All Purpose Negima Fanfiction Thread

Sitting behind her makeshit campaign desk at the town's main square, made of empty apple crates (the desk, not the square) Saber frowned and folded her fingers in the classic Ikari Gendo pose. The fact she was wearing her face-obscuring cap along the rest of her Mysterious Heroine X attire only heightened her ominous lack of expression.

"So," she summed up, "basically, you wish for my support and allowance of your new religion, this Cult of the White Wing with Professor Negi as your prophet. I hope you are well aware during my reign, that would have left you heretic enemies of the Holy Church, to be hunted down and killed like rats."

"Well," Asuna sighed, reluctantly standing at the back of the group, "we'd be aware of it if you just told us already who are you supposed to be, but I agree it was a stupid idea anyway..."

"I can tell you this much," Saber said, "I once commanded one of the Crusades to free Jerusalem and the original Holy Grail from the Muslims. Your ideas, during those times, would have damned you to a death by stake. Only the method— impaling or being burned alive— would have changed depending on the judge."

Ayaka, at the very head of the delegation, opened her mouth to protest, but Saber stopped her with a gesture. "However," the Servant cautioned, "I have not taken office yet, so I can neither condone nor prohibit your decisions. Until the elections are held, I have no reason to support or oppose you as long as your actions don't threaten my Master's safety or support Caster's efforts against us..."

"Saber-san," Haruna flatly said, "I don't think Caster-san is scheming anything against you, really. As a matter of fact, I believe she likes you..."

"Then, what you're saying," Ayaka pressed on, ignoring Haruna as much as Saber herself was doing, "is that you won't harass us as long as you aren't the Mayor, but once you are, then what? Would you really turn against us just for that?"

"I never said that," Saber coolly shrugged. "I just wanted to remind you you'll be seen as aberrations by many in this relatively primitive environment, but I'm well aware times are greatly changed for us. I wouldn't go out of my way to go pursue followers of the current Islam that I would hamper your iconoclasty just because we used to do that during my term at the Throne."

"So," Misa said, "we are free to operate, no tricks, no hidden clauses or anything like that?"

"Well," Saber conceded, "we still will need to reach a legal agreement on whether churches and cults in this city are to pay taxes or not. I hope you understand I cannot possibly approve of your operations if your ceremonies include blasphemous acts of orgiastic initiation with minors such as Professor Negi."

Haruna and Misa threw their hands up, made faces of disgust, and stomped away down a side street.

The rest of them watched them go in silence, and then Saber held a pen and paper to Ayaka. "Please sign these terms of operation Shirou bothered to react in the event of new religious organizations cropping up during our period. It'll start being valid as soon as I sweep the elections, but first I would still need a—"

"Leon! It's Leon! Guys, Leon's back from the mountains!" they heard a man call out for other villagers a block or two away, and then the heated, eager murmurs of other citizens peeking out their homes and scurrying into the light to go follow the man who was calling for people to go greet this 'Leon'.

Saber smiled faint but firmly as Ayaka and Chisame carefully read through the terms of the document. The Servant of the Sword slammed a fist into a hand.

"A veritable stroke of luck," Saber said, obviously pleased. "It would seem I might have found a viable opponent at last."

"See, that's a miracle of our church," Sakurako nodded. "It's bringing you divine blessings already!"

"Oh my gosh, you really are getting into this, aren't you?" Madoka shuddered.

As soon as Lala realized the ship had just been hit, taking a critical and major impact on a side and sending her shipmates violently bowling over in all directions, in the middle of an alien world whose layout she didn't know in the slightest, she realized perhaps she should have taken those vaguely familiar looking creatures more seriously, like her father would have. This depressed her, since she had never intended to get Negi into any trouble.

And, as soon as her smile went down into a frown and she'd finished blowing the demons up to particles with the Gummi Ship's mounted laser blasts, the ship began quickly losing altitude, heading down at breakneck speed towards the small planet's surface. The celestial body's gravity caught them just as Keiichi was beginning to wake up, wondering why the last thing he remembered was a sharp blow to his head, and why he felt like he was breathing into someone's crotch…

Then the impact of the violent landing, even though softened by the Gummi Ship's automatic shields, knocked him out a second time.

—-

Traverse Town:

"It was Chisame," Hasegawa Sora quietly informed, after pocketing back her Pactio card. "She said they're going to investigate someone named 'Leon' who apparently came back through the North borders."

