>Stop worrying about your wounded fingers and let your WEREWOLF REGENERATION take care of it for you.
>Stop being a CAPRICIOUS DINK following whatever ASS-MINDED FLAILING OF RANDOM NEURONS happens to FIRE HAPHAZARDLY IN YOUR BRAIN. Just because you are insane does not mean you have to be CHAOTIC STUPID.
>Decide to TRAVEL TO YUMI to resolve the poor state of your SPIRITUAL BANK ACCOUNT.
Want to rename a trope? Step one: if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
> Build HAT from PLYWOOD.
You cannot firmly grasp the true form of Squidward's technique!
Fwomph
> Punch TREE
> Harvest WOOD
> Build PICKAXE
> Look for COAL
> Mine COAL
> Make TORCH
> Survive THE NIGHT
It's clearly a case of backroom political albumizing.
Defiler of Shops
>Encounter CREEPER
>Fire ARROW at CREEPER
>Buy HOUSE
Soul is ugly.
>Use SHIRT to avoid contact with SILVER and use it to buy SALOON.
You suspect that trying to trade the MODERN ART SCULPTURE MOBIUS-STYLE ESCHER CHESS SET with the BARTENDER that shot your fingers off will not go well for you.
GERTRUDE agrees.
By the way? Your hand? It stings. It still does that.
>Stop worrying about your wounded fingers and let your WEREWOLF REGENERATION take care of it for you.
Whoa.
You stop and marvel over this idea.
Why didn't you think of this before?
You hold up your hand and watch the fingers SCHLOOP back into existence, like a suddenly inverted glove.
Awesome.
>Stop being a CAPRICIOUS DINK following whatever ASS-MINDED FLAILING OF RANDOM NEURONS happens to FIRE HAPHAZARDLY IN YOUR BRAIN. Just because you are insane does not mean you have to be CHAOTIC STUPID.
You wonder what bug-ass corner of your TORTURED MIND this particular epiphany emerged from. After running it through your head a couple of times you ask GERTRUDE about it, and she acknowledges that while she has no idea what this CHAOTIC STUPID business means, you've certainly done a lot of idiotic things in the past.
She goes on to say that you've been very RECKLESS and FOOLHARDY since the INCIDENT a few months ago, and that she has been very worried about you.
There's an awkward silence. But you decide to try to be less stereotypical from here on out.
>Decide to TRAVEL TO YUMI to resolve the poor state of your SPIRITUAL BANK ACCOUNT
You ask GERTRUDE what she thinks of going to YUMI, because you've decided to travel there to fill the VOID inside of yourself.
GERTRUDE has no particular objections to this idea.
> Build HAT from PLYWOOD
You hammer out some more of the BROKEN DOOR into PLYWOOD. Then you construct a PLYWOOD TRI-CORNERED HAT, setting it atop your brow proudly.
GERTRUDE asks for one, so you make her one, too.
Then the two of you depart the town, making a start toward YUMI.
> Punch TREE
As night falls, you get the excellent idea to stop and punch an OAK TREE with your bare hands.
GERTRUDE expresses the opinion that this may not be the most brilliant idea, but you tell your CANTANKEROUS COMPATRIOT to shove it because you're busy.
You hit the TREE as hard as you possibly can.
OUCH!
That stung!
That stung like a rejection from the TOWN BICYCLE!
Forget any other ideas that you might have had, you're pretty sure you just broke something!
GERTRUDE says she told you so. You're too busy whimpering in PATHETIC AGONY.
>Harvest WOOD >Build PICKAXE >Look for COAL >Mine COAL >Make TORCH >Survive THE NIGHT >Encounter CREEPER >Fire ARROW at CREEPER >Buy HOUSE
We've already established that this line of thought leads to nothing good. Son of a bitch! Your fingers are stinging like a PARTICULARLY GOOD MARCHING BAND! You're having no more of this horseshit.
GERTRUDE yells hey.
You reply that you didn't mean it personally.
GERTRUDE is placated.
Regardless, the SUN has almost set below the HORIZON. You find yourself in a THICK, OVERGROWN section of WILDERNESS, the sort of terrain characteristic of CENTRAL ARBALEST. The path lies about TWENTY PACES NORTH of you.
You can smell POTENTIAL FOOD nearby; RABBITS, SQUIRRELS, and other SMALL GAME. You can also smell SMOKE from a CAMPFIRE; you judge it to be no more than two miles SOUTH.
- Name: ERRANT
- Class: WANDERING VAGABOND
- Race: WEREWOLF
- Statistics:
- Grit: SLIGHTLY ABOVE PAR
- Sensibility: AVERAGE
- Moxie: AVERAGE
- Passive abilities:
- Luck: You always seem to make the best of things.
