Disclaimer: Teach Me How to Dougie, written by the fine folks known as Cali Swag District, does not actually teach you how to Dougie.
Aye! aye!
MIKE: Are you ready, kids?
BOTS: Aye,aye, Captain!
MIKE [singing]: Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?
BOTS: Spongebob Squarepants!
Teach me how to dougie (aye!)
They be like smooth (what?)
TOM: Is someone doing our job for us?
Can u teach me how to dougie?
You know why?
CROW: Uh, that’s not the right response to that question, sir.
Cause all da bitches love me (aye)
All I need is a beat that's super bumpin
And for you, you, and you to back it up and dump it!
ALL: Eww!!
Put your arms out front, lean side to side
TOM: Hey, Mike! Here’s a dance you can do!
CROW: Yeah! It requires no coordination or any coherent thought processes at all!
MIKE [offended]: Hey!
They gona be on you when they see you hit dat dougie right?
Aint nobody fuckin wit my bro from morningside
TOM: Well, that was a smooth transition.
He go by bubba and he hit dat dance wit thunder
CROW: How can you hit something with thunder?
I aint from dallas but I d-town boogie
I show my moves off and everybody tryna do me
I leave da function and all da ladies tryna screw me
TOM: You better write this down, Mike: Chicks dig guys who dance like drunken idiots.
You just do you and ima do me(all day)
Niggas love to hate so they try to screw me
MIKE: You see, even masochists love the dougie.
Bitches be stuck to me I think they tryna glue me
CROW: Hopefully to some train tracks.
I make the party shine bright when it start to boomin
Dis beat was bubblegum so I had to chew it
TOM: And now you’ve stuck it under a seat and left it there.
Teach me how to dougie
MIKE: Don’t you already know how?
T-teach me how to dougie
Teach me how to dougie
CROW: Other than putting our arms out front and leaning from side to side, we haven’t learned much at all.
T-teach me how to dougie
All my bitches love me
All my, all my bitches love me
MIKE: Can you repeat that line again? I don’t think we’ve heard it enough times.
All my bitches love me
You aint fuckin wit my dougie!
TOM: Well, that was helpful.
My name is young!
CROW [Young]: My parents weren’t very imaginative!
For da dudes who don't know me
MIKE: Which is practically everyone.
I know I'm from da west but I can teach you how to dougie!
ALL: Finally.
Step up in da club and all these bitches bug me
All da niggas dancin and none of them know me
TOM: That’s probably because no one’s heard of you before.
I hear da crowd screamin like "aye! get it brody!"
So I'm on my and I take it real low
CROW: Wait, what was he on?
Dey like "how you da dat?"
TOM: To be able learn to dougie you need to inhale a large amount of glue, apparently.
he can dougie on the floor
And when dat nigga stop they like "dougie somemore!"
ALL [dully]: Whee.
I'm like a nigga kinda tired so, I pass it to da bro!
M-bone! show these cats how to do dat down south dance
MIKE: It helps a great deal if you’re drunk, by the way.
Dat we learned a lil too fastand bought it to da hood
And got da whole crew askin...
Back of the party ion really like to boogie
CROW: And anions are usually the type to stay home and read.
I'm just tryna get bent and meet a thick redbone
TOM: Uh, I don’t think that’s what the phrase “Get Bent” actually means.
(Mmm) we do da dougie and da niggas hatin but I'm bout
To act a skateboard a bitch and head home(fuck it)
TOM: Ha, ha, it’s funny because it’s not really a sentence.
She bout to dougie and hit wit 2 hands
And I run it run it even if her legs long
She like you my hubby and I think she love me but,
MIKE: I’m afraid we’re both gay.
I change da subject and I do my dougie
CROW: Now that’s a dedicated man. Not even the promise of requited love can stop him from doing his dougie.
But, ion give a fuck, blow trees, get money
TOM: Blow trees?
Leave 2 heifers feinin like sum playboy bunnies
Dey gon make us do da dougie in da middle of da dance
TOM [horrified]: Oh no! [normal] Wait, Mike, is that a good thing or a bad thing?
MIKE: Yes.
And when I asked for some head da bitch looked at me funny
CROW [girl,stupid]: Uh, don’t you already have one?
Bye! bitch you can't tell me nothin
MIKE: My sentiments exactly.
starr baked da beat
And I just took it out the oven,
TOM: Where’s an oven and what did you take out of it?
CROW: Most likely his dougie.
I just hit the dougie when everybody
Clubbin and I hate skinny jeans cuz da burner keep rubbin! (oh! )
CROW: That was an abrupt end.
MIKE: Were we ever taught how to dougie?
TOM [annoyed]: No.
I always thought that this
◊ would make a better Dougie than this so-called "dance". Don't you agree?
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