to hog the limelight. A Clinton staffer denies this, claiming that "security considerations" led to the decision to have the president enter the convention hall riding a chariot drawn by lions.
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* EarWorm: The ''Series/TheBeverlyHillbillies'' and ''Series/GilligansIsland'' theme songs, [[https://www.baltimoresun.com/news/bs-xpm-1996-03-10-1996070072-story.html according to his column on "Brain Sludge"]], although they are less a case of "stuck in one's head at the moment" and more "embedded in one's brain forever".
-->Brain sludge is a term coined by leading scientists to describe the vast collection of moronic things that your brain chooses to remember instead of useful information.\\
For example: Take any group of 100 average Americans, and sing to them, "Come and listen to my story 'bout a man named Jed." At least 97 of them will immediately sing: "A poor mountaineer, barely kept his family fed." They will sing this even if they are attending a funeral. They can't help it.\\
This particular wad of sludge -- known to scientists as "The Beverly Hillbillies Theme Song Wad" -- is so firmly lodged in the standard American brain lobe that it has become part of our national DNA, along with the "Gilligan's Island" wad.
-->Brain sludge is a term coined by leading scientists to describe the vast collection of moronic things that your brain chooses to remember instead of useful information.\\
For example: Take any group of 100 average Americans, and sing to them, "Come and listen to my story 'bout a man named Jed." At least 97 of them will immediately sing: "A poor mountaineer, barely kept his family fed." They will sing this even if they are attending a funeral. They can't help it.\\
This particular wad of sludge -- known to scientists as "The Beverly Hillbillies Theme Song Wad" -- is so firmly lodged in the standard American brain lobe that it has become part of our national DNA, along with the "Gilligan's Island" wad.
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* TheOtherDarrin:[[invoked]] His first four books were illustrated by Jerry O'Brien, who had more of a wacky cartoonish style. Except for ''Dave Barry Slept Here'' and ''Dave Barry's Only Travel Guide You'll Never Need'', illustration duties for both his books and columns went to Jeff [=MacNelly=], and then to Gary Brookins after [=MacNelly=] died in 2000.
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* SomethingSomethingLeonardBernstein: His ''Book of Bad Songs'' devotes an entire chapter to songs prone to these, like [[Music/BruceSpringsteen "Blinded By the Light"]] and at least a dozen variations of the chorus for "The Lion Sleeps Tonight."
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* OlderThanHeLooks: He's always looked young for his age — it's hard to believe even now that he's in his 70s. Barry joked about this once by telling ''People'' magazine that "I reached puberty at 30. At 12, I looked like a fetus."
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* OlderThanHeLooks: He's always looked young for his age — it's hard to believe even now that he's in his 70s. Barry joked about this once by telling ''People'' magazine that "I reached puberty at 30. At 12, I looked like a fetus."
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* {{Narm}}:[[invoked]] ''Dave Barry's Book of Bad Songs'' catalogs many fine examples of the musical variant.
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* LongLastingLastWords:
** From ''Dave Barry's Book of Bad Songs'':
-->''"Tell Laura I Love Her," sung by Ray Peterson. This is about a guy who enters a stock-car race so he can buy Laura a wedding ring, and of course, he crashes in a seriously fatal manner, but he still manages to sing "Tell Laura I LO-OVE her! Tell Laura I NEE-ED her!" approximately 153 times before finally shutting up. (I suspect that the ambulance crew turned off the oxygen.)''
** From ''Dave Barry Does Japan'' when Dave goes to a kabuki play:
-->''[A character who lost a sacred relic] stabs himself in the gut, thereby causing a stirring of hope to ripple through the audience as it appears that the play might possibly be coming to an end. But no. If you think this man could whine '''before''', you should see him when he has stabbed himself. He kneels at center stage, holding his gut, and squalls at the audience for fifteen minutes... "Somebody stab him again!" is what I would have yelled, if I knew how in Japanese. Finally he dies, possibly from overacting.''
** From ''Dave Barry's Book of Bad Songs'':
-->''"Tell Laura I Love Her," sung by Ray Peterson. This is about a guy who enters a stock-car race so he can buy Laura a wedding ring, and of course, he crashes in a seriously fatal manner, but he still manages to sing "Tell Laura I LO-OVE her! Tell Laura I NEE-ED her!" approximately 153 times before finally shutting up. (I suspect that the ambulance crew turned off the oxygen.)''
** From ''Dave Barry Does Japan'' when Dave goes to a kabuki play:
-->''[A character who lost a sacred relic] stabs himself in the gut, thereby causing a stirring of hope to ripple through the audience as it appears that the play might possibly be coming to an end. But no. If you think this man could whine '''before''', you should see him when he has stabbed himself. He kneels at center stage, holding his gut, and squalls at the audience for fifteen minutes... "Somebody stab him again!" is what I would have yelled, if I knew how in Japanese. Finally he dies, possibly from overacting.''