- MacGyver's Touch: You have a talent for improvisational invention.
- Preternatural Smell: Your NOSE is your biggest strength.
- Regeneration: You can recover from any wound inflicted by a NON-SILVER item.
- Weaknesses:
- Insane: You are functionally a MADMAN, and people can tell.
- Spider-Monkey Phobia: Those creepy arachnid-primate abominations give you the heebie-jeebies.
- Silver: Damage dealt to you by SILVER objects is particularly effective.
- Aggressions:
- Walk Softly: And carry a big stick. Requires x1 STICK.
- The Straight and Arrow: You really should have thought of archery before! Requires x1 BOW, x1 ARROW.
- Asuka Langley Soryuu Throw: Don't flounder and float, just throw a boat! Requires x1 BOAT.
- Gyroscopic Table: Doors and foes alike fall beneath massive spinning force! Requires x1 TABLE.
- Lycanthrophic Transformation: Theoretically possible, but currently LOCKED.
edited 28th Oct '10 6:15:25 PM by ShadowWarden
>Hunt for game.
Want to rename a trope? Step one: if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
> TAKE ARBALEST.
> FIRE ARBALEST.
An arbalest is a type of crossbow, I think.
All the countries' names are bow-type weapons.
edited 28th Oct '10 6:38:47 PM by savage
Want to rename a trope? Step one: if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
>Hunt CAMPFIRE
>Eat CAMPFIRE
You cannot firmly grasp the true form of Squidward's technique!
Defiler of Shops
>Build AXE out of TREE BRANCHES AND STONE
edited 28th Oct '10 6:44:59 PM by Reecer6
Soul is ugly.
Fwomph
> Spot SKELETON
> Dig DOWN
> Make WITTY PUN ABOUT SKELETON
It's clearly a case of backroom political albumizing.
Gristknife
>Get down get down get down get down to-nite!
Charlie Tunoku is a lover and a fighter.
>Hunt for game
You go hunting, GERTRUDE trotting along quietly behind you. Your PLYWOOD BOW and ARROWS are at the ready, and you manage to bag a couple of RABBITS, your mottled WOODEN PROJECTILES recovered from the corpses after the fact.
Acquired x2 RABBIT CORPSES!
Your route has taken you nearer the CAMPFIRE you detected before. You catch the scent of EXOTIC PERFUME.
>Hunt CAMPFIRE
While you don't find the idea of eating CHARRED WOOD and EMBERS particularly appealing, you must admit your curiosity is piqued by the smells you're picking up.
You move through the trees, leading GERTRUDE along by the reins. Eventually you see a GLIMMER OF LIGHT in the distance. Wandering closer as quietly as you can, you dart from TREE to TREE. Then, and only then, do your ears pick up what your NOSE could not:
Music.
A stirring VAGABOND'S JIG, in fact, played on the ZITHER by the sounds of it, and accompanied by wordless SINGING; the voice is a dulcet, female ALTO.
The figure the voice belongs to is garbed in WESTERN ROBES, a uniform SABLE BLACK adorned with EMBROIDERED GEOMETRIC SHAPES. Her CAMPFIRE blazes high, illuminating her TANNED FACE and BLACK HAIR. Clearly, from the look of things, a WANDERER like yourself.
Her HORSE is lashed to a nearby tree, listening to the MUSIC.
The ZITHER drops off, and she sings; despite the pace of the JIG, the lyrics confirm it to be a SAD SONG, a lament for the loss of a particularly fine BOTTLE OF WINE.
You can hear GERTRUDE starting to get a bit CHOKED UP next to you. You pat her on the flank and tell her that it's just a song.
>Build AXE out of TREE BRANCHES AND STONE
There's no STONE in this forest, and you're not exactly able to craft an AXE out of simply TREE BRANCHES. Even you are not quite that good. There's also the minor question of just how you'd get a STONE to stick in a TREE BRANCH in such a way as to be serviceable in the long-term. You have experience with these sorts of things. It is nearly impossible unless you have some sort of PRETERNATURALLY STRONG GLUE or a YEAR OR SO to wait for the TREE BRANCH to grow in around the STONE and hold it in place.
>
edited 28th Oct '10 8:28:31 PM by ShadowWarden
>Find PRETERNATURALLY STRONG GLUE.
You cannot firmly grasp the true form of Squidward's technique!>Stop even paying any attention to thoughts regarding Minecraft, whatever that is.
>Greet stranger in a friendly and unthreatening manner.
edited 28th Oct '10 8:53:20 PM by savage
Want to rename a trope? Step one: if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
>Find PRETERNATURALLY STRONG GLUE
There's no PRETERNATURALLY STRONG GLUE here. You'll have to venture to a MAJOR POPULATION CENTER to find some, because only ALCHEMISTS make it.
