I don't know if i can ever use these themes in my writing

I'll cut right to the chase;

I'm not sure if i'll ever be able to write stories with the following themes as a part of them:

1. Coming-of-Age

The theme intrigues me, i'll admit that, but, since the main aspect of this is "growing up", i don't think i can write anything around it. You see, I don't like being called immature or childish and when my mother mentioned i was growing up, i couldn't help but take her comment as an insult. How could i write a story with "growing up" as theme, if the very statement hits a negative nerve in me?

2. LGBT themes

I'm not gonna lie, lesbianism has never sat well with me. I mean, I'm not gonna join a campaign against it or vote to ban it or anything like that, but, I can't really say i support it either. It's just the way i feel, it can't be helped. I don't think I'll ever be able to write a story with a lesbian couple. If i do have a romantic couple, it will always be a straight one. Though, with all the lesbian couples coming into the media nowadays, you can see why I'm worried. I don't want to send the wrong message, but i just can't feel comfortable around this subject.

Then don't write things with those themes.

I may sound rude now but I really don't see the problem here; you read what you like and you write what you like, if something doesn't resonate with you—or even worse, makes you feel uncomfortable—then it just doesn't and that's it.

Coming-of-age stories are a specific thing anyway, in that not a lot of writers can actually write them well. So nobody will chase you out for choosing not to go on that quest.

And the LGBT thing ... well, one thing I don't like is how you took the whole thing comprised of four letters, each of which stands for something else, and pretty much dumbed it down to "lesbianism"; but this pertains to human sexuality and gender identity and as such is something that is bound to be pretty much a mine-field so I do understand the "why" of it. And no matter what some people say, the world does not revolve around romance, so if you don't want to write stories with people who are forming homosexual couples, or even more so if you don't want to write stories with any romance whatsoever, then again it's not like anyone can chase you out for that.

edited 12th Nov '15 2:08:15 PM by Kazeto

Re: "LGBT themes" — Romance in general is one of those topics I just avoid, whether it's heterosexual or same-sex or genderfluid or what have you. I'm thoroughly convinced that too many stories get bogged down with "Oh, I feel some kind of intimate attraction to you, so let's have sex. What? This other person had sex with you too?! THIS CANNOT STAND UNPUNISHED! I will divert my entire story arc just to get revenge in your name!" It's completely stupid and, more often than not, just leads to the "feminine" character getting sidelined as a sort of MacGuffin. The character who encourages the hero and doesn't do anything useful. Not even useful enough to be The Heart.

To the main point about themes, though... It's like that old joke:
*Patient goes to the doctor.*
Patient: "Doctor! It hurts when I do this!" *smashes hammer on hand*
Doctor: Well then don't do that!

edited 12th Nov '15 3:37:22 PM by AwSamWeston

Echoing what others have said, you don't have to write those things at all.

Not really. You can write whatever you want. What is popular right now doesn't set the bar for you unless you decide it does. At least you're honest, and with such clear reasons not to write something with LGBT themes I don't get why you would. Maybe later you'll feel differently, but if you don't, you don't.

At the same time, you can always just read/watch more things with LGBT themes and maybe broaden your perspective.

edited 13th Nov '15 6:09:32 AM by editerguy

Agreeing with the other replies, I would only add: Why does it apparently bother you so much that you can't (or don't want to) write about these particular topics?

There are topics that I can't write about very well, too. I'm either no good at them, or they just plain don't interest me. In either case, I don't find myself getting upset over it. There's tons of other stuff to write about.

I mean, is somebody forcing it on you, like an assignment that you dare not turn down? If not, then what's the big deal?

1. If you really want to explore your intrigue, then simply: forgive your mother for everything, check your functioning adult privilege and find camaraderie with younger people, and commit to re-living the most painful transition of your life with every word you write. Easy!

2. At first it comes off as if you are worried that you won't or can't write lesbians because you'll be missing out on some niche market (that frankly wouldn't want you writing for them anyway.) Then it sounds as if you're worried that you might accidentally write lesbians even if you don't want to?

So...Do you want free psychoanalysis from us? Or encouragement for your limitations, or people to validate for your worldview, or something?

There are lots of themes and genres that lots of people will never write simply because it's way outside the gravitational field of their inclinations. Why are these particular themes the ones that you notice not being able to use? What exactly is the problem?

That sounds straightforward enough, and your own choice. There's no law that states you have to have sexuality of any sort in your work, let alone what form it is to take if you choose to do so.

No. I can't. I most definitely can't. How does "lesbian couples coming into the media" - now or any other time - impact upon your own work? Are you worried that a couple of lesbians are going to jump out of someone else's book and climb into yours?

