Romance

Sometimes I get nervous that I won't find someone that could handle me. I will admit I'm a bit eccentric and I do know that mental illness runs in my family. I'm not one with the times, I like a lot of vintage things and I like to think of myself as highly creative. I don’t really know if I’ll find someone who is like me, a tad bit eccentric and creative.

People tend to give me a look or make fun of me when I ask them what a certain phrase means. I don’t know because I don’t really text people, and I don’t like a lot of modern pop culture, especially most of today’s music and the latest fads people are obsessed with.

I also know that people will pity me once I tell them about what has happened to me in the near 16, 17 years I’ve been alive. I don’t fucking want that. I hate it because it’s usually something they think is right to say when I don’t want them to even acknowledge it. It just brings back memories I don’t want.

I also get paranoid easily, and I’m afraid I’ll say one wrong thing and it’ll be over. That’s how I feel. I have yet to find someone that is like me, a little bit eccentric and creative.

But there is one girl I like, I find her to be the cutest person ever, but, as always, there is a problem. I do feel nervous she won’t like me, and I’ve never met her. She lives in a town I used to live. I’ve been trying to reconnect with past friends and I found her on social media. She sounds familiar but I’m afraid to talk to her. I think I’ll sound creepy and she might just ignore me. I do think about her a lot, and I'd love to get to know her.

Anyway, I’m nervous about love. I’m not really a romantic type, and I do like a girl, I’m just scared of talking to her. Sorry if this is long, I probably went a tangent but I tend to ramble.

edited 27th Sep '17 8:51:53 AM by Scarecrow4774

There are people out there who are like you and who also are thinking the same way you do. You are not alone. All of us find faults within ourselves but that is pretty much normal. As long as it doesn't consume your entire life. There are people who want to see someone who is eccentric and creative. It takes going through a few people to find them. There are a lot more of those people looking for each other than you think.

As for the pop culture thing, it's normal. There is slang that people older and younger than me who have used phrasing that I never even knew, some I didn't know were phrases that were out of use seven years prior. If people look at you weird because you're "out of the loop", it has more to say about them than you. If you don't know current pop culture, that's totally fine. It won't change who you are if you don't, just don't go along with what people are doing just to join the clique. I was born in the 90s, barely care about current pop culture and would rather like what I like (Led Zeppelin, Nirvana, Radiohead). So like what you like because it'll make you the person you want to be.

You'll be OK in terms of talking about your past. People, all people have embarrassing things about their pasts, or things they don't want to talk about. If you're worried, don't tell them what happened, save it for a very close circle of friends who you know won't treat you any differently. Who knows? They would probably give you some advice and help you grow as a person and they'll tell you what happened to them. If you don't want to bring up bad memories, take your time. No one will force you to talk about it, if they do, don't ever confide in them.

I know how it feels to think about what was said. We all do. It's natural. Don't worry about saying the wrong thing unless you mean it. Saying one wrong thing by accident is not a cause for the end of a friendship/relationship. You'll be OK.

All you have to do is say hi to this girl. Sometimes, that is all it takes. Leave it casual. Start off friendly. Don't ask her out outright because it'll possibly scare her a little. Just a little, "Hi, how is your day?" is enough and she would tell you. If you ever met her in person, she may remember you. If not, don't be discouraged because it'll give you a bit of a clean slate. Be yourself. You'll be fine. Just remember to calm down and clear your head. Everyone is nervous about love. Sometimes it's a scary thing but once you get used to it and let that, and a little romance, embrace you, you'll never want it to let go. I hope all of this helps.

Thanks. Really. It’s just the town I live in doesn’t like people who are eccentric. I’ve been called creepy cause I listen to rock (Radiohead, Pink Floyd, etc.) and cause I like horror. The town I live just isn’t right for me.

I do know a bit about the girl I like, it just feels weird to say hi to someone I might know, might not. I don’t want her to think of me as a creep. I know she does drama and I’m trying to see if anyone, where I live, knows her through that. I also think she does like a variety of the things I like, but I want to see her in person and actually get to know her.

From the bottom of my heart, thank you. It’s nice to know that there are people like me, and I’ll take your advice to heart. Thanks again.

-pat-

Don't worry! Just chat with her, and things'll go well.

Even if she's not interested in a relationship, good friends are hard to come by. I know this from experience.

I guess this is an instance of being born in the wrong town. Just because one likes something that is outside the popular norm doesn't give them the right to judge. You just keep on liking what you like and don't let anyone force you to change that.

A simple hi to someone you like can sometimes go a long way. Good luck. We're pulling for you.

I'm really tempted to ask a boy out but I know he's busy as hell so he'll say no most likely. But I feel like if I don't, he'll go for another girl just like my last love interest because she had the guts to ask him out.

What if he says no because he's not into me? Maybe if I preface it with "I'd really like to get to know you more, we should hang out together some time" or something of the sort?

Aaaah I'm just nervous and rambling late at night.