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* CouldSayItBut: He would like to stress that he's [[BlatantLies not at all bitter]] about Phillip Morris using the name "Dave's" to sell cigarettes.
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* CouldSayItBut: He would like to stress that he's [[BlatantLies not at all bitter]] about Phillip Morris using the name "Dave's" to sell cigarettes.cigarettes:
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->"On the other hand, you must be very, very careful when you talk about real people. An example of a real person would be [[CorruptCorporateExecutive Geoffrey C. Bible]], who is the chief executive officer of Philip Morris. Because Geoffrey C. Bible is real, you should not use the name 'Geoffrey C. Bible' [[UnusualEuphemism in a derogatory way]]. You should not, for example, say, 'Darn it! The dog made [[RoadApples Geoffrey C. Bible]] on the carpet again!' Nor should you permit your youngsters to use expressions such as 'Tommy stuck his finger way up into his nose and pulled out a big old [[NoseNuggets Geoffrey C. Bible!]]' Nor should you say that a person caught engaging in an unnatural act of romance with a sheep was 'doing the [[BestialityIsDepraved Geoffrey C. Bible.]]' [[AndThatWouldBeWrong That would be wrong.]]"
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* CouldSayItBut: He would like to stress that he's [[BlatantLies not at all bitter]] about Phillip Morris using the name "Dave's" to sell cigarettes.
->"On the other hand, you must be very, very careful when you talk about real people. An example of a real person would be [[CorruptCorporateExecutive Geoffrey C. Bible]], who is the chief executive officer of Philip Morris. Because Geoffrey C. Bible is real, you should not use the name 'Geoffrey C. Bible' [[UnusualEuphemism in a derogatory way]]. You should not, for example, say, 'Darn it! The dog made [[RoadApples Geoffrey C. Bible]] on the carpet again!' Nor should you permit your youngsters to use expressions such as 'Tommy stuck his finger way up into his nose and pulled out a big old [[NoseNuggets Geoffrey C. Bible!]]' Nor should you say that a person caught engaging in an unnatural act of romance with a sheep was 'doing the [[BestialityIsDepraved Geoffrey C. Bible.]]' [[AndThatWouldBeWrong That would be wrong.]]"
->"On the other hand, you must be very, very careful when you talk about real people. An example of a real person would be [[CorruptCorporateExecutive Geoffrey C. Bible]], who is the chief executive officer of Philip Morris. Because Geoffrey C. Bible is real, you should not use the name 'Geoffrey C. Bible' [[UnusualEuphemism in a derogatory way]]. You should not, for example, say, 'Darn it! The dog made [[RoadApples Geoffrey C. Bible]] on the carpet again!' Nor should you permit your youngsters to use expressions such as 'Tommy stuck his finger way up into his nose and pulled out a big old [[NoseNuggets Geoffrey C. Bible!]]' Nor should you say that a person caught engaging in an unnatural act of romance with a sheep was 'doing the [[BestialityIsDepraved Geoffrey C. Bible.]]' [[AndThatWouldBeWrong That would be wrong.]]"
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* LargeHamRadio: PlayedForLaughs in "Garbage Scan", where a LargeHamAnnouncer reading a [[AsTheGoodBookSays parody of a Bible passage]], an EmergencyBroadcast, an AttackOfThePoliticalAd, a NothingButHits classic rock station and a KitschyLocalCommercial are all spliced together to hilarious effect. Plus everybody rapidly undergoes SanitySlippage.
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* LargeHamRadio: PlayedForLaughs in "Garbage Scan", where a LargeHamAnnouncer reading a [[AsTheGoodBookSays parody of a Bible passage]], an EmergencyBroadcast, an AttackOfThePoliticalAd, a NothingButHits classic rock station station, and a KitschyLocalCommercial are all spliced together to hilarious effect. Plus everybody rapidly undergoes SanitySlippage.
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* LargeHamRadio: PlayedForLaughs in "Garbage Scan", where a LargeHamAnnouncer reading a [[AsTheGoodBookSays parody of a Bible passage]], an EmergencyBroadcast, an AttackOfThePoliticalAd, a NothingButHits classic rock station and a KitschyLocalCommercial are all spliced together to hilarious effect. Plus everybody rapidly undergoes SanitySlippage.
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* FilkSong: Wrote one of these with several verses about [[MultilevelMarketingScheme Tupperware]], and even performed it with a band in front of a group of Tupperware salespeople.
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* ITakeOffenseToThatLastOne: He wrote an article ranting against people who rev their Harley motorcycle for no apparent reason, and received a torrent of insults from irate readers: "loser", "anal retentive", "no life having (motherbleeper)", "idiot," and one who wrote "My loud Harley might catch your attention from concentrating on singing your favorite Barry Manilow song." Dave's response: "Don't you EVER accuse me of listening to Barry Manilow."
