Character Sharing And Advice Thread

Well, given I have talked about my Code Geass fanfic previously, I will also talk about a specific character who is less an OC and more an evolution from a previous character, and is a Deconstruction of Extra Characters. This character who winds up broken up due to the horrific circumstances in Africa in between R1 and R2? Rivalz. Yes. Really.

Basically, dad had decided to go off to Africa for a little vacation, and took Rivalz there with him, now, Africa in this fan fic is known for two things: its a terrorist hotbed, and that the nasty group of anarchists called the Deathmask Legion had began taking control of outskirt areas. When you think of Deathmask, think of Lelouch, but with Schneizel's God Complex. Deathmask makes a habit of employing teenage girl supersoldiers, one of which Rivalz meets in the city he is staying in. Her name is Armita Fourscraft.

She was running away from the lab she was being forced to stay at, and Rivalz was running off in hopes of exploring the place. The two hit it off, and go exploring the countryside together. Armita shows some signs she might be a supersoldier created by application of Psycho Serum, such as some nasty attempts on random people's lives who seem a little suspicious to her. Eventually, Britannia and Deathmask catch up to them, and Armita is forced to pilot Quaran Gigant, a huge Knight Giga Fortress.

Rivalz launches in a prototype version of Lancelot stashed over there called Nero Lancelot [for the color] even though he knows he has no experience, and is likely to die. He just wants to save her. A Britannian soldier named Jaina, who had previously been assigned to guard Rivalz by his dad, saw this and saw how Rivalz barely dodged an attack from Armita, who is by now pretty much lost in combat fever. Jaina kills Armita with a cockpit hitting attack.

This is that last little thing in this series of events that broke our poor Rivalz. He aims the Varis and shoots his own guard to death. He returned home in Rise of Forces, which is what I submitted chapter one of to the troper critique club thread. Except...well, ever since that little event, he has been training, and becoming less comic relief. In a plot twist, he joins Deathmask as "Maftie", a mysterious masked pilot. Essentially, a very true to form Char Clone. He even makes the remark that Nero Lancelot, which was moved to Shinjuku by Deathmask's agents in Africa, and which he snatched up, "After the upgrade, This machine has three times the speed now of your Lancelot, Kururugi Suzaku."

This change in personality and even looks is noted. In a bit of Art Evolution which is pointed out, Rivalz' design becomes more realistic, handsome, and he cuts his hair. Maftie has more than a few battles, but how long, realistically, should this mask last? Is this Character Derailment, or...Character Development? Is the Despair Event Horizon realistic? I worked on it for a while, combining shots in third person from their shared view as Riv tries to go to Armita's machine as its about to be hit...and then it gets hit when he is a short while away, and she dies right in front of him.

>.> <.<

~bump~

There are too many toasters in my chimney!

I've been without the wifis for the past week due to vacation and doing reviews on an iPhone with the three gees is hard.

"Never let the truth get in the way of a good story." Twitter

Yeah.

I still fon't have my proper internet, so I can't do the requisite wall o' text to catch up with ll the reviewin' I've missed.

But come Sunday, I'm gonna see what I can do about reviewin' everyone I missed.

There are too many toasters in my chimney!

@Jewely J: Hmmm... What is Gem's relationship with her immediate family like? How do Gem and Skye treat other at the start of the book? By the end? What is Gem like as a person- scathing, artistic, lazy, what? How would she react if, hypothetically, she was placed in a Trolley Situation- that is, she could save five people who are definitely going to die, by sacrificing one person who is involved in the situatiion?

@Heartlessmushroom: Agreeing with King Zeal- go with both options. Keep her shy and insecure about her powers, but willing to use them if the need arises.

And after being abducted and frozen for that long... She would be extremely freaked out. Perhaps she would lash out in panic?

@Everest: Not much to say on yours; it's pretty well thought out. How has his military-ish upringing affected him and his outlook on life?

@Kaxen: See r.e: Next paragraph.

And a general list of questions for all your characters:

How do all of your characters interact within their personal relationships? How do they all feel about their jobs? How smart are they compared to the average person within their storyverse? Within their group? Compared to the averge bright person? Where would they go to relax? What do each prefer- hot or cold wather? What is their favourite season? What prejudices do each character hold? What are ech chracter's biggest flaw?

---

>.>

Uhhh, threadbump?

It took me a while, but there's what I was able to come up with. Sorry it's not so good >.>

edited 8th Jan '11 7:53:07 PM by CyganAngel

There are too many toasters in my chimney!

Oh good, I was about to bump this because I've been having trouble with the backstory of this one character, and I'm trying to meet a monday deadline that I've set for myself.

Okay, so if anyone remembers Kaliyana Agnés, I now present Jacob Agnés, her much younger brother. A year after Kali went off to magic school in the far far awayland, her parents (Rosalyn and Jacob) had at it again and conceived of little Jacob (he comes from a long line of Jacobs). In the budding years, until he was about 8, his dad would tell him stories like myths and the like (this is also how Kali got into magic) while his mom did <stuff probably relating to teaching how to live on his own and be independent>. At age 8, Jacob's dad got a sketchy job and would often be gone for months at a time, back for several weeks,then gone again, but the family was making money now. Basically, Jacob ended up raised solely by his mom (who believes in having independent, self sufficient children) since his dad was off transporting illegal booze while his much older sister was off learning magic.

Anyway, when the boy's 11ish, he's off apprenticed in the center of the city as a baker or something. One day, he comes back to find his neighbor flipping his shit about monsters or whatnot, and he goes into his house to find the place is a mess, there's some blood splatters, and a finger with his mother's ring or some such. People suspect it's a heldyn attack (vaguely defined monsters that are monsters), and his sister, who is now working as a Shield of the Falling Sky (monster quick response and slayer) comes back home to investigate. She finds no signs of an attack, and both siblings remember a story their dad told them about some other vaguely defined type of monster that has a whole different way of dealing with its victims.

So she takes him to Pelantesque Keep (the magic school) and as she is a full time monster slayer and fairly retarded due to her blood magic, she has to return to her duties and leaves him in their care.

My main problem is this sounds really Harry Potter-ish since people will probably give him that whole pity thing for having both parents dead. I'm thinking maybe play up the fact that a lot of the faculty look down on Kali for 1) becoming a Shield (it's not very prestigious) and 2) becoming a blood mage, which is legal but not a particularly good path to go down, so they don't have a particularly good view on him already.

Also, going along with the Harry Potter thing, my whole goal with his character was that he wouldn't trust authority or adults, or at the very least he would be very independent of adult help to almost stupid levels. Mostly this is so he can go on adventures and what not and not be a boring story.

