All Purpose Negima Fanfiction Thread

Negi sat down and leaned against his plush chair, as his great-great-grandson (maybe) looked up at him. "Say, Grandpa, if you had to choose the greatest moment of your life, which would it be?"

At this, the immortal redhead rubbed his chin a little. "... If I had to say... I think it'd be that time I fought a shark that knew Kenpo."

Negi's great-great-grandson went on to make a movie series about a Kenpo Shark that fought crime, which became one of the most popular, if stupidest, movie franchises of all time.

"... what's a shark?"

"Oh, that's right, I forgot they all died when the poles melted, the seas overheated, and half of Japan was sunk. Well, think of Yukihime-san if she happened to be a very large fish..."

"I HEARD THAT!" an angry Yukihime snapped from the next room.

it only never happened in the Negima manga ending, the anime ending and the film ending.

Ryouga wove between trees at top speed. He had to be fast if he wanted to save his genin from the monster cat. So he sped through the forest as fast as he possibly could. He moved like a cheetah in pursuit of its pray. He moved like a car full of illegal immigrants fleeing the cops. He moved like Saotome Genma after the last biscuit at breakfast. In fact... shouldn't he have been there by now? Ryouga slowed down slightly and listened.

It was quiet. Too quiet, considering there was a gigantic cat stomping around a horde of screaming shadow clones a few seconds ago. A horrible suspicion came to mind, and Ryouga skidded to a stop. With a leap, Ryouga sent himself at the top of the nearest tree and began scanning his surroundings.

“No!” Ryouga exclaimed at the sight before him. Nothing. An empty forest of trees. As opposed to... a forest of something other than trees. No giant cats were in sight, no screams could be heard, and he was pretty sure these weren't the same types of trees that had been around him before. “No, no, no, no, no!” He had gotten lost. And Negi was probably going to die for it. All he could do was hope that Negi thought to use the kunai to summon him before Tora killed him. But just in case he doesn't... Ryouga quickly began running through the handseals for the Hiraishin, attempting to clamp down on his rising urge to panic.

Chapter 41: Catastrophe

Naruto was running as fast as he could while dragging a reluctant Sakura behind him. With swiftness born of a childhood spent evading angry citizens after his latest prank, he tore through the woods toward the gigantic monster in feline form that was trying to eat his other teammate. Well, not directly toward it. Both Negi and Tora were too quick for him to catch in a straight-out sprint. However, if he ran toward the direction they were heading in themselves, he might be able to cut them off. He had to be fast. He had to be swift. He... was probably going to be eaten by a giant cat if he couldn't get the Kyuubi to help out this time.

Hey. Have you been keeping track of- Naruto was abruptly snapped out of his attempt to contact the Kyuubi as his arm was suddenly jerked hard. Naruto became aware that he was being dragged along the forest floor at a rather high speed.

“Jeez, Naruto! If you're going to run while pulling someone by the arm, at least have the decency to let go of them if you trip!” scolded Sakura as she yanked him to his feet, not bothering to stop.

“Sorry, Sakura,” Naruto replied as he started running again. I'd better wait on contacting the Kyuubi.

It was at that point that the giant cat suddenly doubled its speed as it tore a swath through the forest before them.

0o0o0

Negi was screaming. From his shoulder, Chamo was screaming. And a house-sized house cat was chasing them through a forest.

“BRO, HE'S CATCHING UP!”

Negi dodged between another tree, then looked back. Sure enough, despite the heavy foliage and trees it had to weave around in order to pursue them, the gargantuan monster that was once the Fire Daimyo's cat Tora was steadily gaining on them.

“DO SOMETHING!”

Noting that he wasn't seeing any more of Naruto's shadow clones around, Negi grabbed his staff and took to the air. Ignoring his initial instinct to rise above the trees, Negi began flying low, intentionally weaving between trees to try to slow Tora down. Loud crashing from behind him told him that the cat was smashing through them.

“IT'S GETTING BIGGER!”

A glance back confirmed Chamo's warning. The cat was now roughly five stories tall and still growing. “Acceleratio!” Negi cried, zipping forward at ever increasing speed.

“FASTER! GO FASTER!”

Negi gave a quick, panicked glance behind him, then started making handseals. “Bunshin no Jutsu! Mobiliter!” Five more Negis burst into existence and abruptly launched themselves in different directions. Meanwhile, the real Negi made a sharp left turn between two trees, then landed in (read: crashed into) a large shrub.

“Ow,” Chamo groaned from the rock he'd landed on, only to quickly climb to his feet. From a nearby bush, Negi mirrored Chamo's sentiment. In an instant, Tora crashed past them, tearing a path through the increasingly dense trees of the forest. Negi and Chamo let out a sigh of relief, only to stiffen as the noise of Tora crashing through the came to a sudden halt. The sudden sound of loud sniffing abruptly filled the area, and Chamo and Negi exchanged a panicked glance.

