We try to kill SCP-682

Result: LOLCATS of 682 started to appear. 682 was humiliated so much it ate the computer. LOLCAT posts subsequently removed. Deemed failure.

Test: Expose it to a Scrin Rift Generator.

Result: SCP-682 messes with the portal, resulting in it just dumping him in Earth orbit, which he crash-landed later Test: Perform a "Freaky Friday" Flip on SCP-682 with an ordinary person, so they are mortal. To ensure the ordinary person dies when SCP-682 inhabits their body, do the following:

• Make sure SCP-682's containment system is in low earth orbit. That way you can both remove the air and drop it so it either burns up in the atmosphere or crashes violently when you are ready to kill the human SCP-682.
• Before taking the ordinary person for said "Freaky Friday" Flip, insert a bomb so you can blow them up 5 seconds after SCP-682's mind is inside the ordinary person's body.
• Also remember to have a firing squad ready to shoot 1 second after the bomb goes off, in case the detonation fails.
• After 10 seconds, fill the area with nerve gas.
• After 20 seconds, decrease the temperature to a point instantly lethal to human life.
• After 3 minutes, expose the interior into the vacuum of space while dropping it into the ground

Yeah, I know that's a lot, but we need to make sure SCP-682 has no way to return to his body.

Result: Failure. SCP-682 proved immune to all attempts at freaky Friday flips and every other forms of body transfer.

Test: Have SCP-682 fight the entire cast of gurren lagann in a universe made out of spiral power with every single mecha from lagann upto grand zamboa and tengen toppa gurren lagann. have the cast ignore the risk of spiral nemesis and go all out on spiral power usage.

Result: Failure. Spiral Nemesis occurred, only 682 survived, and now it can create universe-destroying black holes at will.

Test: Pit it against the new SC Ps that are better written.

Result: SCP-682 created a universe destroying black hole.

Test: Irrelevant. Barring "use the last couple of seconds we have left to restart the universe", none is needed.

Result: Innaplicable. Test was irrelevant Test: Discover what makes us disgusting to SCP-682, and figure out how to counter-act this. Or change SCP-682's mind to think that we are not abhorrent abominations.

Result: failure. We have established that 682 is immune to mind manipulation correct?

Test: introduce him to the folly that is politics

edited 13th Mar '15 5:41:01 PM by CapitalistSocialist

Result: SCP-682 devoured the president Test 2: By try and reveal I mean not with brainwashing tactics. Just try to ask him why he thinks we're disgusting

Result: SCP-682 was bored out of his mind, so simply developed seals over his eye and ears to block out the sources.

ADDENDUM: Though SCP-682 is not completely immune to mind manipulation, it is resistant. In a given test, it would likely turn that resistance into a immunity via adaptation,

Test: Hit it with a force of pure destruction energy, and uncreate it.

Result: The blast hit a city instead of 682.

Test: Restart the universe to a point where 682 could not create universe destroying black holes, then trap it in a parallel universe, and create a universe destroying black hole.

Result:[DATA EXPUNGED]

Addendum; "U dun goofed."- SCP-343

Test: Request immediate termination of Dr. Calvin to O5-3.

Don't be an ass.

Result: Denied for irrelevance. That proposal has nothing to do with 682. (Why did I say Michael Rosen?)

Test: Stop time and attack 682. He won't have time to adapt or fight back.

edited 23rd Dec '16 10:27:02 AM by PastryPerson

Result: SCP-682 was damaged, but was somehow able to regenerate even without the time. When the time flow was returned to normal, SCP-682's regenaration got significantly faster, indicating he adapted to the new time flow.

Test: Have SCP-682 be sent to space, specifically into the sun. Even if he survives, how will he be able to come back?

Result: SCP-682 develops solar sails and uses them to re-enter earth atomsphere, directly over [[DATA EXPUNGED]], resulting in a Class-B Thank god they're all dead development.

Dr. [[DATA REDACTED]] "My daughter actually liked that crap book too."

Test: Introduce SCP-682 to SCP-4445-j.

edited 17th Mar '15 4:57:55 AM by DarthWalrus

Result: Failure, Kind of. 682 was drawn into a wiki walk which lasted 16 hours. During this time it made no attempts to escape or spread death and destruction. However, It eventually got bored and resumed its usual routine of destruction.

Dr.[REDACTED]: I think we may be able to use 4445 as a form of positive reinforcement. If 682 can be distracted, we may be able to exploit this.

Test: Send in the Dohvahkin to fight 682, give him everything he needs to last more than 5 minutes.

Note: Dr.[REDACTED] I don't really expect this to work, but using him as a D Class might allow us further insight into any possible weaknesses 682 may possess. weaknesses to magic, soul traps, ect.

Result: Dovahkin lasted 5 minutes and 1 second.

