Ah, the surprisingly popular Epic Rap Battles Of History. This series of videos pits celebrities and historical figures in rap contests. While not all of them have transcriptions available, a select few do.
Well, knowing You Tube audio transcriptions, they no doubt have their own version of how this particular rap goes.
So, Ben Franklin, take us away:
Not even given enough time to say hello? Hmph.
I thought this was going to be a rap battle, not business negotiations. Of course, maybe I don't understand rap, but still...
Wow, I knew business deals had their own vernacular, but it's worse than I thought. You'd need a lawyer to understand this.
What kind of business requires you to take blood samples? Wow, talk about cutthroat hiring standards.
I don't know, but I think you'd need a lot of confidence building after revealing that you take blood samples for some reason.
Wait, you think you can determine how someone behaves from a blood sample? Either you're at the cutting edge of technology, or you're insane. Can we just get actually rapping? Billy Mays?
Yeah, your business reputation is.
Uh...what? I can't even think of anything funny to say to that.
I don't know who they are, but I'm pretty sure you don't want to piss off your mailman. Ever.
Juanita? Wait a minute, I'm beginning to suspect they're using illegal immigrants as labor. That would explain how they were able to draw blood with no complaints. Ben Franklin, what do you have to say about that?
Well, can't argue with that. At least Franklin has some sense.
Oh, looks like Billy Mays has left. But wait, what's this?
Great, so now there's advertising in the audio transcripts. Can we get back to this so-called "rap" battle?
No...more...advertising...okay, ad is over. Wait a second, is that Vince Offer?
Yes it is, and apparently he is either one strange psycho-analyst, or completely nuts. Given how we're normally supposed to love his nuts, well...
Is he trying to psycho-analyze their business decisions? One thing's for sure, he's definitely putting the "psycho" into it.
Whose house? Franklin's? Mays's? I can't tell.
Okay, yeah, he's nuts. Definitely not sure how Offer could be any more crazy than this.
I stand corrected.
If I weren't doing this from there, it's where I'd want to go after this. Anyway, it looks like Offer is done. Roll credits!
You did not forget what the credits are. Don't tell me you forgot what the credits are.
I guess that's the company behind the videos. Funny, I thought this was a more small-scale project by a small team of comedians, but whatever.
And there you have it! Apparently they figured it would be natural for Franklin and Mays to try to strike a (ruthless) business deal, then fail. Fair enough, but I could deal without Offer's "analysis". The transcriptions aren't exactly all that good at writing plots.
Maybe next time they'll actually get the rap part down though...or not.