Which of these two endings I wrote should I use?

Okay, so I've written two different endings for my book, Stuck, but I'm not really decided as to which one I should use. I'm planning to include the one I don't as an alternate ending (a lá bonus features on a movie disc), however, so just keep that in mind.

Essentially, to give a bit of exposition, Tre (the guy talking) and Nora, two 13/14-year-olds who liked each other broke up 2/3 into the book, but they're still thinking about getting together again because of recent events (including, but not limited to, Tre's first kiss with her, and Nora thinking Tre was dead because he fell off of a building into an elevator shaft (but somehow lived... granted, he did have a kevlar vest on, so maybe that might have been why).

Just a note: Note: The beginning is the same for both endings. I wanted it to be like this because it's a Call Back to the start of the book, where Tre's sitting alone on the court in the middle of a bunch of people.

edited 4th Nov '10 4:46:16 PM by Tre

oh, that's why I need this binary mind // ⌘

Here's Ending #1. Tre and Nora don't get together here.

---

I sat at the center of the basketball court, drinking a can of Dr Pepper I'd saved from lunch, thinking of everything that'd happened. It was a lot to take in. I honestly did not know how I felt about the whole thing, but then again, it just happened. Plus, winter break was here. I had more than enough time to figure out how I felt about it.

"What the heck are you doing?"

I looked up to see a brown-haired girl in a plaid shirt, dark blue jeans and black Chuck Taylor sneakers standing in the doorway of the gym, looking at me with a smile that could light up all of Greyson City.

"Waiting for this girl, she, uh, she asked me to this dance."

"Do I know her?" Nora asked.

"No. It was a year ago, I don't think you were here." I sighed, and tried to hold back my sadness, but failed, for a single cold teardrop fell down my face. (That tear was not for that jerk Lily Rockwell, if you were wondering.)

She walked over to me and wiped the wetness from the tear from my chin and gave me a hug. "Well, that girl is a complete dunderhead for standing you up. And the other girl who screwed you is another dunderhead for trying to steal you away."

If Nora said anything else about Julianne I'd start bawling right then and there, but luckily she knew that, and quickly changed the subject. "And then there's me, the All-Ruling Queen Of All Of Tre's Troubles."

"You are not. Bergsweier was." We both laughed for a good while.

After this, she asked me, "Tre?"

"Yes?" I replied.

"Do you hate me?"

"No. Why would I ever hate you?" I asked.

"I was bad to you. Treated you like crap. I'm surprised you're even speaking to me now."

"It's because... you're snarky, rather condescending and somewhat conceited. But you're also smart, funny, and you've got a good heart." I looked her in the eyes and said, "I know we might not have made it, but we tried and we had a good time."

"I wish I believed you. All of those times I didn't, and you were right. I feel terrible." She sighed.

"Well, you know what? I don't. Everything that should have happened, did. I wouldn't have it any other way. And sure, Tre and Nora won't be the power couple they were anymore, but we'll both find the right person, whoever they may be. We'll both be happy, and that's why we've got to do this. It'll work out. I promise."

Nora hugged me again, then whispered, "I'm sorry. Friends?"

"The best."

"Do you want to go and get some root beer floats at the Beanery and Creamery? On me." she said as we left each other's arms. "

"I'd like that. I really would." I said.

edited 4th Nov '10 4:36:48 PM by Tre

oh, that's why I need this binary mind // ⌘

You should break it up into something that isn't a mass block.

It seems an effective reconciliation of characters (although I don't have much knowledge of your verse.) One quibble:

Awkward line. Condense description.

There's a nice balance of dialogue and narration as well, and it flows smoothly. On the whole, I'd say it seems solid.

edited 4th Nov '10 4:39:06 PM by Morgulion

This is this.

And here's the original ending I wrote, aka Ending #2. The two of them do here. (Note: The exchange between them over "Do you have a girlfriend? ... I don't have a boyfriend." is another callback to the beginning of their relationship. I'm a fan of making things show up a while after their first appearance.)

---

I sat at the center of the basketball court, drinking a can of Dr Pepper I'd saved from lunch, thinking of everything that'd happened. It was a lot to take in. I honestly did not know how I felt about the whole thing, but then again, it just happened. Plus, winter break was here. I had more than enough time to figure out how I felt about it.

"What the heck are you doing?"

I looked up to see a brown-haired girl in a plaid shirt, dark blue jeans and black Chuck Taylor sneakers standing in the doorway of the gym, looking at me with a smile that could light up all of Greyson City.

"Waiting for this girl, she, uh, she asked me to this dance."

"Do I know her?" Nora asked.

"No. It was a year ago, I don't think you were here." I sighed, and tried to hold back my sadness, but failed, for a single cold teardrop fell down my face. (That tear was not for that jerk Lily Rockwell, if you were wondering.)

She walked over to me and wiped the wetness from the tear from my chin and gave me a hug. "Well, that girl is a complete dunderhead for standing you up. And the other girl who screwed you is another dunderhead for trying to steal you away."