"Never let the truth get in the way of a good story." Twitter

Hmmm...

How does he respond to the fact that his parents are dead? Does he go off wangstig, or does he try and figure out what caused it, so he can get a sense of closure?

Also, what is his relationship with his sister like? Are they close? Would she try and stick up for him at the school? If she did, would her tarnished reputation rub off on him? Is there any chance he might come to resent her for this?

How does he handle the knowledge of his parents' death around the school/ Is it comon knowledge, or does he keep it quiet because no-one else needs to know? Does he resent people who have two parents/try to pity him?

There are too many toasters in my chimney!

I haven't read your other character's bio, so maybe it's explained there, but when does the dad die? Does he have to be dead? Can he just sort of be out of the picture and not easily available, but not pushing daisies? 'Cause then you'd have another dimension of relationship, other than just "orphan who goes to magic school."

The plot does sound Harry Potter-ish, but it's less about the character than the concept—magic school of adventures. Lots of stories use that concept (Worst Witch, Percy Jackson), but the HP comparisons will be inevitable.

Thanks for the all fish!

Oh, he'll definitely be trying to figure out what caused his parents to die. The first scene I'm writing will be him running late for his first class because he'd been up all night in the library looking up beasts and such.

His relationship with Kali is not terribly close. Once she went off to school, she never came back because neither she nor her parents could afford it. She would definitely stick up for him, since that's just her personality, but she's already graduated and off in the "real world." She'll probably visit whenever she has down time, but other than that, it's probably a bit awkward. I have a feeling he does look down on her life choices, though, and possibly that tarnished reputation rubbing off on him. Most likely not going to wangst about it, or he's already internalized it, or something.

knowledge of the parents' death... that's a good question. He definitely doesn't go around telling everyone that he's an orphan getting taken care of by a semi-challenged sister. He'll most definitely resent pity. I guess this would probably drive him to be even more independent to show everyone that he doesn't need their help or pity. I'm also guessing that he would tell people his parents were dead if the subject came up.

"Your mother's so fat that when she stands up, the Scales of everyone in the room go off balance!"

"My mom's dead."

"... oh."

EDIT: Ninja'd. The dad doesn't have to die, but it would only make sense that if his wife ended up dead due to his illegal shenanigans, he'd be dead too. But maybe he is just out of the picture and hiding. His finger isn't the one found in the house, so yeah. Jacob just never hears of him again and assumes the worst.

edited 8th Jan '11 9:26:07 PM by ch00beh

"Never let the truth get in the way of a good story." Twitter

Which would be his dad killed his mom, and tried to make it look like a monster attack, wouldn't it?

Also what's his relation to magic? "(this is also how Kali got into magic)" and being an apprentice baker (or whatever) suggest that he doesn't care for it much. Does he resent being dragged away from his home town to live at his sister's alma mata, even though she's graduated? If she hasn't been home really since before he was born, arguably his master baker is more family than she is. There's the possibility even that his master could have custody (but loose for plot reasons). Plenty of stuff there to work with.

Eh, don't worry too much about the Harry Potter stuff, he's hardly the first orphan in fict-history. And there's plenty of differences, he knew his parents, still has a sister, isn't a celebrity for any reason, etc.

edited 8th Jan '11 9:48:51 PM by Luthen

You must agree, my plan is sheer elegance in its simplicity! My Tumblr

That's a really good point. I'd imagine that he'd be fascinated with magic due to his dad's old stories, and he wouldn't mind being at the most prestigious magic school in the world, but that's a good point that the baker would be more family than Kali, and it does show that he probably didn't care as much about pursuing a career in magic as his sister did. Will have to think about this.

I am glad for posting this for other people to tear down. Arguing with yourself while drinking coffee and pacing isn't the same.

So, quick thoughts that have popped up: maybe he felt like he never had the "talent" for it, or the right mindset or whatever. Maybe he just wanted to stay home, help his mom out while his dad was off doing his secret illegal stuff. Or maybe the boy just really likes to cook and only fully immersed himself in magic studies to figure out what attacked his home.

I don't like the angle that the dad killed the mom, although there's the possibility that he used her to buy his own life.

"Never let the truth get in the way of a good story." Twitter

How would he react if a teacher tried to talk to him about it? If a teacher shared their own, similar past with him?

There are too many toasters in my chimney!

He'd probably say something along the lines of "I don't want to talk about it" and bottle it up.

"Never let the truth get in the way of a good story." Twitter

Huh. So he wouldn't even be willing to open up to someone spilling their secrets out to him? What a rude kid.

How does his independent streak ever get him in troule? Is he capable of hndling it all my himself, or is there times when he's kicking himself for not going for help when he gets in over his head?

There are too many toasters in my chimney!

(NOTE: This is going to take a really long time to explain. If you don't care for TL;DR, steer clear.)

I'm trying to make a retelling of the story of Morrowind. I've already got a good idea of how to define most things in the story, but I'm having trouble making up the character of the Nerevarine himself. Here are the most basic elements to his character, and the questions they bring up:

• He's a prisoner being released into Morrowind by the Empire.
  • What does he think of the place? How does he take to the unfamiliar environment? Does he want to go back to his homeland?
• The Empire wants to craft him into a leader for the people of Morrowind that's simultaneously loyal to the Empire. That way, the Empire can use him to make the native Dunmer more receptive to the Empire's colonial prospects.
  • How on board with this plan is he? Is he loyal to the Empire or not?
• The people of Morrowind are in a state of disarray, being subjugated by the Empire on one hand, constantly teetering on the edge of civil war on the other, and facing the looming threat of Dagoth Ur on some third hand. The Nerevarine's job, whether by his own volition or not, is to be their new leader and stabilize everything.
  • Does he want to help these people, or does he feel a sense of dis-engagement about the whole thing? How do the people of Morrowind take to their new savior given the fact that he's an outlander, and vice-versa?
• The details of what happened to the Nerevarine's previous incarnation are shrouded in mystery, and everyone has a different version of what happened, each of which could alter the course of everything.
  • What version of the story does he believe? How does it shape his goals?
• At the end, the Ministry of Truth falls again because Vivec was killed/the Heart of Lorkhan was destroyed (the actual series doesn't make this clear, so it could go either way). It crashes into the city of Vivec, completely wiping it out, and the shockwave causes Red Mountain to erupt. Morrowind is completely destroyed.
  • Does he survive this? If he does, what reaction does he have to seeing everything he worked for tumble before his eyes?

Thing is, I'm not sure how to answer some of those questions. Based on the spoilered text, I want to make the Nerevarine a Tragic Hero, but everything I come up with makes the events leading up to it seem rushed and not very well built up to. I'll post examples of some of the characters I've come up with in anyone wants me to.

