Romance

I think it's too late for me romantically. These days, I like being left alone and the peacefulness of solitude. Honestly I'd hate for someone to be constantly badgering me. Pretty sure that hopeless romanitc that I used to be is dead. These days, I don't try to meet new women, though I can easily, because I just want to be left the hell alone.

Well, all of my friends seem to be hooking up with people now. I'm one of the few who's still single. It kinda sucks.

You think it would but look at it this way: You're single but you can explore things that your other friends can't. You can find yourself, figure out who you are, who you want to be with, be who you are. Do things that would have you explore many possibilities in the future. Don't worry about getting into a relationship just because everyone else is. Take your time. It'll be much more precious when you do find someone.

Yeah that's a good way to look at it. Thanks.

No problem. Anytime.

Since I last posted here, I got a crush on the cute metalhead in my speech class. So it should be interesting to see how this turns out.

EEEE-

Got a girlfriend who I occasionally see! We met on this site, we live in two close states, and she’s a bundle of fun.

Here’s hoping I don’t screw this up.

You know what's frustrating? There was a woman I used to work with two jobs and a thousand miles ago that I had a crush on at the time, who's very often open now on Facebook about how lonely she is/how much she wants to go on dates, and I want to help her, but the thousand miles part means nothing I could say or do would be helpful.

And also I have a girlfriend who's already a little uncomfortable with how close I am with one or two of my other women friends I knew before I met her.

Well, I've been talking to a cute brunette in my school about horror and Tim Burton. I now have a crush on her and I think we're hitting it off. Also, I think she enjoys talking to me.

Oooooh lucky. Wish I can find a gal into both of those. Good luck

Thanks. I'm thinking about asking her out soon.

Fucking hell. I knew something would come up with my current crush.

There's this guy who also likes her, but he has a girlfriend. So he's going to get to know my crush and hang out with her throughout the summer and break up with his current girlfriend so he can date her. Now this pisses me off. First of all, you don't do something like that. I fucking hate guys who try and do shit like that. They’re fucking idiots who only care about being with a hot girl and are willing to hurt the person they’re with now just so they can be with someone else. I saw it happen before with my mother and I think that it’s fucking awful to do and everyone involved gets fucked over. Second of all, I like her too, and I’ve found out that I really care about her. So, I’m going to try and do something about this so my crush doesn’t get hurt at all by this fucking asshole.

I just hope this doesn't blow up in my face and I'm the one who gets fucked over in the end.

Don't be hasty about this situation. If you do get hasty, you'll be just as in the wrong as the other guy. Take your time in this situation, take enough time to breathe and go at a steady pace.

As for the other guy, him breaking up with his current girlfriend for someone else doesn't make him that great of a boyfriend to begin with. What would happen If he goes after her? His ex may see them together so soon after their breakup and call him out? He'll look for someone else?

I understand that you're worried about this guy hanging with your crush over the months but, for now, talk to her when you get some alone time with her. Show her your good side, think about what she is like in a situation like this. Don't knock the other guy in front of her, though, she will probably think that you are jealous. Just focus on your better qualities and let her do the thinking.

If she doesn't end up liking you, its OK. It'll hurt for a long while but, in the end, you'll still be here. And you will find someone who will respect you and like you for who you are. If she does like you, congrats. Either way, we'll be here if you need advice. We're all pulling for ya and each other.

Thanks. I'm just mad as hell 'cause I've seen it before and I don't want it to happen to her. I've tried to act as nice as I can be whenever I talk to her.

A couple of her friends have been encouraging me to ask her out, and I was thinking of telling them what I heard. They both think that it's sweet that I care about her and seem to really want us to go out on a date. I don't want some asshole to make her uncomfortable and I think they'd want to help me out with it.

Right now I'm trying to mentally stop a crush from developing.

I've had an interesting few days, I have a tinder date tomorrow, she's been to my house before and now I'm going to hers. I'm nervous and thinking I should bring her chocolates.

As someone who has dealt with that type of thing, you have way more of a chance going slow and steady then the other guy has. He is likely going to be trying to take things really fast with her.

Trust me I have seen guys like that, they are generally only interested in one thing. Sex, or an very idealized version of the person. Even for guys who have been dumped by their girlfriends its very dangerous for them for to look for another one immediately albeit for an completely different reason (emotionally a mess).

edited 5th Jun '18 3:27:07 PM by Wispy

I just don't want this guy to hurt her. I've seen it before and it's not pretty at all.

I've been taking it a bit faster than I normally do because something always happens when I go slow. Her friends have told me to ask her out because they think I'm a good match for her. One of her friends told me her birthday is coming up soon and I was thinking about getting something for her but now I don't know. This whole mess that just came up with the other guy makes me want to keep him from hurting her right now.

If she is single ask her out sooner then later. Even if she rejects you it's still better then finding out later on that someone else asked her out and was accepted before you did.

The one thing I will also say is that while you are perfectly fine for not liking the other guy considering his track record do not try to actively dissuade her too much from dating him if it ever happens. Be there for her and try to help her if things go wrong but do not try any acts of sabotage. It does not reflect too good on you if you do that. I have seen guys try stuff like that before and it never ends well.