>Stop even paying any attention to thoughts regarding Minecraft, whatever that is.
You will no longer indulge these persistent fantasies of CRAFTING MINES. It seems like a pointless waste of time, anyway.
>Greet stranger in a friendly and unthreatening manner.
You move through the TREES to stand at the edge of the STRANGER'S FIRELIGHT. The MUSIC stops and she looks up, meeting your eyes.
You greet her in a friendly and nonthreatening manner, telling her that your name is ERRANT and that you are a WANDERING VAGABOND. She smiles and bows her head, introducing herself as NOCK. She is a WANDERING SINGER from the COMPOSITE EMPIRE on a search for PURPOSE and MEANING, along with her trusty HORSE, whose name is GUSTAV.
GUSTAV says hi.
GERTRUDE expresses shock and surprise at the fact that she has just encountered another of her KIND.
GUSTAV does something quite similar, and they proceed to BABBLE INCOHERENTLY back and forth in their overwhelming EXCITEMENT. You can barely keep up with the conversation.
You express the opinion that this is all incredibly silly.
Once the two EQUINES have stopped HORSING AROUND, you briefly mention your travels to NOCK, who replies that she, too, is bound for YUMI.
GERTRUDE tells NOCK that her music is genuinely affecting.
NOCK thanks her with a shy, self-effacing smile, and then invites you to join her at her CAMPFIRE.
>
edited 28th Oct '10 9:16:06 PM by ShadowWarden
>Cook rabbits, enjoy newfound camaraderie.
Want to rename a trope? Step one: if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
> Punch NOCK.
You cannot firmly grasp the true form of Squidward's technique!
Gristknife
>Use THREAD from shirt to make TOMMAHAWK out of BRANCHES and SILVER PAWN.
>Attempt playful joke/apology: RECONSILLYATION.
Charlie Tunoku is a lover and a fighter.
>Cook rabbits, enjoy newfound camaraderie
You sit around the CAMPFIRE, you, NOCK, GERTRUDE, and GUSTAV. You chat amiably, and take turns trading stories of your ADVENTURES and EXPLOITS. As you eat the RABBITS, you tell NOCK about some of your more amusing ANECDOTES, and NOCK in return reveals her training with the COMPOSITE EMPIRE GIRL EXECUTIONERS, during which time she learned SELF-DEFENSE, SURVIVAL, and FIFTY DIFFERENT WAYS TO MAKE AN EDIBLE MEAL OUT OF ROCKS. She lets you see her WEAPON OF CHOICE; it is an ENORMOUS MALLET that menaces with SPIKES OF CACTUS.
> Punch NOCK.
You take one look at the ENORMOUS MALLET and decide that this is a terrible idea. You're INSANE, yes, but not that kind of INSANE.
She smiles at you.
>Use THREAD from shirt to make TOMMAHAWK out of BRANCHES and SILVER PAWN.
First off, you correct your inner monologue: It would be a TOMAHAWK. Second off, this sounds like a fantastic idea!
You begin to work; NOCK leans forward, asking you what you're doing, and you tell her that you're making a TOMAHAWK out of BRANCHES and a SILVER PAWN.
A few minutes later, you hold up the finished contraption: It is a MODERN ART SCULPTURE MOBIUS-STYLE ESCHER SILVER TOMAHAWK.
NOCK gapes at it in amazement.
You have still got it, baby.
>
edited 30th Oct '10 10:59:45 AM by ShadowWarden
>INVENTORY
You decide that, as part of this new effort to not be stereotypical, it might be a good idea to check what you've got on you and catalogue it for future reference.
- Clothing:
- x1 KAMINA SHADES (pocket)
- x1 LEATHER SANDALS (worn)
- x1 LEATHER BELT (worn)
- x1 PLYWOOD HAT (worn)
- x1 VAGABOND'S RAGS (worn)
- Food:
- x2 SCRAMBLED EGGS (bag)
- Miscellaneous Items:
- x1 BAG (tied to end of LARGE STICK)
- x1 BIT OF CHALK (bag)
- x1 LEAD PELLET [covered in BLOOD] (pocket)
- x1 MODERN ART SCULPTURE MOBIUS-STYLE ESCHER CHESS SET [minus SILVER PAWN] (hammerspace)
- x1 MYSTERIOUS PENDANT (bag)
- Weaponry:
- x1 LARGE STICK (held)
- x1 MODERN ART SCULPTURE MOBIUS-STYLE ESCHER SILVER TOMAHAWK (held)
- x19 PLYWOOD ARROWS (pocket)
- x1 PLYWOOD BOW (held)
You lean over to GERTRUDE and ask her to reveal her hand. She kindly indulges you.