"Have we not established that we cant kill him through brute force?"- Dr. Gold

Test: Give 682 an XXX casino with satan so that he may play poker with the worst beings possible, and hopefully leave us alone.

edited 18th Mar '15 12:36:51 PM by CapitalistSocialist

Result: Test initially appeared successful. However, █ weeks later, a burning fissure opened up on the grounds of Site-██, and SCP-682 was forcefully ejected from it. An unseen entity angrily demanded that the Foundation "KEEP THAT FILTHY CHEATING [EXPLETIVE REDACTED] [EXPLETIVE REDACTED] ON YOUR SIDE. THE [EXPLETIVE REDACTED] KEEPS [DATA EXPUNGED] OUR DEALERS."

SCP-682 was disoriented by its sudden displacement; containment was reestablished with only █ casualties.

SCP-682 is a card shark. Who knew?- Dr. M██████

Test: Dispatch agents to New Jersey to retrieve Harold Cooplowski and his combat mech in order to engage SCP-682 in combat.

Addendum: If the mech or its pilot survives the confrontation, immediate containment is recommended, due to the unit's suspected reality warping capabilities.- Dr. M██████

edited 22nd Mar '15 7:21:06 PM by DokutaMaki

Result: SCP-682, though significantly wounded, proceeded to destroy the Megas XLR.

Test: Have it face Caius Ballad. In the event that he stabs Caius, he will inherit the Heart Of Chaos and become vulnerable to a heart stab himself.

Result: After a protracted struggle which removed ██% of SCP-682's body mass, Ballad is impaled through the chest by a long spike SCP-682 had grown from the tip of it's tail. In order to neutralize SCP-682 via the recently inherited Heart of Chaos' vulnerability, ██ D-class personnel were sent in to the containment chamber with sharp instruments to stab SCP-682 in the chest; ██ D-class were messily devoured before getting close enough to attack it. The single remaining D-class managed to impale SCP-682 through where its heart should have been. However, by this point, SCP-682 was able to guess what our intentions were and had redistributed the function of pumping blood to various points within its body, rendering its weakness moot. SCP-682 was observed to laugh before [DATA EXPUNGED].

So, the son of a [EXPLETIVE REDACTED] doesn't have a heart? Wow, what a [EXPLETIVE REDACTED] shock. - Dr. Clef

Test: Move SCP-682 to an isolated location and hit it with the blue rinse.

682 may not be alive, but it's certainly a biological entity. Let's see if those pointy-eared [EXPLETIVE REDACTED] were on to something.- Dr. M██████

edited 22nd Mar '15 7:19:59 PM by DokutaMaki

RESULT: 682 ate the Blue Rinse missle. He commented that it, "Tasted like red and magenta." However, 682's body mass was reduced by [REDACTED] and has remained a that level for three days.

Alright... What does this prove?- Dr. O'Malley

TEST: Make him watch Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann.

Mostly, I just want to turn him into an otaku. - Dr. O'Malley

edited 22nd Mar '15 7:27:51 PM by OmegaShadowcry

Result: Failure. 682 watched for about 5 minutes before getting bored and attempting to breach containment. In the process, a large chunk of debris crushed Dr. O'Malley.

Dr. Silver: That... I... How... WHY?!

Test: Using an artificial blend of adamantium, thunderbolt iron, and other indestructible elements, we construct a... And hear me out on this, UNBREAKABLE cell to contain 682. I cannot begin to stress how unbreakable this is. As in, if it WERE to escape somehow, godforbid, it would have to use some other method than breaking out. Am I managing to stress how unbreakable this is? Oh, and to any smartass researchers, it is to be a cell that it can't just WALK OUT OF EITHER!

Result: SCP-682 became a viscous substance, escaping through the mini-sized vents. SCP-682 reverted to default state two months after.

Test: Hire Drakath and Chaos Corrupt it over to our side.

Result: Successful. Drakath can no longer be found in the...

Oh. We were trying to get rid of 682. Right...

Test: Have Scar do that thing that he does. Have him do it to 682, while the SCP is distracted by Dr. Bright.

Rumors of my death have been greatly exaggerated. -Dr. O'Malley

edited 23rd Mar '15 1:00:14 PM by OmegaShadowcry

Result: Failure. SCP-682 is not composed of matter in any conventional sense, and as such, was immune to alchemical deconstruction. Subject appeared to be laughing the entire time. Scar was then [DATA EXPUNGED] full cleanup crew.

Are you [EXPLETIVE REDACTED] kidding me!? All that managed to do was tickle it!- Dr. Clef

Test: Use SCP-914 to convert all remaining instances of SCP-2558-J to SCP-2558-J-EX, and feed them to SCP-682.

Result: Failure. It's just hungrier now. Thanks a lot!

Test: Bring in dual-wielding Roxas.

edited 24th Mar '15 1:07:13 PM by TooManyIdeas