You can ask him. Go for it. Just start off friendly and make small talk. Try to know what his interests are and you can make a thing of it. If you're afraid that another girl would get to him first, then I may suggest asking him out sooner than later. It takes time to get to know someone. And, if he says yes, you're all set. You can preface this with "I'd like to get to know you." or find another way for the both of you to hang out with each other. If he says no, that's the worst he can say and you should move on. Don't worry if he says no, IF he does, you'll find someone who will find, and like, you. That person is probably finding out a way to ask you out. Who knows? This guy wants to ask you out but doesn't know how. All I can say is good luck!

I thought I'd expand on my previous post a bit. During the movie, we held hands (with her permission) for about ten minutes. This is a rough transcript of the discussion that followed after the movie:

Where do I go from here? While she clearly indicated that she has at least some feelings for me, did she change her mind about wanting to wait & see what happens? Does her wanting to kiss me mean we're in a relationship? I'm so confused. I don't want to go too fast & ruin it.

Cookie for anyone who noticed that I changed my relationship status.

edited 28th Sep '17 5:16:44 AM by Spinosegnosaurus77

Give her time. She wants to move forward but she probably wants to know how and she's thinking about it. I hope things go well!

On a whim, I asked someone in my school's drama club if they happened to know the girl I like. I was surprised to find out that they do know her. I learned that she's a big fan of Harry Potter. I'm trying to figure out what to do now. I'm not really sure how to proceed.

If that is what happens it won't be to bad, I mean it does suck to be rejected, but you'll know you tried, you'll know that you're able to ask people out, you'll know that you'll never have to wonder "what would have happened if I had asked him?"

Rejection hurts, but it really doesn't have to be the end of the world, I'm trying to think how many girls have rejected me over the years, and I was always shy about asking girls out.

@Scarecrow If you're a fan of HP, tell her you are as well. Then, you'll have something to talk about. If you're not a fan, you can ask her about it and, who knows, you'll share similar interests in fantasy literature, or literature in general. Just find an opening to get to talk to her, like when she seems to be by herself.

Thanks. I'll try that.

I wish you well.

I think she ghosted me, even though I don’t remember doing anything wrong. It’s all I’ve been able to think about lately.

Never mind, she texted back.

edited 5th Oct '17 5:35:49 AM by Spinosegnosaurus77

Sorry, that sucks. Ghosting seems to be the way of saying "not interested" these days. Don't beat yourself up over it. There really isn't anything you could've done "better". If she don't feel it, there was nothing you could've done to influence the outcome anyways.

edit: by your edit. Hope it works out for you.

edited 5th Oct '17 5:37:44 AM by nightwyrm_zero

Let us know how it's going!

Seeing her again tomorrow. Wish me luck!

Good luck. I hope all goes well. Be yourself. You'll be fine.

So we didn’t end up kissing. She said she just wants to be friends for now, but will let me know if she ever has a change of heart. I’m okay with this; even if we never become a thing, she made me realize that some girls might actually enjoy my company.

edited 14th Oct '17 12:58:15 PM by Spinosegnosaurus77

I'm happy for you. You took a chance and it went well. I'm glad you feel this way. It shows that you can be mature enough when you go into a relationship. Sure, it didn't completely work out but there is that open end that she gave you. As long as you respect her decision, you'll be fine. Hope things go well for you!

So, er, I guess this is the best place for this. To make a long story short, I'm finally starting to get over a prior relationship that ended rather badly, and am considering "putting myself out there" so to speak, since I was told that the best way to move on was to simply find somebody else finally. Problem is, I'm kind of having problems doing that, since it trying to get out there and meet people irl is rather nerve-wracking, and I wouldn't really know where to start trying to find someone else online.

Sorry for venting/complaining/rambling, I guess I was maybe wondering if anyone might have some advice that could help me either get over my social nervousness or find a good place online to meet some folks, even if its just a dating site or something (which I've stayed away from up until now due to hearing some horror stories from friends).

I'm in a similar boat myself, my first and only relationship also ended rather badly, I haven't been with anyone since (it's been over 3 years now), and I also have a really bad social anxiety problem.

To be honest the best advice I've seen is not to worry about meeting romantic partners specifically and just try to lead an interesting life and meet all sorts of people in general. Back when I was at school, university was my main way of meeting people (not surprisingly I met my first there).

Generally, following what you're passionate about is the best way to go about this. Like, for example, if you were into music, checking to see if there were any music festivals around would be a good way to get started.

I've hit a bit of a snag with my crush. I’ve been able to find someone that actually knows her (which I’m fucking ecstatic about), but I don’t know what to do now. I don’t want to go out and say that I find their friend to be the cutest girl ever. I also don’t think I should just bullshit and I say I’ve been trying to get in touch with her (I have, but I'm afraid that won't end well). I do want to get to know my crush, and I know whatever I do will be a risk. I just don’t know where to go from here.

edited 16th Oct '17 5:49:08 AM by Scarecrow4774

I think you should casually introduce yourself to the person that knows your crush. Take your time with this and, eventually, you will be introduced to them. Don't ask a whole lot about your crush. Eventually, you may be included in their circle of friends. Don't ask a whole lot about her, when you are included with their friends, introduced yourself to the circle and get to know everyone. Yes, it will take some time but knowing people in that circle may increase your chances with one on one time with your crush.