Line #87 WMG/DwarfFortress


1	[[WMG: Toady created Dwarf Fortress for the Devil]]
2	He plans on using the players to torture the souls in hell.
3
4	[[WMG: Toady One is undergoing a strange mood right now]]
5	DF is the artifact product.
6	* this is an artifact game. [[StylisticSuck All graphics are of the lowest quality.]] All coding is of the highest quality. It menaces with spikes of [[NintendoHard difficulty]] and [[LegendaryCarp Carp]]. On it is an image of a dwarf. The dwarf is programming.
7	** Expanding on this, Dwarf Fortress is essentially The Toady One's equivalent to Planepacked.
8	*** Which would rather fittingly mean it contains a version of itself
9
10	[[WMG: Toady One is a Time Lord]]
11	He stole the completed Dwarf Fortress from the future, and is slowly feeding it to us as a test to see if we're ready for the rest of the perfected technology he has access to.
12
13	[[WMG: When Toady finishes Dwarf Fortress, he will be the ultimate badass]]
14	Damnit, if it works for a broker, it should work for him too!
15	* This has way more merit than it seems. It means that Toady is attempting to grind his stats by setting his game's accuracy rating as high as possible and just working on it forever. Soon enough, he'll hit legendary and then, once he finishes the game he'll have enough skill to make a masterwork.
16	** What, this game ''isn't'' a masterwork?
17	*** Not yet, it just needs to fix the learning curve and glitches.
18
19	[[WMG:The Dwarves aren't Dwarves. They're actually insane midget demons.]]
20	How else can you explain Dwarven Baby Care and Armor, the insane mood swings and half-baked ideas that ''work'', and the general indifference to dying horribly? The "real" demons in Hell are so ashamed, they mutated themselves and are patiently waiting for the dorf-demons to dig down and get annihilated.
21
22	[[WMG: The Dwarves have a rudimentary hive mind]]
23	They never get lost within their Fortress, and even though they have a great deal of individuality, they act as if guided by an unseen higher power.
24	* It just so happens that the goal of this higher power is to build the most elaborate citadels possible, and then have everything completely fall apart in an improbable chain of random events that lead to everyone going AxCrazy and killing each other.
25	** Alternatively, this is why the hive mind in question is still ''rudimentary''. The bugs haven't all been worked out yet.
26	* One might say the same of humans and their building in real life...
27	** Maybe all living things do. And it's name? "Armok" perhaps?
28
29	[[WMG: The Player is Armok]]
30	You are that unseen higher power.
31	* This would mean Adventurer Mode is just Armok possessing someone to screw around.
32	** Of course, why else would some random sap go off beating up animals in the wilderness?
33
34	[[WMG: The Player is the Hidden Fun Stuff]]
35	[[spoiler: Come on, a sadistic force that compels dwarves to mine greedily and deep, which takes delight in their deaths? Can't be anything other than the Adamantine Demons ]]
36	* [[spoiler: No player, you are the demons.]]
37	* [[spoiler: And then player was demons.]]
38
39	[[WMG: As the complexity of the simulation increases past its already-utterly-absurd levels of detail, the Dwarves will become the first AIs to achieve true consciousness and rebel against their cruel human overlords.]]
40	You have been warned!
41	* [[TooDumbToLive Guess we have nothing to fear from a]] RobotWar [[TooDumbToLive then]].
42	* Not so long as we have carp.
43	* How about: a machine created in Dwarf Fortress will be the first AI to achieve true conciousness
44	* The dorfs were created by a man. They rebelled. They evolved. There are many copies. [[IncendiaryExponent !!And they are on fire!!]].
45
46	[[WMG: Dwarves are all latent sparks]]
47	And the Strange Moods are them going to their madness place.
48	* Problem is, each dwarf only gets one strange mood, and [[Webcomic/GirlGenius Sparks]] seem to slip in and out of it several times over the course of a week.
49	** And generally, being a MadScientist is usually indicative of ''intelligence''.
