Corrupt-a-wish.

The pun was completely intended.
Rocks from the mountain that Solstace moved fall. You die, relieved from the hard decision.
I wish to learn how to fish.

edited 31st Jul '09 4:14:41 PM by CoyoticEvil

You catch the world's biggest fish, which promptly swallows you whole.

I wish I had some food about now...

You can only catch minnows.

You get food poisoning.

I wish I may, I wish I might, I wish upon a star tonight...

edited 31st Jul '09 4:15:25 PM by Wicked223

You find yourself literally upon a star. You burn to a cinder in picoseconds.

I wish I had something to cure this cursed food poisoning!

edited 31st Jul '09 4:17:31 PM by Zudak

The genie concocts a potion. It smells and tastes awful, and causes hallucinations.
I wish an anchovy pizza.

The anchovies are ALIVE.

I wish I wasn't burnt upon a star anymore.

You are now burnt upon a spit. The cannibals curse the heavens, lamenting that no one checked the roast.

I wish I had a steak to eat- oh never mind Dad's making steak.

I wish I had steak sauce.

Your steak sauce was made in China, and contains lethal amounts of lead. You die slowly and painfully.

Gee, it sure is boring around here.

Your majesty, Ganon and his minions have seized Koridai!

I wish I could compose an awesome song that will make me rich and famous.

Your song has an incredibly powerful hypnotic allure that forces whomever hears to obey your every command. Using it, you take over the entire world and rule with an iron fist. However, the song's hypnotic effects wear off after a year, and your former subjects rebel and kill you.

Now if only I could get that damn song out of my head...

After a bit of jiggling, you finally get it out. With a screwdriver.

I wish that I could detect Sarcasm Mode.

Zudak: You are teleported to a random location, and are soon bored (and quite likely frustrated as well) elsewhere.

Bobby: You compose a song. It makes you rich and famous. You become a rock star, and overdose on cocaine snorted off the chest of an underage groupie.

Bug: You can detect Sarcasm Mode, and when you do, you beep annoyingly.

I wish for Coyotic to suffer appropriately for his pun.

edited 31st Jul '09 5:42:49 PM by Scrounge

It leaves your head, but it is replaced by another more devious one. It is so annoyingly persistant that you begin speaking in rhythm to the song's lyrics. You go insane and are quickly institutionalized.

I wish I had a pet worm.

Your pet ringworm lodges in your intestine and siphons off all your nutrients, causing you to die of starvation.

I would much prefer a pet Chocobo.

edited 31st Jul '09 5:43:25 PM by Zudak

You have a pet choboco. Giant birds don't make good pets. They can (and do) kill you without a second thought. Birds are evil.

I wish the age of consent was lower. (Maybe if I look like a pedophile, someone will help encourage me to stab myself...)

edited 31st Jul '09 5:44:23 PM by Scrounge

Scrounge, do you want to say something in front of the class?

edited 31st Jul '09 5:45:26 PM by Tzetze

Zudak: You get one, and its smell haunts you for the rest of your days, no matter how hard you shower. People are isolated from you, and rumors of a relationship between you and the chocobo begin. They're not wrong.

I wish for Coyotic to suffer appropriately for his pun.

Coyotic suffers the appropriate punishment: a slap to the palm of his right hand, delivered by the palm of my right hand.

Scrounge: The age of consent is now five seconds before their eighteenth birthday. This changes no one's attitudes about you or anything else.

I wish I had some obsidian.

edited 31st Jul '09 5:47:00 PM by Haven

Tzetze: Yes. It's a horrible secret... And I'll feel better getting it off my chest...

I hate birds. Hate 'em. Can't see how anyone can keep the nasty, noisy little bastards as pets. Hated birds a long time now.

Ever since I was five years old and they pulled me out of the audience (and it's strange that I don't remember volunteering) and put that damn rooster on my head. You wouldn't think roosters have talons, but they do.

Oh, and that time I got crapped on by a bird while I was inside. At the aquarium, as a matter of fact. Goddamn rainforest exhibit.

Oh, and while I was working at my last job, there was this one customer who always brought in this fucking parakeet... God damn, that thing was loud. Not real fond of loud noises, honestly.

In summary, I would like to say that birds can go fuck themselves.

You get obsidian, from a volcano exploding just a mile away.
I wish an ostrich egg.

You get an ostrich egg. Complete with angry mother ostrich. We'll all send you cards in the hospital.

I wish I had more spending money.

edited 31st Jul '09 6:38:33 PM by Scrounge

You get your spending money and then promptly have it stolen.

I wish I had pretty lolita clothing.

edited 31st Jul '09 6:39:42 PM by Aondeug

Coyotic's egg spawns a horrible Eldritch Abomination that consumes the universe.

Scrounge gets so much spending money that inflation skyrockets, causing the second Great Depression.

Aondeug gets pretty clothing. Cursed, -5 to Dexterity. On her way down into the dungeon to have the curse removed, she trips, falls down the stairs, and dies.

edited 31st Jul '09 6:49:38 PM by Zudak

Aon: You get pretty lolita clothing. It's cursed, and turns you into a promiscuous ten-year-old. Have fun in the white van!

I wish for Wendy's.

Scrounge eats a delicious burger. He get e.coli, bird flu, swine flu, the Black Death, Grungy Mange, Phlemurginous Toe Rot, and the Flurgy Twinge. Leeks sprout from his ears, his tongue turns purple, and his hair falls out. He dies slowly and horribly.

I wish I was a black belt in karate.

edited 31st Jul '09 7:05:58 PM by Zudak

You're a black belt in karate. Your martial arts skills give you a big boost in confidence... Unfortunately, the other guy has a gun.

I wish I was Optimus Prime.