PAINKILLER
Granted. Good luck trying to run a multi-billion dollar company that holds the right to several other companies and basically having jurisdiction over thousands of workers worldwide.
I wish I master programming/coding.
Life is hard, that's why no one survives.
Complete Arse(nal)
Granted. Having knowledge of every imaginable facet of programming along with complete, ingrained skills corresponding of each of them fries your brain.
I wish that I could acquire the Guile of Odysseus, the Greatness of Gilgamesh, the Weapons of van Helsing, the Forethought of Prometheus, The Voice of Metatron, the Physical Abilities of Achilles, the Sanity of Moses, the Magic of Circe, the Intelligence of Plato, the Knowledge of Nero, the fire manipulation and resistance of Surt, the lightning manipulation and resistance of Odin, the Goodness of Michael, the free Will of Satan, the knowledge of Thoth, The purity of Galahad, the Authority of Cyrus, the leadership abilities of king Arthur, the wealth of Caligula and the approval Rating of kim il-Sung by saying OGHPMAMCPNSOMSTGAACS (pronounced Ogh-Per-Mamcer-Ner-Soms-Taga-Axe), nice and slowly.
edited 27th Aug '15 1:12:16 PM by 434411423124222344
Why You Shouldn't Eat Meat
Fly Air Madeline
Granted, but the combination of these things shortens your lifespan by 40 years every time they are summoned.
I wish that Megazeux had more users and manpower devoted to coding updates, and less people exploiting the engine to create games it wasn't designed for.
"I'll show you all of Paris, I'll take you on a tour, we'll go up and up and up so high they'll long for an encore!"
Mario's not the only Wonder here.
Granted: It is now being coded by Hilary Clinton and Donald Trump, and the games produced are now forwarding political propaganda.
I wish for my enemies' vibrators to break.
These two may literally be more bark than bite, but they are no less tenacious than everyone else.
Granted. Your vibrator breaks too.
I wish Pathfinder's Advanced Class Guide didn't suck.
edited 27th Aug '15 6:14:42 AM by MapleSamurai
Happiness is a cup of tea
Granted. It's now so good that it's impossible to get in.
I wish I wasn't afraid of jellyfish.
edited 27th Aug '15 8:46:06 AM by astrokitty
Somebody once told me the world was macaroni, I took a bite out of a tree
Lovely Legilimens
Granted. Your fight-or-flight responses are removed, then a box jellyfish stings you.
I wish Java programming was as easy as HTTP and CSS.
"I just want what everyone else has, that's all."
King of Feraligatrs, Typo Master,
Granted, Java is so easy that is looked down on by programming elitists. All the good programmers no longer program in Java and write a virus to blow up every computer with any Java code in revenge. The explosion of your computer kills you as well.
I wish for the next corruption to go off the rails like mine.
Hail to the King of Feraligatrs! Shameless advertising
Mario's not the only Wonder here.
Granted: a train sprouts wings and flies straight into your house.
I wish for my brother to create his own TV Tropes handle.
These two may literally be more bark than bite, but they are no less tenacious than everyone else.
my current job
Granted. By pure chance, it's already taken, so he has to settle for Tropers/JohnSmith333
I wish to take over the world.
edited 29th Aug '15 11:32:50 AM by WilliamRadarStorm
The possum is a potential perpetrator; he did place possum poo in the plum pot.
Joyful angel
Granted, you are eventually killed by rebels.
I wish that I never found out about the internet.
"How can I bring joy when I now know we are bringing misery to thousands of innocent people?"
Mario's not the only Wonder here.
Granted: you are a hipster going through Dewey Decimal System to find a book about cats.
I wish to be the 13th regeneration of The Doctor.
edited 29th Aug '15 12:13:20 PM by aNinjaWithAIDS
These two may literally be more bark than bite, but they are no less tenacious than everyone else.
Fly Air Madeline
Granted, but your style of acting combined with the radically altered tone and narrative structure of the episodes for the new series is so controversial that Dr. Who is cancelled after four episodes.
I wish to be a shapeshifting lizard person.
"I'll show you all of Paris, I'll take you on a tour, we'll go up and up and up so high they'll long for an encore!"
Happiness is a cup of tea
Granted, but once you shapeshift, you can't change back.
I wish my parents would stop fighting.
Somebody once told me the world was macaroni, I took a bite out of a tree
Joyful angel
Granted, because they are dead.
I wish for hellfire.
"How can I bring joy when I now know we are bringing misery to thousands of innocent people?"
Fly Air Madeline
Granted. You receive a bottle of Hellfire-brand hot sauce, which is the most mild hot sauce on the market.
I wish I had a Casio CZ-1 synthesizer.
"I'll show you all of Paris, I'll take you on a tour, we'll go up and up and up so high they'll long for an encore!"
Mario's not the only Wonder here.
Granted: one of the keys is rigged to kill you, and this lethal device is impossible to disarm without destroying the entire instrument. Good luck with that. 
I wish for The Fact Sphere to state more facts.
These two may literally be more bark than bite, but they are no less tenacious than everyone else.
Okay, I'll try it your way for once
granted, but you can no longer tell wether or not any fact he gives you is true or not.
i wish for durrian juice with a drop of blood
Remember what we used to say? JACKPOT!
Granted. It's xenomorph blood.
I wish to wish a wish that is impossible to be corrupted, and that no one else wishing a wish gets to wish for a wish.
Yes, I only said that to see how many times I could put the word "wish" into one sentence.
Tired of givin' up the ghost
Granted. Your wish does nothing, and neither do all the other wishes.
I wish the US Government would get its shit straight.
moved to Oceanstuck because this handle was starting to bother me my tumblr
"Team Ken, baby"
Granted. But then the whole country was nuked.
I wish Homestuck would end.
edited 31st Aug '15 9:52:32 PM by trashconverters
Stand up against pinkwashing, don't fall for propoganda
Not stupid or expendable.
Granted, It's been extended for two more years! 
I wish Patrick Troughton and Jon Pertwee were alive.
"My light shall be the moon, and my path the ocean, my guide the morning star as I sail home to you...."
"Just as planned."
Granted. They die seconds later.
I wish for tea.
"Did you expect somebody else?"
my current job
Granted. It's salty.
I wish to know whether or not the glass is half-full.
The possum is a potential perpetrator; he did place possum poo in the plum pot.
Granted, but I the art class sucks and the class now last 24 hours.
I wish to buy Disney.
"How can I bring joy when I now know we are bringing misery to thousands of innocent people?"