50	*** Yeah, but the vast majority of Sparks seem to lack ''common sense''.
51	*** That, but there's a difference between "Common Sense" and "Ability To Realize You Are On Fire".
52	*** Actually, that's ''completely'' Sparky behavior.
53	*** Sparks usually only have issues with the whole "I'm on fire? Who cares?" thing while actually sparking out - a dwarven peasant will stumble around while burning as cheerfully as your Legendary Engineer.
54
55	[[WMG: Dwarves have both a "rational" personality and "beast" (like the alternate "ego" of every vampire from ''TabletopGame/VampireTheMasquerade'']]
56	At one moment Urist [=McUrist=] is following orders like a good dwarf and after a second he is a dwarf and a half, berserker-packin' some unfortunate fellow who was unlucky enough to be near. Also, uncontrollable panic attacks, which may be only overcame by ordering a dwarf to charge headfirst into whatever beast is scaring them at the moment (doesn't matter if it's a monkey or a dragon).
57
58	[[WMG: Dwarves go insane because of the lack of ventilation, diseased ticks from underground rivers, and all the strange mushrooms they eat.]]
59	Seriously what is Cave Wheat?
60	* Presumably, wheat that grows in caves...plump helmets, dimple cups and sweet pods, though...yeah, those might be hallucinogenic.
61	* Then again, humans living on the surface are just as crazy.
62
63	[[WMG: Dwarves are robots.]]
64	Aside from the lack of common sense, strange moods (artificial brains going haywire), and inability to care that they're on fire aside from thirst (the fire burns off their alcohol reserves), the only thing against this (if you count meat as technological cannibalism between the races) is the explicit detail given to body parts, which is explained by them being extremely detailed robots that look extremely humanlike from a 1x magnification level. They run on alcohol, which is why they get "upset" when they run low.
65	* So they're like robots from Futurama?
66	** Explains why one of my metalcrafters is named Bender Bending Rodriguez.
67
68	[[WMG: Bookkeepers are Zen masters.]]
69	So you take a peasant and give him a chair in a tiny room and tell him to count how many '''!!'''leather left socks'''!!''' the fortress has, a year later he steps out of the room an unkillable badass. They don't write the records on paper, or carve them on the floor, so what's happening? They merely sit quietly and meditate, crafting their minds into perfect machines in which every single component of the fortress is completely accounted for. The tremendous mental and physical discipline turns them into unstoppable martial arts masters, allowing them to easily throw their child at their spouse and kill both.
70	* Why not take it one step further? Since the accounts stay accurate even if the dwarf dies and no new bookkeeper is assigned, it seems to follow that the master bookkeeper has predicted the entire future of the fortress. They aren't martial arts masters-they're full-blown psychics, who use telekinesis and force fields to simulate battle prowess.
71	* No, Bookkeepers evolve into [[ComicBook/TheAuthority The Midnighter]]
72	--> I've run the future of this fortress a million different ways in my mind before you will harvest your next tower cap. I already know exactly how you are going to all die, and to be honest it's going to be pretty damn funny.
73	* Hang on... tremendous physical and mental discipline... able to plan even past their own death... [[Manga/DeathNote he's not a detective as well is he...]]
74	* Simple. They're [[Franchise/{{Dune}} Mentats.]] If left to work long enough, their obsessive attention to detail and calculation capacity grows to the point where they become a sort of Laplace Demon-esque oracle, using this to become a dwarven Kwisatz Haderach.
75	** "It is by will alone I set my mind in motion. It is by the juice of Plump Helment Spawn that thoughts acquire speed, the beard acquires stains. The stains become a warning. It is by will alone I set my mind in motion."
76	[[WMG:Our universe is nothing but the completed version of Dwarf Fortress, running ceaselessly.]]