"Leon?" Shirou echoed curiously, marching along her, a miserable looking Rito, and Alice, who finally had been convinced to come out of her room. She only had agreed to hang out with the more relatively normal acting members of the entourage, however. "Who's supposed to be that?"

"From what the locals are saying, some kind of notable in the city, who was out scouting for possible ways out of safer places to stay," Sora explained, while they walked across the grassy slopes surrounding the South edges of Traverse, They'd left the last few neighborhoods behind without running to a single Heartless so far, which was good, because their only available strategies in the event of an encounter was summoning Sora's Artifact and quickly flying back to the village or having Shirou summon Saber to their side. They'd figured out that should be enough, though. "I only hope there's no conflict of interests after that person learns of Saber-san's bid for power, I really hate confrontations..."

Then, precisely as if on cue, they heard the voices of several angry children coming from ahead their way, and they huried up to see a large, rusty, discarded train car crashed at the middle of a valley. By the car, there was a motorcycle resting on a side on the grass, and around them, a small, tight circle of dirty children ranging from eleven to thirteen years harassed and shouted at a small kneeling figure hugging the wrecked bike protectively.

"Well, too bad confrontations just love following us around, then," Rito sighed as Emiya already darted ahead, with a grim expression on his face. "Luckily, we are with the Hero of Justice, out to right all wrongs..."

"I'm sure," Sora quietly told him, "you'll have Lala-san back in your bed before long, so you don't have to be so sulky, Yuuki-san..."

He stared at her. "What ever gave you the impression— Sheesh, you really are Chisame-san's sister after all, aren't you?"

Sora looked away innocently. "Of course I am, and yet I have no idea what are you trying to imply with that."

Alice sighed. "Mr. Rito, if anything you should be praying for that devil to never come back and sneak in your bedroom again. Aren't you aware you could lose your immortal soul...?"

"Hey, now! Lala can be a pain in the, well, and I could lose my, well, to her, but she's no real devil, and she's not going to suck my soul off, just maybe my, well!" the orange haired boy protested.

Alice frowned and slapped him.

"Why did you do that?!" he cried.

"There were far too many 'wells' in that sentence where nothing was well!" she claimed.

Sora sighed and walked past them, briskly. "Let's just see what's going on with that poor girl already, okay?"

The children surrounding the kneeling, short haired girl in a black and white sweater and black bicycle shorts were growing angrier by the moment. They were mostly boys, around six of them, with a single, slightly older girl in their ranks, who had short lighter hair and wore a ragged blouse and blue skirt. The biggest, bulkier of the boys was currently shouting a storm at the silent, stoically enduring target of their ires.

"How many more times we've gotta tell you? You're not wanted here! It's our spot, and you'll never be a part of this gang!"

"Yeah, yeah!" nodded quickly an almost as tall, but skinnier boy with very short and sparse hair. "Get it already, you dumb kid!"

"I don't want to be a part of your gang," the black haired girl mumbled, looking down so she wouldn't have to look at them. "I just want to take a good look at the car, that's all..."

"Hey, stop it!" Shirou said as he stopped by their side. "What do you think you're doing here? Don't you know going out alone is dangerous?"

Making a point of ignoring him, the children just kept on bothering the focus of their bullying.

"What, do you think you can get it up and running? What a dork!"

"Not running! Flying!" she argued. "It can fly, I saw it myself! I saw it when it came from the sky, you've gotta—!"

"A flying train, next you'll tell us of a flying elephant!" the other girl mocked her bitterly. "Just leave us alone already, weirdo! Look for another way out of here if you're too good for this place!"

"I told you to stop it already!!" Shirou growled, slamming a foot on the dirt.

Now the children looked back to give him and the approaching Sora, Alice and Rito highly annoyed glares.

"What do you want, outsiders?" the biggest boy asked with hostility.

"Yeah, if you want supplies, we don't have any here, go raid the village or something," the bully girl added. She'd normally be far meeker around outsiders, but none of these looked like they could put much of a fight, except maybe for the tall ginger, and even then she trusted on their edge on numbers.

"You don't have any supplies here, really?" Rito sighed, pulling a small bag of snacks out of his breast pocket. "That's too bad. Here, have some, then," he added, casually tossing the bag their way.

The young bullies grew starry eyed upon seeing the bag flying their way, then scrambled all together to dive in for it, completely forgetting about the girl who remained kneeling by the bike.

Rito answered the others' inquisitive glances with a shrug and a weary, "What? I was saving it for a special occasion with Haruna-chan, but I'm not going to let children starve, right? Hell, thugs or not, they're Mikan's age..."