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** In an article about the Phillip Morris Corporation's attempt to sell cigarettes using a fictional tobacco farmer named "Dave", he gets a whole paragraph of this in with Phillip Morris's CEO, Geoffrey C. Bible.
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* OlderThanHeLooks: He's always looked young for his age — it's hard to believe even now that he's in his 60s. Barry joked about this once by telling ''People'' magazine that "I reached puberty at 30. At 12, I looked like a fetus."
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* OlderThanHeLooks: He's always looked young for his age — it's hard to believe even now that he's in his 60s.70s. Barry joked about this once by telling ''People'' magazine that "I reached puberty at 30. At 12, I looked like a fetus."
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David [=McAlister=] Barry (born July 3, 1947) is an American humor columnist, his weekly column in ''The Miami Herald'' was also syndicated nationwide. Despite the national attention, many of his columns had a quirky, OnlyInFlorida vibe to them. In addition to his status as a journalist, Barry is also a bestselling author. The majority of his books are humorous nonfiction or compilations of his columns, but he's also written several novels. The three stand-alones are ''Literature/BigTrouble'' (which was made into a movie), ''Literature/TrickyBusiness'' and ''Literature/InsaneCity'', as well as co-authoring a novel called ''Literature/{{Lunatics}}'' with Alan Zweivel. He also co-authored a series of PeterPan inspired novels with Ridley Pearson, beginning with ''Literature/PeterAndTheStarcatchers''.
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David [=McAlister=] Barry (born July 3, 1947) is an American humor columnist, his weekly column in ''The Miami Herald'' was also syndicated nationwide. Despite the national attention, many of his columns had a quirky, OnlyInFlorida vibe to them. In addition to his status as a journalist, Barry is also a bestselling author. The majority of his books are humorous nonfiction or compilations of his columns, but he's also written several novels. The three stand-alones are ''Literature/BigTrouble'' (which was made into a movie), ''Literature/TrickyBusiness'' and ''Literature/InsaneCity'', as well as co-authoring a novel called ''Literature/{{Lunatics}}'' with Alan Zweivel. He also co-authored a series of PeterPan Literature/PeterPan inspired novels with Ridley Pearson, beginning with ''Literature/PeterAndTheStarcatchers''.
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* FlashInThePanFad: In ''Dave Barry in Cyberspace'' he talks about how computer companies have an uncanny ability to release new models at just the right time to make ''your'' just-purchased computer obsolete. Apparently the companies have spies watching your house at all times, so they know exactly when you get a new computer.
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* SommelierSpeak: He once went to a wine steward competition where all of the contestants talked like this. The French woman sitting at his table remarks that French people don't really talk like that.
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* AbileneParadox: Discussed in his column about finding love via personal ad.
-->[Your ad] should say you like "candlelight dinners and long walks on the beach". All personal classified ads contain this phrase, not because anybody really wants to take long walks on the beach, but because people want to prove they're Romantic and Sensitive. The beaches of America are teeming with couples who met because of personal ads, staggering along, sweating and picking sea-urchin spines out of their feet, each person afraid to reveal to the other that he or she would rather be watching a rental movie.
-->[Your ad] should say you like "candlelight dinners and long walks on the beach". All personal classified ads contain this phrase, not because anybody really wants to take long walks on the beach, but because people want to prove they're Romantic and Sensitive. The beaches of America are teeming with couples who met because of personal ads, staggering along, sweating and picking sea-urchin spines out of their feet, each person afraid to reveal to the other that he or she would rather be watching a rental movie.
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* VampiresSleepInCoffins: In his book ''Dave Barry Turns 40'', Dave gives some advice for looking young:
-->''Step One is never go out in the daylight. Your role model here is the vampire community, whose members keep their skin attractively smooth and waxy for thousands of years. I am not suggesting here that you should live in some dank castle, sleeping in a coffin by day and venturing forth at night to drink human blood; top dermatologists agree that there's no reason why you can't keep your coffin in your current home.''
-->''Step One is never go out in the daylight. Your role model here is the vampire community, whose members keep their skin attractively smooth and waxy for thousands of years. I am not suggesting here that you should live in some dank castle, sleeping in a coffin by day and venturing forth at night to drink human blood; top dermatologists agree that there's no reason why you can't keep your coffin in your current home.''
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* The 2015 Year in Review had Tom Brady winning everything from actual football games to the Kentucky Derby [[BlatantLies (with his coach having a different excuse every time).]]
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* RealitySubtext: ''Dave Barry in Cyberspace'' features a sub-story about two lovers who meet online, supposedly based on how Dave met his (current) wife online. The male in this story has the screen name "[=RayAdverb=]," an anagram of his name. (Nowadays it's his Twitter handle.)