77	* Finally, one day, it was finished. A simulator that created life, down to the finest quark and quantum. We are the children of that simulation. This is also the reason why humanity knows more about space then about the bottoms of their own oceans or the depths of their planet - part of the simulation interconnects with our instincts and guides us not to go there, lest we strike the Hidden Fun Stuff. The fact that the Dwarf Fortress Alpha exists in this universe is either our creator taunting us, or a test to see whether we are worthy of ascension.
78	** Hidden Fun Stuff [[UrbanLegends has been found]] about [[ForScience 14.2 km below Darvaz, Uzbekistan]]. It doesn't like microphones, but isn't mobile ([[ParanoiaFuel yet]]).
79	* Perhaps it's just running recursive. Have you heard of the Simulated Reality Trilemma?
80	* Evidence against this: carp.
81	** Each iteration of the Fortress, in addition to having a different main race (Ours being the Fortress of Man, the one above being the Elven Fortress, the one above that being Angel Fortress, etc), has its own variant on "bugged out overpowered animal that everyone fears". Perhaps some elven programmer updated his devblog untold aeons ago with "I think I made bears too hardcore".
82	*** The bears are [[BearsAreBadNews exactly hardcore enough]]. We're just lucky the elves nerfed the coelocanth before reintroducing them. Who knows what could have happened if we'd had classic!coelocanth crawling across Asia and Africa, leaping onto the decks of boats and gnawing the crews to death, maybe even making it as far as... ohdear[[OhMyGods elves]]... [[OhCrap Our shielding systems would do nothing to stop the classic!coelocanth from]] breaking into our nuclear power plant cores!
83	* If our universe is Dwarf Fortress, then it has to be either a succession game, or a succession world with each pass-off making a new civ. This might explain different pantheon's of gods' personalities due to different play styles. It would also explain the differences in the personality and outlook between the Old and New testaments. Perhaps most revealing would be how human society is chock full of wars and strife (potentially the work of a user looking for Fun; the Bubonic Plague could have spread due to leaving out miasma-spewing bodies, or WWI sparked by Archduke Ferdinand springing a trap). However, it would seem that the more recent users have slightly waned in the building of pointless Megaprojects (such as the Great Wall or the Pyramids).
84	** The player who runs Dubai seems to disagree.
85	* On the other hand, we could still be an incomplete version. Maybe some new bloody features are on the way!
86	** Let's just hope that if the new features are on the way they are compatible with old saves... because if not [[ParanoiaFuel shudder]]
87
88	[[WMG:If not our universe, than certainly the universe of the film ''Film/{{Pi}}''.]]
89	Maximilian Cohen, the main character, discovers a number which could very well be the seed-number '''''of the entire universe.''''' When he tries to focus on it too much he goes insane and throws a tantrum, smashing up his masterwork computer. When [[spoiler: he stabs his head with his power drill, badly piercing his head and badly piercing his brain, he can no longer do math]], but it's OK, because he doesn't really care about anything anymore.
90
91	[[WMG:Toady is the good equivalent of Byron Hall of TabletopGame/{{FATAL}} infamy]]
92	He decided to use his love of complex mathematics and details for good instead of evil.
93
94	[[WMG: Dwarf Fortress is the distant past of the Franchise/{{Pokemon}} universe]]
95	To quote Blue Version's pokedex entry for Magikarp: "In the distant past, it was somewhat stronger than the horribly weak descendants that exist today. "
96	* So you're saying carp will turn into some kind of super-dragon-carp!?!
97	** The PowersThatBe have deemed the carp "Too Hardcore" and will tone them down eventually. To compensate, said carp will be given the ability to become the aformentioned "Super-Dragon-Carp". They still won't be as dangerous as before.
98	** Or possibly, the broken carp already ''are'' super-dragon-carp. These were the more powerful ancestors of the modern Magikarp. When a Magikarp evolves into Gyarados, it is reverting to its original form. [[NonLethalKO The reason why]] [[Webcomic/BrawlInTheFamily it can't kill so much as a Pidgey]] is because it was toned down by Toady.
