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Gay Test

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A test that's used to find someone's sexuality

This work is a proposed Trope, Tropers can vote and offer feedback in the comments section below.
Proposed By:
Pichu-kun on Jan 11th 2019 at 8:53:24 AM
Last Edited By:
Pichu-kun on Feb 3rd 2019 at 4:43:30 PM
Name Space: Main
Page Type: trope

"Xandir continued protesting that he was in-fact straight, so I turned to the Bible and was reminded of the one true test of a man's sexuality: the mysterious and deadly woodbeast."
Princess Clara, Drawn Together

In real life, there's no scientific way to tell someone's sexuality. It's something someone must figure out themselves. In fiction? Not so much.

Be it a machine, physical test, or psychological test, this work has a way of telling someone's sexual orientation. Maybe there actually is a "gay gene", maybe it's something in the blood, but people can tell if someone is gay, straight, bisexual, etc with just a simple test. It's often Played for Laughs, with question-based tests being laughably stereotypical.

This often leads to characters being Forced Out of the Closet.

Compare to Gaydar, which refers to a character's "ability" to tell people's sexualities thanks to hunches.


Examples:

Fan Works

  • In the Jem fic Farewell to Life the Way We Knew It, there's a blood test that can tell if someone is straight or not. There are false negatives but false positives are unheard of. The American Morality Office, and a few other similar organizations in other countries, jail those who fail the test.

Film — Live Action

  • Legally Blonde: When Elle suspects the witness, Nikos, on trial to be a gay man (which would prove his alleged affair with the suspect Brooke false), she and the other lawyers have to try and prove this true— especially when it's pointed out he may simply be a flamboyant European instead. Interestingly, her own "test" of bending down in front of him didn't help, and he only came out after Emmett made him slip and tell everyone his boyfriend's name...followed by his boyfriend rising from the jury and outing him.

Live-Action TV

  • On The Office, Jim "helps" Dwight order a literal gaydar online so he can help Michael avoid embarrassing gay employees in the future. At the end of the episode, the fake gaydar (actually a metal detector) arrives and of course, identifies Dwight as gay (and his belt buckle as metal).
  • A The Daily Show segment had Ed Helms invent one, detecting background levels of gayness via increasingly campy phrases. He said that since it worked as a radar for gayness, he'd call it a "Homometer." By the way, it's pronounced 'Hoe-MAW-me-ter'.
  • Parodied in Little Britain: When Daffyd, the self-proclaimed "only gay in the village", is introduced to another gay man, Daffyd immediately starts "testing" him with laughably easy queer trivia questions.

Theatre

  • In A Very Potter Sequel, the Scarf of Sexual Preference is a magical Animate Inanimate Object that "sorts" students into sexual orientations such as "bi-curious", "metrosexual", "gay as the Fourth of July", etc. It's a bit unclear if the Scarf assigns people to orientation or merely announces their innate orientation.

Webcomics

Web Original

Western Animation

  • Bender from Futurama has an actual gaydar. Whether it works or not is questionable.
  • Stan from American Dad! also has one, but it didn't seem to work since it kept pointing at [straight] even when he was talking to a gay guy.
  • In the Drawn Together episode "Gay Bash", everyone accuses the self-proclaimed hetero-adventurer Xandir as being very obviously gay. While at first in-denial of this, the housemates decide to put him through a test that is supposedly foolproof; he sticks his hand in a log that houses the dreaded wood-beast. It biting off his hand is confirmation that he is most definitely gay.
    Princess Clara: Deep inside this stump of tree lives the all-knowing woodbeast. Choose a hole and stick your hand in. Should the beast bite you, then it is true. You are indeed homosexual. [Xandir, at first apprehensive, stick his hand in. He calms down, only to pull his hand out and reveal that his hand is missing.]
    Xandir: Aah! My arm! Aah! I'm gay!

Feedback: 13 replies

Jan 11th 2019 at 9:00:50 AM

'Took some examplea from gaydar.

Jan 11th 2019 at 10:56:25 AM

PlayingWith.Watching The Reflection Undress has this entry under Exploited: Suspecting that Bob might be gay, Alice tests her theory by loudly announcing that she's going to get dressed, then peeking at the mirror to see if he's watching.

Would examples like that count?

Jan 14th 2019 at 10:07:22 PM

Jan 11th 2019 at 11:27:44 AM

  • Legally Blonde: When Elle suspects the witness, Nikos, on trial to be a gay man (which would prove his alleged affair with the suspect Brooke false), she and the other lawyers have to try and prove this true— especially when it's pointed out he may simply be a flamboyant European instead. Interestingly, her own "test" of bending down in front of him didn't help, and he only came out after Emmett made him slip and tell everyone his boyfriend's name...followed by his boyfriend rising from the jury and outing him.

Jan 11th 2019 at 6:55:42 PM

Theatre

  • In A Very Potter Sequel, the Scarf of Sexual Preference is a magical Animate Inanimate Object that "sorts" students into sexual orientations such as "bi-curious", "metrosexual", "gay as the Fourth of July", etc. It's a bit unclear if the Scarf assigns people to orientation or merely announces their innate orientation.

Jan 13th 2019 at 11:42:46 AM

"Xandir continued protesting that he was in-fact straight, so I turned to the Bible and was reminded of the one true test of a man's sexuality: the mysterious and deadly woodbeast."
Princess Clara, Drawn Together

  • In the Drawn Together episode "Gay Bash", everyone accuses the self-proclaimed hetero-adventurer Xandir as being very obviously gay. While at first in-denial of this, the housemates decide to put him through a test that is supposedly foolproof; he sticks his hand in a log that houses the dreaded wood-beast. It biting off his hand is confirmation that he is most definitely gay.
    Princess Clara: Deep inside this stump of tree lives the all-knowing woodbeast. Choose a hole and stick your hand in. Should the beast bite you, then it is true. You are indeed homosexual. [Xandir, at first apprehensive, stick his hand in. He calms down, only to pull his hand out and reveal that his hand is missing.]
    Xandir: Aah! My arm! Aah! I'm gay!

Jan 14th 2019 at 9:25:17 PM

Wow, I though someone mentioned it, but no... cool!!

Web original:

PS: Maybe one of them can be the trope image, IMO

Feb 2nd 2019 at 11:00:02 AM

Old joke: Several men wish to join a monastery, but must prove that they have abandoned their carnal urges. The monks tie bells to the candidates' genitals and bring in a stripper. As the stripper gets to work, the men try their best to avoid getting a Raging Stiffie, but only one man passes amid a cacophony of ringing bells. Finally, he is told that he passed and may join, but as he turns around, is confronted by the sight of the other candidates removing their noisemakers, and there goes the final bell.

Feb 3rd 2019 at 1:40:18 PM

Maybe add a Media Category, as plenty of women's and men's magazines have tests to see if your mate is gay. It continues now on the web with the occasion Buzzfeed test article.

Feb 3rd 2019 at 2:54:05 PM

On In And Out, Howard gets a tape titled "Examining Your Masculinity" to prove whether he's gay or not. The tape gives as series of tests to determine how manly the listener is. The last test is to resist the urge to dance along to a cover of Gloria Gaynor's "I Will Survive", because "real men do not dance." Howard fails this test spectacularly.

Feb 3rd 2019 at 3:09:42 PM

I wonder if there's a related "trans test" because that's more believable.

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