"Wax on, wax off..." "But Mr. Miyagi, I don't see how this is helping me do Karate..." "Pubic hair is weakness, Daniel-san!"

It'd probably be more along the lines of "Hey, I lost my parents too—"

"I really don't want to talk about it right now."

His independent streak will definitely get him into trouble. What trouble, I can't say yet. Still just nailing down the character before I figure out the rest. He probably won't kick himself for not getting help, but he won't turn down help if it's readily available. For example, if he goes off to investigate something and it turns out to be a werewolf that's on fire, he won't go "oh crap, I should've told a teacher about it," but if he did investigate, and a teacher was with him, he wouldn't go "no, I got this prof." He's more about using his resources in the moment rather than preemptively finding someone else more qualified than himself since he was raised by his mother.

As a point of reference, his mother comes from a people that live on the back of giant turtles. When children reach a certain age, they kick them off as a group to survive the desert/rainforest until they find a new turtle to live on, mainly because the turtles can only support so many people. However, if the kids can't find a new place, they're always welcome back. But the point is, if a kid scabs his knee while playing in this society, he's not expected to run home to mommy crying; he's expected to get the bandage himself and put it on, and mother will be there if he fails so she can show him how to get it right the next time.

"Never let the truth get in the way of a good story." Twitter

Don Zabu- I've never played Morrowind, so I'll be no help, sorry.

ch00beh- How difficult does he find it to for attachments to people? If he's that independent... Does he prefer not to make friends, or keep friends at a distance?

I have a few characters I could share here. Which would you rather hear about?

Eros, the Genderbending Prince of Somethingland, who dualwields two longswords, and is spiralling into an addiction to Soul Magic;

or Alex, the transexual Mage who goes to Sorcery School, and is being pursued by her sisters' enemies?

There are too many toasters in my chimney!

I was only going to put one but I realized that since one references the other there was almost no way I could do them one at a time.

David Gem – Fistman
Age at Beginning of Story: 29

World’s smartest man, David Gem is a one of the world’s greatest scientists and researchers whose advancements in technology have helped change the world. He is a huge comic book geek and loves superheroes. He was inspired by the advancements of scientists in his comics to do the same and has invented compression space, unstable adaptable molecules, anti-gravity shoes, cured the common cold, and has many times been on the verge of curing HIV and cancer, at the same time! In his young age, he is influential worldwide in his work and is very wealthy because of his patents.

Since he was a child, David has always been socially awkward due to his brilliance and his interests. He had very few friends; the closest person he’s been with is his twin brother William. The pair fell in love with a girl named Diana Jewel. But obviously twins are not always totally identical. William was more comfortable in his own skin and though it wasn’t by much, he was a little more social than David was and that was just enough for him to win the affection of Diana. The two would later have Tyler and get married. In that time with nothing to hold him back, David took on many degrees in rapid succession and was engrossed in nothing but research until he was almost a complete social recluse. Once he joined the Secret Society of Soul Saving Scientists and found out their intentions he… did some horrible things to bad people and wasn’t quite the same after that. He put it behind him and tried to forget about it and now hides in a mask of excitement and immaturity.

David has been described by his friends and family as a nerd, a geek, and a dork, and after his short stint with the scientist’s society, he was over the top, wild, and overly eager in his research. He in like a kid in what he does, always ready to explore the next big thing and willing to believe in the most absurd of ideas be it magic, God, or Santa Claus. Because of his energy, David gets along very well with children and gets on the nerves of many adults. He’s known to get carried away with research, like if you ask him to fix your watch you might find out a week later he’s about to jump into an unstable time vortex that may or may not tear the fabric reality apart while attempting to make the perfect timepiece.

David tries to use his mind more than his abilities when facing an enemy. He has super strength and he’s somewhat invulnerable, though you could probably bruise him based on the caliber of bullet. It’s sort of why he made his costume out of Kevlar, just to be sure. He carries a utility belt filled with enough trinkets for him to build one of his inventions on the spot, something to help in most situations. Another part of the super solider package he made was super senses but he doesn’t use those often. The only anomaly in his abilities is his ability to jet propel himself through the air which he believes is a result of something funny in his genes, but hasn’t looked into it due to being busy with other world changing endeavors.

Tyler “Tai” Gem—Gumboy
Age at Beginning of Story: 12

Tyler Gem is a genius, but he isn’t telling a soul. The boy’s father and uncle are both brilliant and his mother was a scientist. He has a lot he has to live up to, so what better way to live to ordinary expectations than to play normal? Play normal guy, get like 1 C per semester, get mostly B’s, take normal classes, Tyler took to being normal for the rest of his life, and as much as it bugged him knowing all the answers, he was okay with that. Instead of doing sciences he could do other things he liked, like soccer and journalism.

Tai, while not necessarily more mature, he is more calm and more reasonable than his uncle and sometimes has to be David’ reasonability. He keeps David down to earth, makes him remember things like financial planning or… food. Tai keeps himself low key and but he’s still fairly personable. His claim to fame is deadpan snarkery, dry wit, tolerance, reasonability, and a scarily calm anger towards people who find some way to make him hate them and there’s only one person so far who can do that; Drake Scope.

Tai has an oral fixation that has him chewing gum almost 24/7 which was part of what triggered his particular powers of stickiness and elasticity. He tends to find new and creative ways of using his abilities for everyday life so he can keep things simple. He’s not as huge a comic book geek as his uncle is, and the only reason he turned to superheroism was to keep his uncle Gem in line rather than help people, however using his powers to help others has been a great joy to him nevertheless.

Tai is good friends with Ben and Hannah and has a huge crush on Hannah. He also does his best to defend Gary from Drake.

Benjamin “Ben” Sturifu—Yinyang
Age at Beginning of story: 14

Soft spoken and overworked, Ben is a young boy who wishes he could escape from the bonds life has given to him. He’s had nothing but responsibility upon responsibility tacked on upon him by his father, and it kind of put things into perspective of why suicide rates were so high in Japan.

Ben tries to be a reasonable guy, someone who doesn’t rock the boat, just to keep things in order, or rather, in balance as he has been taught. Ben had been raised since youth to maintain Balance and when he was enrolled into the Yin Yang Ninjitsu Academy by his father, it became his way of life. Ben maintains a peaceful demeanor despite the fact he harbors much inner turmoil. He is angry at his father for keeping him under strict conditions, afraid of facing his father’s discipline, and holding back a range of emotions such as pride or even joy sometimes.

However there are a few that bring out Ben’s true feelings. Kid-Transformo would be one of them, an enthusiastic and free person appeals to Ben’s envy to be like him so he spends a lot of time with him. His relationship with Brad is an antagonistic one that brings out Ben’s anger and pride to win against him in the ninja arts at all costs.