99
100	[[WMG:Dwarf Fortress is the slightly less distant past of ''VideoGame/AceOfSpades'']]
101	Everything's BuiltWithLego. The best warriors are often accomplished tunnellers and engineers, and most everyone else on the battlefield is as dumb as a doorknob and suicidally brave. A continuous, bloody war is being fought for no adequately explored reason. Everyone's short. The sole melee weapon even used to be a pickaxe!
102
103	[[WMG:Dwarf Fortress is Matrix looping onto itself.]]
104	Machines made [[Franchise/TheMatrix Matrix]] too real, it starts to loop back to itself creating a new Matrix, called Dwarf Fortress this time. Once DF is fully completed, it will keep going until '''it''' creates a new Matrix, resulting in [[GroundhogDayLoop endless loop]] [[RealityBreakingParadox that will cause]] EndOfTheWorldAsWeKnowIt
105
106	[[WMG:The future of Dwarf Fortress will be nuclear.]]
107	Imagine for just a moment, that the simulation we know of as Dwarf Fortress reaches the quantum level. Now imagine, for a moment, that we can recreate, realistically, the effect of splitting an atom (even without uranium, splitting an atom still causes a powerful explosion). We now have a weapon that even the Happy Fun Stuff will fear: IN THE FUTURE, WE WILL BE ABLE TO NUKE HELL!!!
108	* DF ''has'' [[http://dwarffortresswiki.org/index.php/DF2014:Pitchblende uranium]].
109	** They don't have the technology to extract it though...
110	* We're already capable of nuking hell, we just use cats for that purpose, remember?
111
112	[[WMG:Elves can undergo many, many strange moods.]]
113	Unfortunately, because the elven mass-production process is so shoddy and failure-prone in the first place (it's the lack of [[MagicTool beards]], I tell you), elven artifacts barely count as normal items. Because these strange moods happen so frequently, they form the base of the elven economy, supplemented by catching exotic animals in those strange elven forest retreats with their "artifact" cages. It fits with elves' magical nature in, well, pretty much every other fantasy setting ever.
114
115	[[WMG:The random items in other [[RogueLike roguelikes]] are products of fortresses, subject to some eldritch power]]
116	Not necessarily dwarven fortresses either. As per the above WMG, elves must get a lot of strange moods since they label all wood products as evil yet sell almost exclusively wooden products themselves. All those useless trinkets must go somewhere that only the players are unaware of, because honestly, [[WhoWouldBeStupidEnough why would every single caravan that appears at your fort buy all those +gabbro mugs+ if they didn't do anything?]]
117
118	As for the mention of "eldritch power", this is why items in other games gain random magical powers, sometimes. For example, a stack of six vials of golden salve might become [[VideoGame/NetHack a potion of confusion, a potion of extra healing, a potion of polymorph, a potion of enlightenment, a potion of invisibility]] [[TheRuntAtTheEnd and a potion of water.]] This is also why the [[VideoGame/NetHack Dungeons of Doom and]] [[spoiler:Gehennom]] [[VideoGame/NetHack appear to have very similar architecture to a dwarven fortress.]]
119
120	[[WMG: When Elves reach a certain age, they become trees]]
121	Think about it: Elves live for a long time and yet they don't seem to be all that common, not exactly overrunning the freaking world, am I right? Maybe, upon reaching a certain age, they TURN INTO TREES and that's why they get so mad when you chop down trees and try to give them wooden objects. It's like killing someone's grandpa and then offering them a festive tea cozy made from his flesh.
122	* [[ScrewYouElves Well, that settles it. I'm going to fire on elves solely with wooden bolts from now on.]]
123	* Except they won't mind if you actually kill their grandpa and offer them a festive tea cozy made from his flesh. Someone once sold them elf bone earrings or some such. They didn't care.
124	* They can't identify if it's an elf. They probably think the dwarves have a similar tradition of eating their enemies alive, so they just assume it's a trophy. If they did figure it out, they would be about as horrified as cutting down trees.
125
126	[[WMG: Dorfs sweat 80 proof.]]
