How do I learn to cook?

I can't cook for crap. I was never taught to. And now I live pretty much on my own and instant meals get old after awhile.

My main problem is that I either burn it because I left it in because I didn't want to be undercooked. Or it's undercooked because I was afraid of burning it. I can't seem to find that good spot where it's good to eat.

But yeah, how would I go about learning the basics of cooking, aside from simple trial and error?

edited 6th Aug '12 11:05:52 AM by washington213

Well, it depends what's available for ingredients around where you are.

I first learnt to cook on casseroles - beef, pork, chicken, lamb, whatever. They cook for hours, so the margin of error is quite large. Basically, you don't really need to worry about cooking it to the minute. Just to approximately fifteen minutes.

Vegetables to go with them have fairly standard cooking times, and can be tested for doneness by poking with a fork. Nothing will go wrong really if they aren't done right apart from being less appetising.

Making various pasta sauces I find is also fairly simple. Put everything in a pot and stir. :P

Baking now is a different matter, though just as manageable.

If you like I will PM you various recipes.

Start with easier things and build up from there. I got a fairly good grasp of making edible soup by tossing a bunch of ingredients in water and heating it.

If you're interested, take some easier cookbook recipes and experiment with them a bit.

One thing is that you need to adjust the heat as you go. You can't always just leave heat to one level and keep it like that for the entire duration. I had this issue while making soup. If water starts boiling and you leave the heat on, the temperature rises even higher than the boiling point. Sometimes that makes the food not as good. In those cases you simmer it by turning down the heat soon after water starts to boil.

Think of something you like to eat that doesn't seem like it will require you to suddenly learn alchemy. Look it up online. Grab a recipe. Get the stuffs. Follow recipe.

Do this for the same thing and a large variety of other types of dishes.

Learn the art of "Grab random things from cupboard and make something good" through this. You have now learned to cook.

Also fear. Fear is for pansy ass bitches who burn their food or undercook it and so on. DO NOT BE A PANSY ASS BITCH. THAT OIL? MAKE IT YOUR BITCH. THROW THE DELICIOUS POTATOES IN IT WITH APLOMB AND BALLS. Big. Amazing. Balls.

But seriously fear can ruin your shit. Drop it. Don't sit there carefully dropping one fry at a time with exact perfect care and concern. The others will burn as a result and you will fuck up dinner.

edited 6th Aug '12 11:16:57 AM by Aondeug

Learn complicated skills the traditional way: with a Hayne's manual.

I gave that to my sister last xmas.

edited 6th Aug '12 11:17:52 AM by InverurieJones

Oooh that looks nice, Jones.

I JUST HOPPED AROUND TO THAI FOOD BECAUSE FUCK YEAH THAI FOOD. 2 to 4 hour cooking time for curry? FUCK YEAH, MAN.

I learned by doing it. It helps if you get someone who knows how to cook and can teach you.

I grabbed a fairly straightforward cook book and started on page one. When I mastered whatever was on page one, I leveled up to page two.

Then again, I am a horrible cook.

.... books?

Like ye olde timey web pages, but with very limited browsing capabilities.

... Not ringing a bell.

These books? Are you talking about the thingy that was made from trees? I remember my dad telling me to "read" them.

...I was just gonna tell Rigo to stop acting like Hopey.

Cooking is basically this:

(Dead animal + fire) x time = food

Unless you are one of those, vegehippies.

I can tell you from experience though that fearlessness alone doesn't help much either.

Watch a cooking show.

It doesn't but the fearlessness is a necessary thing. You need faith and confidence to go about shit. If you go in going "Well I'll try...maybe...oil scares me..." then you'll probably fuck things up. There are other traits needed, but people tend to be too lenient on being nervous.

THERE IS NO TRY. DO OR DO NOT.

DO NOT.

Is it possible to fear sausages?

EDIT: Scratch that. It's entirely possible. I just remembered...something...

The horror. The horror.

edited 6th Aug '12 12:57:27 PM by InverurieJones

Yes, Jones. I am sure there is someone with a deep seated phobia of sausages due to an unfortunate sequence of events involving their father, sausages, and an angry horse.

We can treat them.

By making them eat sausages and look at them. THIS IS SCIENCE.

edited 6th Aug '12 12:57:56 PM by Aondeug

Actually, I can see a possible link between 'emotionally charged horse' and 'fear of sausages'.

Argh. My brain.

I apologize for that mental image, Jones. If it is any consolation I am being tormented as well and beginning to question why I typed that.

All depends on whose sausage we're talking about, and what you do it with it.

If you catch my drift.

edited 7th Aug '12 1:40:31 PM by TheBatPencil