The Rooster In Yellow- Let's Watch: Rock-A-Doodle!

^ Emperor- Yeah, I'm cool about that. I'm not taking this seriously or anything.

"Oh, and another thing. We will quickly see that the concept of size does not seem to exist in Rock a Doodle"

We've already seen that. Remember the TARDIS toybox?

Oh, it won't be the last time.

...Yay?

Actually, compared to the rest of the movie, things so far are quite normal.

Three words as to what's coming next:

Twiddle-dee-dee.

Is there a way to temporarily gouge out your eardrums?

As a bit of filler, please enjoy this little bit of concentrated Nightmare Fuel.

The fact that they made a Parade Float for this movie makes me sa-

Hey! Where is everybody? Man, who would neglect a Live Blog this mu-

• Remembers Own Live Blog*

Oh. Right.

edited 21st May '10 5:19:50 PM by Emperordaein

Yeah, things are getting a little hectic in my life right now, but in about a week or so I'll continue onwards with the fail-tastic adventures of Edmund and friends. Until then, guys!

Do you happen to have exams like I do?

Oh and......I.....Owned this movie on VHS......When I....was...a....kid.....

Alright, my parents got it for me. I don't know why! Even as a kid, I thought the climax made no sense. But that's for another time. I liked it. But that was because I was a tasteless pussy who igonred anything that even seemed REMOTELY VIOLENT. This made me miss out on both Batman: The Animated Series and Batman Beyond (Although I did see Return of the Joker and loved it). DAMN YOU CHILD MEEEEEE!!!!

^ Chill out. No one would blame you for owning a copy of something. Anyway, it's never too late to refulfill your childhood.

Aww. I know. I just love putting on a show.

Yeah I do that a lot. Sorry.

^It happens to the best of us.

Next we will be introduced to some new characters! Even though the ones from now have been completely horrible, maybe these will break the mould and surprise us!

No. No they will not. They are as bad as the others. There is no hope.

FOOLS!

You thought you could escape from Rock-A-Doodle? You thought that you could break free from the clutches of Chanticleer and Edmund? They are many, they are myriad, they feed from the dark side of imagination, they draw near, they are the reason why nothing is as it is, closer, closer, closer!

That's right, livebloggers. I'm back.... with a vengance.

Part 7: Tormented

Meanwhile, at a genericish 1950's looking diner, Edmund shows off his ability to read by looking in the phone book for Chanteecwaiw Chanticleer. However, because Chanticleer has been in the city for apparetnly less than a day, the phone book obviously doesn't contain him.

To make things weirder, the city appears to be full of talking animals similar to the protagonists. What? If this is the case, that cartoon animals will happily inhabit urban areas, why were Patau and friends living in a barnyard? God, movie. You're getting more schizophrenic by the minute.

Patau goes on a monologue about how sometimes it feels like what you're looking for is right under your nose. Elton John-ish piano music plays as he rambles on and on. As the gang sits on a curb, Chanticleer passes by in a giant limo, except for some reason he's dyed his hair black (Elvis anyone. Patau, clearly delusional, claims that Chanticleer wanted to go back to Douchebag Farm. The montage goes on and on, nobody's heard of Chanticleer,we see Snipes appearing to have some variety of epileptic fit as he attempts to describe his quarry. Also, we see that everybody else in the city is several times as large as the protagonists, despite the fact that they're all animals.

However, hilarity swiftly ensues as Patau attempts to tie his shoes. I don't know about you guys, but I think that this is the most bizarre subplot I've ever seen in a movie. However, since he's a dog (hasn't this guy ever heard of Velcro?) he can't. Edmund then tries to teach him again (even Edmund remarks how annoying this is) with a bizarre mnemonic that is made all the more incomprehensible with his speech impediment, although I think it's something to the effect of the old "rabbit goes 'round the tree" adage.

We see your friend and mine- Stupid Owl (Oh, how I long for a potty-mouthed ice cream truck!) - flying through the city. Oh, look, he crashed into something. Isn't that funny. Oh, and he's pretending to be a bomber plane for some reason. Funny. And he crashed into something else, too. Will the hilarity ever end? Stupid the Owl pulls out a knife and starts muttering about killing Edmund and co. Frankly, I'm surprised he hasn't killed himself yet.

However, the four suddenly realize the reason that they can't find Chanticleer is because he's become a giant superstar, and has named himself "The King!" (He's got quite the ego). I understand that this is supposed to show that he's an Elvis knockoff, but I find it more amusing to imagine Chanticleer drinking from a big goblet, extolling the virtues of peace (Edmund, mah boii!) and wondering what's for dinner. So... yeah.

