Romance

I guess it's fine if you don't treat Bob or Alice any differently or ever mention how you hate Bob in any way. But I still think it's a really stupid reason to hate someone.

"It's so hard to be humble, knowing how great I am."

~Topo: Well, for all the fussing and flapping that I respond to, I've been pretty happily paired up for about six months, and even before then I'd have said it's worth it. Like Ogodei mentioned earlier, it's about "the soaring highs, the dizzying lows, the creamy, nougaty middles".

It's like that tumblr post that's been going around forever: Love is like having a button that says "free cookies", but every time you press it, a bird shits on your head, but then eventually you press it and you get a cookie, and it's the best fucking cookie ever, and while you're eating it, you realize that you'll gladly get shit on however many more times it takes to get another cookie because it's just that good.

Or something. Shit, I dunno, I think that's how it goes.

If emotions were rational, Mukora, none of us would be on this site, because nobody would have invented the theatre which one day became TV.

To that end, it's clear that culture celebrates these strong feelings to a certain degree.

Emotions aren't rational, but that doesn't mean every irrational emotion should be embraced. Many of them are extremely unhealthy.

"It's so hard to be humble, knowing how great I am."

A person can not just tell them self to stop feeling something. I would've told myself to stop feeling sorrow eons ago.

We can't control how we feel, but acting off of these feelings is the part that epople need to learn how to control.

Can the person eventually calm down and let go of these feelings? Yes. Can they just simply NOT feel them in the first place because they are unhealthy? No.

So, in conclusion, the way I see it, yes, these feelings are definitely unhealthy and somewhat immature, and can lead to problems in the long run. However, humans are strange creatures that cannot have complete control over how they feel, and will probably have to let off some steam in private before eventually cooling down.

A friend of mine was in a similar situation before. Someone dated his ex after he did and he was practically bloodthirsty for said guy, but eventually cooled off, and now they're actually great friends.

edited 2nd Mar '15 7:29:01 PM by Konkfan7

I mean, yeah, you can't not feel things, but you can definitely acknowledge that you shouldn't be feeling them.

Like, I can't not want to jump off of every bridge I see, but I can tell myself "No, that's stupid, don't do that."

"It's so hard to be humble, knowing how great I am."

Well, yeah, as long as you don't act off of those feelings and acknowledge that they aren't healthy to keep, then you're fine.

It's not stupid to "feel" anything. I'm assuming by "No, that's stupid, don't do that," you mean "No, jumping off bridges is stupid, don't do that," because that makes sense.

No, I mean it's stupid for me to want to jump off a bridge. And also to jump off the bridge. Both are stupid.

"It's so hard to be humble, knowing how great I am."

I don't think it's stupid to want to jump off a bridge. Self-destructive, but not stupid. I don't think any emotion or impulse is stupid, because ultimately they are less important than the actions they fuel and inform. Jumping off a bridge is a stupid thing to do. Wanting to jump off a bridge isn't doing anything, it's just a feeling. What matters is what you do with that feeling.

I understand you think you're helping, but telling me my suicidal thoughts aren't as dumb as I think they are... really doesn't help.

edited 2nd Mar '15 8:00:15 PM by Mukora

"It's so hard to be humble, knowing how great I am."

Yes, wanting to kill oneself is stupid. When one is suicidal, they cannot think anywhere close to rationally about it. I say this as someone who's been suicidal and still deals with depressive episodes on a mostly daily basis.

I'm going to go ahead and say that everyone needs to back-up a bit here. Especially right now.

"There's not a girl alive who wouldn't be happy being called cute." ~Tamamo-no-Mae

Gave my Plenty of Fish profile a punch-up. Half of the first paragraph is a new talking point, the other half, and the rest of it, is a complete rewrite of ideas I already said.

Fresh-eyed movie blog

People can't help how they feel. Just because someone acknowledges that how they feel is "wrong", it doesn't mean they still won't feel it. Though I'd argue that saying that the way someone feels is wrong in and of itself is disingenuous, as feelings are as subjective as the sun is bright. Sometimes people can't just "get over" how they feel—I'd have had a lot less mental misery over the past several years if I had the capacity to just "get over" feelings of rejection and the like. Not everyone is able to brush things off so easily. This is why we have therapists. I'm sure there are plenty of things you're unable to just "get over", so why not demonstrate empathy to others going through that?

edited 3rd Mar '15 4:24:41 AM by Odd1

Insert witty 'n clever quip here.

I think the problem here is the comparison of thoughts of self-harm to the plain ol' green-eyed monster.

Which is where i feel we should drop this line of inquiry.