Ben is level headed and knowledgeable and was put as head of the Lo H kid division due to his experience and ability to command others; however he acknowledges his shortcomings and know he has a lot to learn.

Even though he has a lot on his plate, one of the few things he still enjoys doing is playing basketball and even though it can be a burden sometimes, Ben is still good at being leader and loves being in command.

Derek Scope—Black Widower
Age at beginning of story: 36

Great geneticist and college professor Derek Scope is the team’s frequently depressed voice of reason that spends most of his time on the team discussing theories with David or talking David down from doing something stupid if Tai isn’t around to do it for him. David is frequently unhappy and almost a bit of a downer which just doesn’t seem like the personality of a guy who swings around on webs all day.

Derek grew up average but things didn’t go so great for him early on in life. During a science expo there was an earthquake and he got caught up in an experimental fusion device that merged him with a black widow spider with no obvious effects. His time with a Secret Society of Soul Saving Scientists… changed that, and after a short stint of dirtying his hands he returned home to his lovely wife and son where he didn’t even try to hide how the events effected and he wasn’t sure how it affected him either, though his family could tall there was some sort of sadness holding him back.

The final straw was when he was coming home from a date with his wife when they experienced a mugging. His wife was killed in the confusion, and once Derek used his powers again, so were the muggers. His superheroism is a sort of path of redemption for him. Derek is a quietly sad man and a bit of a doormat that lets his son walk all over him.

Derek is currently going through something of a mid-life crisis right now, feeling a certain sense of uselessness; his work will always be overshadowed by anything David comes out with, his own son is so crafty he almost doesn’t need him, wife gone, past of strife… He’s working through it one step at a time. When he’s feeling particularly bad, Derek cooks. Actually he cooks all the time, it’s his thing to do when he has nothing else to do and he is superb at it, usually making holiday meals for the Lo H crew or rewards for a job well done.

Drake Scope—Black Arachnid
Age at Beginning of Story: 12

Team reports are as follows: “Drake Scope is the most vile, cruel, malicious evil tween to ever roam the planet and may in fact be the Devil himself, but nobody is brave enough to look at his body to find the mark of the beast.”

Drake is Evil, Pure and simple. Or at least it should be. He wasn’t always this way. Sure he used to be confident and a little bit of a jerk but who wasn’t at his age? It was when his powers awakened a dark seed had been planted into his brain and he took a sort of glee in the misery and pain in those around him except for a few.

Drake is charismatic and a pretty boy with a face that’ll last him even through his adult years. He can make friendly with almost anyone and then each into their personal lives and find the one thing that hurts someone and use it to break them down until he gets something out of it, sometimes money, sometimes a benefit, or sometimes for shiggles. The teachers and guidance counselors would stop them but… He got to them too. He once got involved with a street gang and they ended up being so afraid they don’t even talk about him, and Drake came out with the knowledge of hot to hotwire a car and pick locks.

The boy is a major flirt though he only does that to break hearts. Then he met Symphonia, daughter of Staccato, and now he wants that feisty little number and keep her. He has primarily antagonistic relationships with other members of the league but has a special relationship with Gary and Tai. He picks on Gary to absurd degrees but upon a certain revelation his motives changed from wanting to torment Gary to wanting to make Gary gain confidence in himself and defend his interests. He and Tai are on a last name basis and they snipe at each other like no tomorrow in a twisted hate filled “Friendship”, the two have figured the other out very well and do their bests to sabotage one another.

Drake has a passion for Jazz and Blues music and even knows how to play the saxophone and the trumpet and is working his way towards the trombone. His love of music even helps him put aside hi differences so he could form a band with Mark-Jin, Brad, and Tim known as “Fighting 4s”

Oh, and it turns out the reason for Drake’s onset of evil and revelation of powers was part of one of King Starman’s spells that malfunctioned and instead of making Drake his unwitting mutant minion, it only released his recessive spider traits and screwed with his brain a little. Drake eventually learns to evolve above the evil inside him.

Xinthronite Calvin “Shadow” Williamson—Shadow
Age at Beginning of story: 27

Born of royalty and wasn’t aware of it, and he frankly didn’t care. Dark sense of humor, dark demeanor, a bit of a sadist actually, when he’s not jerking people around bemusedly, he’s usually slouching and being in a rather fowl-ish mood. Shadow is a cop at heart and is looking for a way to defend people, especially from magic types who decide to break regulation and start committing crimes in world.

Shadow is half shadow demon half human. His mother from the magic world was from a royal family among the shadow demons and her father wanted to form alliance with a family of devil demons, so through trickery and love potions she came to bear Quoxe, the shadow devil. However she was able to escape due to building up immunity to the drugs and once her head cleared up she hightailed it to the place where very few would go looking; our world. There she fell in love with Shadow’s father and the rest is history.

Shadow has grown up as a defender of the innocent, mostly women, but especially his mother who he hold near and dear to his heart, primarily because his brother is trying to kill her out of some sadistic rage and abandonment issues. Oh, and Shadow was also spoiled by her so he treats her the same in kind. He has few friends but he’s very close to them.

Shadow enjoys twilight and dawn and watching mid-way transition time of days, times when he feels are very similar to his status as part human part demon. On his own time he’s usually vacationing in the magic world, seeing the sights or spending time with his girlfriend Gabriella, a phantom he’s been wishy-washy in proposing to for years.

Despite his somewhat quiet and stand offish demeanor, Shadow is a bit eccentric and has this thing about trusting crazy or odd hunches which helps bring a new perspective when solving police cases, but also cause people who don’t know him, or the Chief, to think he’s stark raving mad. He also loves riffing on crime dramas and crime comedies and is secretly in love with romances.

As a part shadow demon shadow can manipulate shadows and has a stronger affinity to darkness magic while wearing his cloak. The shadow demons can only go 24 hours without their cloak before they start dying while shadow can go a months without it before causing negative effect, however he usually wears it almost every day. He’s also sensitive to and weakened by very bright lights.

Fatua
Age at Beginning of the story: 38 if she were human

Fatua is an anomaly in the group, a giant panda from a parallel universe where humans don’t exist and animals become technologically advanced. Her mission is simple, like her colleagues, study one of the discovered “safe” dimensions, ours being one of them. She ended up in Shadow’s city and he was capable of seeing through her cloaking device (Demon eyes less susceptible to cloaking devices than human ones.). Shadow took her in and become something of a teacher to her, giving her enough knowledge to be able to sufficiently fill her in her helmet’s translator for normal human communication. After that she took to collecting field data on her own which suited Shadow just fine, however she started living in his home, telling hi how to live act, and eat when she wasn’t away and eventually took to meddling in his work, helping out whenever she felt like it.

