Gallant and Goofus

Goofus never studied, does every question on the SAT and gets all of them wrong.

Gallant drinks responsibly.

Goofus gets alcohol poisoning.

Gallant plans ahead for life after college.

edited 23rd Oct '16 6:22:02 AM by DatLonerGirl

Goofus spent his rent money on lottery tickets.

Gallant prevents forest fires.

edited 23rd Oct '16 6:27:09 AM by Geist-Fox

Goofus is an arsonist who's just going to set more fires every day.

Gallant does not write overly unrealistic, disgusting smut.

edited 23rd Oct '16 6:50:36 AM by arcada188

Goofus is E. L. James.

Gallant is an expert romantic.

Goofus is a forceful creep and has had multiple violations of restraining orders.

Gallant will not steal your girl.

Goofus has stolen everyone's girl, and a few boys.

Gallant is an informed voter.

Goofus thinks Gary Johnson is a genuinely good guy.

Gallant rallied with the Sioux to protest the pipeline at Standing Rock.

Goofus wears a Washington Redskins jersey.

Gallant once visited the Holocaust Museum for its historical value.

Goofus once visited the Holocaust museum to say that everything there was justified.

Gallant properly playtests his game before releasing it.

Goofus was the head of the team that playtested Ride to Hell: Retribution, and before then he was also responsible for testing Big Rigs: Over the Road Racing.

Gallant doesn't needlessly antagonise people for the crime of liking something that he doesn't (or, inversely, disliking something he adores). He simply takes a deep breath and moves on with his life, recognising that it's no big deal.

edited 29th Oct '16 9:00:48 PM by PresidentStalkeyes

Goofus stalks them online and bullies them past the breaking point.

Gallant made cookies for the orphans.

Goofus ate the orphans.

Gallant is always careful when walking past the gardens of others, ensuring that he causes no damage.

Goofus crushes the flowers, poos on the grass, and eats all the fruits.

Gallant runs his business well.

Goofus runs a pyramid scheme.

Gallant hands out free condoms on college campuses to promote safe sex and awareness.

Goofus also hands out condoms. Unfortunately, they are all broken.

Gallant the Pokemon trainer treats his Pokemon with respect.

bump

Pokemon Trainer Goofus deliberately loses every Pokemon battle just so he can use a super-powerful Frustration.

Gallant's spirit animal is the majestic gazelle.

Goofus' spirit animal is Bacillus anthracis, also know as anthrax.

Gallant listens to other opinions and respects turns in debates.

Goofus goes "Na nah, can't hear you".

Gallant respects the environment.

Goofus puts all the Captain Planet villains to shame.

Gallant wisely avoids talking about politics whenever possible.

Goofus endlessly spouts Trump memes.

Gallant tries not to offend others based on religion.

Goofus is a militant atheist who goes on a frothing-at-the-mouth tirade whenever anyone says 'bless you' when he sneezes, campaigns to rename christmas 'generic multicultural winter holiday', will immediately label you a brainless zealot the very moment you admit to holding a religious or quasi-religious view even if you were his best friend beforehand, and generally gives atheists everywhere a bad name.

Gallant doesn't use run-on sentences.

Goofus writes paragraphs with only one period.

Gallant votes for whom he feels is right, weighing out the pros and cons and then casting his ballot.

Goofus is one of those chucklefucks who voted for Harambe.

Gallant has good taste in anime.