We try to kill SCP-682

Results: Experiment was overridden by 05 Command.

Note: Dr. Conagher and all other staff members involved with this experiment are to immediately report to 05 Command for a mandatory inquiry regarding the knowledge of SCP-[REDACTED].

Test: Turn SCP-682 into an MLG pro. The goal is of this test is to distract SCP-682 by having him kill virtual players instead of real people. Thus incapacitating it by having SCP-682 spend the rest of his days playing video games. For the initial phase, we will have SCP-682 use his adaptation ability to create arms or tentacles capable of using a game controller, telling him that if does so, we'll increase his food rations. Once that is complete, SCP-682 will then be moved into a new containment cell. In addition to standard containment protocol regarding the containment of SCP-682, SCP-682's new holding cell will contain the following: - A 72 inch, plasma wide-screen television. - An X Box One with a Microsoft account. - An abundant supply of Doritos and Mountain Dew. - Games from the following franchises: Call of Duty, Halo, Battlefield, Battlefront, Fallout, and Game of the Year; 420 Blaze It. - Every six hours, an MLG airhorn and dubstep music will play in his containment cell.

"Oh, this is going to end with much rage quitting (either from SCP-682 or from other players)." - Dr. Clef

Result: SCP-682 become the most popular MLG player in history. This caused a billion of gamers to rage quit and screaming like child. [REDACTED] weeks later he is banned from Microsoft account because game support team is aware that SCP-682 might be hacker due to having billion kills and 0 death in all games. SCP-682 is enraged and breaches the containment and goes to Microsoft company to kill all its employees by 360 noscoping them with Chey Tac Intervention sniper rifle. After he killed all microsoft employees, he is smoking SCP-420j and wearing sunglasses and fedora.

Never mess with me m8. - SCP-682 the SWAGGEST Reptile.

Test: Force SCP-682 to enter SCP-1861-A.

edited 25th Jan '16 1:53:22 PM by TheEngineer24

Result: [DATA REDACTED ON O5 REQUEST]

Test: Use the Pillar Mechanism from the fanfic "Calvin's Quest" to erase it from existence entirely.

Result: 3 days later, there are reports about reptile rampaging in [REDACTED].

Guess what? - Dr Kaj

Test: Stop killing SCP-682 and focus on stronger containment chamber and better special containment procedures for 2 or more years.

Result: SCP-682 reclassifed as Euclid.

The only thing stopping it from being safe-class object is [REDACTED]. -Dr Conagher.

Test: Deploy SCP-682 to Middle East to wipeout ISIS.

Just deploy him and war on terror will be over. - Dr [REDACTED]

edited 16th Mar '16 11:55:30 PM by TheEngineer24

Results: Reports have indicated that over [REDACTED] units of ISIS soldiers have been killed by SCP-682. However, SCP-682 has to be re-contained after he ended up killing a far higher of civilians after he ended up in the city of [REDACTED].

"Well, we've stopped one war on terror, only to create another one. A hit and a miss anyone?" - Dr. [REDACTED]

New Test: Have Naruto Uzumaki use "Talk-No-Jutsu" on SCP-682 to turn him into a good guy. Throughout the series, Naruto has displayed this talent to turn his enemies, both human and non-human, into good guys. Or they at least come to respect him after Naruto has a conversation/fight with them. This ability has been successfully used on Zabuza, Inari, Neji, Gaara, Nagato, Konan, the Bijuus, Obito, and Sasuke. We'll use SCP [REDACTED] to transfer SCP-682 into the Narutoverse. Staff members involved with this experiment have also requested that "Departure to the Front Lines" to be played while Naruto talks with him. Their request has been approved.

We'll be using SO 6 P/Ashura Naruto.

"If it doesn't work, then at least SCP-682 will be their problem (somebody better record the conversation)." - Dr. Clef

edited 26th Jan '16 12:23:09 PM by Mateus-Faulkner

Result: [REDACTED]

Test 1: Get a Arbor Day Pig and the Pig tells SCP-682 that he is crazy, evil, and the Pig runs away.

Test 2: Send it back to the Dinosaur era.

edited 29th Jan '16 3:34:57 PM by Ducky096

Results of prior tests redacted on O5 request. Somehow, it revived this experiment log.