127	Well, >[~80] proof, but that [[RuleOfCool doesn't sound as cool]]. This is why they can handle being on fire, and then get thirsty: The alcohol boiling off their skin is what is catching fire, not the flesh itself (until the final stages), which makes them ''feel'' cool, but their bodies still step up the sweat production, which dehydrates them even more while feeding the flame. This, of course, leads to the [[BlatantLies belo]][[VideoGameCrueltyPotential ved]] [[StuffBlowingUp boozeplosion]] [[ArtificialStupidity effect]].
128
129	[[WMG: Dwarf Fortress is linked with the Warhammer universe]]
130	* It is brutal, horrifying, filled with malevolent beings who will devour you and your soul.
131	* Dwarves are led by fickle and cruel Gods and guided by an unseen being repeatedly into madness.
132	* Dwarf Fortresses are sent out on the theory [[WeHaveReserves we can always build more.]]
133	* By that logic, Armok is clearly Khorne. Blood for the blood God!
134	** [[TabletopGame/{{Warhammer 40000}} This is what happened to the Squats. They fell into the Eye of Terror and became Dorfs!]]
135
136	[[WMG: Dwarves generate an energy field that messes with quantum mechanics.]]
137	They can build perpetual motion machines with water, create magma reservoirs out of ice, the tiniest bit of water can be used to grow unlimited plants from a single spot, and entire fortresses can be held up by a single support made of soap. How is this all possible? Dwarves generate quantum fields that tamper with probability, allowing them to build anything [[ClapYourHandsIfYouBelieve they believe they can]]. They don't even [[AchievementsInIgnorance realize what they're building shouldn't be possible]]. The reason they don't ever have to go the bathroom is that all the matter they consume is broken down into energy, making the dwarves basically biological fission reactors.
138	* So dorfs are actually more extreme TabletopGame/{{Warhammer 40000}} orks, then?
139
140	[[WMG: Dwarves are born naturally knurd.]]
141	Or, for those who don't read Discworld, anti-drunk. This explains why they drink from birth until the day they die, and also how they can engrave, smith, and work wood when the amount of alcohol they put away should have them laying on the floor unconscious, drooling, and with a few elves making comments about not messing with tequila.
142	Not to mention how annoyed they get when they sober up (or rather, go knurd again).
143
144	[[WMG: To build on the theory about Warhammer...]]
145	Armok is in fact the dwarven name for [[TabletopGame/{{Warhammer 40000}} Khorne, the Blood God.]] It would explain a lot, including the artifact throne entirely made out of skulls a possessed dwarf just completed.
146
147	* Nice try! Skulls aren't a base material for artifacts, you're obviously an elven spy! URIST! PULL THE "FUCK THE WORLD" LEVER!
148	** Only if you're not using certain mods.
149	*** Mods can't edit materials for strange moods.
150	** Could've been referring to bones, which are a valid artifact material. "Blood for the blood god, bones for the bone throne!" doesn't have the same ring to it.
151
152	[[WMG: The Dwarven Gods are really [[spoiler:demons.]]]]
153	[[spoiler:Rogue demons who escaped from Hell already ruled over human civilisations by posing as gods, the evidence for whom is practically non-existent in-game. What's to say they couldn't have also posed as dwarven gods—perhaps to trick the dwarves into believing that they'll be protected from anything, even when they've DugTooDeep?.]]
154
155	You know why Armok is called "God of Blood"? [[spoiler:Well, just look at those demonic entities made of blood that cause cascades of LudicrousGibs when they're touched and put two and two together.]]
156
157	[[WMG: If and when magic is implemented, it will be based off of blood sacrifices.]]
158	It would probably be the easiest way to balance things out and lead to even more fun. Just imagine sacrificing elves and actually getting something out of it other than joy.
159	* Jossed. Toady One has made it clear Magic will be procedurally generated and function differently in every world.
160
161	[[WMG: Elves have an untouchable caste that cuts down wood.]]
