Trope Co. Incident Reports.

4/13/09

My office is full of harlequins, the TV in the staff break room has been hacked to only play Con Air on repeat, Bob won't stop baking cakes, and that stupid game I got rid of is back in one piece. Please save me.

Wait, is that a meteor?

- Moe

Edited by moefoxes on Apr 13th 2023 at 8:23:18 AM

5/9/23

The employees from the Shipping department reported a huge amount of materials missing from our on-site warehouse. The losses include 400 voodoo dolls, 60 pages worth of Spirk fanfiction and, most concerningly, seven large canisters of weapons-grade autism. Knowing of my forensic analysis skills, the Boss hired me to investigate this matter. I'm about to sweep the warehouse for fingerprints. Wish me luck.

-Pogakure

P.S.: A guy claiming to be Sigmund Freud transferred to the Psychology Department the other day. Should we be worried about that?

5/9/23

I was the one who took all the autism, sorry. I hoped the shipping guys wouldn't notice. I'unno about all the other stuff though.

- Moe

05/09/23

Blame Bob, it's usually his fault anyways.

-Dvorak

5/10/23

My analysis of the warehouse led to the discovery of the Shoggoth's DNA samples all over the walls. Sure enough, I get to the gulag and who do I see but the Shoggoth squeezing a Bob-shaped voodoo doll, and Bob doubled over in pain.

Also, Remy came up to me and chewed me out for "wanting to fuck my own mother." She's been talking to Freud, hasn't she?

-Pogakure

5/11/23

Heeeey guys! Been a while since I showed up because for some reason SOMEBODY decided to send me to the goddamned SHADOW REALM! Anyways there’s more Boy George cutouts now, whats up with that?

-J08

Edited by J08 on May 11th 2023 at 6:46:28 AM

5/11/23

After many long weeks locked in my office, I believe I have finally made a significant breakthrough on [NOTE TO SELF: Find out what I was doing before making this memo public]. But it appears that in all the chaos, somebody stole my neurodivergence trigger and pushed the button. No sooner did I finish my very important (I assume) work than I suddenly became hyper-fixated on listing every single Pokemon move in alphabetical order if you spell their names backwards.

I finally finished that task, but now I can't seem to remember where I left my research notes. If anyone finds a bundle of notes on [NOTE TO SELF: Do not make this post public until you remember what you were researching], please drop them off inside the mouth of the weird bird worm attached to my office door. Do not attempt to read them: the attached glitter bomb will detonate if they're tampered with.

-Apocalemur

5/11/23 … so that’s why Bob’s office is covered on glitter.

-J08

Edited by J08 on May 11th 2023 at 2:25:04 AM

6/11/2023

Bob has gone quiet for a whole MONTH. What the hell's he planning now?

~Oopity

06/12/23

Bob's done some celery to carrot the potato

Goddamnit, done some dark science or unethical magic BS to make us type nonsense for his amusement.

-Dvorak

7/18/23

Confronted TNG, who was having a serious mental breakdown. He kept murmuring something about not wanting to be "sanitized" again... Nothing could've prepared me for the blood-curdling screams he let out when one of the interns in the break room turned on the blender.

I'm sending him to the Psych Ward to let him be properly assessed. This job can be really grating on the sanity (I should know, I work in Marketing), but I unfortunately am not qualified to handle stuff like this.

-Pogakure

7/20/23

Seems like Bob has been out of the company for three days. What suspicious act is he doing at home?

-TheOther36

Edited by TheOther36 on Jul 20th 2023 at 4:36:18 PM

7/20/23

Nevermind, I found Bob. He was in the PA Room. I asked him what he was getting up to. He told me he was preparing a soundboard for a new radio show he was planning to host called, I shit you not, "Bob FM". The soundboard was loaded with a bunch of obnoxious sound effects, including but not limited to reverberated farts, canned laughter, and sexual moaning. He also had a song list already set up consisting almost entirely of songs he's been banned from playing over the company loudspeakers. I'd take it this is what he's been planning over the past few days.

-Pogakure

Edited by Pogakure on Jul 20th 2023 at 4:28:58 AM

07/20/23

The last thing we need is the freakin' FCC coming down on our heads. I hope you took all that away from him.

-Dvorak

7/20/23

Somehow, Bob got hold of my phone and changed the ringtone to "Year Zero". Then he called me while I was out buying toner, and my phone started chanting "ASMODEUS! SATANUS! LUCIFER!" in the middle of the checkout line at Staples. The withering look from the old lady in line in front of me...

Oh, but it gets better. It turns out he replaced all my phone notification sounds with "Year Zero." As in, the entire song. And he locked all the settings, including my volume, and the lock is password protected.

-Apocalemur

Edited by apocalemur on Jul 20th 2023 at 10:14:33 AM

7/20/23

Apparently Bob managed to make it into the cloning room and now there's a bunch of Bob clones running around, we're having trouble finding a way to ethically get rid of the clones.

- Proplayen

Edited by PROPLAYEN on Jul 20th 2023 at 8:26:02 AM

07/20/23

Oh, No... Not Again!

-Dvorak

21/07/20(?)23

You know, for the longest time, I thought the punishments on the List were excessive. Now, however, I am beginning to understand why they are so extreme.

~ Mr. C.

7/21/2023

Who keeps stealing my report papers??? I worked hard on them!

- coemedypink

Edited by coemedypink on Sep 3rd 2023 at 4:55:32 PM

21/7/2023

We "borrowed" one of the Bob clones to do experiments on, the remaining bob clones are surrounding the science facility we're keeping the test dummy clone in, security's having issues keeping them out so we're calling in backup.

- Proplayen

10/8/2023

Finally got your message. I'm dispatching a kill team to your position. They should arrive in 7 to 10 business days.

- Negacube

09/02/23

Bob bought and mixed five dozen eggs. Someone go and get us as much day-old bread as they can, a keg of maple syrup, and a griddle.

-Dvorak

Edited by dvorak on Sep 2nd 2023 at 10:04:51 AM

09/03/23

Had to escort Bob off the premises of Portal Room #76 again after he located a door that was contributed to us by someone who went by Matarajin. He was trying to get it so that he could replace his current office door, but I told him that #76 was strictly off-limits to the desk jobbers like him.

~ Puzz

Edited by PuzzarianIdeal on Sep 3rd 2023 at 1:53:43 AM

11/1/2023

I had to shoo Bob out of my office after he insisted that I "Hunted with bunnies for sheep". Buddy. My name isn't Nick Wilde. It's Jd. Jdxtreme. Doesn't help that just yesterday, I found a live rabbit and some raw mutton on my desk yesterday. Considering about forwarding this to the list, getting him to never put any old animal in my office, either alive and dead. Or ANY office for that matter.

You know, why do we still have Bob around? Shouldn't he be fired by now? Given how much bullshit he puts us through? I swear this place's gonna be a hell of a lot better without him.

-Jd

11/04/23

Bob's in tight with The Boss. If we COULD have got rid of him, we WOULD have by now.

Dvorak