Test: Assimilate 682 into a Gravemind, then destroy the Gravemind.

Result: SCP-682 ate the Gravemind.

Personal Note from Dr.T: "Yeah, dude, we might be screwed."

Test: Attempt a FALCON PAWNCH!!!

edited 31st Jan '16 3:29:38 PM by TooManyIdeas

Result: Unfortunately, Captain Falcone doesn't work in our facilities, and any attempts to replicate the move resulted in the charred corpses of class-D personnel.

Test: Sic the entire Jahn army on 682.

Result: SCP-682 killed them all.

Test: Expose it to SCP-2774-A

Result: During the 150-second period, 682 broke free of the memetic hazard. Somehow.

Test: Have the entire Forerunner Ecumene, Covenant, Swords Of Sanghelios, UNSC, GDI, Brotherhood of Nod, Scrin, Autobots, Decepticons, Pan Pacific Defence Corps, all the Power Rangers and Super Sentai, Robot Masters, Mavericks, Grand Army of the Republic, Galactic Empire, Jedi Order, First Order, Resistance, and various other factions and individual characters of which Dr. Calvin cannot think of attack 682 all at once. Put it on a planet that is being glassed by the Covenant and eaten by Unicron for good measure. Übercharge everyone for good measure. That has been proven to block damage from 682. Oh, and fire a Kritzkrieged Macross Missile Massacre at it. This will make sure 682 is ded. In the event that this test fails, go all out TF 2 and multiply everything by 10.

tl;dr version: FIRE EVERYTHING!

edited 5th Feb '16 8:19:41 PM by CalvinBoyOfDestiny

Result: Partially Successful, SCP-682 is weaken and turns invisible and escapes.

Test: Summon an Arbor Day Piggie ans says this to it and the other SCP's. Arbor Day Pig: PIGGIE POPS?! OKAY! THAT IS IT! TIME OUT! I've put enough with psychological torture for one pig! YOU SCP'S ARE CANNIBALS! DO YOU HEAR ME?! YOU'RE ALL OFF YOUR NUTS! [runs away screaming]

(This is maybe a shitpost.)

edited 6th Feb '16 5:51:39 PM by Ducky096

Result: Test cancelled. Time travel and SC Ps used to disable 682's invisibility adaption.

Test: Turn 682 back in time to before his egg was laid, and keep him there.

Addendum: Agent #096 is no longer allowed to suggest tests involving Arbor Day Pigs.

edited 6th Feb '16 6:40:55 PM by CalvinBoyOfDestiny

bump

What's wrong with Arbor Day Pigs?

Result: The SCP foundation was unable to do that.

Test: Send it to planet Jupiter at it's core.

edited 7th Feb '16 6:21:39 PM by Ducky096

Result: 682 came back with wings, the ability to survive in space, and is even more pissed off than before.

Test: Attempt to send #682 into the internet. It's the nerd's problem now.

Result: Failure. The Internet crashed. Restored from SCP-2000's backup.

Test: Pit 682 against a manifestation of reality itself, able to bend reality.

(The reason I commented on Arbor Day Pigs is because you used them for two straight tests. Have a little originality in your tests.)

edited 8th Feb '16 11:36:02 AM by CalvinBoyOfDestiny

Sorry forget to Re: in there.

Result: The "manifestation of reality itself" is so disgusted by SCP-682's illogical existence, that it immediately surrenders without a fight.

Test: Have SCP-682, SCP-076, SCP-056, SCP-777-J, and SCP-10101-J all battle each other to the death.

edited 10th Feb '16 12:43:42 PM by AHI-3000

Is anyone going to come up with a response to this?

Result: It ended up being impossible to bring all of them to an area where they could freely battle.

Test: Assault him with plenty of images & videos from shock sites

edited 13th Feb '16 11:51:33 AM by T-manboy55

Result: As it turned out, shock videos to SCP-682 is what MLG videos are to us. He laughs.

Test: Force him to stare at the Ugly Barnacle.

edited 13th Feb '16 11:52:56 AM by arcada188

Result: SCP-682 is already immune to death and ate Patrick.

Test: Get SCP-811 to give it a blowjob.

edited 13th Feb '16 8:39:46 PM by Ducky096