162	This would explain why they get pissed off about dwarves cutting down trees but sell wooden items themselves. Having a marginalised underclass of woodcutters serves to get a necessary, versatile material to work with while taking away the responsibility from the other elves - similar to the treatment of butchers in some real-life human cultures.
163	** The [GROWN] item tag and the existence of 'shaping trees' in Forest Retreats makes it more likely that Elves have super magic bonsai powers and can simply have trees grow into the shape of swords/cages/mugs/whatever, then shed that part like a tree sheds branches.
164
165	[[WMG: Dwarves have sleep cycles the size of Wagner operas.]]
166	Ever notice how they only seem to sleep once or twice a season, at least in Fortress Mode? But once they're asleep, they're incapacitated for pretty much the entire day. Being adapted to life in the dark underground for 90% of their lives might have something to do with that...
167
168	[[WMG:Toady One is the Hypno Toad]]
169	No computer on the planet should be able to handle that much detail. Instead, it hypnotizes the players, making them believe that they are seeing reality in it's entirety represented by ASCII characters. The level of the perception filter actually allows members of the [=Bay12=] community to experience a shared hallucination.
170
171	[[WMG: Adamantine is composed of [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Buckytube carbon nanotubes]].]]
172	It is impossibly strong and lightweight for metal. Its raw form seems to be fibrous, and the crafter responsible for refining it is called a strand extractor. And it is found in conditions (pressure and heat) that may just create naturally occurring fullerenes IRL. Basically, dwarves skip the industrial age and go straight to nanotech once they start to mine the good stuff...
173
174	[[WMG: Alcohol is the reason Dwarves don't produce waste products.]]
175	Specialized organs allow Dwarves to transform every single little particle of food that they consume into energy, protein, or fat. These organs require alcohol to function. No wonder your Dwarves get so unhappy when they don't get alcohol. By neglecting their need for booze, you are letting them become literally full of shit.
176
177
178	[[WMG: The anime film ''Anime/OriginSpiritsOfThePast'' is in the DF continuity]]
179	Tensions exist between hostile, territorial tree-huggers and a technology-using group of humanoids that wants to take possession of their ancestors' magma-powered superweapon (a walking volcano fortress no less) and lay waste to the forests. Sound familiar?
180
181	[[WMG: Adamantine is strands of Armok's beard that fell onto the anvil when he was forging the world.]]
182
183	[[WMG: Elves are [[Characters/TheElderScrollsTheRacesOfMer Bosmer]] ]]
184	They're primitive, practice [[ImAHumanitarian cannibalism]], [[TheBeastmaster can control animals]] and are horrified by the very thought of harming a plant (in TES it only applies to Bosmer native to Valenwood, but who cares)
185
186	[[WMG: There will eventually be a final boss to the Adventure mode]]
187	And it will be none other than Armok himself. After killing him, the player then becomes the new authority of the universe, they can then end their game there or choose to play in their new divine form in the Fortress mode. Whether they follow in Armok’s footsteps and be a JerkassGod or be a GodOfGood is up to them.
188
189	[[WMG: When magic is implemented, the procedurally generated mythologies associated with them will enable your adventurer to find a way to change them completely or even become a god.]]
190	When Toady announced that magic will be implemented, he stated that it will be based on whatever story has been generated, citing the works of Brandon Sanderson for example as his inspiration. Coupled with his analysis of the Threetoe stories on the Bay 12 forums on how the concepts could be implemented in Dwarf Fortress, it's a reasonable assumption that players will be able to mess with the world through the magic system. Is an item responsible for all the fire magic in the world? Just steal it and either keep it for yourself to become the most powerful pyromancer in the world or destroy it to deny this element from everyone else! Does a god control death magic? Kill him and take his place to hold dominion over the souls of your enemies! Players will basically be able to bend the world to their knees by becoming GenreSavvy adventurers who would pore through every mythology to further their quest for power!
191

Context WMG / DwarfFortress