I can't see how gay couples of any description in other media has any bearing on you or your work - any more than I can see how the existence of, say, political intrigue of epic proportions in galaxy-spanning empires in some books would have any impact on either me or my current work about a group of people surviving in the wilderness.

Why, exactly, are you worried by there being lesbian couples in the media?

Send the wrong message in what way? By not having lesbians in your work? Or by your above post?

What i meant was, with same sex romance being something people would take pride in and have even fought for many times before, by having every romantic couple i write about being a straight couple, i sort of send the message that i don't and won't support same sex love. And i can't even say no to that since i really do not, no matter how i look at it. But i really don't want people to see me as one of the bad people who are bitterly against gay marriage.

Why are you concerned about this?

"i really don't want people to see me as one of the bad people who are bitterly against gay marriage" and therefore... what?

So, let me get this straight: you fear that only having straight couples in your stories will make people think that you don't support same sex couples, whereas in fact you...

don't support same sex couples.

??

OP DOES support same sex couples, he/she is just not comfortable writing about them!

But he/she feels that by not writing about them, he/she's following the homophobic patterns of much ofnthe media!

As for advice, if for some reason you want to include them, start small. You don't need lesbian protaganists whose lesbian relationships take up much of your stories. You can have a very minor female character who says "I'm gonna meet my girlfriend". Heck, it sends the positive message that lesbians are as normal as the rest of us, why make a big deal out of it?

To paraphrase Edward Said, no one has ever succeeded in separating the author from the circumstances of life, from the fact of the author's involvement (whether intentional or unintentional) with castes, beliefs, social positions, or from the mere activity of being a member of society.

Heteronormativity and "outright" homophobia aren't the same thing, but the terms split hairs so that people like you can remain complacent and comfortable in your privilege. You can do that. If all your stories only ever have opposite-sex romances, then the worst that activists can do is to point it out. That's not bad, it just means that you're gotten popular enough on other merits to be noticed. There are always going to be straight couples in literature; and if there's only straight couples in your oeuvre specifically as an author, nobody will kill you. They'll just blog, "Hey, I noticed this author only writes straight people..." Will that kill you? Seriously? It's only words, just as many words as, "Hey, I found a typo on page 47."

Lots of writers just don't have the confidence or inclination to represent people of color, or foreign locations more detailed than a stereotype, or people with disabilities, or speculative fiction if they prefer realistic fiction, or realistic fiction if they're stuck on speculative fiction, or half the human population of a particular gender. But they have the time and resources to get a manuscript polished and published. They get away with it. So will you.

Makes me wonder, why are we underconfident in writing 'different' people, homosexual or female or 'black' or such?

Is it because 'different' people get examined far more closely than, for example, a straight 'white' male? Which leads to a lot more critism, both good and bad kinds that lead to more stress? When authors want to focus on other things not related to sexuality/racism/etc?

From OP's posts:

Where did he say he supports same-sex couples, all I see is the opposite.

edited 14th Nov '15 1:19:39 AM by editerguy

Many writers (specifically able-bodied, neurotypical white heterosexual cisgender male ones) only know of two approaches to writing characters who aren't like them: a) stereotypes and caricatures or b) writing them as if they WERE the same as them (and thereby erasing the things that make them different).

This isn't because they're bad people per se but because we have all grown up in a society that subliminally (when not blatantly) reinforces ableism, the stigmatization of neurological and psychological variances, racial prejudices (and the legitimization of systemic racism), heteronormativity and homophobia (as well as bisexual and asexual erasure), cissexism and transphobia, and plain only misogyny.

When you add to that the fact that most of these sorts of writers don't UNDERSTAND their privilege (and the disadvantages it creates for other kinds of people), you get a recipe for disaster (in most cases).

The solution to this problem, then, is deliberate active re-education. They must work to unlearn their biases, which is extremely difficult. But not impossible.

EDIT:

I'm an example, actually. I've considered myself a feminist for quite some time, but I'm still unlearning sexism. It's a never-ending process, unfortunately, because human society hasn't yet progressed beyond archaic systems of thought. Sucks.

edited 14th Nov '15 1:59:20 AM by nekomoon14

I think you're overstating the difficulty or complexity involved here. Imagining how it is to live as a different person is at the core of writing any interesting and nuanced cast of characters. Writing someone of a different race or gender or sexual orientation might not be incredibly easy, and it is sensible to take the nuance of different experiences seriously. But that doesn't necessarily imply a long process of unlearning biases before you can start.