Shirou smiled at him and nodded. "You did the right thing," he approved, before moving in to help the bullied girl back up to her feet. "Are you okay? Didn't they do anything to you?"

"Not to me, thanks," she stiffly said, not looking at him but at her damaged motor vehicle. "They're all mouth, you shouldn't have bothered..."

He didn't point out there were tears in her eyes, and instead looked at the bike, which didn't look like any model he was familiar with. From Sora's curious, awed expression as she adjusted her glasses on, he supposed she was just as puzzled herself if not moreso. "Aren't you too young to be riding one of these around, anyway?" Emiya asked her.

"It's the last thing I've left from my uncle at home, I'm not going to abandon it," she passively said, studying it carefully. "It's okay, he taught me how to drive..."

"But not how to fix it?" Shirou asked.

The little girl hissed irritably. "I can fix it, I just need time and some spare parts, that's all!"

"We can help you!" Sora offered, eager to meet the challenge, one of the few things that could override— literally— her crippling shyness.

The little girl stared at her. "Are you some sort of mechanic?"

Sora nodded proudly. "It's the only thing I'm good at!"

"You just said with pride something that is phrased in a very self-deprecating way..." Alice noted.

"Well, yeah," the black haire girl told Sora as the other kids procceeded to split the loot of candy amongst themselves, amidst much bickering, by the side. "But, are you familiar with this kind of bike?"

"Never seen one like that before," Sora flat out admitted. "But that'll just make it more interesting!"

"Moron!" the girl from the group of bullies called out.

Rito stuck his tongue out at them, then asked the black haired girl, "Hey, what do they have against you anyway?"

"I want out and they call me an idiot, that's all," the girl said with a small sigh. "They're convinced it can't be done, but that's my dream anyway. I'm going to fix that flying car up and take it to the stars, so I can find my way back home. I hate being here."

She lifted a hand towards the cloud free skies and held it there as she explained, "In my world, we have a huge tower that goes all the way up to the Moon, and on the top of it, every eight years, they hold the most wonderful of all events, the Neo Solar Olympics. It's huge! It lasts half a year, and millions of people come to take part on it!"

"Ah, yeah, we have something like that at our world, too," Rito nodded. "Every four years, though, and it only lasts a few weeks a time..."

"The most exciting of all those events," the girl smiled, balling the hand up into a fist and growing a wide smile, "is the weeklong 'Grand Solar Race'. To participate in it is... well... my dream, and I'm not going to stay stuck here so I can't ever race in it!"

"Yeah, like that's going to happen!" one of the smaller kids said while stuffing his mouth up with sugary goodness.

"Wake up already, Shinobu!" another boy told her.

"It's useless, she's never going to grow up..." the girl of the bunch predicted.

"Oh, so you're named... Shee-noh-bu?" Alice struggled a bit with the pronounciation. "How do you do, please forgive our rudeness in not introducing ourselves sooner." She made a prim and proper courtsie that had the vandal kids breaking into laughter, and Shinobu to blink in confusion. "I am Alice Liddell from England..."

"England!" Shinobu gasped. "I, I thought England had sunk thirty years ago? Hm, well, anyway, my name's Yuuki Shinobu..."

Rito blinked. "Excuse me?"

"Yuuki Shinobu," she repeated, looking at him now. "What of it? It's a common enough family name, isn't it?"

"Oh, oh, yeah, quite. As a matter of fact, it's mine as well," he admitted, scratching the back of his neck clumsily. "I'm Yuuki Rito. Pleased to meet you, Shinobu-chan."

When Keiichi finally opened his eyes, the first thing he did was briefly wondering why he was feeling like he was having the fleeting sensation of experiencing another man's experiences. Somehow it made him feel dirty. Then he looked up at the faces of Lala, Negi, Gadget and Chamo surrounding him from above, and smiled weakly.

"Ah," he said. "I'm glad you're all okay, because you are, right?"

"Yes," Negi nodded, gesturing at him to take it easily, even as he gently helped him sit up. "How about you, Morisato-san? I'm so sorry I dragged—"

Keiichi laughed awkwardly, waving a hand at him before the flow of self-recriminations and angst could come out, something Lala, Chamo and Gadget felt very grateful for. "I'm fine, that was nothing, I've had far worse bumps while in a race, but, um..." He doubted, running a hand down his face and then sniffing on his fingers. "Why does my face smell like—?"