If Nora said anything else about Julianne I'd start bawling right then and there, but luckily she knew that, and quickly changed the subject.

"And then there's me, the All-Ruling Queen Of All Of Tre's Troubles."

"You are not. Bergsweier was."

We both laughed for a good while.

After this, she asked me, "Tre?"

"Yes?" I replied.

"Do you have a girlfriend?"

I froze, but this time I didn't sigh. "No. Why?"

"I don't have a boyfriend."

“Wait a minute.” I said. “Are you saying that you—”

“Yes, Tre. I am asking. It’s a simple question. And all I want is a simple answer. Yes, no, or I don’t know will be just fine. Do you want to go out with me?”

"I don't know if I can deal with girls anymore after the trouble I've already—" Before I could finish, my lips were caught in another press against hers, just staying there, and the motors in my voicebox were abruptly stopped and silenced. When we detached, I finished.

"I've already had, but I'll try."

"Well, here's your chance. I'm going to go and get some root beer floats at the Beanery and Creamery. You wanna come?"

"I'd love to." I replied, smiling.

Out of nowhere, the intercom suddenly blared, "YOU TWO LOVEBIRDS GO HOME! YER MUMS ARE WAITING!"

"Okay, Sam!" I replied.

"You're a total dork." Nora laughed.

"I know. But isn't it why I'm hot?"

"Sure, Tre. Sure."

We walked out of the gym onto the sidewalk outside and went to the Beanery and Creamery, talking and guffawing all the way there.

edited 4th Nov '10 4:47:36 PM by Tre

oh, that's why I need this binary mind // ⌘

Just bumping this.

oh, that's why I need this binary mind // ⌘

And another one.

oh, that's why I need this binary mind // ⌘

Argh, doublepost.

edited 8th Nov '10 4:38:36 PM by Tre

oh, that's why I need this binary mind // ⌘

Hmm, I would have to read the book to really understand. The root-beer float thing is really 50s. I felt you could have stretched out the ending 2, the superior one IMO. Really build up the scene.

If you don't like a single Frank Ocean song, you have no soul.

umm there is something weird in the way they talk

0_o dunno what

anyway, the 2nd ending sounds more satisfying...but the first one is perhaps a more realistic idea of how people react...it all depends on how do you see your own characters and whether you aim for subtle or a bombastic use of drama

pd:Bergsweier is the best. name. ever. it just sounds cool

Yeah, the root beer floats are kind of supposed to be 50's-esque. The Beanery and Creamery itself is sort of like a modern ice cream shop in Greyson City, but stuck in that time, I guess. Think a Malt Shop, but not with people from the 50's, just a Retraux feel to it.

And, ^ Thanks. I thought it sounded pretty cool too. Exotic.

Also, obvious bump.

oh, that's why I need this binary mind // ⌘

Bump right from the depths of Writer's Block.

Lately I've been flirting with the idea of actually putting both in and letting the reader pick, a la Choose Your Own Adventure.

If both are canon though it'd be hard to write about Tre and Nora's relationship in any later books I write, though.

edited 6th Apr '11 4:37:44 PM by Tre

oh, that's why I need this binary mind // ⌘

Pick one. Trust your instincts on which kind of ending you want for. (It can be a completely different ending outside what you'd originally thought.) Having two endings I think would diminish the reader's involvement into a gimmicky choice, and it'll make it difficult if you want to continue their storyline after.

edited 6th Apr '11 4:41:10 PM by QQQQQ

The first ending has a more true-to-life feel (in my opinion); the second ending is more dramatic. I personally would definitely go with the first, but that's because of the nature of my writing style. I think it's really up to what your intentions are for the story which ending you pick.

You know what fits your writing better than anyone else.

He who fights bronies should see to itthat he himself does not become a brony. And if you gaze for long into an abyss, Pinkie Pie gazes Also

I agree with what the others say, that you should pick one yourself, especially since there's a possibility of a sequel. You're the only one who knows what kind of complications each one will cause.

But if I had to pick, it'd be number one.

I'd prefer the first, because I always like when writers can portray opposite-gender characters in close non-romantic relationships.

If I'm asking for advice on a story idea, don't tell me it can't be done.

Well, I think that I might put one of the endings in as a bonus for the readers, while not actually being canon, but...

I've come to the decision that, while Ending 1 is great and would be perfect for Stuck as it was a few months ago, but since then I've kind of slowly set up the story so that Ending 2 ends up being the more satisfying and, ultimately, the better one. (Besides, if you've read my other thread about Stuck's final act, then knowing Tre and Nora kiss at least three times and then having them stay apart wouldn't feel right, and really would just feel like I'm screwing with the shipping just for the sake of screwing with them.)

Thanks for the help, you guys, it's been great.

oh, that's why I need this binary mind // ⌘

I hope you do well on your third part. I've been wondering if I can help edit it once you're done. Your story reminds me of these "Kids running wild and free on the streets" themes, something which I have an appetite for.

edited 10th Apr '11 9:56:24 PM by QQQQQ