The psychology of bullies

So do you know any works that represent this faithfully and responsibly? At school, in the workplace, in the family, on the Internet... It's a serious topic: sometimes people are Driven to Suicide. Yet I seldom see it treated seriously or in depth. Specifically, I never see it treated from the perspective of bullies.

By the way, I found this little song very interesting.

People tend to not be good at humanizing "villains" of that sort. Those that are, are rarely seen as bullies, and instead as comic relief.

I'm not interested in humanizing them, I'm interested in understanding them, and exposing them for what they are, especially to themselves.

To understand them is to supply some degree of humanity.

a bully can come in many many forms, and extend far beyond just school.

A bully is someone who makes someone feel inferior using intimidation and degredation. There is a lot of reasons for someone to do this, and it varies wildly from person to person.

A good example is the typical grade school bully. What if the child comes from an abusive household where his own father is an adult bully, and not only abuses him, but encourages and rewards his child bullying other bullys in a weird messed up "learn to be on top" kind of way.

Also a child who is neglected, who'se parents are often never there, is a victim of bullying himself in one school, and in a new school, with a new slate, he turns into a bully himself because of a warped dog-eat-dog view of society.

Or how about an adult bully? A boyfriend who emotionally abuses his girlfriend, out of fear that if he doesn't control and make his girlfriend submit, that she will leave him. A kind of messed up form of control.

Lots and lots of reasons, but the general theme is that when people feel inferior they want to make other people feel like that for an emotional gain, for whatever reason you may have.

Not always. Some see people and honestly don't realize the effect they have on them by making fun of them. They see a person with weird habits, and don't realize what happens when they mock them.

EDIT: Wow. That was a very poorly worded way of saying what I was trying to say. I mean that engaging in an action that could be viewed as bullying isn't the same as having the psychology of a bully. That's a much better way to put it. So people who don't realize how their mocking affects others aren't exactly bullies.

edited 12th Jun '12 5:11:39 PM by resetlocksley

Bullies are easily the character type that's written badly most often. Way too often it looks like a cheap attempt from the author of "getting back" at them, and as a result they're rarely written as people.

This is because writers, especially amateur writers, include a lot people in their late 20s or older who have not gotten over high school.

Pretty simple:

I have an advantage, and I will use it over others.

A lot of bullies bully to impress friends and what you get is a nice large flock of assholes making fun of other people for show. There's the insecurity aspect that seems common, but there are many different kinds of bullies.

Looking at the song's lyrics, it shows that bullying comes from a sense of entitlement. People believe that something is wrong, so they take crude measures to get rid of that something, excusing and justifying their own actions because that something is just so wrong, it's acceptable to treat it without respect.

I understand that view point. It's a childish psychology, but most bullies are childish in their mental process, usually viewing the world in a strict black-and-white morality, and they're definitely not the ones in the wrong.

So it's a case of Black-and-White Insanity?

edited 12th Jun '12 11:23:28 PM by MarkThis

How bullies tend to be written: Either sadistic psychopaths whose only joy in life is causing others misery or some kid with a dark and troubled past that targets others in order to alleviate their own suffering.

How bullies usually are: Regular, albeit dickish, people who push somebody around because they don't like them.

The bullies I mentioned above DO exist, but it's often way more complex than is written. Seems like a lot of the treatment of bullies here is purely out of spite by people oblivious to the fact that people were probably mean to them back in school because they acted like a fucktard.

And chances are, most people here have bullied someone, even if they don't know it.

Another reason for somebody bullying someone could be that they just don't understand that the other is placed in emotional turmoil due to their actions because they seem so happy or privileged half of the time. Or because they want to illustrate a point about a double standard (such as a boy hitting a girl because the girl hit him first and didn't get punished, or vice-versa).

Also, sometimes the person they're bullying plays so little a part in their life that they don't understand how major a slight that was to the recipient. From their point of view, they are one of the 'main characters' of their own life, and the others are just 'minor characters' who have almost no bearing on what the 'main character' does.

I knew 2 really stereotypical bullies in school, actually. One was big, fat and physically and verbally abusive, the other was tall, snide and sarcastic and followed him around playing crony. Both riddled with insecurities from their shitty conservative upbringing and pretty obviously finding an outlet for that in belittling others. They were pretty much my friends by the time I left.

What actually hurts isn't guys like that. It's the cool, nice, smart, attractive people that just don't see you as a human being.

Or, you know, the guys that actually physically beat the crap out of you until you bleed and shove you in bins. Thankfully I didn't go to that kind of school.

edited 13th Jun '12 6:45:19 PM by Kesteven

Don't forget social/phsycological bullying wich I think is may be the worst.

While pshycal bullying pain ends when your injuries heal.

Pshycological bullying completely destroys the soul of a person. I have seen it, can you imagine a kid with no friends being humiliated by all of his classmates?.

I speak of that when it becomes "ok" to bully someone, the bullies are "normal" people (except for the bullying that is).

They don't nessesariy have a different/tragic backstory beyond following the others.

edited 13th Jun '12 9:39:11 PM by FallenLegend

See, that's what I'm looking for. The banality of evil. The bully in all of us.

Of course, bullying isn't just a one-sided action. It's a dynamic. The same people could be in entirely different relationships if they allowed themselves to, but they tend to pigeonhole each other and themselves into roles, and those roles become very hard to change.

The matter of "painting oneslelf a target" for bullying is also an interesting one. Unpopular hobbies or opinions. Being unattractive (bad health, weak body, pessimistic mentality, being thin-skinned). Not having a proper understanding of social norms ("can't read the mood/atmosphere") and having a tendency to blunder. What's the common point between all these? What is it that makes people want to go out of their way to be mean to these people, or ignore them entirely?

People are jerks, plain and simple. Not all of them, but enough. Overdramatizing it with references to the "banality of evil" and "man's inhumanity to man" isn't fair, but there are an awful lot of people - I'd say a majority, but I'm a pessimist - that, when given the chance to act against those they dislike with impunity, will take it.

I think a lot of it comes down to selfishness in the end, really - one's more concerned about whatever they get out of bullying (social approval, personal satisfaction, whatever) then about how much it effects the victim, particularly if it's someone who "deserved" it by provoking them.

edited 14th Jun '12 1:27:28 AM by nrjxll

I think there's often also a weird feeling that bullying 'targets' is not only morally permissible but morally right. If enough people do it, even people who aren't naturally spiteful start to feel like it's expected of them, and assume there must be something that justifies the behaviour. Then when they grow up you get anti-semites and knight templars that have convinced themselves they're the forces of justice standing against the corruption, presumably for the most part because it's easier than admitting they just really like being dicks, but you do get some especially tragic cases where they have just been genuinely misled. You also get people who bully others, especially their own children, ostensibly to 'build character', but I'm pretty sure if you took some brain scans the emotional motivations behind the behaviour would be pretty much identical. It's an excuse, but one they've bought into enough to get the 'I'm doing a good thing' happy chemicals as well as the 'I'm big and strong' ones.

edited 14th Jun '12 4:06:46 AM by Kesteven

That first part is most common on the internet.