"Oh, that! Well, the blast that impacted us dropped you unconscious, but thanks to your loosened but mostly functional safety belt, you only half-fell on the copilot's seat, which I remind you happened to be mine. I had to retake it as quickly as possible to launch a fiery retaliation and save our lives, so you kind of spent the whole duration of my counterattack with your nose oscillating between my crotch and my ass," Lala matter of factly explained.

Pause.

She laughed apologetically, scratching the back of her head. "And the trip here took the best part of an Earth-day, so it wasn't like I had bathed for quite a few hours...!"

Keiichi, all things considered, took it remarkably well. "Just tell me something, was Rito-san that way before you met him and you're just transmiting it from him to me, or do you just have that effect on men who spend any time with you?"

"Hey, you've got the full type of a hapless manga harem lead yourself," Chamo told him. "Do you think you really are all that different from that Rito boy?"

"You know, sorry, never mind, let's just leave it at that," Morisato stood up on the Gummi ship's floor, blinking and looked through the window, at the dark skies above them. "Where are we now? Those things that attacked us, they're gone, right?"

"Um, well," Lala said, "unless they could reconfigurate their body structures back after being blown to a fine mist of red particles, I doubt it, Keiichi. Of course, that doesn't mean we are still far and clear away from this world's own brand of unique Jurassic perils..."

Keiichi then saw two pterodactyls flying past them, high in the sky, and his eyes shrank down to black dots.

Lala bopped herself on the head with a fist and chuckled. "Ah ha ha ha, I'm sorry, I guess this was my fault!"

"Oh, absolutely not, Lala-san," Negi was quick to chivalrously reassure her. "How could you have foreseen any of this would happen? Besides, unless there are any more demons around, odds we are surrounded only by noble, mostly herbivore creatures who will be as afraid of us as we'd be of them, if not even more..."

Then the ground shook, and the ship shook along with it.

"You know," Chamo finally said, very eerily, "I'd say it's a bad idea to tempt fate like that while we're surrounded by killer dinosaurs, Brother."

"Please partake on the wonderful knowledge of a mouse's everyday experiences through a world ruled by creatures dozens of times your size," Gadget commented dryly, folding her arms behind her back.

Negi gulped audibly. "W-Well, that's assuming we are, somehow, surrounded by actual carnivorous dinosaurs, which sounds like just too much plain bad luck to be true—"

Then something huge and very strong hit the ship from a side, almost turning it over, and everyone but Lala and Negi, Peke included, screamed at the top of their lungs. Or what passed for them in Peke's case.

"Iiiiiiiiihhhhhhhh...!" Negi made a high pitched, fascinated sound as his eyes grew grotesquely huge and round. It was not a sound born from fear.

"Oh, awesome!" Lala gushed as she looked through the window, which now had a long, sharp nose horn protruding through it and stopping at mere inches before her face. "A Triceratops Prorsus in flesh and blood!" She whipped a cellphone with a pink happy-face design on it and began taking pictures of the enraged beast repeatedly ramming against the vehicle. "This sort of aggressive behavior coming from a herbivore would indicate they were, as a matter of fact, strongly territorial reptiles! You learn something new every day, after all!"

"LALA-SAN!" Keiichi yelled, while he and the others tumbled around from the violent shakes. Negi's bouncing from one side to the other and the nasty hits his head would get through them did nothing to take him out his entranced, blessed out rapture. "STOP DOING THAT AND DO SOMETHING, WILL YOU!"

"Oh, okay, Keiichi!" she pushed the cellphone back. "But... what do you suggest? Harming this magnificent beast would be a huge loss for science! Think of how much we could learn from it!"

"Once again, I can only agree with your wisdom, Lala-san!" Negi eagerly nodded, finally holding on to a chair but still giving the furious Triceratops a mesmerized, almost lovesick longing gaze.

"Lala-sama, we have several of these in Nana-sama's private petting zoo!" Peke screamed.

"Nooooo!" Lala wagged a finger. "Those are Triceratops Horridus, remember! This species wasn't sampled when Great-Grandfather took that trip to Earth's distant past! It'd be a shame if something happened to this one before we can learn if there are still others like it, or—"

Negi, his heart thumping louder by the second, felt really tempted to reach for her tail and tug on it. Finally, a woman who understood...!!

Then a gigantic Tyrannosaurus Rex jumped from behind on the Triceratops, taking advantage of its distraction, and chomped on the unprotected flesh behind the quadruped's armored neck frill.

"... oh dear," Lala blinked as blood splattered all over the cracked grass, a few drops landing on her face. "Looks like that's a non-issue now, anyway? Keiichi, Negi, do you think I should do something about this other specimen, too?"