And Shadow didn’t mind. Fatua is a motherly and caretaking sort of person who puts the lives of the youth first. She spends a lot of her time taking care of others when not doing her work and is usually supervising the children of the league when not being a voice of reason in the adult division. Futua is reasonable and blunt and does not hold back when commenting on people or things or concepts, never afraid to speak her mind. She also believes in tough love and while she seems like a doting mother, she’s also a one that’s going to make you learn hard lessons. Fatua’s love of children stems from her own son she had back in the home dimension who she lost in his youth and still has a hard time getting over it.

When not engrossed in her research, Fatua is usually watching shows on Animal Planet or the Discovery Channel for more information. She’s also been taking the “Kid-Transformo Crash Course Guide to Humans” and watches a lot of Doctor Who too. And while nobody would say it in front of her, Fatua is pretty lazy and when she says she’s off compiling data, half the time, she’s asleep.

Miki Kishimoto
Age at Beginning of the story: 35

Miki Kishimoto is a brilliant inventor and nobody takes her seriously. A Female inventor? Oh well. A Little Japanese mechanic girl? Aww, how quaint. And she wants to make giant robot? Adorable! Wait, is a giant walking cat!?

It took 18 years of hard work and loans but now that she’s built it she has researchers, the police, engineering firms, and the military practically lining up at her doorstep. And she only let’s them have it in tiny doses. Miki was a lass with a dream, she loved to build and create and invent, a regular grease monkey though her family never approved. Good thing she never gave a damn about what they thought.

Rebellious, strong, and string willed, Miki was a mechanical force to be reckoned with. Even though she never believed in “Otaku things” like anime and manga, she did believe in the mecha that was in them and that was her goal. Many prototypes and lost dollars later and 18 years of AI building, her child was born in body and in mind, Nekometa-Chan, a thinking and feeling cat bot operated by Miki and Miki alone.

Miki has a love for laughter and a love for life’s vices, practically consuming nothing but sake and beer all her life and smoking ‘till the cows come home, it made her happy and he didn’t let other people’s morals get in the way of that. This frequently inebriated mechanic loves teasing people and laughing at their expense. She’s not much for instigating pranks but the most likely to burst out laughing when someone trips. Her heart I in the right place, she didn’t exactly build Nekometa-chan so she could reign revenge upon her naysayers when seeing their faces was enough for her.

However her arrogance and inability to stop making fun of people made her an enemy, Sam Steele, the man who could’ve been her if he wasn’t so sloppy. This she had to bust out Nekometa-chan for self defense for greater justice!

Miki may seem like a socializer but she spends a ton of time in her garage working on alternate forms for Nekometa-chan. When she’s not building stuff, she’s usually making fun of Lifetime movies with Sally.

Nekometa-chan Kishimoto
Age at Beginning of the story: 18

The stubborn and sarcastic AI that supplement’s Miki’s piloting, or runs the autopilot on smaller machines Miki doesn’t fit into. Nekometa-chan is complimentary to Miki’s mean-spritied-ness, usually following along with the show or inadvertently causing something to make Miki laugh. She isn’t as graceful as she wants to be due to constantly shifting to different body sizes and types and usually needing a few moments to align her navigation with her “cat-like reflexes” file.

Nekometa-chan’s memory and RAM is used primarily to continue to build and maintain her AI, so her knowledge isn’t as great as it should be and she constantly has to take moments to refer to the internet which can be a blessing and a curse but to Miki, it’s all funny. On the plus side, she’s fluent in both Japanese and English.

Nekometa-chan spends her down time talking to Miki or browsing the interwebs for kitties or trolling trolls, or pirating anime. Unlike Miki, she totally gets into anime. Her social interactions primarily involve whoever she’s nearby when she’s with Miki (when she’s asking questions about human behavior), or when she’s interfacing with the Hero’s Tower computer, Gregory the House.

Alicia O’Kcul—Lucky
Age at beginning of the story: 15

Alicia is your average high school girl with her high school problems, adolescence and hormones, she’s confused and insecure and just wants to be able to survive the next day without screwing up. She’s not exactly comfortable in her own skin and when she’s over thinking she can be a klutz. She just doesn’t like living with the fact her father is weird, obsessed with superstition and the luck of the Irish, never mind the fact the man could pass for a leprechaun were he not 5 foot 10. It’s all enough to drive a lass to self-consciousness. It’s almost a shame that he was right.

She’s part Leprechaun, like an eighth or something, and is therefore heir to the family luck, a burden she can barely bare to stand with school and gymnastics practice. She practically had to take the superhero gig out of self defense; I mean who would believe you were being tracked down by an evil leprechaun who is trying to amass the luck of every leprechaun family he can find? Basically cobbling together old gymnastics uniforms and some stuff she could take out of the shop classroom, Alicia has been armed with only her flexibility, ingenuity, and luck.

She’d never take your word for it but despite her self-image issues and lack of self-esteem, Alicia is very resourceful, crafty, and can think on her feet well. She also had a few building skills but she only uses those when necessary since building was never her thing. She does love gymnastics and physical activity though and would probably go Olympic if she ever thought she had the talent. Alicia is a sucker for romances and, much to the bemusement of Miki and Sally, is somehow able to stomach Lifetime movies unironcally.

Her only power is a vague and difficult to manage power over luck which can be a bother sometimes. She can “hope” something good or bad will happen and either something odd happens that leads to the desired consequence or she gets some “notion” or “feeling” to do something, an instinct she’s learning to trust more.

Bradley “Brad” Litesforcash
Age At Beginning of Story: 15

Brad I what we would call today, a douchebag. But that’s what he is now, you wouldn’t believe what he used to be. Small, bullied, unimportant to anyone but his family, Brad was a weakling. It was around middle school he decided to enroll himself into a frankly fishy self-defense school which turned out to be him discovering a school of ninjitsu due to an advertising error. He took to the classes, became stronger and then he got a growth spurt right before Freshman year of high school and decided to take up football and it turned out he was good at it, the ninja training making him more graceful. The sudden power shift along with the realization Brad could do whatever the hell he wanted because his family was loaded (Own every powerplant in Vegas and you’d be rolling in dough too.), sort of made him a little…. Let’s say arrogant, perhaps even conceited. And he was handsome too so he was practically up to his ears in women. Brad was a jerk jock and lovin’ it.