Anyway, I like your edit, Tparadox. I would like to do the marriage/2 kids thing some day, but i sure as hell don't want that now, but the two don't have to be mutually exclusive.

I gotta get on that site. This summer, perhaps. See where my work takes me.

Look, I don't mean to dismiss your viewpoint. On the contrary, I'd appreciate if you didn't swing your history and state of mind around as if it makes your opinion more valid than anyone else's. It doesn't. If you really want to get into a "How much experience do you have with suicidal ideations and depression" pissing contest, then I'll go there, but I don't see the point.

There is no "wrong" way to feel. There are unhealthy ways to feel, self-destructive ways to feel, counterproductive ways to feel. There are "wrong" things to do. There are stupid things to do. Actions are the only thing that matters. All else is workable. You can change your thoughts without ever acting on them. You can't undo your actions or their effects.

Good news about my pursuit of Eleanor (let's call her that). I mentioned before how she wanted to meet up, but with a broader group of friends – let's call them Charlie, Dave, and Fred – rather than one-on-one; well, I managed to set it up! This Friday, the five of us will meet for drinks. All five, miraculously enough; I've had meet-ups with the same group minus Eleanor before, and usually it's nigh-impossible to even find an evening when all four of us are free (and that's not even taking into account a fifth person) – but this time I managed to get the whole gang together, and on relatively short notice, too. God smiles on me this week, it seems.

Eleanor did mention she's really looking forward to it, so I might have earned some points for organising this in the first place. Now the next challenge will be not to make an ass of myself on Friday... which will involve strongly limiting my alcohol intake... which will probably lead to teasing remarks from Charlie, Dave and Fred about how I'm suddenly on my best behaviour now that there's a girl present (at our previous meet-ups, I've never had any qualms about drinking myself under the table). Well, challenge accepted!

@Paradox: Blegh. It just sounds too flashy and excited, and it suffers from the curse of overcompleteness: 'Well, I'm looking for W, but I like X as well, and some Y would be nice too... Oh, have I mentioned that I'm really into Z?' Far too many people do this when describing their interests or personality; you do it when describing your ideal relationship.

Then again, it depends on your personality. I've come to prefer a much more modest and level-headed approach to relationships, because it fits the kind of person I am and the kind of person I'm looking for; if you're a more enthusiastic and excitable sort of person, it's probably best to present yourself accordingly.

@Schism: Like EpicBleye and Ogodei said, let's just drop it. At this point we're just mucking about in each other's wounds to make abstract principled points, and there are other threads for that.

(I say this as someone who's done the same to a much worse degree in this very thread in the past, and learned his lesson.)

Mache dich, mein Herze, rein...

So most of the times I find my crush ludicrously cute, at times when she does something really WTF stuff I'm like "ಠ_ಠ Why I'm crushing you again?" and then go back to finding her cute

Is this normal? .-.

Good luck, Rambler.

It happens a lot. As long as she doesn't do something incredibly harmful, it's ok to feel that way.

edited 3rd Mar '15 8:49:54 AM by Quag15

I just really don't appreciate people acting like being or having been suicidal or depressed makes them more qualified to speak on the matter than everyone else in the room, implicitly assuming that they're the only person in the room who has that experience. It speaks to a lot of unpleasant assumptions and it rubs me the wrong way. You're basically saying "I have an opinion and it's worth more than yours because I have experience with this sort of thing, and I'm going to assume you don't, and that your opinion is therefore worth less than mine, even though I don't know the first thing about your experience or your life."

To which my response is, speak for yourself. If you want to berate yourself and tell yourself that your thoughts and feelings are stupid, fine, but don't inflict that viewpoint on other people.

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But yes. Good luck. And drink. Drink a lot. I'm of the opinion that people are more themselves when they're drunk because they forget how to wear their masks. It takes a lot of mental jumping jacks to learn how to give people the benefit of the doubt and remember that everyone is stupid when they're drunk, but once you can do that, you can learn a lot about a person by spending time with them when they're too drunk to pretend to be someone they're not. Even the little unconscious deceptions that people don't do on purpose.

edited 3rd Mar '15 8:58:30 AM by SolipSchism

I didn't say it made me more qualified, it was just the first personal example I could think of.

"It's so hard to be humble, knowing how great I am."

He was talking to me with that and yeah I'll shut up now.

I assume you think she's swell?

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Actually, I would absolutely say experience with something makes you more of an authority on the subject. Doesn't automatically make you right, but it lends a certain degree of understanding to their position.

Insert witty 'n clever quip here.

I'd say that technically attributing your rightness to your experience is called Ad Hominem

edited 3rd Mar '15 10:59:12 AM by SpookyMask