Anyway, inside the club there's this absolutely giant record player. Chanticleer decides that now is as good as a time asany to let fly with another song, this one containing several obvious title drops. The basic song (I'll spare you the entire transcript of it) involves Chanteecwaiw Chanticleer "The King" singing about "rock-a-doodle" and how he wants to... roost with you? And this is supposed to be a kid's movie? Things take another disturbing twist as he sings to some groupie in the front row about how he wants to "rock-a-doodle with [her]". Chanticleer, you soulless rooster.

We cut to a brand-new character- the nightmarish chicken-lady Goldie, Don Bluth's (failed) attempt to cash in on Jessica Rabbit's sex appeal. And, in the first minute of her introduction, Patau tries to explian that she is sweet, but she comes off as a real bitch (or whatever the avian equivilant is.) In a futile attempt to break the glass ceiling, Goldie rants about how she can't be a singer in a really pouty-sounding Southern drawl. Her boss is an obese-looking fox, and he apparently enjoys playing golf on his desk. Makes just asmuch sense as any other part of this movie. Anyways, Rich Golf Fox says that Chanticleer sings better than Goldie and so she can't sing outside of the chorus. (?) Rich Fox gloats about how when he found him, "he was a nobody, nobody wanted him, and nobody cared about him." To emphasize whatever poitn he's trying to make, he spray-paints his record gold.

The song ends, and we see that for thep sat five minutes Edmund and friends have just been sitting on the curb wondering how they can get to him. (Using a door, perhaps?) Stupid Owl desides that this is a good time to kill, but then a giant horde of groupies trample him.

Chanticleer comes out, surrounded by a horde of... singing bouncers. (?) That are giant frogs. Because they bounce, get it? Argh. Edmund tries to flail his little kitty arms in vain to try and get his attention, because Chanticleer really doesn't give a crap. And the bouncer's song is really badly rhymed and really annoying.

As Chanticleer goes into his helicopter, Patau narrates about how even though Chanticleer was a star, he was sad, because "it's hard to be happy without friends." I beg to differ, Patau. I haven't had any real friends for a while now, and I'm quite happy without a social life. That way, I can sit in my basement and write recaps of terrible 90's cartoons.

Stay tuned- next time, we explore the fact that size and scale have no correlation to one another in Rock-A-Doodle Land.

edited 1st Jun '10 5:17:48 PM by CrowT.Robot

Thus, the movie has sunk to a new low.

I wonder if Chanticleer will also order someone to scrub all the floors in this place, and then he will talk about mercy!

He'll take the Triforce of Courage, to protect him!

Oh, and he's pretending to be a bomber plane for some reason

Like I said. Advanced PTSD.

NEXT TIME! We see the stupidest thing ever put in an plane since the Hot Tub and Jacuzzi from Dead to Rights! Also, we get the Fury Katushka Doll of Ultimate Mind Break (TM). Or as I like to call it, FKDUMB.

NOTE: The spoiler is in regards to Eegah's rad Live Blog of Lets Play Dead to Rights.

edited 8th Jun '10 11:42:47 PM by Emperordaein

I decided to watch some other Don Bluth stuff to get the taste out of my mouth and saw Banjo the Woodpile Cat. Banjo is adorable. Edmund is ugly. Why couldn't they have made Edmund look like Banjo?

edited 2nd Jun '10 7:48:49 AM by CrowT.Robot

The sad part - there's an actual Elvis song called "Rock-a-Hula". I think that's what they stole Chanticleer's "Rock-a-Doodle" song from.

Ugh. I'm not even that big an Elvis fan (although I do a decent impersonation) and I'm Having Soul Pains

This is a bit of topic, but Nostalgia Critic has reviewed Don Bluth's other abomination, A Troll in Central Park.

Crow, do you think this is better or worse than Rock a Doodle?

Hello. Anybody.

Well, I canceled my Liveblog, so I don't see why you should take so....

• Remembers NEW Liveblog that I haven't even completed the first chapter for*

CRAP!

The FKDUMB (An abbreviation of Fucking Dumb!) awaits......

So is the Crow coming back?

I hope so...

Yes, I'm here. Yo see, the reason that updates have been so sporadic the fact that my parents don't exactly approve of me savaging an animated children's film, so I've had to conduct my activities at odd hours, when they're not looking. In addition to this, the bastards at my school have blocked Youtube, so I can't write this there. But, God/Primus/Arceus/Cthulhu/FSM/etc. willing, this liveblog shall soldier on!

Really? Damn. Sure would suck to have something like this happen. Well god to know the true reason, so we know you weren't being half as lazy as me.