- Booze:
- x1 LIQUID COURAGE (hammerspace)
- Clothing:
- x1 PLYWOOD HAT (worn)
Since NOCK and GUSTAV are not part of your entourage, you do not presume to ask about their belongings.
>
edited 30th Oct '10 11:38:43 PM by ShadowWarden
> Cast FIREBALL
Defiler of Shops
>Ask about EASIEST WAY TO MAKE AN EDIBLE MEAL OUT OF ROCKS
Soul is ugly.
> Cast FIREBALL
You wish you could, but you can't.
MAGIC in this strange world is ELEMENTALLY-BASED, with AIR as the LOWEST ELEMENT due to its prevalence and abundance. From there the ELEMENTS ascend in order of STABILITY: FIRE, WATER, EARTH, and METAL. It may or may not surprise you to know that each of the COUNTRIES you have thus far heard about has associated itself with one of these ELEMENTS. ARBALEST, for example, is EARTH-BASED, the COMPOSITE EMPIRE is METAL-BASED, the BARBAROUS NORTHLANDS OF MANGONEL are AIR-BASED, and the WASTELANDS OF BALLISTA are FIRE-BASED. YUMI, which you are traveling to, associates itself with WATER. These ELEMENTS are said to cycle YEARLY, with one ELEMENT ruling over one YEAR in turn.
There is also similar system of ASTROLOGICAL ELEMENTS, namely SUN, MOON, LIGHT, SPIRIT, and SHADOW. Most often these are related to the time of day: SUN for the DAY, MOON for the NIGHT, LIGHT for the DAWN, SPIRIT for the WITCHES' HOUR (the one following MIDNIGHT), and SHADOW for DUSK. SUN and MOON are the most desirable ELEMENTS to be born under; the others, particularly SPIRIT, carry with them a STIGMA. Being born on the turn from NIGHT to DAY, or vice versa is most inopportune. Children born at those times are said to be CURSED with TERRIBLE LUCK. Then again, the MOON is associated with LUNACY and the SUN is associated with ZEALOTRY, so no one really gets off easy.
Because this isn't quite pointlessly complicated enough, other ELEMENTAL SYSTEMS have been theorized to exist; the main one the SCHOLARS support at the moment is the MATTER SYSTEM, whose names are not catchy or thematic in the slightest: GAS, PLASMA, LIQUID, SOLID, and QUANTUM. It hasn't really caught on, even though the SCHOLARS claim it's more accurate than previous SYSTEMS. I mean, who ever heard of a COUNTRY being LIQUID-BASED? It makes them out to be little baby-men. Even you can understand this particular point of pride.
Just for the record, you were born under the MOON, during a YEAR OF FIRE. You certainly wouldn't want to be born during a YEAR OF PLASMA, because that's just silly.
Regardless, the TEN ELEMENTS make MAGIC extremely difficult. Even the most novice of SPELLCASTERS must master the LOW FIVE, and any thinking to make a career of it must advance their understanding to the HIGH FIVE to have any hope of besting their competition. Most ALCHEMISTS are LOW MAGICIANS out of necessity.
But it's all rather too complex for you, so you've never even bothered. It was one point upon which your CARETAKER mocked you, and you've been traumatized ever since.
>Ask about EASIEST WAY TO MAKE AN EDIBLE MEAL OUT OF ROCKS
NOCK cheerfully tells you about the CULINARY ARTS OF STONE. The trick with ROCKS, she explains, is that since PLANTLIFE emerges from the EARTH, and that since most ANIMALS are either HERBIVOROUS or dependent on HERBIVOROUS ANIMALS for prey, all life comes from the EARTH. Therefore, BASIC PHYSICAL LAWS dictate that you can simply cut out the middleman and eat ROCKS for the same effect.
Now, as for the actual recipe, she opts to tell you about STONE SOUP.
She informs you that you take some ROCKS, submerge them in WATER, and bring it to a BOIL for SEVERAL MINUTES. This causes the SUSTAINING PROPERTIES of the STONES to spread out into the WATER and make it into an extremely THIN but NUTRITIOUS STEW.
She says that some ALCHEMISTS use a similar WATER-RELATED principle in regards to HERBS and MEDICINE, and since that works, why shouldn't this?
Her LOGIC makes perfect sense to you, and you nod in emphatic agreement.
All the same, NOCK adds, she prefers to eat real food, and thanks you for sharing your RABBITS with her.
>
edited 31st Oct '10 8:23:05 AM by ShadowWarden
>Use SHIRT to avoid contact with SILVER and use it to buy SALOON.
Charlie Tunoku is a lover and a fighter.