I don't know if this was your intention, but I get the impression from your post that writing non-stereotypical or non-caricature characters is hugely challenging for people who don't belong to the discriminated-against group in question. I really don't think it is. I think that if you are familiar with people of different backgrounds, writing characters with different backgrounds is not necessarily very complex at all.

edited 14th Nov '15 5:14:46 AM by editerguy

The problem starts when you're actually not familiar with different people and cultures. Take someone like me, who grew up in a country where over 98% of populace is white and 87% is Catholic. I prefer to write about fantasy cultures and nations, because I don't think I'd be able to write someone like Buddhist or Muslim without getting everything wrong or churning out stereotype after stereotype.

As for the OP, seriously, if you don't feel comfortable with the subject, don't write the subject. Like hellomoto said, you can simply add some mention that acknowledges that yes, there are homosexual people in your universe, but if you don't feel like you can put them front and centre, then just flat out don't. Vast majority of works out there have white, heteronormative cast and people who take issue with it are still a minority. If they start to bother you, that's a good thing! That means you're popular enough to catch their attention! (well, unless your work would end up so homophobic that it would catch attention because of it, but that's beside the point)

Besides, if you forced yourself to write topic you're just uncomfortable writing about, then something of this discomfort would show in your writing. So if you have a choice between not writing something and writing it badly, I'd say don't write it.

There's no shame with sticking to what you know.

If you want to step out of your comfort zone, you can start small. If you think you're up to it, you can research - look up LGBT threads, for example. Little things. Applies to races, religions, etc as well.

To be honest, what is the difference in behavior between a female and a male, most of which (I'm guessing) is likely to be induced by society and can differ from culture to culture, country to country? They're not different species, unlike what much of mainstream media portrays. Same for homosexuals.

To be honest, why is it so important to show these sort of differences? For example, it makes sense if someone's writing a story on the misogynism that females face from males, but for a male writer who doesn't even have the confidence to understand females, why would he write such a story?

As the saying goes, write what you know.

edited 14th Nov '15 6:56:48 AM by hellomoto

I will repeat again, I don't see a problem here; you write what you want to write and if people don't find what they want in your writing then it's their choice to not read it. You do not have to force yourself to write something you don't feel comfortable writing just because some people feel otherwise; for as long as you do not prosecute those other people for their beliefs, there's nothing wrong with you having different beliefs than them and writing according to your beliefs and not theirs.

And people will always look for "messages". So learn the fine art of shrugging your shoulders (and replying with either a question thrown back at them or with a simple "no comment") when people say inane things and just write what you want to write instead of worrying that some misguided activist will proclaim you as evil in a fit of insanity; because that can happen to anyone regardless of what they do, and it's the insane guy's fault for throwing around accusations rather than the fault of those accused for just being.

If anything, if you do not want to be seen as someone who is "bitterly against gay marriage", then simply avoid the topic altogether in your writing. It's cool, nobody will force you to write about it, why would they even feel the need to?

And besides, it's their pride. If you are a heterosexual person then whatever is the pride of homosexual people, for as long as it pertains to their sexuality, is something you need not make into your pride because it's not supposed to be it. If you do not support then tolerate, for you should not be spiteful, but for as long as you do tolerate it's nobody's business but yours that you do not support it.

I get what you're saying. I wouldn't be confident I could do a good job writing about a Maasai girl living in Kenya, but I can definitely write about an Australian girl without feeling it will end in disaster.

I don't think it has to be complex writing about different backgrounds if you're familiar with those particular backgrounds, but if you're not then that's a difficulty and I agree that maybe it's better to stick broadly to what you know.

Precisely. While I wouldn't attempt to describe the life and personality of an African American growing up in, say, Kansas, I sure as hell can write about New Zealanders of most genders and a number of ethnicities because they are amongst my friends, family and co-workers and I know them.

To a lesser degree - aided and abetted by research and by extrapolation from people I actually know and others I've met - I can portray people from other countries when outside of their own environment (e.g. newly immigrated or visiting Americans, English, Germans etc).

And it doesn't entail writing them like "me" then slapping a different label on them or reverting to stereotypes.

Then don't write such themes. Easy.

Are you saying you won't attempt to write these people because you don't think you can fit yourself into the mindset? Because that's a problem that can be overcome with research and thought. Nobody expects you to be these people, just describe them, and from the outside looking in is easier than you probably think.

On the other hand if you're saying you don't want to attempt to write these people, because you don't want to learn about them, well, that's that.

@editorguy: Unlearning biases is a life-long process, not writing stories about different characters. I'm merely sharing observations and my own developments as a writer. A few years ago, I posted something very misogynistic because I wasn't conscious enough to recognize it as such; I basically reduced "teenage girls" to a single monolithic caricature because I hadn't yet unlearned ageist and sexist biases. It's very easy to do that is all I'm saying.