Just like the Yin Yang academy of Ninjitsu has a chosen one, so does it’s sub-affiliates like the Fire and Ice Academy of Ninjitsu Brad was in. To The dismay of everyone in the academy, Brad was that chosen one, which meant enhancement in all of his ninja skills, heck, even a costume. So what does an attention whore doe with such power? Revel in the attention, have the world know you were awesome. But that soon started becoming less of a reason. The Samurai were arising and there were villains popping up right in his very school for no explained reason, and he knew what he had to do. He used to be the one terrorized and now the defenseless were also being attacked. He had one course of action, fight back for the defenseless.

He would never admit it in public but Brad loves toys and collectables, having a ginormous collection of Transformers, Power Rangers, and other action figures in his very home. And he still watches Power Rangers. Heck, nowadays he and David watch new episodes together. His childish interests and juvenile antics are how he bonded with the Lego loving Ivan, who despite being 5 years younger, half his height, and twice his intellect, is still Brad’s best and realest friend. Their egos also bounce off each other quite nicely; their heads are so big they cannot possibly hate each other proper.

Brad is also rather friendly with Mark-Jin and Tim despite the fact the three are very little alike. It’s more like they somehow bond being battle buddies and the only three teenage boys in the league along with the fact they fascinate each other in some odd way. Along with Drake, the three formed a band called the “Fighting 4s”(See, because it sounds like Fighting Force? Get it? Ha ha? No? Fine.), Brad is the drummer, another one of his passions is his beat.

Brad absolutely cannot stand Ben, absolutely cannot tolerate the little bugger. The two are Ninjas of similar schools of thought, all about balance, but despite Brad being trained in the obviously more destructive abilities, he still can’t best the kid as often as he’d like. Ben is just so humble, so calm, and yet if Brad even utters a word it’s like Brad’s ego is a giant target for Ben. The pair are constant rivals, trying to “out-ninja” the other.

Ivan Estbaun Isaac Mohinder Stream
Age at beginning of the Story: 10

Good things come in small packages and unfortunately Ivan is not one of them. A High school sophomore who is short even for a ten year old and too lazy to give a rat’s hind corner’s about how fat he’s getting. Ivan is a child genius you don’t read about because he is neither precious nor kind enough to be interviewed. The boy is perpetually bored and finds the normal people to be beneath him. Obviously he’s overcompensating for his small stature and he wished his age matched how brilliant he truly was so he would be not be literally looked down upon as well as figuratively.

Ivan has a spirit lurking inside him named Cychon from the lost Indus river valley civilization that protects all pure currents from the spirit of impure streams, Mr. S’mogge. Cychon possessed someone who was closely descended from that civilization and the lucky candidate still standing was Ivan for Cychon saw the great mind in the boy. Ivan however, almost couldn’t care less and was mostly using his newfound powers of the wind to cause mischief. But he got bored of mischief and decided perhaps he would get a more creative thrill from helping people rather than causing minor inconveniences. It wasn’t until S’mogge possessed someone Ivan knew from grade school that he realized that he needed to be a little more serious.

In his time in High school he has bonded with the big man on campus, Brad Litesforcash. Even though Brad is not as smart as Ivan, and taller and more athletic, and doesn’t have Ivan’s creepy physical traits (Long pointed nose and large bug-like eyes, scares people.), they both have juvenile interests and senses humor, and they both loved toys. Plus their egos don’t irritate each other.

Ivan loves Lego and k’nex and has dedicated the entire basement to building an entire Lego city and they’re having a war with the k’nex city. Ivan is probably the most isolated member the League of Heroes, forming almost no proper relationships with anyone but Brad. Even Drake has his own twisted relationships in the league. Ivan is sort of their go to person if they need a brain and that’s about it.

Maoxin-Jin “Mark-Jin” Choo—Element Boy
Age at beginning of the Story: 16

Mark-Jin is a scary scary scary scary scary scary person. He is friendly, personable, popular, charismatic, a natural leader that put him perfectly as the leader of the League of Heroes teen division, no wait, I have something else, one moment, let me find my “cool theme” article…. Ah, here it is.

On the less technical side of things, Mark-Jin is an average teenager who gained the ability to control Earth, Fire, Wind, Water, ice, and Electricity through an accident at his father’s lab (Here’s a drinking game for you, take a shot every scientist in the story and a swig for every person related to a scientist. You will not come out of League of Heroes sober). Anyway, Mark-Jin is a poet and a musician and is very good with the guitar and an excellent singer and formed a band with the other teenaged boys in League of Heroes and Drake to form the “Fighting 4s”. He’s usually found relaxing or appreciating nature, usually prattling off his poems to Gary who loves them. The two are friends back at home, with Mark-jin usually doing his best to defend Gary and the pair having mutual creative interests, but as they made more friends in the League the pair grew apart a little, but Mark-Jin is always by his side when Drake is causing trouble.

Mark-Jin is friendly with Brad and Tim mostly because they intrigue him but also because they have a strange habit of hanging out together. Mark-Jin is very good at strategy games like Shogi, Go, Chess, or Othello, and has even made it through a few championships. After 5 losses and ten draws, he is now able to beat David Gem at chess no matter what. Mark-Jin can be a little difficult to read sometimes which makes him a hard target for Drake, but he is very good at reading people and he always tries his best to be friendly with everyone.

Garland “Gary” Mc Gee—Steel Boy
Age at The Beginning of the Story: 14

Sometimes you need a break from the madness that rules your world, something calm and peaceful. If your father is a self proclaimed mad scientist, that’s exactly what you need. Not as brilliant as David Gem but ten times as insane and just as inventive, that’s who Yuri Mc Gee is. His son never did embrace the insane lifestyle easily, a little weak of soul and mind the boy is, weak heart metaphorically. Gary enjoys poetry, he’s in ballet, and his greatest passion is gardening and is absolutely devastated when someone tears up his azaleas.

Gary obtained his powers via earthquake; his father discovered an organic metal and Gary fell into a vat of the refined stuff. You know, like every other super character in fiction. The organics fused with him and he is now composed on living steel, which is probably the worst possible power for him, an ability one that’s so offensive and up front and personal. His shtick is mostly bracing himself and trying to reason with people. For the most part, steel Boy wasn’t a major player in the superhero gig, it was when he befriended Mark-jin was when his self-esteem was bolstered enough for him to try more with his powers though for the most part, he leaves things to Mark-jin.

Gary fits in the League as something of a pet or a baby that needs to be protected despite the fact he’s literally their human shield, his bullet resistance far outweighing Fistman’s. Gary mostly needs their emotional support and sometimes a physical boost because he knows he wants to be helpful and to good for the others, but things are sometimes just too exciting for him. He’s the constant plaything of Drake who plays on Gary’s insecurities regarding gender and sexuality and his general interests. He’s teased by people of his hometown but never to the cruelty Drake implements. Because of all this, Gary is confused about his identity. He’s usually protected by Tai and Hannah and he’s pretty good friends with Hannah.

