Stars Above Discussion Thread

Don't have much to say about chapter 12 at the moment. It was good, but not as horribly depressing as you made it sound. I might have more to say later after reading it again.

Chapter 13: liked it until the last scene. Kagami's reaction seems too over-the-top. Sure, she'd naturally be shocked and perhaps squicked out, but not that much. Maybe tone it down a little or use phrasing that changes the impression it gives.

Now that I think about it, you're right... I'm changing the last line.

Also, Jesus H. Christ, man, what is your soul made of?! Tempered lead?

edited 21st Mar '12 10:51:50 PM by FringeBenefits

A soul? Who needs it? Also, any time I read something moderately sad like that, all the really depressing stuff comes to mind and makes me realize how much worse it could be. Doubt what I'm saying? Go watch Now And Then Here And There and tell me how depressing chapter 12 is by comparison. Or read the news.

Anyway, that's not to say that nothing in Stars Above is depressing. Two things come to mind: Kyouko's death and Kagami's reaction to Tsukasa's death. Those were almost painful to read. Also, just because I call something "not particularly depressing" doesn't mean it's not emotionally powerful. It just means that I often understate things and set everything to a weird standard.

tl;dr: don't listen to anything I say.

Huh? Did you say something?

Did who say something?

Is there a mosquito in here?

-bzzzzzz-

ohai, remember when I said I was going to give my impressions yesterday, or something, and all?

I was reminded my university's schedule and classes like to slap my face every time I want to do something on time, so yeah, probably will delay my reading a bit more.

That's fine, you can do school stuff while I try to swat that stupid bug.

Oh yeah, and Gaspare's expanded profile is now up.

Not really SA-related, but... -ahem-

HOLY GOD AFTER ALMOST 13 MONTHS I'VE FINALLY FINISHED BOOK VI OF TASAKERU. A QUARTER OF MY SERIES IS COMPLETE.

The last part of the last chapter will be posted tonight. You're welcome to check it out, if samurai squirrels are your thing. XP

Work on Stars Above will resume later this week.

edited 2nd Apr '12 2:50:18 PM by FringeBenefits

SA related: I'm having a break from school starting Thursday, so I should be able to read the backlog of Kagamura Stars... and also Nil.

The end of The Voice of the Dawn is up!

-raises champagne glass- KAMPAI!

Chapter 14 is up!

RARE Y U NO REVIEW NEW CHAPTERS

BCUZ I R CATCHIN UP ON NIL

Believe me, I will get to it eventually, but calculus test on Saturday makes Rare not good at reviewing :( (mostly because I am so not ready for it)

FIE ON YOUR CALCULUS, YURI IS MORE IMPORTANT.

BAH, YOU DARE COMPARE YURI TO THE GLORIOUS STRUCTURE OF REALITY ITSELF? FIE ON YOUR YURI!

...oh, wait, it's just calculus? Never mind then. Needs moar proofs.

Also, will read the chapter soon.

Aw, Konata and Homura are so cute together!

...

Okay, another good chapter, a bit too fluffy and cheerful, but I guess that's to be expected from you.

I might do a more detailed review later when I'm less half-asleep, but a few issues stand out right now (none of them particularly major, since they didn't bother me on the first reading):

1. How was Homura taken out so easily? Seems like a powerful magical girl like her shouldn't be taken off guard and stunned quite so easily.
2. The following line near the end could be stronger:
   Kagami's blood ran cold, and her face turned very pale. "K-Konata…?"
   In particular, "blood ran cold" is fine, but "face turned very pale" seems a little weak. Maybe it's the word "very" that's bugging me; there should be a more subtle way of conveying her shock and fear, rather than just adding an intensifier.
3. For that matter, perhaps you're overusing the word "very" a bit. I count seven uses, three in the last scene alone. It doesn't add any significant meaning.

You raise a good point about the overuse of "very"... I'll go back and edit some of those out.

As for Homura: have you ever seen that episode of Buffy where Faith gets paranoid and accidentally stakes and murders a human being? That's sort of what I had in mind when I was writing that scene.

Homura wasn't sure what those things were... In addition to the weird readings from her Soul Gem, they appeared outside of a Lair and spoke coherently, and that uncertainty threw her off her game. By the time she knew for sure they weren't normal humans, it was already too late. I imagine that any use of magic takes at least a little bit of focus; the monk with the pipe found the quickest and most effective way of disrupting that focus was to make sure she was in too much pain to concentrate. Thus, severe head trauma. We'll see the results of that in the next chapter.

GUYS GUYS GUYS

LOOK WHAT'S FINALLY DONE

HOLY CRAP

FULL-SIZE VERSION HERE

edited 12th Apr '12 4:14:30 PM by FringeBenefits

Awesome artwork!

...the logo is cool, but seems a bit overly flashy. Might I suggest moving it a bit lower and tweaking it so the drawing in the background stands out more? Maybe get rid of the shrinking font effect, so that "Stars Above" is all written in the same size. I like the rune font, though.

Sorry, my sense of aesthetics is picky and weird sometimes.

edited 12th Apr '12 4:20:26 PM by Enthryn

It's "overly flashy" because I spent over a fucking hour in Photoshop doing and redoing the lighting effects to make it goddamn flashy. XP

It may be flashy, but it works.

oh hey look, that's my name

Also, that's goddamn awesome.

also WHY WAS I NOT THE FIRST PERSON YOU TOLD

edited 12th Apr '12 4:47:02 PM by Forzare

purdeh~

Thank you, thank you.

Also, if anyone manages to correctly translate those four lines in the bottom-left corner... well, you won't win anything, but I'll be surprised and impressed by your effort. XP

Ooh! Ooh! I know! Pick me!

YOU'RE EXEMPT, JERKFACE.