"WHAT?!" Morisato cried. "I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE ROARS OF TWO HORRIBLE BEASTS KILLING EACH OTHER, SORRY!"

"This is so horrible," Negi gasped loudly, his eyes morbidly fixed on the savage clash of the titans, "but also, so incredibly fantastic, cool and awesome!!"

"Hey, we're back!" Shirou waved as he, Rito, Sora and Alice led Shinobu into the main hall of the large old building, Alice looking warily in all directions, ready to bolt away at the first sign of Haruna. Rito and Sora were sharing the duties of pulling Shinobu's wrecked bike along, past the gates. "Where's everybody, Vice President?"

"Oh, it's just you, Emiya-san," the busty blonde said while marching up to meet them. "Well, if you really need to know, Gainsborough-san and Kaga-san are finishating the dinner up, Naba-san is sweeping the backyard, Cid-san went out to join the others at meeting that Lion fellow, Mikado-sensei is looking for a house with Ku-san looking after her since she insists she'll need a place all her own, and, well, I really don't want to know what Akashi-san, her father and that woman are doing."

An angry Yuuna shouted, peeking out of the next room, that was the dining hall. "I said you stopped me from doing anything like that, didn't I?! I even thanked you! So why are you still acting as if I'm doing it! I'm just setting the table, dammit!"

"Because I know you'll start doing it as soon as I turn my back on you!" Haruka snapped back at her. Then she pointed a finger at one of her own eyes. "But I'll be vigiwatching you, Akashi-san! No indecenastities under this roof as long as I can help it!"

"Um, right then, hello there, Yuuna-san," Shirou waved stiffly, really not wanting to know what was going on. "Hm, so, I think I'll go help at the kitchen while—"

Haruka looked sternly at Shinobu. "And you would happen to be...?"

"Ah, ah, well, you'll see, Ma'am, I am..." the black haired nervously said before Rito started talking for her.

"Please don't be like that, Vice Prez, she's an orphan we ran into while scouting the borders," he said. "She really doesn't have a place where to go, she just sort of roams around, so we thought we'd bring her here, to keep her safe from the Heartless. Her name's Shinobu-chan."

"Oh," Haruka hummed, giving Shinobu a calmer glance. "So you're Japanese as well, aren't you? That's fine, we must be together as companiontriots. Welcome to Ala Alba headquarters. I'm Suzushiro Haruka..."

Shinobu blinked. "Ala Alba? You mean, like the famous organization?"

"Precisionously!" Haruka smiled, satisfied their reputation was spreading so quickly around the city, apparently. "The organization led by Negi Springfield!"

Shinobu blinked again. "Negi Springfield, like... well, like the mage?"

"Oh, even that is known by now!" Haruka chuckled. "Yes, under Negi-sensei's tuteliage, we have set up to keep this place safe from—"

"Y-You mean Negi Springfield himself is here?!" Shinobu grew visibly agitated, much to Sora and Rito's growing puzzlement.

"Well, not right now," Haruka said, "he's courrently on a mission... far away, but he should be back soon enough. Why do you ask?"

Shinobu had grown visibly pale. "Oh my gosh. I never imagined you were such... important and powerful people! Um, ah, eh, exactly what do I have to do for you, then...?"

Haruka frowned again. "Doing for us? What do you think we are, some sort of explotatization ring?"

"N-No, of course not!" Shinobu grew even more nervous, borderline scared. "Please don't hurt me!"

Alice sighed, then reached over to gently place a hand on Shinobu's shoulder. "Please rest at ease for the moment, as long as that Satan woman and her bride are not around, the rest of the residents are... esay to deal with enough..."

"A Satanic woman and her bride?!" Shinobu cried.

"That's slander, Alice-san," Haruka chided, "Lala-san is actually perfectly agreegable with despite her looks, if anything Saotome-san is the devil in that relationship..."

"That's my girlfriend you're talking about here, Vice President!" Rito growled, with an eyebrow twitching rapidly.

Shinobu cringed, trying to make any sense of this situation, before looking at Alice's face in near desperation.

Alice simply shrugged her shoulders with a lot of British applomb.

Shinobu exhaled loudly, then said, "Okay, fine, you know, whatever. I don't think I really care much anymore after all. Just give me some food and I'll gladly wipe your floors or anything else that isn't too Satanic..."

Haruka hummed in contemplation, attempting to make sense out of this girl. "I think," she said at last, "you'll become real popular here, real fast."

"And may the Lord protect her!" Alice sighed at the idea, intently looking aside.