Sally Winging—Crimson Lightning\\ Age at beginning of the story: 16

Red streak, speed of lightning, Sally is a painter who specializes in caricatures and political commentary. Like every stereotypical speedster, she’s a trickster and she loves pranks. Her favorite pastimes involve walking in on people, teasing them for their arrogance or boringness, snooping around, and invading personal space. She’d almost be annoying if she wasn’t so damn personable. While she does tend to rub people the wrong way, especially since her temper is ever so slightly short, she is optimistic, enthusiastic, and likes getting things done. Even at her crippling defeat against Commander Comet and the loss of her abilities, she didn’t feel a loss of purpose or spirit and when she got them back, she almost seemed doubly excited. If there a few things she isn’t though despite her power set, it’s hyper or insane.

Sally is a triplet; her sisters Jaimie and Zoë are more athletic and brilliant respectively but are not as loud or short-tempered as Sally is. She’s basically their leader for better or for worse and she has a knack for trouble. If it weren’t for Sally they probably wouldn’t have risked running home during the lightning storm that made them into the electrical speedsters we see today (set off by King Starman, of course.). As the most accepting and mot open, Sally was quite quick to accept her abilities and she and her sister set up a courier service that was virtually faster than snail mail. The Lightning triplets weren’t really concerned with being heroes until it turned out three delinquent girls got the same powers as the Winging sisters did.

Sally loves teasing people in good fun and the ever stoic Tim is her biggest victim. The misogynistic Teletrent rubs her the wrong way and since the met each other first before meeting the others, they have a very antagonistic relationship that eventually develops into general disdain but mutual respect. When she’s not screwing around with the heads of the boys, she’s usually palling around with the equally competitive Amelia or building up the confidence of Alicia. She doesn’t look up to Miki but they see a lot of themselves in each other and while Sally enjoys her vulgarities and grit, she’s sometimes afraid that being too into her craft she may fall into isolation or drugs.

Teletrent Edward Port—The Psychic Psy-Kick
Age at beginning of the story: 33

Some people are just mean. Like, really mean. Like Simon from American Idol mean. Which is an excellent comparison since Teletrent is also English. Actually from north of Newcastle so he has a strong Geordie accent that make “Town” sound like “Toon” and “Water” sound like “Wuh-ah”. Even with this nigh humorous verbal tick, he curbs it with a soothing and masculine voice that was good enough to get him on the English telly. Despite being raised from childhood to be militaristic by his war-minded father, Teletrent was more interested in theatre, particularly tragedies, drawn by the truth of life’s perpetual negativity.

Under the reign of his father, Teletrent was forced to take up some martial art and he took up kickboxing to be quicker on his feet. He is something of a misogynist and a child hater because he hates anybody who’s weak and worthless. He usually works alone but he had no choice but to work with the league when Starman invaded and he is the most isolated member of the team, Ivan almost topping him. Teletrent seems to treat everyone with little respect but treats grown men with the most respect and the women and children with contempt. He sort of grows into them, especially when being opened up by his eternal rival, Crimson Lightning. They both chase after Dr. Stricken, but their approaches make each other screw up and hate one another even more. He interacts the most with Ace on a casual basis due to their mutual interest in Shakespeare and Ace is a theatre major.

He was born a psychic, which is indicated by unnaturally bright eyes of an unnatural color, his being a golden yellow. His abilities are Telekinesis, Teleportation, Clairvoyance, and Telepathy. Teletrent does not respect privacy. At all. And he abuses that Telepathy power like nobody’s business. This is because he’s basically obsessed with serving his country and considers anybody and everybody suspect. He’s basically a Machiavellian, a guy who sees the ends justifying everything he does. This is something the league tries to make him grow out of.

Teletrent hates his hero name. He tried going by The Psychic but nobody listens. They assumed he was being punny because he fought crime with kick-boxing too. He eventually got a television series based off of Psy-kick and his civilian identity is the actor who plays himself and he makes good money off his gig and is a famous English actor currently.

Teletrent is stern faced and serious and short-tempered. He is straightforward and has no time for subtleties. He has no qualms about lobotomizing his villains and is the one responsible for making The Kite Master the most incompetent villain known to man.

Ace Spellbound—The Ace of Spades
Age at beginning of the story: 19

Something of a lazy bum, Ace is an odd man. Ace is the heir to the Spellbound magi-clan family fortune and businesses. The Spellbounds, like many magi-clans, are a particularly large and wealthy family filled with prestigious and sophisticated people. Ace was not one of those people. He was always under the family’s watchful eye due to him being born on the day that doesn’t exist, February 29th. Ace grew up strange anyway, taking an interest in theatre instead of a money making profession like lawyer or doctor like the rest of his family. And then there were the other magi-clans. Some live peacefully, others want more power and will use their magic to do it, like the Hexxell family. Ace wanted to stop the Hexxell family to protect his family and the others. His parents and a good portion of the Spellbounds didn’t care. At all. Wasn’t their problem, they had their lives to deal with. Well this steamed Ace up and he lashed out against his family, opposed and defied them like no tomorrow. So they disowned him.

He was taken care of by his uncle Dickson “Dix” Spellbound, and Ace eventually went to college. Ace is a normally calm and peaceable person who doesn’t care for stress. He’s friendly, snarky, and relaxed. He finds all subcultures fair game to make fun of, including whatever he’s a part of. Ace is basically a drifting college student who works at a magic and novelty shop. His sister was interested in his exploits and chose to live with him instead of their parents.

Ace is a theatre major with a love of fiction which has given him a… skewed perception of reality, seeing the world as a giant movie or novel plot and his extensive knowledge of fiction allows him to see tropes and clichés as they happen or before they happen, in theory. Truth is most think he’s a little nuts and has been watching a little too much Stranger Than Fiction. He carries around pocket versions of a fiction dictionary called “Tropes: Guide to Media” and he is the firt in line to buy revised versions of it. It help him articulate the clichés and conventions he thinks he’ seeing in reality so he will know how to act accordingly.

Ace is difficult to rile, and there are only three things that induce his extreme ire: His family, the thought of his sister being taken away from him, and his twin cousin, Jackson Spellbound (born on the same day, not actually identical.). To Ace, Jack is his antithesis, his rival, his archenemy, and the person he wants to see die the most. Jack, like Ace, is extraordinarily tall (almost seven feet), but unlike Ace, Jack is prettier, more handsome, more successful, more family approved, more talented, more everything Ace will never be. And not that Ace cares, but Jack is the new heir to the family. Ace tries to keep Jack away from fear that Jack’s impressiveness will draw his sister, Hannah, away. Oh, and if Jack is in Ace’s presence for too long, Ace might kill him.