“How good is a cat's sense of smell?” Negi whispered to Chamo, scanning the area for his staff. The ermine immediately took on a panicked look and began waving his paws in front of him in a 'cease and desist' gesture, one that Negi missed as he spotted the magical focus device half a dozen feet away sticking out of the same shrub he had just crashed into.

“Pretty damn good, but my hearing's even better,” Tora replied. Negi's eyes widened, and Chamo looked like he could cry.

For a second, Negi started to reach for his equipment pouch. If I can just get that kunai to summon Ryouga... A flashback to the Red Ranger getting her butt thoroughly kicked by the giant cat and a grotesque daydream involving a rather horribly maimed Ryouga flashed through Negi's mind, and he quickly pulled his hand away from the pouch. Instead, he looked around. Other than him, Chamo, and Tora, nobody was around. Negi took a deep breath. “Mea Virga!” he cried, his left hand extended. As the staff returned to his hand with a loud clack, Negi spun to face Tora. "Ras Tel Ma Scir Magister! Vertatur Tempestas-” Negi abruptly cut off as the air was blasted from his lungs via an impact from a gigantic paw.

“Now now, none of that,” said Tora mockingly. “I've been polite enough to speak to you in human, you ought to at least show me the same courtesy.”

Having barely managed to evade Tora's paw himself, Chamo began panicking. At this rate, bro's done for! I've gotta do something! Anything! Suddenly, an idea came to mind. Maybe I can convince him to shrink down! “Hey you!” Chamo cried, startling the cat. “Yeah, you! What the heck do you think you're doing? As big as you are, eating us wouldn't even be a mouthful! Why the heck are you so eager to get us, huh?”

Tora looked amused. “Well, now I've seen everything. A talking mouse.”

Chamo suddenly felt very, very nervous. “Later!” he cried, as he bolted behind a tree, whipping out a lighter and a small explosive the instant he was out of sight. Almost immediately, the tree was ripped away behind him by the monster cat, but it was too late. Throwing the bomb to the ground, Chamo leapt away, his eyes closed tightly. “Ermine Flash!”

And the flash bang detonated.

0o0o0

“WHAT WAS THAT?” yelled Naruto, blinking his eyes to clear the spots from them.

“WHAT?” Sakura yelled back, digging a finger into each of her ears in a futile attempt to stop the loud ringing noises that now assaulted them.

“WHAT?” Naruto replied. Instead of responding verbally, Sakura gave Naruto the hand signal for 'I can't hear you.' “WHAT?” Naruto replied again. Sakura gave Naruto the hand signal again. Naruto squinted, but still couldn't identify the hand signal. “I DON'T UNDERSTAND!” Sakura made a gesture he did understand. “HEY! THAT'S NOT VERY NICE!”

It was at that point Negi flew by on his staff.

0o0o0

“Uh-oh,” said Chamo, as he and Negi passed Naruto and Sakura. “Don't look now, bro, but I think Sakura and Naruto just saw us flying.”

“WHAT?” Negi yelled back.

Chamo, having known what he was about to do, had covered his ears and closed his eyes before the bomb went off, but Negi had had no such foreknowledge. So now Negi was as deafened by the bomb as the cat. It had only been through good fortune that Negi had been looking away when the blinding flash filled the aread. Speaking of which... Chamo looked back at Tora, who was even now thrashing around, howling about how everyone went for the damn eyes. ...Hmm... Maybe the blast blinded Naruto and Sakura too? Chamo's eyes narrowed as Tora once more began sniffing. ...In retrospect, I really need to add some sort of scent component to my bombs. ...Wait, if Bro's teammates are as blind and deaf as the cat, they'll be helpless once Tora notices them! “Bro, turn around!”

“WHAT?” Negi yelled back. Instead of answering, Chamo began making frantic gestures behind them. Negi looked back. Spotting his teammates, Negi immediately pulled a 180. But Tora had already begun moving toward them with purpose.

“HE'S NOTICED THEM!”

And suddenly there was movement from next to Negi.

0o0o0

Naruto was still trying to decipher Sakura's strange hand-signal language when Sakura suddenly stiffened and began pointing behind him. Turning, he found himself faced with Tora. Who was much, much bigger than he'd been a few minutes ago. And seemed much angrier than before as well. And then Tora's paw came down, claws visibly extended. Naruto had all of an eighth of a second to contemplate this before he was engulfed in a sudden pulling sensation. And then he was on the ground next to Negi. Looking up, he had just enough time to see Ryouga where he had just been before Tora's claws crashed down on him.