It's a tough position to be in though like everything regarding romance. Take what I say with a grain of salt too as I have gotten burned really hard by most of romantic partners or people I cared about in such a way so I am definitely not an authority on this and I doubt my experiences are common. If you can make it work with her then thats cool too.

edited 5th Jun '18 7:43:52 PM by Wispy

Yeah. I'm currently trying to figure something out.

Edit: Well I talked to one of her friends about the other guy and they said she's not into him. That's a relief but I'll probably try and keep an eye on him, just in case.

edited 6th Jun '18 6:20:38 AM by Scarecrow4774

My girlfriend of six months has decided that I'm too close to my best friend of seven years. She agreed when we first started talking that it was good to not break off friendships with friends of compatible gender when entering a relationship, but now she says that I talk too much to her she doesn't trust that I only want my friend as a friend.

Short of inviting her to read my messages with my friend, which is a level of privacy invasion I don't consider appropriate in any circumstance, it seems like she's basically demanding I cut off my friend. Which I told her from the beginning was something I would not do.

The thing is, she's not entirely wrong. My friendship started with my interest in my friend as a girlfriend, and if she were to decide she wanted me in that capacity now, that wouldn't be unwelcome. But I've pretty much made peace with the idea that that won't happen, and I also told my girlfriend at the beginning that if it did, I would not leave her for my friend just because she had become available.

My girlfriend now says that it's impossible for a man and woman to only be friends, but that is a proposition I've spent the last several years determined to prove wrong. I value my relationship with my friend as a friendship first. And yes, we are close. Because we've been friends for seven years.

I love my girlfriend, in a different way than I love my best friend, but if I had to choose, I love my friend more, and I still refuse to compromise my friendship for a romantic relationship.

And as much as I enjoy my girlfriend's presence and the chemistry we have together, I'm also really worried about what effect a breakup would have on her. She needs to learn English in order to be able to continue studying for her career, but right now she's only putting the work in for me. She's also said in the past that if we broke up, she would have to find another job because she couldn't work at the restaurant we met at anymore, and it's a really good job for her that she recently negotiated a great pay raise at. And finally, the timing is horrible, because there's a big trip we planned for this weekend, and at this point, the hotel room is not refundable.

Is there some compromise I'm missing? Is there some way I can salvage this situation?

You’re stuck in a very complicated situation, because while your girlfriend is wrong in general about compatible gender people not being able to have platonic friendships, she’s correct in this specific case.

By your own admittance you do have a level of interest in your friend, that’s clearly showing and it’s not fair on your girlfriend that she’s playing second fiddle to someone whom you’d want to fulfil the same role (romantic partner) in your life.

You need to also consider that your girlfreind’s positon isn’t likely to change, if she truly does belive in gender segregation (which is what heterosexual men and women not have platonic friendships means) than you need to consider if that’s something you belive in and want to be a part of your life. Someone people are okay with that, there’s no wrong answer other than containing a situation where you both have different answers.

I could easily tell you exactly what to do but I won’t, instead let me lay out how to work out what to do.

• 1: Work out what your partner wants. In this case it’s easy, she’s told you that she wants you to end all opposite gender friendships, trust that she is behind honest with you.
• 2: Work out what you want. This is much harder, is it important to you to have opposite gender friendships? It is for me, but for you it may just be about this one case where you have an opposite gender friendships where you hope for more. If it’s just one instance that you care about than that may change things.
• 3: Work out if what your partner wants and what you want are compatible. In this case it looks like your two wants are not, but you need to determine that for yourself.
• 4: Understand that have opposite wants for life doesn’t make either of you a bad guy, it’s okay to want different things from like, nobody is right or wrong (generally), but alongside that just because nobody is at fault doesn’t mean that things can work out, sometimes you just discover that two pieces don’t fit unless you break one, and nobody wants that. You both simply take solace in the good times and use what’s happened as a learning experience for finding a piece that does fit.

I’ve been though similar to this personally, probably the biggest single issue my second girlfriend and I had was that she wasn’t comfortable with me having a female best friend, she simple believed strongly in traditional gender dynamics and I felt the opposite.

However the big difference is that my second girlfriend had no grounds to worry, my best friend is basicly my little sister, while in your case your girlfriend does seem to have legitimate grounds to be concerned. In the end that fact that you would be up for a romantic relationship with your friend if the possibility came up is a big indicator that what you’ve got is no platonic from your side. I have plenty of female friends, but I wouldn’t date any of them, if any of them seriously hit on me, even when I was single I’d have been concerned for their mental health more than anything else.

edited 25th Jun '18 7:41:59 PM by Silasw

Well, I asked my crush out... and she said she just wants to be friends. Great.

That's fine. Keep em close. It may or may not last but at least you tried. At least you took that extra step. It hurts now, I know, we know, it hurts now. It 'll feel like there's no light. But there will be. There will be light. And you will find someone. You will find someone who will like you for who you are. You will find someone who you can tell things, anything, and vice versa. You will be fine. You will survive. It'll be a blip in the past. The pain is temporary but love is forever.

Thanks. Right now I'm just glad to be friends with her and I'm trying to move on.