Ace loves children and before Mark-Jin and Ben were the leaders of their respective age groups, Ace was made the leader of the younger heroes in general when the adults were away. He is friendly with most of the younger heroes besides Ivan and Drake. He is protective of his younger sister but she mostly bosses him around. Ace is great friends with David due to their mutual Genre Savvy, and he interacts with Teletrent frequently due to mutual interest in Shakespeare and acting.

The Spellbound Magi-clan magic is card tricks, Ace can manipulate playing cards in various ways which makes him one of the most versatile members of the team and his realized and calm demeanor make him excellent at general manipulation and an excellent teacher to those who have trouble controlling their abilities.

Hannah Spellbound—Hearts
Age at Beginning of the story: 12

Hannah was a perfect child of the Spellbound Magi-clan, she was obedient, intelligent, and desired to be a lawyer. She did love her brother Ace though, despite his rebelling. And she was fascinated by his differing attitudes and she didn’t want to be separated from her brother for reasons she didn’t properly understand. So in her only defiance against her family, she went with her brother. Despite the nigh thorough brain washing the King and Queen inflicted, Ace was still her brother and he had influence on how Hannah was raised. She saw the Hexxell families as a dangerous threat as well and had similar moralizations Ace did. She decided to be a hero alongside with him. The King and Queen of the Spellbounds still support her financially for private school and living, thus indirectly helping Ace. Hannah is more friendly to the entire Spellbound family than Ace is, and this is especially grating on Ace when she interects with Jack, whom she is very impressed with.

Hannah is disapproving of Ace’s lazy and flippant behavior but also envies how relaxed and happy he can be. She stresses out a bit about being perfect and correct and her over-thinking sometimes makes her lose control of her powers. She’s not as great as card manipulator as Ace is but she’s receptive to learning.

Hannah is excellent at debating and being right and almost never loses an argument, which I partly why Ace allows her to boss him around; he realized quickly it was difficult to defy her. Hannah can sometimes be a bit of a nag or bossy in general because she likes things being done “the right way” which can be an issue to the other members of the league who find they don’t care for what she has to say.

Hannah is friendly with the reasonable and calm Tai who reminds her a little bit of her brother, only without the laziness. She gets along with Gary as well though she mostly finds she’s protecting him. She was interested in Drake when they first met and he did a good job to lead her on and he was very quick to crush her and she has had great disdain for him like everyone else does.

Hannah spends much of her time reading crime novels when she’s not writing them, usually featuring her author avatar using clever loopholes and exceptions in the law to bring justice. A part of Hannah’s story arc is trying to find strong positive female role model and she is saddened by how the League barely has any, Miki being a drunk, Sally a prankster, Lucky insecure, and Amelia almost literally an animal. Her standards of people are a little too high sometimes.

edited 8th Jan '11 11:46:44 PM by ACDrawings

When All Else Fails, you have fun and flirt wit da ladies, dats da Drawings way!

I'm tempted to say tl;dr and ask for a laconic version.

But then I realized, I had actually read the whole thing through.

Anything specific you need help with, AC?

There are too many toasters in my chimney!

@AC: gog damn that is a lot of characters. I made it like a third of the way through, haha. But running commentary so far: David is really mehhhh for having super smarts AND super strength AND flying, so he sounds like Superman had a baby with Mac Guyver. Tai is pretty cool, I like him, though I'm feeling like the powers were tacked on as an afterthought. Dunno how Ben can harbor hate for someone who raised him to be balanced; if he doesn't like it, 14 is the rebellious phase so he'd be doing something already. Derek's got a pretty standard superhero background, though there's nothing wrong with it, and the tone of this story sounds like it's a superhero thing, anyway, so yeah. With Drake, I think it's kind of a cop out to say that "character such and such is evil because a wizard did it"; there are better ways to make him evil using backstory, such as you pointing out that that he was already a jerk.

@Zabu: Never played Morrowind either, just Oblivion. But if you're having trouble answering those questions, I suggest making a loose definition for your guy, then just firing up the game and straight up role playing through it, even if it's not the most efficient way to play the game.

@Cygan: He'll form friendships with the people willing to go on adventures with him or whatever. Like I said, he won't turn down help if it's there, but he won't look for it if it's not. This character is being made for RP, and he's going to be the OP's character, so basically he needs to satisfy two base requirements: the ability to get into trouble and the ability to talk to people.

You should go with the genderbender.

Okay, I think I'm satisfied with Jacob or the questions that I need to pursue to fill him up and stuff, so thanks everyone, unless there's more to be said about him, in which case go ahead. I was going to post Barclay Edward Trent, another new character who dresses like he came out of the animes and is a self-centered, wrong-genre-savvy prick since he's such a powerful mage, but I got sick of writing his bio in his narrative style halfway through.

"Never let the truth get in the way of a good story." Twitter

@ Cygan, I'm just wondering f anything I'm writing is believable, reasonable, or poorly done, I fancy myself as a character specialist but I don't exactly have too many outside opinions on what my characters are actually like or if they're nay good as they are or if they're missing something.

And the length, right, consider it me making up for avoiding to post in the previous 40+ pages.

When All Else Fails, you have fun and flirt wit da ladies, dats da Drawings way!

Heh. Guess it's a good thing I forced you to pm me at another point eh?

In all seriousness, I see a lot of mixture between mature ideas and rough simplistic concepts, and the two clash a lot.

edited 9th Jan '11 2:55:21 PM by MrAHR

Read my stories!

David Gem is far too... Packed. If you're on the verge of curing HIV and Cancer at the same time, you have DEVOTED your life to medicine. You're not a comic book geek. You're OBSESSED with medicine, not superheroes. He can LIKE superheroes, but it's highly unlikely that he would be a comic book geek, as you say. There simply would not be enough time.

...I mean... Reading it... Does he have... ANY weaknesses? Anything that makes him human? He just sounds like a bundle of perfection all rolled up in a faux-geek coating. He's the smartest man in the world. But he's also nearly invincible. And he has a great sense of humor. And he gets along great with kids.

You have a "God" here. Not a person.

edited 9th Jan '11 3:15:25 PM by Cakman

My only goal in life is to ensure that Mousa dies of a stress-induced heart attack by the age of 23. READ THIS

I guess it's him trying to avert the Reed Richards Is Useless thingy...

Read my stories!

So... Super-strength, flight, resistance to damage, super-senses (but he doesn't need to use them often), and the ability to build an invention on the fly?

Come on, that last one alone is just begging for an Asspull.

Want my advice? Tone this guy down. WAY down.

There are too many toasters in my chimney!